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The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread 2


freckledface

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Really tired from yesterday, appointments, running errands,shopping.  My energy and mental attitude usually is low the day after.  I am mad at myself because I am behind in preparing year end information for my accountant who does my taxes.  A lot of work.

 

I am kind of going through a slight phase of the "I don't care" mentality.  I am a worrier so maybe this is a good thing.  I wonder if I could have done things differently in the past in certain situations where they would have had a better outcome.  Then I finally realize there is nothing I can do about it now but to learn from it.  And if that doesn't work, sometimes I say 'why do I even care".  For me most of my past is painful, and haunts me constantly.  I hate it.

 

I want to move forward, live for the present, but incidents from the past cloud my perspective of my true reality.

 

Hopefully my therapist can help me cope with this as this is one of the areas he really wants to cover.

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For the last several weeks, I've been getting these "episodes" where my heart starts racing and feels like it's skipping beats. I feel weird and dizzy and like I'm going to die. I actually googled heart attack symptoms the first couple times it happened. I majored in psych, I know a lot about these things. So you'd think I would have known it was panic attacks, but it hadn't even occurred to me until my pdoc said that's what it is at my appointment the other day. All these years with depression, I've never had this type of thing happen. Clearly I don't have enough going on and needed something else to go wrong. And now I'm mad at the world, because clearly it's the world's fault that this is happening. Such good logic there. :no:  Not fun. Not fun at all.

Charmingly, I have experienced some of the episodes you describe.  They are terrifying.  For me, they were diagnosed as severe panic attacks caused by certain meds I was taking and stress.  From what you describe it sounds like a very large panic attack, but then I am no doctor.  When they are really bad or mimicking a stroke, heart attack,or worse, then getting checked out at the ER is the best thing.  Better safe than sorry.  

 

Panic attacks are no fun as you said.  They are downright scary.  I hope your doctor helped you with a way to deal with this.  With the right treatment these can be managed,  

 

Good luck from someone who can relate.  Hope you find a peaceful balance. 

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Feeling lonely, but I had a good, productive day. I'm trying to keep taking everything one step at a time, and that helps to stay on track. Seeing my progress increment by increment gives me hope for a steady improvement, even if I have days and moments when I don't feel great or even like persevering. Because I can see that things have improved, bit by bit, and that they can continue to do so if I do keep going even when I don't feel like it.

 

I'll say it again: this forum is like a rope that helps me pull myself along, step by step, until I'm on solid ground again. And even then, staying connected helps me stay on track.

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Feeling lonely, but I had a good, productive day. I'm trying to keep taking everything one step at a time, and that helps to stay on track. Seeing my progress increment by increment gives me hope for a steady improvement, even if I have days and moments when I don't feel great or even like persevering. Because I can see that things have improved, bit by bit, and that they can continue to do so if I do keep going even when I don't feel like it.

 

I'll say it again: this forum is like a rope that helps me pull myself along, step by step, until I'm on solid ground again. And even then, staying connected helps me stay on track.

frozen, I too, am glad you feel good about the forum. No one in my family understands. Nobody but people here, it seems. Glad you are connected!

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had my first day of dishwashing a few days ago, the next day i was suppose to go in again but i decided to stay in bed until 7pm. why is it i finally try to get a job after doing nothing for 5 or so months and i blow this? havnt even told my family that i messed up yet but im sure theyre going to be disappointed and get even more fed up with me

 

holidays are coming and ill have nothing to show and ill feel ashamed in the prescense of my relatives again

Edited by Feelio
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Feeling better than I was in terms of not throwing up anymore and able to eat what I want pretty much. I was going to go to Urgent Care yesterday to try and get prescribed an Anxiety rescue med but was too ill. I later found out that urgent care doesn't often even prescribe panic/anxiety/nerve medication. I hate the family doctor I used to have because she refuses to ever listen to me and she wouldn't give me an anxiety medication either, she just changed my anti depressant and made things worse. So, looking for a new family doctor and I am actually going to go see a Psychiatrist to prescribe me the anxiety/panic rescue med, I hope it works and they listen to me. I will most certainly read reviews online of different Psychiatrists before I choose one to go to, I want to try to get the best one I can. Wish me luck guys! Still stressed out quite a lot the past few days though so I could use good vibes/prayers in that regard. 

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Disappointed AGAIN. Why do people have to be jerks? I have done what I was told and tried to get out and be social, but I keep getting let down by others. People suck :(

Unfortunately, what I have learned through my short 22 years of life so far is that Most people will let you down at every single chance they get. People often hate doing anything for anyone else and are just concerned with their needs and their thoughts. I experience this quite alot actually and that is the precise reason I am not social outside of this website. 

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Hi Raven, glad to hear you are no longer vomiting and are able to eat. A psychiatrist probably would be the best way to go; they usually understand these issues better than regular doctors; although mine is very knowledgeable, sweet and caring, doctors like that are hard to come by, they are one in a million.

 

Good luck to you! Sending my best wishes, thoughts and prayers your way :hugs:

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Feeling better than I was in terms of not throwing up anymore and able to eat what I want pretty much. I was going to go to Urgent Care yesterday to try and get prescribed an Anxiety rescue med but was too ill. I later found out that urgent care doesn't often even prescribe panic/anxiety/nerve medication. I hate the family doctor I used to have because she refuses to ever listen to me and she wouldn't give me an anxiety medication either, she just changed my anti depressant and made things worse. So, looking for a new family doctor and I am actually going to go see a Psychiatrist to prescribe me the anxiety/panic rescue med, I hope it works and they listen to me. I will most certainly read reviews online of different Psychiatrists before I choose one to go to, I want to try to get the best one I can. Wish me luck guys! Still stressed out quite a lot the past few days though so I could use good vibes/prayers in that regard. 

 

yeah, a lot of doctors now are afraid of prescribing benzos because they use to (maybe some still do) hand them out like candy and a lot of people got addicted. i myself was trying to get prescribed xanax which ive used before in the past with good results but doctor said he wasnt a big fan of it. prescribed me beta blockers instead. thanks doc, real help there lol. cant say i really blame him though.

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had my first day of dishwashing a few days ago, the next day i was suppose to go in again but i decided to stay in bed until 7pm. why is it i finally try to get a job after doing nothing for 5 or so months and i blow this? havnt even told my family that i messed up yet but im sure theyre going to be disappointed and get even more fed up with me

 

holidays are coming and ill have nothing to show and ill feel ashamed in the prescense of my relatives again

Sorry things aren't going well for you, but I wanted to welcome you to the forums; best of luck to you!

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Shawn81, highanxiety, and mulberrypie -- thank you so much for responding, I didn't expect anyone to and was mostly just talking about it here because sometimes it's just nice to be heard even without responses. I know you don't know me well and I don't know you well, but your responses do mean a lot to me, so thank you.

 

My doctor wants me to start an ssri to try and help with the panic attacks and worsening depression since I've only been taking Wellbutrin alone all this time for depression and now it's not working for that either anymore. We talked about benzos but it's happening so often right now that I didn't want to try those at this time. So tomorrow I'm joining the prozac nation, I hope it helps.

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Shawn81, highanxiety, and mulberrypie -- thank you so much for responding, I didn't expect anyone to and was mostly just talking about it here because sometimes it's just nice to be heard even without responses. I know you don't know me well and I don't know you well, but your responses do mean a lot to me, so thank you.

 

My doctor wants me to start an ssri to try and help with the panic attacks and worsening depression since I've only been taking Wellbutrin alone all this time for depression and now it's not working for that either anymore. We talked about benzos but it's happening so often right now that I didn't want to try those at this time. So tomorrow I'm joining the prozac nation, I hope it helps.

 

I'll I do on the forum is vent. I don't talk to anyone. So I get it. I usually just respond if there's something I can really relate to.

 

My new psych wants to see me every few days right now and start a new med each time, most likely. I hate meds. I asked about Wellbutrin after Effexor really helped my mood but gave me side effects. She doesn't want to do either because of the possibility of more anxiety. So who knows.

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My new psych wants to see me every few days right now and start a new med each time, most likely. I hate meds. I asked about Wellbutrin after Effexor really helped my mood but gave me side effects. She doesn't want to do either because of the possibility of more anxiety. So who knows.

 

I have heard from many people that wellbutrin can cause worsening anxiety at first. I never had that issue but I also was never prone to anxiety until now. I hate meds too so I understand that one, I've always been pretty resistant to meds and dose increases and just all of it. Hopefully whatever she gives you will help. Are you taking anything at the moment?

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My new psych wants to see me every few days right now and start a new med each time, most likely. I hate meds. I asked about Wellbutrin after Effexor really helped my mood but gave me side effects. She doesn't want to do either because of the possibility of more anxiety. So who knows.

 

I have heard from many people that wellbutrin can cause worsening anxiety at first. I never had that issue but I also was never prone to anxiety until now. I hate meds too so I understand that one, I've always been pretty resistant to meds and dose increases and just all of it. Hopefully whatever she gives you will help. Are you taking anything at the moment?

 

 

Propranolol for heart palpitation and Prazosin, which she just started me on a couple days ago, apparently for PTSD and night terrors. I have to see her again tomorrow and she said she plans to probably start Seroquel again for the insomnia. I hate sleeping pills so much. They make me sick. She doesn't want to start antidepressants yet because she wants to try and fix these "urgent" issues first and get all the side effects of the meds sorted out.

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Can't sleep for nothing lately unless it's during the day. Up now wide awake eating ice cream which is better then waking up drenched in my own sweat. Had a doctors appointment the other day and since effexor and adivan is helping me they kept everything the same. I wish I could sleep.

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Woke up sick this morning.  Really feel like death warmed over.  Thanks coworker in next cube for spreading the crap.  So I'm going to do the same and work and spread it to anyone else who gets near me.  I try to save my PTO days off for when I feel good. 

 

So as a result of being sick and feeling like last ounce of energy has been drained out of me and any momentum I had going is gone, I'll likely be fighting off my demons throughout the day and weekend.  Oh joy. 

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It's been a good week I have surprisingly been able to keep it together and not be too stressed despite working really late and going in early. But now I have been sitting at my desk for over an hour unable to do a single thing. My work seems so ridiculously insignificant, I can't get over the sadness I feel from a decision I made to protect myself from future hurt and now I wonder if it was worth it or even if I will ever know if it was

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Disappointed AGAIN. Why do people have to be jerks? I have done what I was told and tried to get out and be social, but I keep getting let down by others. People suck :(

illuminotreally, I'm sorry you had a bad experience. I've had a lot of bad experiences myself and have felt very disappointed in people. A lot of people do suck, but then there are amazing people too who truly care. The good ones are the gems and may be harder to find... but don't let the disappointment or the jerks stop you from reaching out & trying. You just gotta get to know someone first. Not everyone is going to be receptive when you first meet them, but some will. :hugs:

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had my first day of dishwashing a few days ago, the next day i was suppose to go in again but i decided to stay in bed until 7pm. why is it i finally try to get a job after doing nothing for 5 or so months and i blow this? havnt even told my family that i messed up yet but im sure theyre going to be disappointed and get even more fed up with me

 

holidays are coming and ill have nothing to show and ill feel ashamed in the prescense of my relatives again

Feelio, welcome to DF! :welcomeani:

 

I don't know your situation, but I hope your family can be more understanding and supportive of you while you're having a rough time. I know that feeling of shame, but we really place it on ourselves due to having higher expectations of ourselves and the expectations that we think others have of us. Go easy on yourself & have self-compassion...give yourself a big hug and forgive yourself for not being able to go. I'm assuming you're suffering from depression since you came to this forum. There's tons of support here for you.. this is a warm, soft place to land & we're all here for you.

 

:hugs: :hugs:

 

p.s. i love San Fran!!! :)

Edited by havehope
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