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Hey Everyone,


I'm new to forms and just want to share my story, as much as I am comfortable with anyway. Although I have been in therapy for 3 years anow, There is quite a bit I still want to share. So, here it goes





My mental health issues really began when I was 7 years old. I was horrifically molested by a kid 5 years older than me. He would orally and anally rape me. At times, he had other males, as well as other females get involved. He did it in my home, his home, and at school. He tortured me by video taping what he was doing and making me watch as well as physical torture. He forced me to walk around naked. He was the first person to give me an orgasm. I won't go into more detail but that is just scratching the surface.


While all this abuse was happening, my parents divorced. My life is a blur from ages 7-9 and I can only remember the abuse and how my parents, or anyone for that matter, noticed.


The abuse stopped after I turned 9 due to another town. When I turned 12, we moved to Minnesota. In Minnesota, I became violent. I got into physical altercations with my mom, altercations I went to juvenile hall 8 times for. I played the mental health card to get out of trouble and went to multiple therapists, therapeutic groups, in home therapists, and physiatrists. I never talked about the abuse in my past.


Around 14 I started drinking, smoking garden shrub, and smoking cigarettes. I would sneak out at night, skip school, and other normal rebel/ troubled kid behaviors. Around 15 I was dealing garden shrub and stopped getting in fights with my mom. Around 17 I stopped dealing and things were finally getting better. But my mom and I were still at each other's throats. I should also mention at the time I was on 1800 MG of Seroquel, 2400 MG of another drug I can't remember, a high dose of lithium and on and 10 MG of Zyprexa. My problems came to a head in January of 2012 and my mom kicked me out. Instead of going to a homeless shelter, like my mom wanted, I moved to my dad's house in Illinois.


After moving, I weaned myself off all my meds. The, on 8/08/12, I was raped my the woman who I lost my virginity to, I'll call her H for anonymity purposes. I'm not saying anything more about the rape itself because its too hard to tell that story. I started therapy a month later. As I was going through therapy and dealing with what happened and finally opening up about the abuse I suffered in my childhood, I find out through a mutual victim fo H's that she was six months pregnant and had killed herself with a sawed off shot gun to her abdomen. in her suicide note, she said it was my baby girl.


Now, after multiple inpatient psych stays, rehab, and years of therapy, I am somehow still alive with the love of my life and a 16 month old child. I am still struggling with PTSD, clinical depression, substance abuse, and other problems I don't have a name for. I now only take 15 MG of Remeron and try to continue survive.




That's all I can share tonight as I am emotionally exhausted, I hope you all stay safe and thank you for your support and I only hope I can provide support as well.




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Hi, Dylan:


Hello, and welcome to this site!  It’s an excellent forum, and full of people who are compassionate, kind, understanding and helpful.


I’m not a moderator nor administrator, just a regular member responding to your message to say “hi”.


You posted your message in the correct section for “new members”, but I’ll tell you a helpful hint: I noticed that not everybody on the forum reads and responds to the new member posts as often as we all should.


So, if you find that you only get a few answers to your introductory message, don’t get discouraged.


Just take a look around the forum and read the messages in the other sections, and next time you post try posting in one of the regular sections, and you may get more reads and responds.


Wow, you've had multiple challenges and troubles, but you've survived and you're still trying.  That's a tribute to your hard efforts, or a description of karma beyond your control, or a combo of both.


So many topics in your message, I don't know which to respond to first.  Which one topic would you like to discuss more?


I hope you’re able to find any help and friendship that you need.  Again, welcome!

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Welcome to DF, dylan.  :hugs:   You have been through so very much, and you are still here and still fighting.  You are an amazing person, dylan.  I know you can find your way through all this.  It will take time, but you can do it.  Please don't give up on therapy, or treatment for your PTSD.  I hope you find at least some of the support and encouragement here on DF that you need and deserve.  :hugs:

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To Lynn1954:

Hi back. And thank you for the advise. I have been trying to learn how to navigate the site a bit better.


At this time, I'm not really looking to address topics based on this post. So much has happened, It would be extremely difficult to address any or all topics as each one may require hours of back and forth. I just wanted to get as much of my story out there as I can early so at least anyone who reads other posts can find some background. But thank you for offering a chance to talk and making me feel welcome.


To 20yearsand counting:

Thank you for your support and helping me feel welcome. I hope I will find, at the least, support and friendship.


Also wanted to say the quote: 'Religion is for people who are afraid of going to hell. Spirituality is for those who have already been there.' -Vine Deloria, Sioux

This is onw of my favorite quotes when trying to explain how I am spiritual.

Edited by dylansdarkmind

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Yeah, I hadn't previously thought of it that way: a summary story at the beginning and available for later reference is a good idea.


I hope something about today was positive for you, or gave you some calmness or peace of mind.

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