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The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread 2


freckledface

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Feeling like I'm not worthy of love because I don't have personality like others do. A lot of people that are more reserved receive lots of love. Me, it's a different story, though.

Unwanted....I understand your disappointment.  But perhaps you are underestimating yourself.  You are worthy of love.  I believe someday you will find that special kind of love you deserve.  By believing in yourself, and putting out a positive self image.  Easier said than done, I know.  People who are more reserved may get as much love as one not that reserved, one who is different than the norm.  One who is special and unique.  My good wishes go with you.

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So down about losing my friend.  I knew she was unreliable and a tad irrational.  But we really connected and had fun.  I always had her there if I needed some support and she always gave it.  This is a tough one to swallow while I am off on stress leave. 

 

All that said, I have other friends and will keep on trucking. That includes my friends on here. I have really come to the conclusion that I am the only person I can really count on.  I don't really say that negatively - it is just a truth I have come to accept.  And, it's OK.  I need to be dependable to myself.

 

Boo hoo  :tear2:

salparadise:  I'm sorry too about your losing a friend.  And under the circumstances you described, it can be very sad, disappointing, when a good friend turns like that.  Especially one who has always been there to give support.  This has happened to me several times for various reasons.  Sometimes these things happen for a reason.  At any rate, tough break.  Hope things get better for you, and yea, you always have us here at the forum to turn to anytime.  I know I always appreciate your support.  Take care. 

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Belatedly saw, on another page, that the application to NYU was due "5PM eastern time," but it went through just fine when I submitted it. I don't believe it'll be an issue, though. I know they accept GRE scores that come in later, as well as letters of rec, etc. I can't imagine they'd be so anal about 5 hours.

 

It's a huge weight off my shoulders having it done with. :)

 

I need to do it all over again tomorrow for Brown, but at least I have all the materials I need now.

 

I'm not sure if I should shoot NYU an email about the deadline, or just not even draw attention to it...?

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Feeling sad, down and worried tonight.And tired too.I left the house with my Mom today and it made me nervous.The crowds felt like too much for me.One nice thing happened at the store this lady helped us get a Christmas tree off of the shelf because my Mom and I were to short to reach it lol.So there is always something to be grateful for.

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Any word from your boss, HH? It's just like her to drag her feet with a response. Geesh. 

 

Brian, I'm really sorry to hear about your friend. :( 

 

Today was backwards, my day was low and but my night was better. Who knows. i just know I'm tired of this roller coaster. 

 

Tonight, I'm feeling okay. Almost ready for bed and hopefully have a good productive day tomorrow. 

 

(((Hugs))) to you all. 

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Need of advice? Laugh yourself to tears.:))

Great advice hahahahahahahahhahahahahaahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahaahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahhaahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahah............................................*eyes tear up* hahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahh hoohohohoohohooohoohhoahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhahahhahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhaahhahahahahahahahahahahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaahhahaha 

 

ok thats the meaning of life,everyone can read that and become enlightened,DF you have achieved enlightment!!!

 

Thanks mikaya I feel better now lol

Edited by scienceguy
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Need of advice? Laugh yourself to tears.:))

Great advice hahahahahahahahhahahahahaahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahaahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahhaahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahah............................................*eyes tear up* hahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahh hoohohohoohohooohoohhoahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhahahhahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahhaahhahahahahahahahahahahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaahhahaha 

 

ok thats the meaning of life,everyone can read that and become enlightened,DF you have achieved enlightment!!!

 

Thanks mikaya I feel better.

 

 

 

 

Laughter always makes me feel better. It's like bathing, recommended daily. :) 

 

PS. I can't believe it's Dec 2nd. :( 

Edited by freckledface
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Best hopes and wishes for everyone having a rough time lately. It'll be better for all of us eventually, keep this truth in your heart.

Been really down tonight... through most of the day. I've noticed that when I'm lonely, my depression goes for a full spike complete with horrid thoughts and feelings. I think I've come to realize I may also have some anxiety.

I was thinking earlier tonight about it, whether I have anything else other than depression and anxiety came to mind. I'm always super nervous and conscious about certain things and how people view me. It may be part of what's been fueling my depression all my life.

Knowing doesn't do much for me now, but the explanation helps a bit. Maybe when I finally get around to finding a doctor I'll get a proper diagnosis of everything.

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Hugs to everyone.

 

I am feeling a bit down and sad.  But just a bit. I read everyone's posts even though I don't comment on it.   

 

Now I need to do some Thought Records on past issues.

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First off, kudos to all of you working.  I know most of us need to work and try to be functional to keep that paycheck coming in.  I have a lot of respect for you.  I had to go out on disability and take an early retirement way back in 1999.  Seems like yesterday.  The company I was working for was very supportive and  gave me a great severance package.  I really miss working.

 

The point is, if one is depressed, it takes a very strong person and a huge amount of courage to work.  havehope, I sympathize with you about adjusting to a new boss and all.  That is tough, but your later posts seem to indicate things are going better for you.  Hang in there!

 

This has nothing to do with what I wrote above.  But through therapy with my new therapist, we are uncovering things I have blocked out when a small child. It is all a fog to me, but he feels if we can uncover these lost memories, perhaps we can get to the root of my depression.  I'm a little scared exploring this as I have conditioned myself to believe I had a very normal and privileged childhood.  This has come up in previous therapy but never really examined.  I guess

I'm willing to confront anything, as hurtful as it might be, in an effort to be happy and completely functional again. 

 

What a super shout out to those who work.  I so admire those of you who can't work, too.  It must be so hard not to isolate completely when the job is taken off the table.  I think I'd be real inclined to sit around and become very ill if it weren't for work.  I sometimes really look forward to the ritual it takes to get ready:   preparing my lunch, showering, and just moving around in general. 

 

It takes a lot of courage to uncover those lost memories.  For me, doing so answered a lot of questions about my anxiety and behaviors that led to isolation and fear which complicated depression.  I still struggle with certain things like thinking far too much about everything.  ha.  I really don't think anyone, clinically depressed or not, could expend the amount of energy I do thinking and not get exhausted and depressed.  I keep saying I'm going to start meditating but that hasn't happened yet.  My depression is worse when I'm exhausted from lack of sleep.  That's when I really lay around and crave carbs and think about stuff I can't control and past issues I can't change.  What a ride.

 

I wish you the best with therapy.  I think it's so important to just understand where we've been and how it shaped us.

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So my new state of being of yesterday was just fleeting... argh. I woke up feeling depressed as I usually do in the mornings. Great! Hopefully this will improve as the day goes on.

 

Renee ---- kudos to you and congrats!!!! I'm so proud of you for standing up for yourself as you did!! Hooray! That took a lot of courage and you did it! :)

 

HIghanxiety --- thank you for your support & sympathy around my job! It definitely isn't easy working and dealing with depression... there are many days when I've quit work early, and my boss doesn't know because I work from home. I don't feel guilty about it anymore though because of the way I'm treated. And I still get my work done. I wish I could be retired like you...

 

Freckled --- I hope you are doing OK... up and down roller coaster rides are no fun. :(  I hope those ease for you soon!!! And no word from my boss yet -- of course!!! She is traveling in Cambodia right now though and is frequently offline, so I'm hoping that's all it is. I'm still worried about getting fired, but like Brian said, maybe she would have already done it by now?

She did fire someone who expressed her frustrations though, but that person did it quite unprofessionally and in a group chat online so others could see. That person was also a part-time contractor, and I'm a full-time salaried employee.... employee at will though by California law. So she can fire me for no justifiable reason. I'm hoping that no news is good news though??

 

Ten more mins and I have to start work... sigh. Yet another day at the grindstone. SG and Mikayla, I will try to laugh today over something... TY for those posts, they made me smile :)

 

Hugs and love to all!

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I am on Day 6 of Wellbutrin SR 150X2.  I got myself in this fix.  My marriage is good (so far).  I was active on facebook and started to chat with this woman who lives 1100 miles away.  At first it was just friendly and then started to talk about feelings.  She's divorced with 1 adult son and 1 10 year old girl.  She was going through a rough patch and I was able to help.  Then I became obsessive with talking to her.  When she wouldn't respond right away I started getting anxious and bad thoughts.  I kept all this hidden from my wife at the time.  The thing is that it was just me who was thinking all these thoughts obsessing.  I then told the woman that I started to have feelings for her and then we both agreed to stop texting or emailing each other.  

 

Now all I can do is obsess about her.  Nothing in a sexual way but like will I be able to talk to her again?  I told my wife about this and she is understanding and said as long as you didn't have a physical affair then our marriage is good.  I Love My wife very much and don't want it to suffer because of this STUPID obsession that I am going through.  I told the Dr. that my mind is spinning and spinning and won't stop and he gave me Wellbutrin 150X2.  I am on Day 6 and I do get brief periods of calm and then my mind starts getting back to the obsession again.  I feel like a scum and I need to get some advice about whether wellbutrin will help my obsessing, anxiety and obsession.  PLEASE HELP!

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Well, I had a terrible night. Trying to fall asleep in 30 degree weather all night with no blanket is a miserable experience. Gave up and decided to listen to some music. Tripped on the way back to bed and broke my headphones in half. Taped them up and fixed them and finally got back to my original plan of listening to music. Put them on and started playing music. Felt a strange sensation in my ear. Went to have a look and I found one of the bugs crawling around inside of my ear. One of my worst fears. Luckily I got it out. Decided to search the headphones and I found a bunch of bugs living INSIDE OF THE HEADPHONES. How? Why? I don't know. I guess they like earwax too. I just don't know anymore. Also got a dental abscess that just came in. Can't wait for all the pain THAT'S going to bring. Sometimes death is a very attractive option. I'm so exhausted from not sleeping. Feeling suicidal, just want it to end. Just a few hours of sleep and peace, please...

 

@LaurynJcat

 

They're not bed bugs. They're shaped more rectangular. They are red/black. Jump VERY far but not very often from what I've seen. They have long antennae and several legs. They also seem to glow and make a sound. Unlike bed bugs they are active 24/7. They do however bite (got bites all over my body.) Drop a crumb and thousands will come. Every nook and cranny of the house. They Infest every room, mainly the bathrooms. Every time I take a shower I have to clean out 20 or so of them. They like the sink too. They look like a combination of an ant and a beetle. Never seen anything like it. Found a bag the other day that had a few crumbs in it and there were at least a few hundred crawling around inside. We've gone through 3 cans of bug spray and all kinds of methods trying to get rid of them, but they live in the walls of the apartment complex. Everyone is infested with them. The only choice left I believe is to save up and move.

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Feeling sad over something I've been nitpicking. I'll always be that person with the facial expression that makes them look like nothing's wrong with them. I used to make it seem more obvious something's going on with me because I wanted--needed--someone to reach out with some magical advice, or just plain old comfort, but then I started to feel like: what's the point? I don't want people to feel obligated to help me, especially when I'm not good at giving that same help in return. Now I just feel so...numb. Have I really emotionally exhausted myself to the point that I don't know what's going on? Have I just gotten more good at repressing? Bit of a rant, sorry for it

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dear jihist64,

First off, welcome to DF! :welcomeani:
I think it's good that you told your wife about your relationship with this woman, and it sounds like it's not an issue for her. As for the Wellbutrin, I am on Wellbutrin, and unfortunately I cannot say whether it will help the obsessive thoughts. The question I would pose to you, is why do you think you're obsessing, and what is it about your previous interactions with this woman that make you feel so attached? Did you feel that since you were helping her, that it made you feel more valued and useful? Even though you love your wife & you say the marriage is good, is their a void or something missing in your relationship? Are you and your wife close to one another, do you help each other through difficulties & do you feel valued by your wife? Or is there something missing in your own life and you don't feel valued? I'm not playing therapist (lol), just posing some questions... I think it's good to step back and wonder why it is that you are so attached to this woman, and what is really going on here for you.

 

Not sure if this helps any, but keep posting... this is a very warm community with loads of support for you!

 

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It's hard to accept change.

Felt lonelier ever since. Dad tells me to be more confident. Mom tells me to start opening up with my feelings.

I've been trying for the past months to be/feel better for the sake of my parents but all I've been doing is just burying my feelings.

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I am feeling very down about losing my friend.  I had put a great deal of stock in her - she had been a source of strength.  

 

I'm spending tonight with my with new "girlfriend" down in the city.  I'm expecting it to go badly, like it's going to end tonight.  Each person I lose in my life makes it more difficult to trust that anything will work out.

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