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The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread 2


freckledface

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I am actually totally excited right now! Just bought tix for Phish in July, one of my all time favorite bands, and my bf and I may take a trip out to San Francisco to see them there later in July, for a full week. I would love to go to San Fran!!! And to see all my dearest friends out there. Something to look forward to at least!

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I feel hopeless, and useless.

 

I have to somehow come the realization that the dreams or goals that I had for my life when I was growing up will never come true because of this illness. It has destroyed my life. I don't have anything to hold on to anymore.

 

I really identify with this.  But sometimes you have to re-dream those dreams.  Is there anything you can do within the constraints of your illness?

 

 

Not really. I lost my job, I quit school. All I do is stay home. I have really nothing to look forward to.

 

I am actually in a very similar situation. I have an illness that prevents me from working and/or having dreams or goals. I literally sit home almost everyday all day also, it really is a terrible situation to live with/in. I feel so sorry for you, especially since I have the same issue  :hugs:

 

 

 

It stinks. It's the worst feeling in the world...

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Don't know what to think of my apathy today. I have a ridiculous workload for college and an interview for a degree in Monday yet have spent the day doing nothing. I'm imagining just not going and then dropping out I know I won't but it seems stupid to waste my time away and not really care. Also giving myself this freedom now is only to subject me to more stress later like some kind of self inflicted torture?

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I am miserable because I keep thinking of everything I lost the past 3 months. A job, college semester, friends, and I am uncertain of what the doctors have in mind for me because nothing seems to be working for my treatment. I think they have given up on me which makes me feel even more worthless and useless. I feel there is no hope anymore or purpose to go on.

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I am miserable because I keep thinking of everything I lost the past 3 months. A job, college semester, friends, and I am uncertain of what the doctors have in mind for me because nothing seems to be working for my treatment. I think they have given up on me which makes me feel even more worthless and useless. I feel there is no hope anymore or purpose to go on.

(((((((((ladysmurf))))))) Please don't give up. There is purpose to your life, it may be fogged over right now beneath the losses, but there is definitely purpose and meaning there. Try to think of the things you do still have ... that you are still grateful for. When I lost everything in my own life, it came down to a couple things.. having a roof over my head and a family that supported me. I could have been homeless instead at the time, literally. Doctors typically don't give up on their patients' treatment, not the good ones at least. They want to see you get better. New friendships can be made; a new job can be obtained. You could go back to school again in the future, perhaps for something else. These are all within reach. Loss is difficult to manage, and it does take time to mourn and get past, but don't give up hope. It may all seem bleak now, but a light is always at the end of the tunnel, if we look for it. :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

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I am miserable because I keep thinking of everything I lost the past 3 months. A job, college semester, friends, and I am uncertain of what the doctors have in mind for me because nothing seems to be working for my treatment. I think they have given up on me which makes me feel even more worthless and useless. I feel there is no hope anymore or purpose to go on.

(((((((((ladysmurf))))))) Please don't give up. There is purpose to your life, it may be fogged over right now beneath the losses, but there is definitely purpose and meaning there. Try to think of the things you do still have ... that you are still grateful for. When I lost everything in my own life, it came down to a couple things.. having a roof over my head and a family that supported me. I could have been homeless instead at the time, literally. Doctors typically don't give up on their patients' treatment, not the good ones at least. They want to see you get better. New friendships can be made; a new job can be obtained. You could go back to school again in the future, perhaps for something else. These are all within reach. Loss is difficult to manage, and it does take time to mourn and get past, but don't give up hope. It may all seem bleak now, but a light is always at the end of the tunnel, if we look for it. :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

 

Thanks guys........I am grateful for this site because you guys understand and give good support. You are right about being thankful for having people in my life. It just sucks. I always thought my life would turn out differently. I thought I would be happier by now. Be done with school, have a better job, and be able to enjoy things like traveling and other hobbies that I have. It's just so painful to see yourself and have to deal with being depressed and anxious when you lost everything and have no hope for the future. I think it's time for a new doctor because I honestly feel that I am getting nowhere with him. You are right a good doctor wants their patients to feel better, but sometimes they don't have any other things to try. I feel like there's nothing left to try because I have tried almost every medication out there without much success, and I am so tired of trying to fake it till I make it when I truly believe there is no hope for me anymore.

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I haven't been here for like a day & a half and so all I can do is send cyber hugs and hopes for everyone feeling better...sooner than yesterday.

It's been an errand-running sort of day. My son is turning 25 tomorrow and so getting things ready for him/dealing with Super Bowl stuff (he wants to see it, I don't and I could not care less)(baseball season can't come soon enough for me!).  He wants to go to a bar/grill with friends tomorrow and we've told him it will probably be pretty crowded, so then what will he do?

I'm proud of my son. His work colleagues threw him a pizza party this week; we're going to his favorite restaurant tonight and then doing the presents & birthday cake thing.

I'm shunning cake whilst eating low carb. I did cave in and buy myself some sugar-free protein bars.

 

Yesterday was a pretty good day: I exercised hard on my own and felt fabulous.

Today, I bought a new desk because my old one fell apart. Spouse had no objection. I have yet to put it together.

 

Thinking of everyone, in pain or not. Hoping for relief for all of us.

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Wow, so much to go through here tonight!!! Bless you all (from whatever God or spirit or rational being you adhere to LOL!!!!)  I love you all.

 

Feeling frustrated because I don't know if the book I'm working on right now is the one I "should" be working on.  I'm enjoying it, but I've heard many times that Urban Fantasy is dead right now (publishers aren't taking it).  My book is a YA/teen book so I know the categories aren't quite as strict, but still...  I think I will PM a writer friend here on DF and see what she thinks.  Part of me wants to come up with another High fantasy book and work on that instead.

 

Lauryn, as a fellow writer I strongly suggest you stay with the book and make it the best ****** YA/teen Urban Fantasy book you can deliver!  Two things:  one, I have seen many many people be torn away, constantly, by concerns about "marketability" etc. to the point they never finish anything.  In the end, it's not about publishing, it's about personal achievement.  I know, that's lame. I ****** well want to publish my book as well!!!  Nevertheless, there is truth in it even if we can't feel it.  Also, two stories:  JK Rowling's we all know - turned down, turned down, turned down...  I wonder what ever happened to her?  Second, my mentor, Barry Dempster wrote a novel that took years to publish and, it was shortlisted for the Trillium Prize two years ago.  Publishers were telling him that, if you can believe this (tables turning, baby) no one wants a novel from a middle-aged white guy.

 

I guess what I'm saying is that there will always be something someone can point to as an issue.  Poo on them :)  Do it, make it the best it can be!!!!\\\

 

 

Feeling surprisingly calm and peaceful tonight. Can't say why. I'm sure the anxiety will return tomorrow, but it's nice to get a little break.

 

This warmed my heart.  I've been worried about you!  Here's hoping tomorrow is just as ****** good, my friend!!!!

 

 

 

What's the point of living? You work for basically nothing because no matter if you're rich or poor the government takes your money. Your born, you grow up (in my case I was made fun of a lot), work and then die.

 

Tough day.  Worried about my stock portfolio performance in this volatile market.  Talking to brokers next week.  

 

No energy today, just going through the motions.  Thinking about my mom and dad who both passed,  plus a lot of friends.  Miss them a lot.

Kind of have survivor's guilt I think.  Plus for me the grieving goes on and on.  Working with my therapist on this.  

 

Need to start writing again.  My meds are kind of messing up my head lately.  Can't focus real well.  Changing them next month.

 

Hope everyone is up for the Super Bowl.  That is the highlight of my weekend.

 

The above two posts really spoke to me for this reason: we depressive's seem totally incapable, often, of seeing the positives in our lives.  RoadKing, you are a guitar maker and musician!  That is a big WOW for most of us on here.  

 

And High - I would **** for a Stock Portfolio.  Just saying.  The only investment I have at 51 is the novel I am hoping generates something for me (and my pension). I would have loved to have had any extra money to invest (although, I admit, I would likely obsess about it too).  Still, it's a good thing for you.

 

Cheers, everyone!!!

 

Brian

 

 

Thanks Brian.  Appreciate your comments.  I am grateful to have money to invest.   But it can be a stressful as the market is demonstrating.  I tend to overreact more than I should.  You have spoke about your novel on other posts.  There seem to be four or more of us in the process of writing a novel, or submitting for publication.  I've got writer's block so not much rolling on mine.  Have written about 13 chapters.  Lots more to go. Good luck with yours!

 

It is nice to have writers on the forum.  I used to attend a weekly writing group when I lived in Hawaii for about 8 years.  Going motivated me. I miss the group since I moved back to the mainland.  But I find support from members here like yourself, and lots from members who have participated on the Creativity When Depressed topic.  By the way, I miss seeing AbandonedAlways on the forum.  Hope he is ok.  I appreciate his creating the thread, and his supportive critiques.  Will be good to see him back.

 

Hope your having a good day Brian.  Take care,

 

Jeff

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Hang in there everyone who is hurting.  I am thinking about you!

 

I am not feeling well (some kind of bug) but I am into work.  More and more I am committed to work on myself first and foremost, my friendships, kids and book next, and punt dating/relationship hunting down the road a ways.  As lonely as I can get, I believe I must work on myself first, learn how to be at peace alone. 

 

The book is going well, but I submitted a chapter to my teacher a week ago and have heard nothing - seems to be his way, unfortunately.

 

 

Hey Brian:  Sorry you aren't feeling well.  There is a bug going around, and I think I'm starting to get a cold.  Hope you are feeling better soon.

 

I'm glad to hear you are committed to working on yourself, which I also think, is first and foremost.  Your kids of course.   Friendships.  And your book.  I feel you to be a giving person, and one who cares for others, always having a kind response to forum members.  I don't think you realize how many people you have really touched.  Dating, sometimes when you aren't looking for someone is when that special person magically appears.  Hold on to that.   You took the words right out of my mouth when you wrote  "I believe I must wonk on myself first, learn how to at peace alone."   Wise words for us all.

 

Glad to hear your book is going well and hope you hear from your teacher soon.

 

Take care

 

Jeff

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Hang in there everyone who is hurting.  I am thinking about you!

 

I am not feeling well (some kind of bug) but I am into work.  More and more I am committed to work on myself first and foremost, my friendships, kids and book next, and punt dating/relationship hunting down the road a ways.  As lonely as I can get, I believe I must work on myself first, learn how to be at peace alone. 

 

The book is going well, but I submitted a chapter to my teacher a week ago and have heard nothing - seems to be his way, unfortunately.

 

 

Hey Brian:  Sorry you aren't feeling well.  There is a bug going around, and I think I'm starting to get a cold.  Hope you are feeling better soon.

 

I'm glad to hear you are committed to working on yourself, which I also think, is first and foremost.  Your kids of course.   Friendships.  And your book.  I feel you to be a giving person, and one who cares for others, always having a kind response to forum members.  I don't think you realize how many people you have really touched.  Dating, sometimes when you aren't looking for someone is when that special person magically appears.  Hold on to that.   You took the words right out of my mouth when you wrote  "I believe I must wonk on myself first, learn how to at peace alone."   Wise words for us all.

 

Glad to hear your book is going well and hope you hear from your teacher soon.

 

Take care

 

Jeff

 

 

Thanks Jeff.  Same back at you!  You are a major plus for us on here, my friend!!! I am so glad you are here with us!!! 

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I'm actually feeling ok right now for the first time in awhile.  I've been on meds for about a month now and finally seem to be past the initial side effects, so I'm feeling pretty good physically.  Feeling less stressed because it's the weekend (don't have to think about work tonight at least), and feeling less lonely because I just had a nice long chat with a friend on the phone.  I moved 1400km to a new city in the fall and haven't made any new friends here yet, and have been missing my friends back home.  It was nice to catch up tonight.

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What's the point of living? You work for basically nothing because no matter if you're rich or poor the government takes your money. Your born, you grow up (in my case I was made fun of a lot), work and then die.

 

((((((hugs)))))))

 

Exactly,people are being borned to work for the governments,if you deny the authority of government over you..you get labeled as a burden,as this s***ty life goes on we destroy the nature so fast...we will soon end our civilization all together cause of our never ending greed.

 

 

I feel like I've fallen off a water fall.  I'm trying to climb back up, but the water just slips through my hands.

 

Once you've fallen off a water fall there's no going up for you...noting will be the same again ever,like once depression hits you hard,all your thoughts and emotions about life are scattered away and lost.

 

 

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I am feeling very angry.  I have a friend Joe who is very lazy and refuses to find a job.  I am tired of bailing him out financially and I would to reduce the amount of time I spend with him.

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I feel like I've fallen off a water fall.  I'm trying to climb back up, but the water just slips through my hands.

Good analogy.

 

I feel like life is like rock climbing.  I slipped and fell and I have to start climbing up again.  Meanwhile others are up high above me climbing and finding the correct footing.  

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I feel like I've fallen off a water fall.  I'm trying to climb back up, but the water just slips through my hands.

Good analogy.

 

I feel like life is like rock climbing.  I slipped and fell and I have to start climbing up again.  Meanwhile others are up high above me climbing and finding the correct footing.  

 

Both are excellent analogies of how I, and likely many of us feel. Right now I am doing ok. New med for sleeping has been good, though I am a bit groggy sometimes during the day, but now I rarely wake up in middle of the night and have to deal with a racing, confused mind.

 

Looks like DF will be off line a bit, so hope all have a good day. Will check in when I can!

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