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The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread 2


freckledface

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Geez... my boss acts frustrated with me all the freaking time. Makes me feel like I'm doing a really poor job.. not good for my morale. I'm anxious about talking to her later today because she always chastises and snaps at me. I get very anxious before each call with her, wondering if I'm going to have to defend myself. This sucks. :verysad3:

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Still feeling extremely tired but in a slightly better than 'meh' mood. Even when I go to sleep early I still manage to wake up every two hours or I just toss and turn all night long.  I never hit that magic 4 hour REM sleep period.  I don't think I can remember the last time I woke up feeling like I had a good night's sleep.  I know I haven't in the last 7 years and quite certain it's been longer than that.  Oh well, maybe one day after I feel like I get things in order and I'm eating right and exercising and happily married again.  - chuckles to self while shaking head -

 

I got around to filing my 2014 taxes a week ago and finally admitting/swallowing/claiming the massive financial losses/thefts from a couple years ago.  Just trying to move on.  Good news is I'm getting a nice tax return.  Bad news its is a minute fraction of what I lost.  But hopefully this step will help me to 'lay it down'.

 

It's bust your butt at work time as we have a software release going out in 2 weeks.  

 

Mindset of just trying to make it through another day. 

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kind of flatline... for now. I have anxiety that a long simmering issue will result in me being screwed as usual. On top of that, I get to find out for sure if I am to get hearing aids in both ears. The joy of getting older....

 

of course I do some digging and my insurance covers nothing and the ones I need are likely $1,800 or so each. I might as well cancel the appointment and save time and that money. So now feeling screwed as usual... told ya.

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kind of flatline... for now. I have anxiety that a long simmering issue will result in me being screwed as usual. On top of that, I get to find out for sure if I am to get hearing aids in both ears. The joy of getting older....

 

of course I do some digging and my insurance covers nothing and the ones I need are likely $1,800 or so each. I might as well cancel the appointment and save time and that money. So now feeling screwed as usual... told ya.

 

 

That is tough news, Donaldo.  Very sorry to hear this!!

 

 

Geez... my boss acts frustrated with me all the freaking time. Makes me feel like I'm doing a really poor job.. not good for my morale. I'm anxious about talking to her later today because she always chastises and snaps at me. I get very anxious before each call with her, wondering if I'm going to have to defend myself. This sucks. :verysad3:

 

We are in exactly the same place hh.  And it's not a great place to be, is it?  My boss is so inside my head that it has ruined work for me, up and down, through and through.  I came in late this morning, as I did not sleep well last night, and he has set up a meeting with just myself for noon.  I know I'm going to get chewed big time.  But, weirdly, I no longer care as much as I would have.  He doesn't know I've got the ball rolling to get the hell into something else here. If he comes on too strong I will discharge that mortar shell in our meeting (note:  metaphor only; no violence intended).

 

On top of that I have a date tonight and my heart's not in it. When i set them up I feel I'm ready, but when it comes time to go, it's all meh.  She seems sweet, though.  I am guilty of defining these ladies before hand, so I already perceive the ways in which she won't be right for me.  Of course, most times I am completely wrong, but, I keep doing it anyway.  

 

Heck, it's only coffee.  

 

Cheers

 

Brian

Edited by salparadise6132
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It does suck, Brian.... big time. I wish you the best of luck with your meeting! I hope he doesn't chew you out.... GRRRR. Knowing you have one foot out the door I'm sure helps though.... you've got other pans in the fire! Woohoo!! Wishing you well on your date too... even if you're not looking forward to it now, you never know what may happen, and you two may just hit it off. :)

Edited by havehope
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Glad to find us here, right now!

Someone I know from this online course I'm taking dissed me--while critiquing me yesterday afternoon (she said, "you're doing it wrong!!" about something that wasn't coursework) during our group's conference call. I did not call her out on it right away, but instead let it simmer. I'm handling it better than I would have say 8 years ago or so, when I would have imagined pulling her heart out of her chest and stomping on it--but it also makes me wonder why 1) I might have said or phrased something diss-able and 2) this feels like old work that I need to work on and 3) what is it about me that invites dissrespecting?

I talked to my husband about it yesterday and also told him what I'm trying to do to distance myself from the event and person and she called me today to encourage me to do another thing in course material.

I should have said something, but I didn't. I didn't want to attack her when we were not in a group situation and neither of us would be able to fully understand one another without actually seeing faces or other body language cues.

I just thanked her for her suggestions--which had nothing to do with what she criticized me for yesterday.

So how am I feeling right now? Mixed up, but I don't want to give this person more of my headspace, so I'm telling the Universe, and my DF friends, "Let it go!"

Edited for typos & omissions

Edited by Dolphin2013
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Hi Dolphin, I always find it hard to confront the way someone disrespects me in a professional (or academic even) environment. It's a touchy situation to deal with head-on. Especially with online communities and just phone contact, it can be difficult to confront. The next time if this person does the same thing, you could say individually on the side, can I have a word with you? And let her know that you find what she said to be disrespectful... there's a way to handle it diplomatically without letting the anger through & without sounding like you're attacking her.... just some thoughts! Hope she doesn't do it again! (((hugs)))

 

So I just found out the counseling center where I go for therapy and meds has shut down..... OH NO. Now what do I do??? The center that is close by does not have evening appointments, which is what I absolutely need. So now I am out of a therapist and a med doctor. UGH. This center has been nothing but trouble since the start.. I've had three different therapists there, and now they're shutting down. I'm more than aggravated right now... I don't know what the heck I'm going to do. The other center he referred me to is almost an hour away. ***. I'm p*****.

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 In no mood to go to this afternoon med-check! I wish that pdoc had an opening earlier in the day, because although I'm not a morning person, it's nice to get things overwith. I'm overall in good spirits, though I had a pang of feeling like crying about my diagnosis. I'm very glad that I have answers, and certainty, making it mostly a huge relief - but there must have been a tiny part of me hoping that it was something less permanent. I will be okay and battle it in the same way I do depression and anxiety.

 

Very grateful to all of you for the support and just being awesome people in general. I agree with what Freckled said, I can't think of a group more deserving of happiness and good things!

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I'm feeling a bit up and down today.  PMS always makes my anxiety/depression worse and its kicking my butt a bit so far this week.  Also my co-managers are being pains in the butt.  I worked more than them the past 4 days.  I'm not covering for anyone today. I do NOT have the mental capacity.  Of course I can't explain it to them in those words so I just said I have plans and can't switch shifts.  I have plans, plans to be mentally blah lol 

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Best of luck, Brian.

 

I'm on my boss's "watch list". I have "check in" meetings with him daily.

 

Fortunately, he's a reasonable guy, but he expects everything and everyone to be ship-shape at all times.

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I'm about to scream. Every place I call for med. management and counseling can only see patients during the day. I cannot do that because of my work. How do people manage to see a therapist and a psych doc while they work full-time? I'm practically in a panic.... if I can't see a doctor close enough to me, I'm going to have to go off my meds, which is probably dangerous right now.

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Need to confess.

 

Since the end of 2011 I go to bed wishing I could never wake up again. I know it goes against cognitive therapy I had, but it's just another thing I blame myself for.... not trying hard enough.

 

Two weeks ago I swallowed a two month supply of pills, a little more than half at first, then lay down feeling funny, sleepy, suddenly felt like the flu, coming out both ends. After that, took the rest, more slowly. Fell asleep, apparently puked those up too as there was a puddle next to the couch. This will probably get deleted....

No comments needed, just wanted to dump this secret out to see if it changes how I feel.

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Thanks HaveHope and desperados and all you Lovelies out there. I'm at work today and it's ok. My depression is my worst enemy right now. I need to get back to jogging and eating healthy. Wish a man would fall out of the sky, take me to the gym every night and make me healthy meals. Oh wait. Clearly I'm dreaming someone else is responsible for my life ;)

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People basically made me numb... Sitting in my studio surrounded by the things that made me who I am. Feeling a little uncomfortable... I'm alone. My nightmares from last night made me cry and I feel that I'll end up alone. I remember walking home from school one day seeing Natalie with someone else. Since I had seizures I didn't get my license until I was 18 but I walked out into the parking lot crying in tears over her. I catch myself riding my Ninja by her Dads house from time to time. Hoping she'd be there once more to see if she would ever forgive me. Really everyone in my life gave up on me. Not a soul in this town would ever understand why but I still love her. I shouldn't, but I do. Many times I've tried to find someone new yet it seems everyone around here will always remember me not for my music but because of what had happened between Natalie and I... Perhaps that is why everyone I ask out rejects me.

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Need to confess.

 

Since the end of 2011 I go to bed wishing I could never wake up again. I know it goes against cognitive therapy I had, but it's just another thing I blame myself for.... not trying hard enough.

 

Two weeks ago I swallowed a two month supply of pills, a little more than half at first, then lay down feeling funny, sleepy, suddenly felt like the flu, coming out both ends. After that, took the rest, more slowly. Fell asleep, apparently puked those up too as there was a puddle next to the couch. This will probably get deleted....

No comments needed, just wanted to dump this secret out to see if it changes how I feel.

you're not deleted and you have my deepest sympathy. I am glad you did not succeed. How are you feeling now?

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I'm really bummed that I had to postpone my gym membership. I can feel my body going south. Everything's started to hurt again. I can't seem to make myself exercise much when I'm at home. At the gym there are no distractions, there's nothing to do there but workout.

 

I've been taking Wellbutrin for exactly two weeks and so far nothing. I'll keep at it.

Edited by Mia42
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