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freckledface

The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread 2

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I've missed 3 therapy appointments in the last 2 months and not on purpose. I keep mistaking the time and date, despite double-checking. I avoid making plans with people, but I very rarely break plans when they're set. This is seriously worrying me. I feel like I'm losing my mind.

 

Then I went out to eat for the first time in a while, and the waitress had to explain to me why I only got $10 back. It was ridiculous, because it wasn't difficult to figure out at all - I just had soup. I was staring at my receipt for like 5 seconds trying to figure it out. It's like I'm becoming stupid.

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Like dying.  Maybe I'll catch a break and not wake up.

Oh, no, Brian! Sorry! Has something happened? You are a really wonderful person, always helping people! Although you don't know me very well, I really think a lot of you, I sure hope you are going to be okay!!!!  :hugs:  :hugs: !!!!

Edited by mulberrypie

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Pretty good. Contented and kind of warm. :) Despite walking home alone past 9:30 (!) after my last final. :)) It's over! It's finally over! Fall semester is officially over! Ha ha.

 

I finished my last final, and I can say good riddance. Of course, I've got one more semester, and then the summer, but then I can finally say sayonara and move on to greener pastures. I feel like good things are ahead. :)

 

I'm having something to eat and trying to take good care of myself, to usher in the break wisely so as not to stumble. I'm certainly going to celebrate, in a restful way, for the next few days as I slowly catch up on things that have been pushed aside for so long. I still have six more grad schools to apply to, but the applications are mostly done for the three due on the 15th. Then, I can start focusing on the foreign ones which have much later deadlines, which should be fun. I'm also thinking of looking into teaching English abroad as a kind of backup plan. You only need a Bachelor's degree.

 

I'm so sorry to those of you who are suffering tonight. My prayers are with you.

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Like dying.  Maybe I'll catch a break and not wake up.

Oh, no, Brian! Sorry! Has something happened? You are a really wonderful person, always helping people! Although you don't know me very well, I really think a lot of you, I sure hope you are going to be okay!!!!  :hugs:  :hugs: !!!!

 

 

Thanks Mulberry!!  I appreciate it. I am feeling a little better now.  I have been writing all day (I am working on a novel with a mentor, making massive changes) and it wasn't going well.  Plus, I've been dumped by a lady I really connected with, ostensibly because I am poor.  I have just reviewed, with a clear head, my second chapter, I really liked it this time.  So, I feel better LOL.

 

It's amazing how simply my equation for happiness is:  satisfied with my writing = happy. The writing seemed so poor, my goal seemed so fanciful and crazy (after 5 years working on it) that it colored everything.  In reality I am better off without this woman, I guess. She is status conscious and, as such, it would just not work out anyway.  I need to keep my eye on my goal - which is to write the best ********* novel I can!  It's all I'm driven to do.  

Edited by salparadise6132

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Sorry, duck... I'm OK. Don't worry. I'm just very unstable right now... I need a therapist and don't have one until Jan 9th. This is the worst time for me to breaking up with s love. Right before the holidays. This is the worst thing ever.

 

I will be safe thogh and will call a crisis line if I need to.

Edited by havehope

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I think I'm going to K*ll mysef. I have pills saved up why not?

 

Sorry, duck... I'm OK. Don't worry. I'm just very unstable right now... I need a therapist and don't have one until Jan 9th. This is the worst time for me to breaking up with s love. Right before the holidays. This is the worst thing ever.

 

I will be safe thogh and will call a crisis line if I need to.

I'm sorry, I know how hard it is to need to see your doctor...and the appointment cannot come quick enough!

Crisis line is a great tool to use, and it sounds like you have ways to get through until your appointment...hope today is ok

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I think I'm going to K*ll mysef. I have pills saved up why not?

 

Sorry, duck... I'm OK. Don't worry. I'm just very unstable right now... I need a therapist and don't have one until Jan 9th. This is the worst time for me to breaking up with s love. Right before the holidays. This is the worst thing ever.

 

I will be safe thogh and will call a crisis line if I need to.

I'm sorry, I know how hard it is to need to see your doctor...and the appointment cannot come quick enough!

Crisis line is a great tool to use, and it sounds like you have ways to get through until your appointment...hope today is ok

 

Yes...  thank you. I wish I could see someone sooner! Your username gives me a little hope.

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I think I'm going to K*ll mysef. I have pills saved up why not?

 

Sorry, duck... I'm OK. Don't worry. I'm just very unstable right now... I need a therapist and don't have one until Jan 9th. This is the worst time for me to breaking up with s love. Right before the holidays. This is the worst thing ever.

 

I will be safe thogh and will call a crisis line if I need to.

I'm sorry, I know how hard it is to need to see your doctor...and the appointment cannot come quick enough!

Crisis line is a great tool to use, and it sounds like you have ways to get through until your appointment...hope today is ok

 

Yes...  thank you. I wish I could see someone sooner! Your username gives me a little hope.

 

I'm glad you're okay.  I know how it feels to need treatment and not be able to get it.  Hope things start improving

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(((((Monica)))))

 

I am so sorry, Monica!  But I was glad to read the subsequent posts.  Break-ups, if that is what is happening, are extremely difficult.  Heck, I was hoping to not wake up the other night just from being dumped by a lady I have dated for a month.  It is sooooo ****** hard. You are supposed to feel bad, and you will!  And you will have terrible thoughts that you will not act on.

 

That said, there is opportunity and life beyond a relationship, a job, any circumstance.  It will fade and you will find love again.  Remember: the hurt you feel now is normal, but it is not the truth of how things will be!!!

 

Bri

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(((((Monica)))))) I'm so sorry you're going through this, but was also very relieved to find that you seem to be doing a bit better. Please don't hesitate to contact that crisis line or reach out for whatever support you need. I think negative thoughts can easily spiral in isolation and sometimes it takes that outside perspective and solidity of another human being to ground you again so you can see the irrationality of the hopelessness for what it is - it can be very convincing when you're alone, as I well know from experience.

 

I know it must be extremely hard, but remember that you've made it this far. Brian and the others are right. It's easy to get caught up in the seeming hopelessness of current circumstances, but it doesn't reflect the truth of who you are or what your life will be. I wish I could say or do more for you. The only other thing I can think to say is to try to accept that you're suffering and that you might continue to suffer for a while, but that will not be the end of you. There are good things beyond this, though you may not see them now. This might also be a time to fall back on technique, as my old drama instructor used to say. Use whatever coping/relaxation/uplifting/whatever strategies you have and just tie yourself to them and don't let go no matter what. Even if it just barely gets you through. It's an idea, anyway, that you might try if it helps you.

 

And remember, we're all pulling for you.

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Sorry, duck... I'm OK. Don't worry. I'm just very unstable right now... I need a therapist and don't have one until Jan 9th. This is the worst time for me to breaking up with s love. Right before the holidays. This is the worst thing ever.

 

I will be safe thogh and will call a crisis line if I need to.

And please keep checking in here, Monica. The crisis line is excellent if you need to. And we're here.

Break-ups suck, but it does not mean that you are less you. 

And you are very much loved, by us here.

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

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Trying to catch anxiety in a butterfly net. Going to a Xmas thing with a bunch of strangers (mostly) today. The company I work for (which is from home) is sending a number of us to a fancy, multi-course culinary class and then we're sitting down for the dinner we make and drinks. Supposed to "don our gay apparel" and I’m drawing a bit of a blank. Venturing out into unfamiliar territory and hope it goes okay.

 

And Monica – sincere lightness to your heart today. Heartbreak when you’re already struggling (especially at holiday time) can take you so low. Despite feelings to the contrary, you’re not alone. Be extra, extra kind to yourself today and reach out to whoever/whatever gives you some comfort. Take care.

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Trying to keep my chin up. It was kind of sunny this morning, but now it's overcast and just started pouring. I was going to go out for a while, too. :( I can still see signs of blue sky in the distance, but it's in the wrong direction...may I'll just go that way instead...rain's already slackening.

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Anyone else feel that chaos in their past have made them so obsessed with order that it borders on unhealthy? Just an example, the username I have here is one I used for a relatively short time and most other places I use a different one, and just the fact that it doesn't match.... Wake me up from this nightmare~

 

I've seriously deleted accounts in the past I'd spent money on just to make ones that have the right username. (not on this site)

 

If it wasn't clear I'm feeling frustrated and worried about my sanity~

Edited by SenorDomino

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I think I'm going to K*ll mysef. I have pills saved up why not?

 

Please don't :( (((hug)))

 

 

Sorry, duck... I'm OK. Don't worry. I'm just very unstable right now... I need a therapist and don't have one until Jan 9th. This is the worst time for me to breaking up with s love. Right before the holidays. This is the worst thing ever.

 

I will be safe thogh and will call a crisis line if I need to.

 

 

Sorry to hear you're going through such a hard time Monica :( Stay strong, you'll get through this.

Edited by SenorDomino

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(((((Monica)))))

 

...

That said, there is opportunity and life beyond a relationship, a job, any circumstance.  It will fade and you will find love again.  Remember: the hurt you feel now is normal, but it is not the truth of how things will be!!!

 

Bri

And Brian, hugs to you too! I'm sorry that your lady dumped you. When you write the best novel you possibly can write--and you will, that is a better measure of success than anything monetary. The fact that you trust yourself well enough to be working with a mentor is proof enough for me that you're determined to do it!

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I woke up with less sleep than I normally would have for a Saturday morning. My cat woke me up at my regular wake-up time. And that gave me lots of time to myself before my husband woke up and I was not depressed.

Waking up early and not being depressed, anxious and despairing first thing in the morning = priceless.

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Sorry, duck... I'm OK. Don't worry. I'm just very unstable right now... I need a therapist and don't have one until Jan 9th. This is the worst time for me to breaking up with s love. Right before the holidays. This is the worst thing ever.

 

I will be safe thogh and will call a crisis line if I need to.

I hope you feel better have hope I can,t imagine how upset you feel,feel better (((HaveHope)))

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Thanks SG! Sending A BIG THANK YOU to all here for all your support and sweet, kind words!! I don't know what I would do without this place!! You guys are seriously just the best!

 

I've been so upset all day.. .

 

Now he's saying he doesn't want to break up --- we're talking about it more tonight. I need to know if he truly feels we are not going to work out, as he was saying yesterday. Things have been a bit rocky here & there, I would say. We may go see a couples therapist at some point if this continues.

 

Thank you all so much again...

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Thanks SG! Sending A BIG THANK YOU to all here for all your support and sweet, kind words!! I don't know what I would do without this place!! You guys are seriously just the best!

 

I've been so upset all day.. .

 

Now he's saying he doesn't want to break up --- we're talking about it more tonight. I need to know if he truly feels we are not going to work out, as he was saying yesterday. Things have been a bit rocky here & there, I would say. We may go see a couples therapist at some point if this continues.

 

Thank you all so much again...

i would be upset to if that was happening to me,im sure once you figure out if your going to stay together or not,things will be alot easier to deal with then they are now.

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