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freckledface

The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread 2

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Not feeling too good today.I went to have a test done at the doctor`s office this morning and I don`t like to really be touched all that much.They were very nice and everything but this test required them to touch me.I just felt uncomfortable the whole time.Let`s just say I did not enjoy it.Now I`m just feeling blue and down.It`s just me being stupid I guess.

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Having really bad tremors now from the Seroquel, just wonderful, that's just what I needed on top of everything else. I honestly hate my life, I am tired of being tortured, and wish someone would just do me a big favor and put me out of my misery for good.  Of course I am depressed, it would be abnormal NOT to be depressed in my situation.  

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Wonkyface, welcome, love the name!

 

 

My son went back to school this week, half days Monday, Tuesday and Friday.  He went ok, felt quite sick yesterday but he stuck it out and I proud of him for it. 

 

My nerves are shot, my anxiety is sky high and I can't sit still.  I want to rest but every time I sit down I get really agitated and have to get up again.  My body aches and my feet hurt but at least I'm getting some stuff done I suppose.  Although some things I've done have been undone by an extremely strong wind we had yesterday.  I put sugar cane mulch on my garden and put some reed screening down my side fence, well.....the mulch got blown away and the screening blew down, so I was out there in this wind trying to staple it back to the fence.  If I wasn't so angry it probably would have looked quite funny.  Anyone within hearing distance would have got of earful of my not so pleasant ranting :ranting:.  Such is life!

 

 

Love and ((((((((hugs)))))))) to everyone. :hugs:

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Absolutely exhausted. I met with the Geneticist and had my Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome diagnosis confirmed. It is more of a relief, than upsetting, to finally have answers.

Now that you have an official diagnosis, I hope you can get relief.

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Absolutely exhausted. I met with the Geneticist and had my Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome diagnosis confirmed. It is more of a relief, than upsetting, to finally have answers.

 

Had to google that one Christina, it's always good to get answers and know what you're dealing with.

 

 

Wow, Christina...that's some syndrome you've got there. Did some googling to find out more.

 

I've got something known as "Birt Hogg Dube syndrome". It's a real gas, too.

 

Had to google that one too JD!  I'm presuming a lot of diseases and syndromes are named after people but none of them seem to have normal names  :dontgetit:

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Wow, Christina...that's some syndrome you've got there. Did some googling to find out more.

 

I've got something known as "Birt Hogg Dube syndrome". It's a real gas, too.

 

I had to do Googling to find out more about yours too. Just about ready to hit these autosomal dominant genetic predicaments with a brick! Did your parent know they had the syndrome or was theirs milder than yours? I'm sorry if that is too personal. I only ask because my mother's EDS symptoms were so mild, she never sought a diagnosis or treatment.

 

 

Exhausted...still.  No energy.  No drive.  No desire for anything. Yet I manage to go on every day and no one is the wiser...except maybe my kids.  

 

When I feel good and start to assess the landscape that is my life and what must be accomplished at some point in time...I'm overwhelmed and demoralized instantly.  

 

I hate the question "Why?".    

 

Good news is at least my back isn't hurting like it was. 

 

If it makes you feel any better, I'm exhausted too and easily overwhelmed by things that need to be accomplished in the near and far future. I'm sorry you're feeling so worn down, Pess. Again, very glad to hear about your back though. I consider any small bit of relief, physical or psychological, to be a victory :hugs:

 

 

I don't remember registering with this name, so I'm a bit confused, but I kinda like it. 

 

Welcome! :cheesy: I like the name, but not as much as your Easter Puggy user picture - that's so adorable.

 

 

My son went back to school this week, half days Monday, Tuesday and Friday.  He went ok, felt quite sick yesterday but he stuck it out and I proud of him for it. 

 

My nerves are shot, my anxiety is sky high and I can't sit still.  I want to rest but every time I sit down I get really agitated and have to get up again.  My body aches and my feet hurt but at least I'm getting some stuff done I suppose.  Although some things I've done have been undone by an extremely strong wind we had yesterday.  I put sugar cane mulch on my garden and put some reed screening down my side fence, well.....the mulch got blown away and the screening blew down, so I was out there in this wind trying to staple it back to the fence.  If I wasn't so angry it probably would have looked quite funny.  Anyone within hearing distance would have got of earful of my not so pleasant ranting :ranting:.  Such is life!

 

 

Love and ((((((((hugs)))))))) to everyone. :hugs:

 

 

((((Hugs)))) So glad that your son is hanging in there with school! Sorry about your garden, though, what a pain in the ####. I'd be tantruming too.

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It's 3:33 AM and I should sleep but I can't. It dawned on me how likely it is that my grandmother will die in the near future, and then I started thinking back at the last time I saw my great-grandfather before he passed away, when he told me he didn't actually want to be a priest and regretted not becoming a carpenter. And now I'm just sitting here with this empty feeling.

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It's 3:33 AM and I should sleep but I can't. It dawned on me how likely it is that my grandmother will die in the near future, and then I started thinking back at the last time I saw my great-grandfather before he passed away, when he told me he didn't actually want to be a priest and regretted not becoming a carpenter. And now I'm just sitting here with this empty feeling.

 

Wow, Senor, amazing, though tragic story. I hope you feel better when you awake - if you sleep that is :)

 

Your great grandfather's story reminds me of the book that was called something like 7 Habits of Highly Effective People or something - not sure if that was it.  It was self help pap, in some ways, but I do remember the one thing he said about so many people climbing their ladders, climbing and climbing, step by step, strife, success, strife, success, boredom, strife, success. Rung over rung.  Climb, climb, climb ... only to find their ladder was resting on the wrong wall the whole time.

 

Sometimes I think us depressives have the opposite problem than most though. We are so self aware (some would say self absorbed LOL) that we are always searching, mosty in vain, for the perfect wall, and we either never find it or don't trust it if we do.

 

I could be spewing drivel here, but, food for thought.

 

Cheers

 

Bri

 

Oh, one of my favourite poems about the tragedy of missing that wink from your muse:

 

 

He had driven half the night

From far down San Joaquin

Through Mariposa, up the

Dangerous Mountain roads,

And pulled in at eight a.m.

With his big truckload of hay

            behind the barn.

With winch and ropes and hooks

We stacked the bales up clean

To splintery redwood rafters

High in the dark, flecks of alfalfa

Whirling through shingle-cracks of light,

Itch of haydust in the 

            sweaty shirt and shoes.

At lunchtime under Black oak

Out in the hot corral,

---The old mare nosing lunchpails,

Grasshoppers crackling in the weeds---

"I'm sixty-eight" he said,

"I first bucked hay when I was seventeen.

I thought, that day I started,

I sure would hate to do this all my life.

And dammit, that's just what

I've gone and done."

 

 

Gary Snyder

Edited by salparadise6132

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Went to the doctor yesterday.  Got errands run.  Today I am drained.  Like many of us I suffer from chronic pain.  Hate it.  My doctor has given me Vicodin and muscle relaxers, but I don't want t be dependent on those all the time.  It's really painful in the morning, joints and things, then kind of eases up as I move around.

 

I feel really disappointed in my friends who have fallen away because they claim I'm not the party guy I used to be, or plain don't want to be around someone sick or feeling blue.  I get that.  But in my mind that is when you need to be a friend to that person most, that is, if you are a true friend.  Through this ordeal I have discovered many of the friends I thought I had, have become distant.  Same with family.  

 

I'm not trying to put out negative vibes.  Most don't even know I am depressed.  A couple said I was faking it, and my medical issues so I can get out of seeing them.  I think I have written before I  was cornered by some people a few Thanksgiving's ago, that I need to go to rehab because I'm isolating and not the person I used to be.  That was when I really began to pull away.  

 

I feel I need to just move on and accept the solid friends I have and can trust.  And slowly network to make new friends.  Easier said than done because i have zero energy.  

 

I guess the main word here is disappointment.  

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I didn't get the job I applied on. I'm not sad about not getting the job - I'm sad I have to stay in the current toxic environment. Once I lick my wounds, I'll make a new plan for my great escape. Feel weepy tonight. Unhappy about how I've been eating so unhealthily lately. I feel like a general mess.

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Follena, glad you're not sad about the job, but very sorry it didn't come through for you.... and so sorry you're dealing with a toxic work environment.  :verysad3:  That toxicity can be soul sucking & can seep insidiously into your whole life. I've been there many times! I used to do the same.. focusing only on my big escape which was my only refuge and salvation getting through the toxicity. It helped me to apply practically every day since it gave me a sense of hope with each positive, proactive step I took,... keep at it... a healthy work environment is worth all the effort! Hope you feel a bit better today. Big (((hugs)))

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Feeling no joy,hopelessness with 1 gram of happiness.

 

oh hope Follena and havehope get the best treatment from life to experience their new life management to their liking.

 

bad dreams everywhere...What if you wake up one fine morning only to realize that the life you have been living since the last few days was nothing but a dream of yours?

Edited by desperados

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Thank you, desperados & back at you!!  You deserve all the best in life!! :) Hold onto that 1 gram of happiness!! At least it's there....  hopelessness can shift to a sliver of hopefulness... it does happen... it can take a slight shift in life events or in your own thinking.... maybe even an encounter, a movie or book that inspires & gives you a sense of hope. Big (((hugs)))

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I need to motivate to get more education under my belt for my career, but I'm dragging my heels. There's several things I'm dragging my heels on, like making important doctors appointments... why can't I just take care of what needs to be taken care of in my life? Is it my depression that is holding me back? Yesterday I felt more energized than I had in days, and the sun was shining brightly in a clear blue sky. Maybe it's the lack of sun when the weather turns gloomy.. it's also turning into fall, which makes me think of winter, which makes me shiver and not want to do anything but lie on the couch with my blankets and watch movies. Maybe I'm just plain lazy.

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Thx havehope :D i'm trying to reboot my brain as it's our of gas to work and create happiness again.

 

It's been raining here....

 

“I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying.”
Charles Chaplin

 

“Do not be angry with the rain; it simply does not know how to fall upwards.”
Vladimir Naboko

 

“On the fifth day, which was a Sunday, it rained very hard. I like it when it rains hard. It sounds like white noise everywhere, which is like silence but not empty.”
Mark Haddon, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time

 

“I went to bed and woke in the middle of the night thinking I heard someone cry, thinking I myself was weeping, and I felt my face and it was dry.

Then I looked at the window and thought: Why, yes, it's just the rain, the rain, always the rain, and turned over, sadder still, and fumbled about for my dripping sleep and tried to slip it back on.”
Ray Bradbury, Green Shadows, White Whale: A Novel of Ray Bradbury's Adventures Making Moby d**k with John Huston in Ireland

Edited by desperados

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Wow, Christina...that's some syndrome you've got there. Did some googling to find out more.

 

I've got something known as "Birt Hogg Dube syndrome". It's a real gas, too.

 

I had to do Googling to find out more about yours too. Just about ready to hit these autosomal dominant genetic predicaments with a brick! Did your parent know they had the syndrome or was theirs milder than yours? I'm sorry if that is too personal. I only ask because my mother's EDS symptoms were so mild, she never sought a diagnosis or treatment.

 

your son is hanging in there with school! Sorry about your garden, though, what a pain in the ####. I'd be tantruming too.

 

 

My mom had it, as did her dad. They didn't know what it was back then, but they both had all the symptoms--collapsed lungs, white "bumps" on the skin...my granddad died at age 66 from cancer and I'll bet it started in his kidneys. I had an entire kidney removed back in 2008 because of a ginormous tumor. My cancer got caught...but I'll bet my granddad had no idea until it was too late.

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Brian, I love that Gary Snyder poem. There's a lot in there to relate to.

 

It does seem like so many of us are stuck--often under a monster pile of debt because of buying our "dream house" and all of the stuff that goes with it, and then having to work in a job that we hate but it's necessary in order to keep those payments coming.

 

Things are worse yet when health care is considered. We are glued to a job because it offers benefits. Actually, it should be called sick care, because it doesn't really promote health. It just fixes the problems caused by this bizarre, ladder-climbing society we find ourselves in.

Edited by JD4010

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Hugs to all of you. I've never met a group of people more deserving of goodness in their lives. (((hugs)))

 

Right now, I feel empty but I've only had a quarter cup of coffee. It's a foggy morning here so the kids are on a two hour delay. Kind of nice for a slower start to the day.

 

I think the interview yesterday went okay but I'm trying hard not to get my hopes up.

 

Happy Hump Day to everyone. :hugs:

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