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freckledface

The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread 2

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Just home from a road trip and feeling relieved my one day forum is over. All the speakers and panelists were valuable, the facilitator was great, and the lunch was yummy. 150 people showed up so that's a win. I've spent the last few months lining this up so it's a relief to have it behind me. Now a couple weeks before xmas. Think I'll plan a fondue for xmas eve. I feel my social life needs a renovation, just not sure where to begin.

 

Way to go Follena on the forum!!!  And fondue on Xmas Eve (so old school, I love it!).  What time shall I be over?

 

Reminds me, I have to get one of those sets and get into that again.

 

B

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Still feeling tired and under the weather.But I'm also feeling so lonely.

hugs for you, Lady M. :hugs:

Something about this time of year makes me feel immensely tired and incapable of making decisions, doing basic self-care, etc.

On top of that, today I woke up with a headache, which is gone now, but I had to take a nearly-3 hour nap in the middle of the day. I hate when that happens. And that meant I had to do my errands in the dark. I hate this time of year.

Sorry about being so venomous sounding. I wish people would understand that it's not always about the holidays. It gets dark early and if feels like my day is cut down.

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I feel interesting in things.  Just reading a wonderful book on the philosophy of mathematics.  I was never that interested in mathematics as a young person, but the philosophy of mathematics interests me, so I feel "interested." 

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Tuckered.

 

Didn't eat right today at all, and have felt terrible almost from morning.

 

Going to make sure I have enough to eat throughout the day from now on. I haven't had anxiety/panic this bad in a long time. Tomorrow I have another final, right smack in the middle of the day, so I have to trek to campus again...not looking forward to it, but I don't think it should be that hard in itself.

 

I'm really looking forward to the semester ending now, since the darkness of worry and loneliness has dissipated. I could really use the downtime, and the marathon of endless deadlines is no fun.

Edited by frozen

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Trying not to think. Trying not to feel. Just... going along with it. Eating healthy once again and moving towards a goal. Not focusing on it. Not going to let myself feel any motivation or optimism, that's a trap. Maybe I can turn into a robot through all of 2016 and come out healthier, perhaps then I'll be able to let myself feel without worrying about destroying myself. If I don't change I'm going to die in my sleep. Nothing else I should say, thinking leads to failure.

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Resigned. Not from my job, though that thought crosses my mind frequently.

Just accepting how things are going to be. That kind of resigned.

That never works for me, when I try to accept things that humans aren't meant to do. Acceptance just keeps my unhealthy problems going. But that's just me.

Edited by The_Unwanted

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Shiloh got out the other night after a rabbit... At 3am I heard him howl and noticed the light by the front door was on. Luckily he was just over by my neighbors tree line so I was able to get him without a problem. Here's a picture I snapped after he went upstairs with me. He was tired!

 

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Awwwww. roadking, what a cute dog! I miss having pets...

 

Woke up with my usual depression this morning. Why are mornings so difficult? And as usual, I don't want to work today. What else is new?!? LOL.

 

I feel exhausted and the day hasn't even begun. I think my job has really worn me out. I need motivation to take this course.. how many times do I need to say this to myself?

 

When will I get motivated to take care of my life?!? I'm frustrated with myself.

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All of your pet pictures just made me a little happy!! It really helps that they#re so BIG xD

Feel like I'm there with them. Sending cuddles!

I'm really bored. The social worker who was supposed to help me with a job didn't call and I only get her voicemail. I wish I could do something.

I feel very guilty and I don't like thinking about explaining myself to my brother who's coming to visit.

He'll probably tell me to get off my ass and do something with all that free time.

I'm so depressed though :(

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Awwwww!!! PET THERAPY!!!! We need it! :) Love the pet pictures!!!

 

JD, I used to have a cat that looked JUST like your orange & white one.... his name was Noggin. The sweetest cat ever.... what a great way to wake up! PURRRR...

 

Hi Catbug, (((((hugs))))) Sorry you're feeling so down. :( Keep bugging the social worker! And maybe post your resume online to a few job boards? Not sure what kind of job you're looking for, but that always helped me in my job search so that people would contact me, and I didn't always have to chase them. Hopefully your brother will understand and be compassionate with you!

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Th

 

Awwwww!!! PET THERAPY!!!! We need it! :) Love the pet pictures!!!

 

JD, I used to have a cat that looked JUST like your orange & white one.... his name was Noggin. The sweetest cat ever.... what a great way to wake up! PURRRR...

 

Hi Catbug, (((((hugs))))) Sorry you're feeling so down. :( Keep bugging the social worker! And maybe post your resume online to a few job boards? Not sure what kind of job you're looking for, but that always helped me in my job search so that people would contact me, and I didn't always have to chase them. Hopefully your brother will understand and be compassionate with you!

Thanks havehope! I just got her on the phone and she can't see me until after New Year's. I've never had a job before and I'm very anxious socially so I'm looking for something with minimum social contact which is not easy to find...I'll just wait until January :1cat:

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I have my last English final today. I'm looking at the study guide, and I don't have all the books. Praying I luck out on what's on the test, that I know and can recognize which work each of the passages are on. Hardly managed to study, and not at all yesterday what with the anxiety and everything else I had to do. Making sure to eat right today, and just do what I can and not worry.

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Awww...my cat, Gus is old and cranky, but he saved my life when we got him over 16 years ago.

I was depressed and would take my son to school and then go back to bed. Or sit in one of the living room chairs with my sprained (at the time) ankle propped up. Gus would jump in my lap and purr. I didn't feel so worthless if some creature seemed to love me.

Today was first morning in a while that I didn't wake up miserable. I wanted to sleep more, but I didn't feel like "sleep forever."

So whatever happens, at least the day didn't start out bad.

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I'm so sick of trying to connect with people online who are also "completely alone", aside from there significant others who love them, and there families who love them, and their friends who care about them and f*** knows what else. What's wrong with me? That's what alone is? So what is it when literally no one ever wants anything to do with you aside from one family member you don't really get along with texts you every 2-3 weeks? I'd love to be as "alone" as the people I seem to find.

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Since my Dad basically skipped thanksgiving I think I'll skip christmas with my family because I'd have to take adivan to even get myself to walk through the door. During thanksgiving my cousins spent time with there boyfriends/girlfriends who aren't exactly family if you know what I mean. So I spent most of my time with my cousin CJ's cat Sebastian. Every time I'm with my moms side of the family I always end up spending most of my time with him. Heck, I wasn't even there 5 minutes and Sebastian already was in my lap and at night he slept with me.

 

My Dads side is just as bad, if not worse. I'm always compared to my cousins Todd and Tyler who honestly have everything pretty much made. College went well for them, had girlfriends and last christmas Todd proposed to his girlfriend and that was rubbed into my face. Idk... I'll admit I'm jealous to a point. Mostly because I wish something would actually work out in my life for once. I don't want to end up alone and I've felt that way ever since I lost Natalie a long time ago. I would love to see her or even just say hello... But I know it'll never happen. My friends knew I was crazy about her... My family knew... Heck... Everyone who even knew of me friend or not knew I was crazy about Natalie.

 

The past is the past though so I should forget about it.

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Juggling the good and bad... Good: it stopped raining and I went for a morning walk. Bad: I missed a call from the potential therapist I've been playing phone tag with and she's out the rest of the week. Good: When I was out I found a sale on melatonin which I've been hoping to try to help reacquaint myself with the Sandman. Bad: There are giant carpet rolls in front of the washer so I can't follow through with doing laundry. Good: I don't have a migraine. Bad: That anxious blood rush in my head is starting again and I don’t want to reach for ativan today. Good: I stumped my son with an old riddle I remembered and he excitedly wrote it down to share with friends. (I’ll leave on a good point and hope for more today)

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Grrr... I'm bitter that my counseling center went bankrupt. My treatment now is a mess. Getting meds, a new primary care doctor, and a psych doc is proving to be cumbersome and difficult. Why does healthcare in our country suck so badly? I'm very frustrated.

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Right now I am trying to survive another Christmas season. My stress level is in the stratosphere and I just wish I could hibernate until spring.

 

Christmas is supposed to be a time of good cheer and joy. But it's turned into a commercial nightmare and many families are at each other's throats during "the holidays". We live in an upside down world.

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