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The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread 2


freckledface

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^ I'm so cynical and depressed that it makes me feel good to hear someone talk about how they just hate everything. I hate that.

It's so cool that you brought this up.  I was just wondering the same thing about myself, but I am not as aware of why I sometimes feel better after hearing someone else proclaim their misery.  I want people to be happy, so why does this happen?  It's almost like I get an adrenaline rush when someone at work has some sort of problem going on where they may face consequences.  I hate admitting that, but it seems to be true.  Does anyone else have any insight as to why this may happen?  Maybe it just distracts me from myself?  It's almost as if I get some gratitude for being in my situation when others have it worse.  I don't know.  I'm just now trying to figure this one out.

 

 

I know this feeling exactly. I certainly don't like that someone feels bad enough that they hate everything. I know that feeling. I usually feel like that. But there's this strange attractiveness about hearing someone say it. Like most other people would really look down on thoughts like that and think less of me for feeling that way, but here's this person that gets it and feels the same way. We have this strange understanding or connection that I would never have with most other people. That gives me a really good feeling. I feel very close to that person. I swear I actually develop a crush (depending on who says it) - it's that strong. I get that "rush" you mentioned. I can't explain it. I've been feeling this way a lot lately regarding a lot of other things lately that people have said online that I won't really go into, but hearing that someone feels the same way about something that is normally frowned upon creates a powerful emotion. It's definitely weird.

 

 

For me, there's also something very refreshing about people who don't pretend everything is ok all of the time.  There's an honestly to it that helps me.  I find it hard to believe and or trust the person who seems to always be up on their game, ya know?  Life just doesn't work like that, or at least if it does I'm not aware of it.  Ha.

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I am super procrastinating.  My apartment is a mess, laundry is piled up, and I need to go to the grocery store.  It's so easy when you live alone to just think about doing it later.  I let this stuff go during my work stretches because I work 12 hour shifts and just manage to sleep and check the mail during those stretches and then I sleep my first day off and then on my second day, which is today, I have a lot to do.  How in the world did I ever keep it done when I had kids at home? 

 

I guess I'll start by cleaning off this table. 

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well i was finally able to fall asleep at i think 2-3am ... its better then the past few days where i would be going to bed at 7am.... woke up with a tinge of a headache but thats expected since i took my sleeping pill... i really hate taking them... really really really hate taking them!!!! they make me feel like a zombie... and give me headaches! but atleast i had got some sleep last night!

today is going to be very long for me... i have to perform a ceremony to honor my ancestors... and to reflect on the past... i am not going to lie ... i am NOT looking forward to it...le sigh....

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hh,

It really does seem as if you're being bullied.  I was in a similar situation a few years back.  I'm going to share what I learned from the experience to see if any of it resonates with you. 

 

I learned that bullies pick targets.  Usually they want to attack people who they can intimidate.  Not just because they're your boss because they are also the bosses of other people, but there's something more to who they target.  I think it's people who they can sense fear conflict.  Once they figure out they're not getting the desired effect, they move on.

 

I learned that I had an extreme fear of authority figures.  It was a childhood thing I picked up from growing up in an abusive situation.  There's a lot more to it but that's the short of it.

 

Also, I was able to develop empathy for people who would want to treat others so poorly because I came to realize that they were hurting.  I try to remember the saying that hurt people; hurt people.  Not that I allow it in my life anymore.  It just helps me to deal with the anger when I don't take it so personal. 

 

Once I got away from this woman I felt so much better.  She helped me to dig into another aspect of myself that needed to be dealt with.  I extinguished all toxic relationships after my experience with her.  I often need to be blasted in the head with over the top behaviors before I can trim out lesser, but still toxic, situations.

Hi renee2, I so appreciate your insights & thoughts on this! Thank you. :flowers:  :icon12: 

I believe you're right.. that I am being bullied. Whether I am a target or not I do not know since I am unable to witness her treatment of other people unfortunately. It's a virtual office so I don't see interactions between she and my other co-workers.

 

That being said, I have been a target for bully bosses all my life.... my dad asked me the same thing.. what is it about you do you think that makes you a a target. I have a fear of authority as well. I don't think I was abused as a child, but my father was overly critical and not very supportive. 

I do fear my boss's reactions to me when I stand up to her. I'm afraid to confront her... most times I'm afraid of being aggressive with her. She intimidates me, and I cower in response because she is my boss, but then I stand up for myself too.

 

Yes, hurt people do often hurt other people... I have a feeling that she is berated by her husband.. they are in business together and he seems like the "heavy" hand. She may be acting this out on me.. who knows!?!? I almost don't care what the reason is... but you're reminding me of the principle of compassion that I used to employ with these types of people.. viewing them as more sick then anything.. and sad.

 

Sigh.. my history with abusers makes me feel badly about myself... like what the F. Am I that weak and vulnerable that these people think they can easily walk all over me? What do I do that makes people think they can treat me this way? I've always been told I'm too nice.. a people pleaser. I do like to please and I get upset when I don't. Sometimes I feel like I should just become a total biotch. But I can't.

Ugh. It's just very upsetting and distressing. I need to resolve this... I need to figure out a way to confront her without getting fired, and I need to make sure I stand up for myself every single time and push back with her, which I do, but not always. It's exhausting.

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^ I'm so cynical and depressed that it makes me feel good to hear someone talk about how they just hate everything. I hate that.

It's so cool that you brought this up.  I was just wondering the same thing about myself, but I am not as aware of why I sometimes feel better after hearing someone else proclaim their misery.  I want people to be happy, so why does this happen?  It's almost like I get an adrenaline rush when someone at work has some sort of problem going on where they may face consequences.  I hate admitting that, but it seems to be true.  Does anyone else have any insight as to why this may happen?  Maybe it just distracts me from myself?  It's almost as if I get some gratitude for being in my situation when others have it worse.  I don't know.  I'm just now trying to figure this one out.

 

 

Hi Shawn and Renee.  I too struggle with this. I want everyone to be fulfilled.  But, we, as humans, are social creatures.  And as depressives and people in constant battle with our own minds, it is a great comfort to know that we are not alone.  It is that simple.  We are trying to find a group in which finally fit.

 

For myself, I get my most pleasure (boy this is sad to say) from the tormented tales of the deceased. Especially artists:  Sylvia Plath, David Foster Wallace, Van Gogh, and on and on. They did great things and hated themselves all the way.  I find that comforting, to know that I am not alone (although I haven't done great things LOL). 

 

I chalk it all up to my need to feel akin with people. I have been surrounded for 51 years with people (family and friends) who can not understand my pain.  That is a very lonesome place to be for such a long time!  That is why I love this site.  There are people here - GOOD, LOVING people - who, no matter what, UNDERSTAND!

 

Let's put it another way.  Thought experiment: imagine if, when you are feeling the lowest you have ever felt, you found out that no one existing and no one in history had ever felt like you do.  Would that not be the most crushing proof of your loneliness, of your solitary standing as the most dysfunctional person ever to live on this earth?  Would you not be, then, the most inhuman, lonely, and worthless person who ever lived?  Unfortunately for us, the pain of others gives us the comfort of knowing that we are not alone. And their successes give us hope that we can also succeed.

 

We should not feel guilty about this. It is built into us as humans.  We are the most social and deepest thinking of all the animals in an entire universe (that we know of). We need to feel that at least SOMEONE understands our pain!

 

All that said:  Let's all get better, OK!

 

Bri

 

Beautifully articulated, Brian!! :flowers:

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I've been taking this course and I've been in this group of 4 (assigned by the instructor) and 2 of the members decided to quit the group. And the other member of the group is busy with her own stuff--but we were assigned to be accountability "buddies," and I feel like there's some part of this course I'm not getting...

I want to stick with this course, but I've got an appointment to talk to the instructor in 2 weeks, I think. Maybe this course was a little too advanced for me, but I thought it would help me with the business end of trying to write for a living. It's not too late to back out of it, but I wonder what it says about me that everyone in my group is bailing on me...that's the way it feels.

When I took a leadership program through my library job, my assigned mentor was someone who told me she wanted to leave the library field!

Is this the Universe telling me that this is not right for me? Will sticking it out make me miserable like the library did?

Sorry for the book-length here...

Hi Dolphin, very sorry you're having a hard time :hugs:

I can see how you might think it's history repeating itself and the universe sending a message, but maybe stick out the course since you decided to take it and it may benefit you in the long run, despite what happens in the group? It only speaks to those who dropped out.. it's not a reflection on you. Even if it's a little advanced, that may be a good thing.. you can pick up more than you may think.

I think it's exciting this endeavor of yours, writing for a living! I don't know.. I've quit a lot of things myself when they haven't felt right that I have tried in my career... a new course, a new direction, and I typically regret it when I do unless I know for certain that it just wasn't the right fit for me or the direction I wanted to go in.. but maybe since this is the field you want & are interested in learning about... maybe stick it out and then decide whether it was worthwhile or not? You'll only know if you try..  just my two cents!

 

And go easy on yourself about your mental state and lifestyle.. we can't expect perfection.. it's too high of an expectation of ourselves.

:icon12: :icon12: :icon12: and :hugs:

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I feel..... kind of sorrowful and pensive. Reflecting on my life a bit and my relationships... it's been that kind of a week -- & very up and down. I had a nice night out with a girlfriend of mine whose friendship I had been worried about.. we've had some ups and downs, but things have improved immensely and she wants to make all sorts of plans which made me happy.

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I reached out to someone a few days ago, and he seemed to be subtly nasty even while taking my offer of help. I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt, and not to react frightfully, since I'm afraid of isolation. But the day before yesterday, when I told him I was having some problems and won't be able to do something I'd hoped, he threw in a bunch of insults and accusations. It was all veiled, a snide, underhanded kind of approach drenched in general bitterness and cynicism, but I've sensed from the first that this person is really selfish and not interested in me or grateful at all. No expression of thanks, gratitude, concern, or interest in me. Nada.

 

I was second-guessing myself, but from writing this out, I can see that this is not someone I need in my life. I'm just so...not angry, at least passionately, but... How dare he treat my kindness with cruelty? I don't owe him anything. I reached out because I felt for someone who was hurting, and all I got in return was self-absorbed disinterest and underhanded insults? No, thank you. I don't have time or need of that. I'm still afraid of isolation, but I certainly don't want to be connected to people like this. I'll take it as a learning experience, to be more careful of people from now on. I tend to have very good instincts about people, and they've seldom proven wrong. The only thing is, I've been so desperate for most of my life that I haven't listened to them, at least not until I got undeniable, painful confirmation. I was basically taught not to trust myself, as if I don't have a right to protect myself - or that everyone else's "right" to get the benefit of the doubt trumped my own rights to take care of myself, to be safe, and to be healthy and happy.

 

I don't want to live like that anymore. This issue got buried under all the more urgent things that I've been dealing with lately, but it was still bothering me. It really helps to get it out.

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frozen, I'm sorry that happened to you... you're right, you don't need that in your life. I've ignored my instincts too, out of loneliness and the need for connection with people.. I've gotten in trouble many times by not having healthy boundaries with people and letting someone in too soon without getting to know them first. I don't know if your experience was an online one or not, but you can be compassionate with people with a sense of emotional detachment and distance (because you don't know the person) but the moment you get mistreated, you say bye bye. Just as you did. It's a good reminder to follow your instincts.. something you can train yourself to do... like you can notice when you are ignoring them, and then stop & listen to what your gut is saying and then decide with consciousness your next step. I think it's healthy and normal to have a trust line established, a healthy boundary, that someone needs to meet before you let them into your emotional space. You just never know who the person is when you're first meeting them. I've been reminded of this lesson just recently as well. (((hugs)))

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^ I'm so cynical and depressed that it makes me feel good to hear someone talk about how they just hate everything. I hate that.

It's so cool that you brought this up.  I was just wondering the same thing about myself, but I am not as aware of why I sometimes feel better after hearing someone else proclaim their misery.  I want people to be happy, so why does this happen?  It's almost like I get an adrenaline rush when someone at work has some sort of problem going on where they may face consequences.  I hate admitting that, but it seems to be true.  Does anyone else have any insight as to why this may happen?  Maybe it just distracts me from myself?  It's almost as if I get some gratitude for being in my situation when others have it worse.  I don't know.  I'm just now trying to figure this one out.

 

 

I know this feeling exactly. I certainly don't like that someone feels bad enough that they hate everything. I know that feeling. I usually feel like that. But there's this strange attractiveness about hearing someone say it. Like most other people would really look down on thoughts like that and think less of me for feeling that way, but here's this person that gets it and feels the same way. We have this strange understanding or connection that I would never have with most other people. That gives me a really good feeling. I feel very close to that person. I swear I actually develop a crush (depending on who says it) - it's that strong. I get that "rush" you mentioned. I can't explain it. I've been feeling this way a lot lately regarding a lot of other things lately that people have said online that I won't really go into, but hearing that someone feels the same way about something that is normally frowned upon creates a powerful emotion. It's definitely weird.

 

 

For me, there's also something very refreshing about people who don't pretend everything is ok all of the time.  There's an honestly to it that helps me.  I find it hard to believe and or trust the person who seems to always be up on their game, ya know?  Life just doesn't work like that, or at least if it does I'm not aware of it.  Ha.

 

 

Makes perfect sense to me.

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I've somehow gotten back in my taking forever to wake up, drowsy forever cycle.  How did this even happen.  

I'm sorry you're feeling this way again, Kaniro.  I dislike it when this happens to me, too.  The most upsetting part for me is that there seems to be no rhyme or reason for it.  It just comes sometimes.  I think I get fearful, when it happens, that this will be the time it sticks with me for the rest of my life.  That hasn't happened yet, but I fear it. 

Hugs to you

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I just got back from trick-or-treating with my grandkids.  The community he lives in went all out.  I swear it made me tired just looking at how much work they put into the decorations and tricks.  The kids had a ton of fun, but got tired and sugared out by the end of the first hour.  I dressed up as a very appropriate leopard.  The kids thought it was great to see grandma with whiskers and a tail. 

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I just got back from trick-or-treating with my grandkids.  The community he lives in went all out.  I swear it made me tired just looking at how much work they put into the decorations and tricks.  The kids had a ton of fun, but got tired and sugared out by the end of the first hour.  I dressed up as a very appropriate leopard.  The kids thought it was great to see grandma with whiskers and a tail. 

thats awesome!! glad you had fun!!

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