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Skylark1

Malicious Online Trolls

11 posts in this topic

Posted · Report post  

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I just had someone attack me on another forum. Iwas suicidal and reached out for emotional support. When I downvoted her cruel post, she actually PM'd me to be even crueler, this time dropping all pretense of wanting to "be cruel to be kind." She called me pathetic and told me she was laughing at me. I reported her, but I don't know if they'll do anything about it. I was shaking, and am still extremely upset. I told myself to blow it off, because she's an incredibly malicious person and I shouldn't listen to someone like that at all. But easier said than done.

 

The thread in which she originally attacked me was one I had started expressly to ask for support, because I've already been going through hell. I broke down crying last night, couldn't stop for hours. People around me completely ignored me or brushed me off, so I turned to that forum. And got attacked, preached at (it's not a religious forum), though two people were kind and supportive. They made me start to feel a little better until that malicious woman attacked me, and now I'm afraid of going back there because of her, and a couple of others, though the others were judgmental, not blatantly malicious. She even told other members to ignore me from now on because I was pitiful or something, I didn't read the whole past because I got so upset.

 

I'm spiralling out of control since. Entertaining thoughts of suicide again. I feel too awkward to think of calling people. And I'm afraid of forced intervention, though I don't know much about that kind of thing. I'm not violent or anything, so I don't know if that's even a danger. But I'd rather die than be stripped of agency and control. Most frightening of all is the thought of having drugs or "treatment" forced on me. I don't believe in that. Therapy worked for me in the past when I felt like this, and I got on my feet again, though I was never this bad before. But there are very concrete problems in my life right now, and I have no one to help me through them. I'm completely isolated. That's the biggest problem. I have no one to turn to. And I can't afford therapy right now.

 

I'm just trying to come down from the havoc wreaked by that malicious troll. I wish forums would be more vigilant against things like that. I hope they do ban her. But I'm afraid to even go back and look. Mind you, this was only around an hour ago. But people like that can do enormous damage when someone is already close to the edge, as I explicitly said I was...that was the point of the whole thread! A normal person would've just not responded if they didn't want to offer support. But maybe that's why people like her are on the internet, so they can find people to seriously hurt. I just can't get over the cruelty and the malice of it. How can someone do something like that when they know someone is suffering so badly? It's evil.

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Posted (edited) · Report post  

I am so sorry that happened to you on the other forum. I think that you will find these forums warm and welcoming as I have. Unfortunately some people feel the need to attack others so they can feel superior. Well, they are not superior at all. I believe you'll have a better experience here; (((((hugs))))) and welcome to the forums.

Edited by mulberrypie

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Posted · Report post  

Thank you so much. It's amazing how close to the edge I am recently. Tears are never far, and I'm just trying hard to keep hanging on.

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Posted · Report post  

Sorry you went through this.  Unfortunately those people do exist out there and it's not your fault.  I've been attacked, too.  Best wishes to you.

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Posted · Report post  

Hi frozen, I am so sorry you had that awful experience.  What a truly nasty thing to do to you - especially when you were reaching out for much-needed support.  That kind of behaviour is just not OK.  I hope that when you feel better you can report the person.  They obviously don't understand what it means to be supportive.  But please don't rush this.  You need to take care of yourself first. 

 

How are you doing now?  Do you need to contact a hotline for some immediate support?  I hope you will be OK. 

 

thinking of you,

orso

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Posted (edited) · Report post  

Remember that these people should have no impact on you. They are not part of your life, they're just some random animals out there in the world somewhere whose opinion of you really doesn't matter. I'm sorry you are sufferng and I hope your situation improves. You're better than them.

Edited by SenorDomino

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Posted · Report post  

Thanks. I think I'm doing better now, at least in terms of this episode with the troll. I'm still rather fragile, of course, in terms of the wider problem she inflamed. I'm trying to follow the advice of the members of DF here and take care of myself. This is kind of hard, because I've had it ingrained in me to be quite hard on myself. Which makes it almost unbearable sometimes when others are too hard on me, strange as it may seem. But it is helping as far as I'm managing so far. I did report the troll before I left, and I will be avoiding that forum for as long as necessary, though. The last thing I need now is more triggers.

 

I've thought of calling a hotline. But I'm so scared of doing so. Would records be kept? And I don't know what to expect or to say. My problems feel like elephants trapped in a house with only human-sized doors. I've no clue how I would ever get them out.

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Posted · Report post  

Frozen, that was courageous to call that person on their behaviour and report them, especially now. 

 

Being hard on yourself is not an easy thing to control when you've been doing it forever.  It can be done but I think it takes practice.  Do what you can, OK? 

 

I haven't had to call a hotline so I don't know how it works.  Maybe someone else has experience with that and can answer you. 

 

Thinking of you & wishing you well.

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Posted · Report post  

I know what you mean about intervention as you never know who to trust. that's why i try to be as independent as possible.

I contacted an online site called ‘7 cups of tea‘. I found them to be good when I've been depressed.

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Posted · Report post  

Lacewing, I looked up 7 cups of tea. It was actually a big help! I've realized how much I've let other people's (toxic people's) views of me take over. It's partly due to the people I'm surrounded by at the moment, even though they have nothing to do with me socially, they still bombard me with their views and attitudes. I've been withering without realizing how restricted my view of things had become. Getting fresh perspectives is helping a lot. I'm just hoping and praying I can persevere and be strong enough to either break with this environment (easier said than done) or at least jettison their ideas and go in a healthier direction, even though I'd have to swim hard against the current if I stayed.

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Posted · Report post  

"I used to care about what other people thought about me until one day I tried to pay my bills with their opinions."

 

Take care, frozen!

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