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fish20

I Start To Hate Myself Over Little Things People Say

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I always do this when someone says something disaproving towards me. I posted a post on reddit, the guy basically said I was stupid (in a nicer way). Yet this makes me feel worthless. There is a pit that just grew inside me and it is growing now because some random guy said something disaproving. Everytime I fail or mess up I get this growing pit. If I make someone feel bad by accident I start to cry and usually start saying how I want to just "****ing die" softly to myself (but out loud, not in my head). I can get from content (don't really get happy) to wanting to just be rid of myself in seconds. I seriously don't like most things about myself. I always will think I'm a loser, and even say it under my breath just throughout the day. I could write a novel talking about all the ways I suck, but I could only write 1 or 2 pages describing good qualities. I was just raised to hate myself due to school, bullying, adults disaproving of me, me comparing myself to everyone. I can't even stand to look in the mirror, I just want to punch the reflection until it dies.

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fish20- please don't punch the reflection. People say mean things all the time unfortunately. And unfortunately, it can be even easier online. People don't have to talk to each other face to face, and some people just use it as an excuse to say whatever without having to take responsibility. It's like when all those people say awful things to celebrities on their twitter accounts. They aren't saying it to their face, and because of that, it's almost like they aren't saying it to another person. People hide behind the computer screen, and it takes the humanity out of the equation. It isn't ok, but it happens. I'm sorry it happened to you, and I know it isn't easy to just let comments like that go. You are anything but worthless.

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Hi fish 20, :welcomeani: to DF

 

     I'm so sorry you feel this way and I do understand, my mother was quite mentally abusive and sort of wanted to control my life.  Everything that I wanted to do was never good enough for her or totally stupid.  It took me a long time to get over it and start believing in myself.  You are a beautiful human been worth of loving, I do know how hard it is to believe in yourself when everyone around you keep putting you down.  You need to tell your self that they are the ugly one, NOT YOU.  Unfortunately we live in a world were peoples in general put to much into how a person look  or behave and they judge them.  My opinion is that they should look more into their personalities and their soul.  Please try to learn to love yourself and don't listen to all those idiots around you who are putting you down.  Those peoples are the one who's got problem not you, they are the on who should take a long look in the mirror.  For me and I'm sure for others here on this Forum what is important is the inner beauty of someone.  I really think that you have that inner beauty inside of you so don't let anyone take that away from you.

 

Take good care fish 20 of your inner beauty :console:  :hugs:

 

Sending you my virtual hugs and love,

 

Eve

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Society got sick,modern life is a lie,it's a prison you live in stone houses and metal junkie cars as they force you to work,work,work and die young so you don't become a burden for the government.It's hard to keep your mentality in a good shape in a world like this..We are so good and emotionally sensitive persons for this world...we suffer more because we care more for others.

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If you can write 1 to 2 pages of your good qualities and accomplishments, you're doing OK!

 

fish20, why do you even listen to what others say about you?  They're not trying to walk in your path.  They've not had your starting point, nor your obstacles.

 

Please chart your own course, take care of yourself, and strive to do better each day.  That's kind of all any of us can do.

 

Take care.

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Hi Fish20, welcome to DF.  Wow, that person online is an ignorant fool.  I have to agree with charmingly about how ppl feel they can hide behind their computer screens.  Their lack of humanity is really sad.  The good thing is that *your* humanity is intact!!!  It is refreshing.  I am very sorry about your history that causes you to think so poorly of yourself.  The ppl you grew up around sound less than healthy.  Adults and teachers are supposed to nurture the kids in their care, not tear them down.  Fish20, I hope you will be able to find a way to change how you see yourself. 

 

I am just wondering if you have a therapist you can speak with.  Sometimes it is helpful to get things out in the open, especially with someone neutral. 

 

Fish20, I wish you all the best. 

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Hi Fish20 and welcome to DF.

You aren't alone in having these type of feelings. I think a small amount is healthy. If you make a definite mistake then it's good to notice it and hope to learn from it. However my brain twists that and takes things out of proportion so a tiny mistake could leave me very low very fast.

I have a lot of the same feelings you do. I get down very fast if I have or even I have made a mistake. That could be a mistake at work or talking to someone. I can spiral down even if I haven't done anything serious or longlasting. I also sometimes talk to myself under my breath about how dreadful and useless I am. Yhis turns into a two way conversation saying "you're fine, you're OK, a good person that makes mistakes like every one does." This dialogue can go on for quite a while for me. I have been using mindfulness meditation to help calm the thoughts about bring worthless.

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