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The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread 2


freckledface

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One of the properties I manage is a "high end" condominium. It has only 12 units with long term owners and most of them hate each other. One of them is trying to sell her unit (good bye) and  for the last several days was driving me nuts with "this is not done right, this looks horrible, why is this here? etc. etc. etc. Then today she was all happy and "we can't manage without you." Don't trust her. So I am sort of unsettled. She is up to no good.

 

I sympathize with you....been there done that.  My situation is kind of in reverse.  I have owned a few properties, but the first was a condo of about 30 units.  We had updated our unit a lot, picking up where the previous owners left off.  Thinking back I really loved that unit.  To get on track, we had made so many improvements the other owners were p***** at us because we were appraised way above the average price of the others.  Apparently some owners got mad because we got the price we asked.  And were ranting about their property taxes would go up because of our sale, and a bunch of other BS.  So glad to get away from the other residents, but loved the unit and view.

 

Living in a small condo building is not for the weak! Lots of drama and politics, as it seems you know all too well!

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Tired.  Sleepy.  I worked the opening shift for the first time in a few weeks so I had to be up early.  Physically I'm feeling the best I've felt in a week though.  Mentally, I'm okay.  Not good, not bad.  But two days off in a row will make things good again hopefully.

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Woke up a little better this morning with light anxiety.

 

Glad you are feeling better Kaniro.

 

Angry at the loss of all enjoyment. Frustrated at having no will to improve or change.

It's so boring and hard to keep on living with the loss of all enjoyment,what do we suppose to do to get it back...

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I expected more from tonight's dinner--which was leftovers and we fended for ourselves. Last night we went out to dinner and @Follena, I did not stay low carb last night: Ethiopian food with very good injera bread, lentils...and I stuffed myself...

This time of year, the beauty and chill in the air always gets to me and fills me with melancholy and a sense that activity is useless. We all end up as fallen leaves ...

Mmmmmm Ethiopian food! When I go out to dinner to have East Indian food, I definitely go off low-carb. hee hee

How lovely to spend time with your son.

Your statement about autumn really moves me. It's my favorite season for the beauty and cooler weather, yet it also makes me gloomy. Yeah, there's something about seeing all those fallen leaves and barren trees that remind us of our own emptiness, Your statwment is a poem.

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As always I don't know how I'm feeling.

However, I can say that my anxiety is consistent and there seems to be no way I can escape it. I can be reading a book and a sentence will remind me of the source of my anxiety; it's everywhere. With that I have decided to block at least three Internet sites from my viewing that usually set me off (go figure, I didn't abide by my new rule and broke it within minutes of setting it. Arg!). And maybe a fourth, but that site still has a lot of tempting content so I'm torn on that one.

My anxiety's also why I've begun the switch from listening to hip-hip/rock music to now listening to a spa relaxation channel. I've always said that I want to take a long walk throughout the city once I get the energy, but I'm sure I'll come across something that will bring me back to my fear, so what's the point?

My anxiety is pretty mild but the fact I can't escape my thoughts is the bad part.

(And I should've probably posted this elsewhere and I apologize for that.)

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I'm feeling sort of all grown up and responsible like lately.  Better late than never, yes?  I've heard, over the years, that if you want to have self-esteem you should do esteem-able acts and I'm trying to do that.  Guess what?  It's working.  Last week I stayed with my daughter and took care of my granddaughter.  Yesterday she sent me a beautiful bouquet of flowers with a lovely card thanking me.  I wasn't the worlds greatest mom to her and there was a time in my life when acting out would have meant there would have been no way my daughter would have left her baby with me, and rightfully so.  It's taken many years to earn her trust and the going has been hard at times.  My shame and pride wanted me to avoid the kind of commitment it took, but she and I were both willing and we have a wonderful relationship now.  I'm so happy about this turn of events.

 

There's also been this job that I have where I work with people who don't do some of what they're supposed to do.  I could get away with that, too, but decided when I took that job a year ago that I was going to stick to my own work ethic.  It's hard to do when I'm tired, or depressed, or anxious.  My mind wants to go to well places where I rationalize my behavior based on theirs.  I recognize it and don't let that stop me from doing what I feel is right.  This, too, feels good.

 

I also received a couple of medical bills that I usually would have held onto for a while.  I resent paying so much money for insurance and then having to pay a deductible at the time of the visit and then being billed more later.  Uugh.  Still, I know that spending money I have while owing bills is basically spending someone else's money.  So, I paid the silly suckers.  Reluctantly, but still.  I also didn't want to spend my break writing out said bills, because, well, I deserve a break, yes?  But I'm trying to learn to take advantage of my time at work because at home I seem to get nothing done sometimes.  I don't want to save everything for my days off. 

 

Sorry for the book.  I've never been a woman of few words.  ha.  I hope you all have a great day.

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I'm feeling sort of all grown up and responsible like lately.  Better late than never, yes?  I've heard, over the years, that if you want to have self-esteem you should do esteem-able acts and I'm trying to do that.  Guess what?  It's working.  Last week I stayed with my daughter and took care of my granddaughter.  Yesterday she sent me a beautiful bouquet of flowers with a lovely card thanking me.  I wasn't the worlds greatest mom to her and there was a time in my life when acting out would have meant there would have been no way my daughter would have left her baby with me, and rightfully so.  It's taken many years to earn her trust and the going has been hard at times.  My shame and pride wanted me to avoid the kind of commitment it took, but she and I were both willing and we have a wonderful relationship now.  I'm so happy about this turn of events.

 

There's also been this job that I have where I work with people who don't do some of what they're supposed to do.  I could get away with that, too, but decided when I took that job a year ago that I was going to stick to my own work ethic.  It's hard to do when I'm tired, or depressed, or anxious.  My mind wants to go to well places where I rationalize my behavior based on theirs.  I recognize it and don't let that stop me from doing what I feel is right.  This, too, feels good.

 

I also received a couple of medical bills that I usually would have held onto for a while.  I resent paying so much money for insurance and then having to pay a deductible at the time of the visit and then being billed more later.  Uugh.  Still, I know that spending money I have while owing bills is basically spending someone else's money.  So, I paid the silly suckers.  Reluctantly, but still.  I also didn't want to spend my break writing out said bills, because, well, I deserve a break, yes?  But I'm trying to learn to take advantage of my time at work because at home I seem to get nothing done sometimes.  I don't want to save everything for my days off. 

 

Sorry for the book.  I've never been a woman of few words.  ha.  I hope you all have a great day.

 

Great post!!!

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Hoping everyone had a pleasant weekend.

It ain't over 'til it's..

@renee2, I'm working on being more reliable and held-accountable. It's often a struggle for me, so reading your "book" was a good way for me to begin the day. Thank you!

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Feeling very scared and lost.  I don't know what I am going to do.

I know the feeling Duck.... I'm in the same boat. Maybe it just takes time for things to sort themselves out... ? That's what I keep thinking anyways and hoping.

 

I had a lot of fun last night but am paying for it today... had a little too much fun if you know what I mean.

 

Just downloaded new emoticons on my iphone. They're too much fun. It's the little things I suppose.

 

Going to just lie on the couch today, recover and watch movies. I'm supposed to see my sister, but I may need to cancel.

 

(((hugs))) to all.

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Today is...odd, but I'm not complaining!

 

 I woke up this morning in my usual amount of pain (grrr) and had a few cups of coffee, then an energy burst came. No, not just from coffee, because I drink it every day and manage to be exhausted :sleep_1: . It's cold as "truck" so I decided to stay in, organize my clothing, store away all of my Summer clothing, pull out the sweaters and boots, and then proceeded to clean for a few hours. While I still had my precious energy, I glued a few cameos into settings and made sure my legal research accounts are still "good" online. I hope that I don't "pay" for this tomorrow with extra fatigue and pain.

 

I looked outside a few minutes ago and saw white falling from the sky. My first thought was "SNOW? ***? It's October, New England! GO HOME!" but actually it's hailing, tiny perfectly round pieces of hail. Hail in October?! I'm bundling up in cozy pants. :cold:

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I feel so low, but only one person knows how bad things are. I can't tell my family because there are bigger issues going on for them, and my friends know I'm depressed, but when I talk to them (rarely) I hide how bad it is. Strangely, the one person who knows the truth is someone I went on 4 dates with, but we decided to just be friends. I didn't have anyone to call to take me to the hospital on Friday (things were bad) so I called him. I don't know him extremely well, but I know he has his own issues, and he understands. I am so grateful for this guy I just met.

 

The hospital ER couldn't make any psych med changes unless I was admitted. I denied being suicidal so they couldn't keep me, and so I just left. My psychiatrist is no help, though I do see him tomorrow. I applied for long term disability at work, but don't know if that will come through. I am negative in my bank account because I haven't worked since the middle of September. I have no idea how I'll pay my bills now. I feel agoraphobic and my personal hygiene is lacking. I'm lonely, but I don't want to see anyone. I can't sleep. I'm binging/purging again, partly because of stress, and partly because I'm too anxious to go to the store and delivery food is so unhealthy.

 

I just needed to vent.

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Eh, I have something to do tomorrow that is causing me anxiety.  I keep looking at the clock and dreading it.  I will probably sleep poorly tonight which is causing me anxiety as well.  I do not do well with change in general and I am not comfortable being around strangers.  It is a shyness thing and very debilitating.  I manage though but it is very difficult.  What makes it harder is I used to be able to mange it pretty well and function as well.  I do not know what happened to that person but I can't find him anymore.

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Super sleepy today. Getting nothing done except went to church and took a nap.

 

I have noticed that the last few days have been the best I've had a quite a while. Is the Wellbutrin finally starting to work? (I've been on it now for 3.5 wks.)

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Not great at all. It's been a bad week and I feel like I'm falling apart. I had a social event for work today and I just could not deal with people. I was the first one to leave. I've been depressed for several years and even before I started on my meds I used to be pretty "functional", i.e. I was good at pretending things were okay and keeping appearances. But lately I just can't and I'm really afraid of the repercussions it's going to have on my relationships.

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Purple - can't believe the paediatrician said it wasn't Aspergers without providing an alternative explanation, or advising you where to go from there :-(. If your son is terrified of his surroundings, there's something going on. And $1,000 to confirm/rule out an Aspergers diagnosis, that's nuts! ####ing pdocs :-(

 

Brian - aw the Iranian woman sounds nice. Err this is highly hypocritical of me, but...what ff said, try not to overthink it (can't believe I have the gall to say that, that's all I ever do :). No one is gonna tick all the boxes & it doesn't have to be long term. 

 

Havehope - glad you got to see a band :)

Lady Mozzer & desperados - I'm sorry you're struggling.

Calla - aw no, I'm so sorry :(. 

 

Mia - I'm so glad you're feeling better. Fingers crossed.

Edited by Els1e
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Feels like I'm losing my sanity. Struggling with anxiety. My brain seems to have shut down. Feels like I only have a couple of functioning brain cells. I seem to have lost whatever small amount of strength I had. There's nothing left. I'm sorry :-(. At a low point I guess, just whinging.

 

Gonna take some time offline, away from the computer. I need to focus on food & not procrastinate my way out of eating/sleeping/everything else. Go visit my mum inter-state also. 

 

I'm so sorry for everyone who's suffering. And for anyone who's feeling better, please keep feeling better xox

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Sounds like most of us are having kind of a tough time this week.  Today I got up to late to accomplish what I needed to do. Plus didn't feel real good.  Like a bad med day.  Just kind of out of it.  Thought watching a football game would help.  But our team lost in the fourth quarter after being in the lead throughout the game. This has been a recurring pattern for them and I don't get why they haven't fixed it.  Very frustrating for the team and for it's fans.

 

Feel like I'm fighting a bug so sleeping sounds good.  

 

Been thinking about my dad and mom today that passed.  Miss them.

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(((((hugs to all)))))

 

Feeling very scared and lost.  I don't know what I am going to do.

Feeling the same,so agitated with extremely unhappiness feeling in me,today have an appointment with pdoc i'd like to try alternative treatments with new meds or TMS or ECT.

We are all suffering this week :verysad3: 

 
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