Jump to content

The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread 2


freckledface

Recommended Posts

Gawd awful. I threw a massive bender last night and I am really paying for it. I'm hoping that the experience of being sick all night finally signals the end of my drinking.

 

Yes, I am being treated for it but I can still be stupid.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Right now I'm feeling okay.  I'm a little hungry but I'm ignoring that until a bit later, since I don't have to leave for work until almost 2.  I'm hoping work will be nice and easy tonight.  The boss is taking a 3 day weekend so at least I won't have the pressure of her around.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

JD - you have the drinking and I have the over-eating - both serve the same purpose of numbing the pain and both end up just causing more. I wish all of us success in stringing those healthy days together.

 

One of our secretariats is laying off staff over the next two years. If one of them wants my job, I can retire without penalty to pension in 16 months, when I turn 55. I know the Human Resource manager who is handling these alternations so I'm feeling hopeful today. I'll be one of those apartment ladies, living on a tight budget, or couch surfing at my beastie's place, but I'll be free to do as I please each and every day. After 35 years of work, raising twins alone and dealing with depression, this would be the best outcome for me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

JD - you have the drinking and I have the over-eating - both serve the same purpose of numbing the pain and both end up just causing more. I wish all of us success in stringing those healthy days together.

 

One of our secretariats is laying off staff over the next two years. If one of them wants my job, I can retire without penalty to pension in 16 months, when I turn 55. I know the Human Resource manager who is handling these alternations so I'm feeling hopeful today. I'll be one of those apartment ladies, living on a tight budget, or couch surfing at my beastie's place, but I'll be free to do as I please each and every day. After 35 years of work, raising twins alone and dealing with depression, this would be the best outcome for me.

 

Thanks Follena.I hope all of that goes through for you. I'm the apartment man, barely squeaking by each month, but I've got two cats and a DVD player that works. :smile:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My son had a panic attack before school yesterday and I it took him 4 hours to get over it.  I'm so worried he's going to have to repeat year 9, he hates school so much.  It just feels like one step forward, two steps back at the moment and I just want to escape from all this crap that life has thrown our way.  It's all just too hard. I'm looking at my cat lying next to me with his paw over his face, happy, content and not a care in the world and wishing that could be me.

 

 

Love and hugs to everyone :hugs:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My son had a panic attack before school yesterday and I it took him 4 hours to get over it.  I'm so worried he's going to have to repeat year 9, he hates school so much.  It just feels like one step forward, two steps back at the moment and I just want to escape from all this crap that life has thrown our way.  It's all just too hard. I'm looking at my cat lying next to me with his paw over his face, happy, content and not a care in the world and wishing that could be me.

 

 

Love and hugs to everyone :hugs:

So sorry, Purple...  that sounds very difficult to deal with. Sending you hugs and lots of love from Boston. Enjoy the cat love & pure joy of their more simple existence ... being around animals is very therapeutic... I think I want to swim with dolphins at some point.... dolphins are highly intelligent and sense human pain and want to alleviate.. I think many other animals do sense human pain as well and want to comfort us. Give your cat a big hug!! Mine used to sleep right next to me, which comforted me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My son had a panic attack before school yesterday and I it took him 4 hours to get over it.  I'm so worried he's going to have to repeat year 9, he hates school so much.  It just feels like one step forward, two steps back at the moment and I just want to escape from all this crap that life has thrown our way.  It's all just too hard. I'm looking at my cat lying next to me with his paw over his face, happy, content and not a care in the world and wishing that could be me.

 

 

Love and hugs to everyone

 

My son had a panic attack before school yesterday and I it took him 4 hours to get over it.  I'm so worried he's going to have to repeat year 9, he hates school so much.  It just feels like one step forward, two steps back at the moment and I just want to escape from all this crap that life has thrown our way.  It's all just too hard. I'm looking at my cat lying next to me with his paw over his face, happy, content and not a care in the world and wishing that could be me.

 

 

Love and hugs to everyone :hugs:

I know what you mean about your cat.  I used to tell my cats/dogs "I wish I had your job"  Meaning I wish I was like them and not depressed.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Need to confess.

 

Since the end of 2011 I go to bed wishing I could never wake up again. I know it goes against cognitive therapy I had, but it's just another thing I blame myself for.... not trying hard enough.

 

Two weeks ago I swallowed a two month supply of pills, a little more than half at first, then lay down feeling funny, sleepy, suddenly felt like the flu, coming out both ends. After that, took the rest, more slowly. Fell asleep, apparently puked those up too as there was a puddle next to the couch. This will probably get deleted....

No comments needed, just wanted to dump this secret out to see if it changes how I feel.

I'm sorry about all you have been through.  I hope you see yourself through this, with the forums help, or any support you have.  By the way, generally the result of taking so many pills at once ends up like what happened to you.  I hope you feel better.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

(((Purple)))  There is nothing I can say.  I know, my dear Purple. I, we, are thinking about you often - you can count on that!  There is hope for you and for your son.  It can get better!!!

 

I had a night with the kids - 18 and 16, so, not really kids - and they basically ignored me for their little screens.  I actually get more attention from my cat.  I don't know why I bother feeling lonely and missing people.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I feel worthless, I feel I can't do anything right. Even trying to be a friend I some how fail at. I feel there's no purpose for me. I will learn to accept it.

 

I have felt the same way lately. Please know it's not true. You are a beautiful, strong human being, S. More courageous than anyone I know. (((((hugs))))

 

 

 

JD - you have the drinking and I have the over-eating - both serve the same purpose of numbing the pain and both end up just causing more. I wish all of us success in stringing those healthy days together.

 

One of our secretariats is laying off staff over the next two years. If one of them wants my job, I can retire without penalty to pension in 16 months, when I turn 55. I know the Human Resource manager who is handling these alternations so I'm feeling hopeful today. I'll be one of those apartment ladies, living on a tight budget, or couch surfing at my beastie's place, but I'll be free to do as I please each and every day. After 35 years of work, raising twins alone and dealing with depression, this would be the best outcome for me.

 

Thanks Follena.I hope all of that goes through for you. I'm the apartment man, barely squeaking by each month, but I've got two cats and a DVD player that works. :smile:

 

 

I'll be one of those apartment/cat ladies too. Maybe we can have virtual coffee clubs or something. :hugs: One day at a time.

 

 

My son had a panic attack before school yesterday and I it took him 4 hours to get over it.  I'm so worried he's going to have to repeat year 9, he hates school so much.  It just feels like one step forward, two steps back at the moment and I just want to escape from all this crap that life has thrown our way.  It's all just too hard. I'm looking at my cat lying next to me with his paw over his face, happy, content and not a care in the world and wishing that could be me.

 

 

Love and hugs to everyone :hugs:

 

My heart aches for you, Purple. How long has he been on the current medication? Maybe it's time for reevaluate? Please just take it a minute at a time. You are doing the best you can right now, please believe that. I also look at my cat and get jealous. :hugs: Sending you strength and peace across the seas.

 

***

So many people hurting :( Massive hugs to you all.

 

I fell asleep a little after 6:30 and am just waking up. I've had a massive headache the past day and a half, my knee has started hurting again, I'm no closer to a job or providing for my family on my own and I can feel myself crawling back into the welcoming arms of the dark and dirty corners of my mind. I'm trying to stay away.. but I'm slipping. I just have no energy to fight it any longer and It's comfortable there. Before this year, I used to be really good at fighting off the negative thoughts and depression or at least faking it... as if the past hasn't broken me enough, the last 8 months has cracked my resolve. It's been nothing but a roller coaster of existence and trying to climb my way back to life.....for what though? Living is just an expense I can't afford.  If I visualize what is happening in my mind right now, it would be a hundred hands trying to pull back a thin veil as the darkness fills the light spaces. That's how I'm feeling tonight.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm going to take a break from DF... I don't feel like I'm doing anyone any good, including myself.

 

((hugs)) to all.

 

I'll leave you with my favorite song:

https://youtu.be/9h2QC3nM-Ec?list=RD9h2QC3nM-Ec

 

Aww, havehope. I don't think that's true. I think you do a wonderful job at responding to people and being caring and thoughtful. If it's hurting you though, a break is sometimes good. Please know you are cared for and needed here.

 

Massive hugs to you ((((hugs)))) PS I only liked your post because I wanted you to know I read it.

Edited by freckledface
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I feel worthless, I feel I can't do anything right. Even trying to be a friend I some how fail at. I feel there's no purpose for me. I will learn to accept it.

 

I have felt the same way lately. Please know it's not true. You are a beautiful, strong human being, S. More courageous than anyone I know. (((((hugs))))

 

 

JD - you have the drinking and I have the over-eating - both serve the same purpose of numbing the pain and both end up just causing more. I wish all of us success in stringing those healthy days together.

 

One of our secretariats is laying off staff over the next two years. If one of them wants my job, I can retire without penalty to pension in 16 months, when I turn 55. I know the Human Resource manager who is handling these alternations so I'm feeling hopeful today. I'll be one of those apartment ladies, living on a tight budget, or couch surfing at my beastie's place, but I'll be free to do as I please each and every day. After 35 years of work, raising twins alone and dealing with depression, this would be the best outcome for me.

 

Thanks Follena.I hope all of that goes through for you. I'm the apartment man, barely squeaking by each month, but I've got two cats and a DVD player that works. :smile:

 

I'll be one of those apartment/cat ladies too. Maybe we can have virtual coffee clubs or something. :hugs: One day at a time.

 

 

My son had a panic attack before school yesterday and I it took him 4 hours to get over it.  I'm so worried he's going to have to repeat year 9, he hates school so much.  It just feels like one step forward, two steps back at the moment and I just want to escape from all this crap that life has thrown our way.  It's all just too hard. I'm looking at my cat lying next to me with his paw over his face, happy, content and not a care in the world and wishing that could be me.

 

 

Love and hugs to everyone :hugs:

 

My heart aches for you, Purple. How long has he been on the current medication? Maybe it's time for reevaluate? Please just take it a minute at a time. You are doing the best you can right now, please believe that. I also look at my cat and get jealous. :hugs: Sending you strength and peace across the seas.

 

***

So many people hurting :( Massive hugs to you all.

 

I fell asleep a little after 6:30 and am just waking up. I've had a massive headache the past day and a half, my knee has started hurting again, I'm no closer to a job or providing for my family on my own and I can feel myself crawling back into the welcoming arms of the dark and dirty corners of my mind. I'm trying to stay away.. but I'm slipping. I just have no energy to fight it any longer and It's comfortable there. Before this year, I used to be really good at fighting off the negative thoughts and depression or at least faking it... as if the past hasn't broken me enough, the last 8 months has cracked my resolve. It's been nothing but a roller coaster of existence and trying to climb my way back to life.....for what though? Living is just an expense I can't afford.  If I visualize what is happening in my mind right now, it would be a hundred hands trying to pull back a thin veil as the darkness fills the light spaces. That's how I'm feeling tonight.

Ugh. Massive headaches and pain just pile it on, don't they? What about a reeval of your meds, ff? You say that living is an expense you can't afford, but there are those who will find it much more expensive in all sorts of ways, if you weren't here.

The darkness is filling the light spaces because you're in so much pain. It's just an illusion--not the pain, the dark filling the light.

You know, I am probably the only person who is NOT jealous of her cat. He's a cranky, old arthritic, just like me--forced to eat grain-and-gluten-free just for the sake of health! And not too much nummy nums tuna because that has too much mercury!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Weird day.  Woke up from a night of very strange dreams.  My dreams are very vivid, and can be very scary.  My dreams are mostly about people, partners, family, thrown into situations I am always trying to escape from.  I'm constantly running away from something in my dreams.  Perhaps that is what I am doing in real life.   But when your trusting people is compromised already, compounding that while asleep, it makes it almost impossible.  It is as if in some way, my dreams are trying to help me get closure on people and situations which have haunted me for years.  Any sense to that?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

I'm going to take a break from DF... I don't feel like I'm doing anyone any good, including myself.

 

((hugs)) to all.

 

I'll leave you with my favorite song:

https://youtu.be/9h2QC3nM-Ec?list=RD9h2QC3nM-Ec

 

Aww, havehope. I don't think that's true. I think you do a wonderful job at responding to people and being caring and thoughtful. If it's hurting you though, a break is sometimes good. Please know you are cared for and needed here.

 

Massive hugs to you ((((hugs)))) PS I only liked your post because I wanted you to know I read it.

 

Thank you for the hugs and encouraging words! Hugely appreciated. :hugs:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I feel good right now. I spent the first week of September in a mental health facility after attempting to drive my car off the road, down a hill and into a telephone pole. Fortunately, I missed the pole. I had my meds adjusted, went back to therapy and returned to work. I have discussed my issues with many close friends and family, which has lightened the burden so much. Being able to use this forum is so therapeutic. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Weird day.  Woke up from a night of very strange dreams.  My dreams are very vivid, and can be very scary.  My dreams are mostly about people, partners, family, thrown into situations I am always trying to escape from.  I'm constantly running away from something in my dreams.  Perhaps that is what I am doing in real life.   But when your trusting people is compromised already, compounding that while asleep, it makes it almost impossible.  It is as if in some way, my dreams are trying to help me get closure on people and situations which have haunted me for years.  Any sense to that?

 

Complete sense. My dreams are vivid, random and weird as well. Ironically, I do believe some dreams try to help us through situations and issues when we're more receptive to the meaning behind them. When I have a particular dream that seems like it is trying to tell me something.. I like to google the dream and more times than not, the meaning behind the dream is something I've been struggling with. I do believe though, that some dreams are just random weirdness.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...