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The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread 2


freckledface

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I fell into a deep, dark pit. I just want to up and walk away from life right now. Not in the sense of suicide, but in the sense of going and being somewhere and someone else. The thought of having to work here for another 10 years depresses the mortal sh!t out of me. I've been here 27 years and I'm 56 years old. I'm not sure I can make it one more month, let alone 10 more years.

 

I'm hopping on the next freight train headed west.

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I fell into a deep, dark pit. I just want to up and walk away from life right now. Not in the sense of suicide, but in the sense of going and being somewhere and someone else. The thought of having to work here for another 10 years depresses the mortal sh!t out of me. I've been here 27 years and I'm 56 years old. I'm not sure I can make it one more month, let alone 10 more years.

I'm hopping on the next freight train headed west.

Time for change...or not yet?

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im upset that I have so much time off because of thanks giving break,alot of time to contemplate where ever everything went wrong in my life

Haha because of similar reasons I kept working most days around Christmas and the New Year.

Edited by Mikayla
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my mother just told me my aunt isn,t having thanksgiving this is awful,my moyher invited me over but I get upsetwhen im over I sit on the couch and no one talks to me at all they have no table to eat on my brother and sister never leave there rooms,my mother is silent and always on the computer working my dad starts blaring stuff on the tv about aliens and the end of the world thats all he talks about,I guess I like the dog though.Neitherof them have any friends and never talk to anyone else,I could have had fun at my aunts but now im going to be mierable sitting there in silence,i will try to see if anyone wants to communicate with me at all this time.

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I fell into a deep, dark pit. I just want to up and walk away from life right now. Not in the sense of suicide, but in the sense of going and being somewhere and someone else. The thought of having to work here for another 10 years depresses the mortal sh!t out of me. I've been here 27 years and I'm 56 years old. I'm not sure I can make it one more month, let alone 10 more years.

 

I'm hopping on the next freight train headed west.

 

Hang in there JD bud.  I know what you mean.  Maybe you, I and hope should start our own business???  Anything is better that what we're going through.

 

B

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im upset that I have so much time off because of thanks giving break,alot of time to contemplate where ever everything went wrong in my life

Haha because of similar reasons I kept working most days around Christmas and the New Year.

 

I might just get wasted in my house,I haven,t done that in a while,I just told my friend that i am senetise to being ignored because I have no support network and no one to talk im sure he will ignore me anyway and he can go **** himself along with everyone else I have known that doesn,t care about me.I need a full time job soon,I would rather work 90 hours a week then be off at all I miss going to school full time and working fulltime

Edited by scienceguy
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sg, maybe you are ignored (though i cannot imagine it) but what's the point of going out with family or friends I can rely on when i feel no joy. And i am feeling like an actress...i come home and instead of feeling comfortable how i can brilliantly fake my feelings, i feel so alone and i think nobody in this world can feell so alone...(can of course)...i think our ill thoughts tell us we are ignored or we are alone. When i was not depressed i never felt lonely ...surely you remember times when all was fine.

Edited by Mikayla
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i am 100% sure im ignored not on the internet but real life 90% of the time I inatate things with people im not ugly im sure I don,t smell i ask my therapist stuff like this I told my councilor I want her to be tougher on me and I want her to tell me exactly what is wrong with me,I don,t like beating around the bush.i asked her am I autistic how else would you explain someone who meets people all the time that has no friends for years has always been single against there will I see others who have flaws that have these things it makes me so angry.

 

i don,t remember a time when I was not depressed maybe elementary school that was almost 14 years ago im not kidding but I have threaten suicide every couple of days since leaving high school.no one will contact me if I don,t reach out to people I told my parents and my therpists I had no reason to live and I was going to become a junkie and went into all my sucidal plans because I want pschological help.i was In IOP for almost 5 months and told people on facebook and no one asked if I was ok im only 24 I can,t imagine how much worse it will get.I told my therpist im just trying therapy to see if it can deter me from checking out.

 

if it makes you feel better im really very lonely to,my one therpst told me to be myself and I told her I did that and thats what got me into my sitution in the first place.if im myself im just a angy depressed suicidal person.i told her who the hell wants to be alone everyday nobody.

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sg,

it really doesn't make me feel better if someone including me feels lonely. It's the same like i am not better if anybody is depressed too. But i am not superhyper-happy if people show me how well they are ( and what a loser i am...- they don't have to say it) I miss my emotions always and racional thinking sometimes. And because of lack of feelings i cannot be so emphatic like before.

Haha i wanted to say you the same what your therapist,...be yourself... forget about it..:)

My current depression is different but what helped me the first time, was exercise...running, jogging...and my faith.

And it's interesting ..as i was getting out of my first (not severe) depression i started to love people...was so amazing..and they started to like me gradually and suddenly i had friends...and i was feeling myself for the first time in my life. It ended ..the hell...i don't know why...

So what i wanted to say... do you really like your friends? In this way they can like you...or you just don't want to be alone..

If we are depressed (and deprersonalized...haha, my case) we can't be ourselves, of course.

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I fell into a deep, dark pit. I just want to up and walk away from life right now. Not in the sense of suicide, but in the sense of going and being somewhere and someone else. The thought of having to work here for another 10 years depresses the mortal sh!t out of me. I've been here 27 years and I'm 56 years old. I'm not sure I can make it one more month, let alone 10 more years.

I'm hopping on the next freight train headed west.

(((JD))) why do you have to work another 10 years when you're 56? Do you have an eight year old child? Child support is the only thing I can think of because alimony doesn't make sense to me in this day and age. If you don't have any obligations, why don't you hop on that freight train to be in same city as your girlfriend? A home for the cats can be found. I know that sounds harsh but sometimes we need harsh solutions to free us out of an intolerable situation. The medications listed under your signature might be enough to make a case for long-term disability/early retirement? I'm just trying to brainstorm what you might do to get out of that deep, dark pit. (((JD)))

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I feel pretty cool today. I used to work in our capital. A colleague from there phoned me last night to tell me of a job - she gave me the name of the DG's who leading the file. She even offered I could live with her if I move back. Stuff like this means a lot to me, whether I pursue it or not. Very cool.

Another nice development is my manager is beginning to see the lack of professionalism in my Director and the rest of senior mngt. (She's recently worked in our capital also). I told her I'd been keeping my mouth shut so she could see for herself. I feel we've developed a mutual understanding and perception of this region which is something I didn't think possible only a few months ago.

Feel a little jumpy inside. Just need to keep cool and let things play out.

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sg,

it really doesn't make me feel better if someone including me feels lonely. It's the same like i am not better if anybody is depressed too. But i am not superhyper-happy if people show me how well they are ( and what a loser i am...- they don't have to say it) I miss my emotions always and racional thinking sometimes. And because of lack of feelings i cannot be so emphatic like before.

Haha i wanted to say you the same what your therapist,...be yourself... forget about it..:)

My current depression is different but what helped me the first time, was exercise...running, jogging...and my faith.

And it's interesting ..as i was getting out of my first (not severe) depression i started to love people...was so amazing..and they started to like me gradually and suddenly i had friends...and i was feeling myself for the first time in my life. It ended ..the hell...i don't know why...

So what i wanted to say... do you really like your friends? In this way they can like you...or you just don't want to be alone..

If we are depressed (and deprersonalized...haha, my case) we can't be ourselves, of course.

i don,t like my friend really I think he is self absorbed obsessed with promoting his band does to many drugs,whines more then me when im around him,and that is very hard to do lol I have no one else though.I was jogging I just have trouble keeping up with it.i do like people they just don,t like me,I have no baseline where I remember not being screwed up,maybe as a child its hard for me to remember things.

 

Do you still have your friends around slovika,I think once you get better you will like hanging out with them again and will get your empathy back.

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My computer mouse is freaking out because i spilled on my computer --- GRRRRR...

 

So I got my wrist slapped (again) today by my boss and I'm not sure if I'm at fault? She had said earlier to move our site redesign Skype group chat over to a new chat not involving the web developer. But she didn't create this new chat and I suppose I could have, but I went ahead in the current chat and provided multiple SEO points to the team about the redesign, that I also thought were important for the developer to see.... yet, my boss's only comment in response was "please" let's move this over to another chat. Not, thank you Monica for those points, let;s move this conversation to another chat, or thank you Monica, those are important considerations, let's move this over to another chat now..... I just felt slapped on the wrist and underappreciated as usual, when I was so proud of myself for making some key points to the team about the website redesign.

At the same time, earlier she had stated that design comes first, and SEO second. I was diplomatically disagreeing with her pointing out that SEO and website design must work together for x, y and z reasons. Perhaps she's on a power trip??? And cannot deal with anyone disagreeing???

 

And yes, my name is Monica for those who don't know, but you can still call me hope. :)

Edited by havehope
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Some people have 140+ IQ's and yet they're still too ignorant to realize that human struggle exists. They'll never come to terms with the fact that some people have to work harder than others just to avoid going crazy. Instead, they'll always find a way to let them know how much of a burden they are to be around, based on appearence. What a fool I was for thinking a positive attitude would make a difference.

Edited by The_Unwanted
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I think I'm literally going to flip out.

 

How poor of a website design is this?????? Come on ---- What the hell??????? Who the HELL places text over images that is unreadable and calls it good web design?????? Who the hell makes the navigation links so small you can barely read them, and the text so small at the bottom you can barely read it??? Not to mention the high prices of the best sellers! Yeah, most people will hop off the site once they see those prices! I made this point several times to her. This is the boss I am dealing with. F'n arrogant, f'n ignorant, f'in tyrant f'n biotch.

 

http://192.169.200.59/~kushgo/isharyadesign/desktop.html

 

I've had it!!!! I quit!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Edited by havehope
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I think I'm literally going to flip out.

 

How poor of a website design is this?????? Come on ---- What the hell??????? Who the HELL places text over images that is unreadable and calls it good web design?????? Who the hell makes the navigation links so small you can barely read them, and the text so small at the bottom you can barely read it??? Not to mention the high prices of the best sellers! Yeah, most people will hop off the site once they see those prices! I made this point several times to her. This is the boss I am dealing with. F'n arrogant, f'n ignorant, f'in tyrant f'n biotch.

 

http://192.169.200.59/~kushgo/isharyadesign/desktop.html

 

I've had it!!!! I quit!!!!!!!!!!!!!

what is her reason for leaving it the way it is have hope

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She is too cheap to hire a good web designer or copywriter --- so she farms it out to those who are not qualified. That's her excuse. Yet she and her husband own like ten companies together and probably have a small fortune. But she's a cheap f'n ***** biotch.

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I'm so flipping exhausted. I keep wondering how I've been able to make it through each week with such little energy.  My mood is fine, I just have zero energy and zero motivation because I feel so fatigued all of the time.  Am I not getting good sleep? Too much sleep? I have no idea. Thank goodness I just have one more day to go and then a long holiday weekend.

 

Hope....that website is terrible. The links aren't even clickable, and the text on the pictures is so unprofessional. I'm sorry you have to keep dealing with that. Just remember that this job is temporary!

 

Follena, that is so wonderful about your colleague's offer, that's a great compliment to your character that she would offer something like that. :) I'm glad that you had some good things happen today. Hopefully tomorrow will continue the streak!

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Some people have 140+ IQ's and yet they're still too ignorant to realize that human struggle exists. They'll never come to terms with the fact that some people have to work harder than others just to avoid going crazy. Instead, they'll always find a way to let them know how much of a burden they are to be around, based on appearence. What a fool I was for thinking a positive attitude would make a difference.

 

Hi unwanted. - I just had to say that, a) I feel for you, being treated poorly, and b) please remember that the "positive attitude" is for your benefit, not the benefit of others.  It is not a magic potion that will make others like you.  I have found that the world works on probabilities - if I feel better about myself, get out there and smile and socialize, generally things are better, more people will treat me a little better.  But that does not mean that everyone will treat me well.  We all have to just except that some people are ****'s and then garden shrub them out of our lives.  I think that, for us depressives, it is more important than anything to avoid negative people and find the caring ones.

 

 

She is too cheap to hire a good web designer or copywriter --- so she farms it out to those who are not qualified. That's her excuse. Yet she and her husband own like ten companies together and probably have a small fortune. But she's a cheap f'n ***** biotch.

 

Monica/hope - did you really quit, or was that rhetorical?  LOL.  I feel for you, I really do.  Maybe you actually should?  I will just toss this out to you:  If I was looking to hire someone, I would be more impressed with the person leaving the job on account of shoddy work that the one staying around and sanctioning that kind of garbage (her website).  Just saying.

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At my son's birthday party last month the grandkids each played a musical instrument. We told them they were a band. Ha. So, my granddaughter, who's ten, asked for a guitar for Christmas. It was delivered yesterday. I enjoyed playing with it. I ordered the five-year-old a ukulele, which was his choice, and I'm ordering the two little ones drums. I am seriously considering ordering the adults instruments, too. None of us can play, though I took some violin lessons when I was a kid. I just can't think of what other instruments to buy that would get the adults playing along with the kids? I'm guessing cymbals would be a good choice for one of the adults. Do we have any musicians out there who have some suggestions? Keep in mind we're just going to do this for fun so I'm not trying to spend a ton of money I just need some noise makers to get the kids excited about music.

One of the guys I work with agreed to come in at one am for me tonight, which means I'll be able to come home and sleep for several hours before getting up to cook Thursday morning and the go to my Mom's house for t

Thanksgiving dinner. I'll have to leave relatively early to get to work by seven but I'm very grateful I will be able to get some sleep and then I'm off Friday to rest up.

I'm sure we're all going to have triggers and such with the family gatherings. I just hope we all find something to enjoy about the day. Me, I will focus on the kids. The adults can be too much for me sometimes. They have this way of competing with one another and basically fighting for attention that is disturbing to my energy level. I generally sit on the floor with the little kids and play with them. They haven't developed such sarcastic ways of being yet. This usually takes place after dinner of course. I do help in the kitchen and preparing the table and cleaning up so my mother isn't left with the mess. She's seventy now and I know it has to be hard on her. It's hard for me to prepare large meals already. There will be a lot of people there, but with each person bringing a dish it shouldn't be so hard to clean up.

I can't remember who said their mom insisted on doing all of the cooking, but I would take a dish anyway. I'd just show up with it and say I wanted to contribute something. If she doesn't want to eat it fine, but really take something you'll enjoy. Certainly an appetizer or desert wouldn't be offensive?

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