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The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread 2


freckledface

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I'm hoping to find something other than a toxic repetitive slave job, once I'm done with my current one. I'm there for the money only. I'm tired of not being a fuctional person with my coworkers and I'm tired of being degraded by everyone who asks me what I do for a living. I can't feel enthusiasm for being a bouche-trou.

My parents are doing everything in their power to hold me down, everytime I have a smile on my face. My parents are getting help as the workforce and the school systems are trying to take my personality from me as well with more slavery and misguidance.

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I went to a dinner party last night. The party was hosted by a woman I know very well and the guests are all close friends of mine, too. So, very little reason for anxiety, which is good. Anyway, one of my friends, who I used to be very close to and enjoyed my time with her a lot, was there. She sat next to me and shouted and interrupted every conversation happening at that table. The thing is that I became aware of how little it used to bother me and how much I dislike the behavior now. I believe it's a sign of growth that I am starting to be able to discern what I enjoy and who I want to spend time with. It's no longer about what other people want me to do exclusively, but what do I want. I can also tell what is a part of my particular issues and what isn't. It's so easy, when you have low self esteem and valid issues of your own to blame everything on yourself, but let's not forget we're not the only ones suffering in the world.

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I went to a dinner party last night. The party was hosted by a woman I know very well and the guests are all close friends of mine, too. So, very little reason for anxiety, which is good. Anyway, one of my friends, who I used to be very close to and enjoyed my time with her a lot, was there. She sat next to me and shouted and interrupted every conversation happening at that table. The thing is that I became aware of how little it used to bother me and how much I dislike the behavior now. I believe it's a sign of growth that I am starting to be able to discern what I enjoy and who I want to spend time with. It's no longer about what other people want me to do exclusively, but what do I want. I can also tell what is a part of my particular issues and what isn't. It's so easy, when you have low self esteem and valid issues of your own to blame everything on yourself, but let's not forget we're not the only ones suffering in the world.

 

So true, renee!  I had a similar experience in the summer.  I met up with a bunch of people I hadn't seen for 30 years.  I realized that, while most of them were lovely, the one female who used to hang around our group of guys was actually a self-absorbed a-chasm. I couldn't remember ever having the ability to think that when I was younger. It just believed that, whatever the barriers were, they had been my fault.  I wasn't even aware enough at the time to realize that I just didn't like her.

 

As for me, another week.  A tad anxious about hearing back from my dating partner (LOL - too early to say girlfriend) re. how she feels about my depression.  Anxious about work. Trying to turn over a new leaf this week - workout, low-carb, limit the drinking, limit smoking to my vaper, more meditation and spiritual work.  Pet my cat.  Write.  That's my plan.  We will see how it goes.

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Best wishes, Brian.

 

My girlfriend is currently in the hospital for an infection. Unfortunately, the hospital is 1500 miles away.

 

We were messaging back & forth last night and I conked out before saying goodnight to her. Made me feel like I first class jerk.

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I went to a dinner party last night. The party was hosted by a woman I know very well and the guests are all close friends of mine, too. So, very little reason for anxiety, which is good. Anyway, one of my friends, who I used to be very close to and enjoyed my time with her a lot, was there. She sat next to me and shouted and interrupted every conversation happening at that table. The thing is that I became aware of how little it used to bother me and how much I dislike the behavior now. I believe it's a sign of growth that I am starting to be able to discern what I enjoy and who I want to spend time with. It's no longer about what other people want me to do exclusively, but what do I want. I can also tell what is a part of my particular issues and what isn't. It's so easy, when you have low self esteem and valid issues of your own to blame everything on yourself, but let's not forget we're not the only ones suffering in the world.

 

So true, renee!  I had a similar experience in the summer.  I met up with a bunch of people I hadn't seen for 30 years.  I realized that, while most of them were lovely, the one female who used to hang around our group of guys was actually a self-absorbed a-chasm. I couldn't remember ever having the ability to think that when I was younger. It just believed that, whatever the barriers were, they had been my fault.  I wasn't even aware enough at the time to realize that I just didn't like her.

 

 

Hi Renee/Brian, I had a similar experience recently as well.... you make a really good point about discerning who you want to spend time with. I recently had to let go of a long-term friendship because my friend only talked about herself and rarely asked about me. Then when it was my turn to talk, she always found a way to turn the conversation right back to her! This went on for years and I allowed it and never enjoyed it, but I endured it... then I realized this summer that I didn't have to put up with it anymore, and that in fact, she really bugged me! It was the same old thing, over and over again and I wasn't getting anything out of the friendship. Too one-sided, so i let her go as a friend. Good for you for recognizing this in your old friend.

Brian, I hope your lady friend is accepting of your depression... keep us posted! Sounds like a good plan you have this week. :) Hugs.

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Best wishes, Brian.

My girlfriend is currently in the hospital for an infection. Unfortunately, the hospital is 1500 miles away.

We were messaging back & forth last night and I conked out before saying goodnight to her. Made me feel like I first class jerk.

Hahaha, that wasn't very kind of you.

Sending bees-healers to your gf ( hope they will not scare her:))

Good luck, you deserve it.

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Feelings of being overwhelmed creeping up on me again. I feel like I'm just being put in a really unfair, tight spot with DES & the insurance debacle. They JUST got the paperwork to me, I'm in school full time, the weekend just passed, and now it's due tomorrow! Or I'll be denied health insurance that I qualify for. And this is after I actually applied on Sept. 16th! Their ineptitude and delay translates into MY not getting insurance that I qualify for??? I feel like I have too much coming at me at once.

 

I'm trying not to have the usual emotional reactions to being treated unfairly and having too much demanded of me. This is not an individual. It's a blind, lumbering, indiscriminate bureaucracy. I'm just going to call them and ask for an extension. Even the process of calling can be a hassle, with wait times and...all. Not sure what to expect, and I tend to get very stressed in those situations. But stress is something I need to let go for my health. I was talking to someone about it at the health food store last night. Stress is the #1 thing for me to cut out of my life. I didn't realize it created acid in your system, which isn't good for anything. I have a bunch of supplements and foods to look into. Prioritizing is tough. Deadlines, deadlines. I keep telling myself that I'm working for a better life that's just around the corner - if I just work for it and do what's needed now. Less than 9 months now, it really isn't long. It's what I've waited for, for so long.

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I feel okay, but a little out of it.  Had too much caffeine yesterday and took an OTC sleeping pill.  They work for me but I don't like to use them, mostly because I fear they may possibly contribute to dementia.  Otherwise I feel pretty good.  How about you?

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Me too, pen4alex. Seems both our days are just crappy today. Very sorry you're having such a crap day.

 

I can't deal with all these technical issues that have arisen at work. There are too many, I'm overwhelmed, and I don't understand them either. Feeling overwhelmed in general and sad.

 

Hope this concert tomorrow eve brightens my mood -- I need it... I need to dance, have good vibes around me, and let it all out. Feeling.... bunged up emotionally.

 

Good news is my boyfriend is now officially divorced and we can move on. That's one good thing.

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*Hugs* havehope ... I'm sorry your day isn't going well either. :( Maybe we could combine our day and somehow turn it into something better?

 

In the meantime, upgrade angry and add confusion on top. I think "done" is now the best word for how I feel.

 

Just. *******. Done.

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Exhausted with splitting headache.  What a surprise!  Exactly like every other day between November and March - #Californiasoundsprettygoodrightnowhavehope!

 

Emotionally, not too bad.  My girl is still making plans, so it's seems like dropping the Big D discussion on her did not scare her off.  I hope not, anyway.  I think I am falling :) and though I know falling is irrational, some would say insane, it feels so darn good!

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Exhausted with splitting headache.  What a surprise!  Exactly like every other day between November and March - #Californiasoundsprettygoodrightnowhavehope!

 

Emotionally, not too bad.  My girl is still making plans, so it's seems like dropping the Big D discussion on her did not scare her off.  I hope not, anyway.  I think I am falling :) and though I know falling is irrational, some would say insane, it feels so darn good!

Sorry about your headache! Ouch. #Californiasoundsprettygoodrightnowhavehope! ..... YES, except for my boss. GR.

 

I'm glad she wasn't scared off -- that's awesome! And glad you're feeling so good about it -- double awesomeness. :) Happy for you, Brian.

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I woke up early after another typical night of little sleep - somewhat excited to begin working on today's projects but by 10:00 feeling anxious and sad. Kinda overwhelmed with everything so I sit at computer starring at screen. Can't get going, weather blah, me blah. Haven't done anything productive by 1:30. My son comes home at 3:30 and I'm not ready for that tornado - I put up his electronics for the school week because of bad behavior. He'll be begging for them and bugging the daylights out of me - not fun and not looking forward to the arguments!

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Hi guys,

 

I've been staring at my computer for hours for work and my vision is blurring so I may not go online tonight, just wanted to say hello. We made it through Monday. 

 

Hope, I'm really sorry that you are struggling right now. I wish I could send some positive thoughts your way. ((hugs))

 

I'll come back on once my eyes don't feel so weird....

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Age 50, got laid off after 15 yrs...So Im down right now, a lot. Wife comes home (who cant keep a job more than 2 yrs) and states how she is not happy with life, I hold her back, how I am concerned w money (duh) and its all my fault. How can her happiness be tied to me? One should be happy w themselves first.

we were at dinner at this point, I had enough and told her to just leave me...she will not be happy with me "holding her back". I would not be the brunt of her issues... take what little money we have and just leave.

I left her sitting at the resturant and came home, her uncle was to come meet us (not a fan of his anyways) so he can bring her home...or not.

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