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The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread 2


freckledface

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((((Lauryn))))

((((OneMoreRedNightmare))))

 

((((Anyone else who needs it)))

 

 

I feel like absolute sh!t, myself...I am starting to feel like I will never get over losing my ex...I wither and she continues to blossom. The albatross (me) has fallen off, the parasite (me) has been extracted, the speed bump (me) impeding her progress and success is gone...should it be any surprise that she is soaring?

 

I wish her well.....and I wish I were dead...

 

Lather...rinse...repeat...

 

(Isn't this where we came in?....)

 

Hi LH.  I know how U feel.  It happened to me.  And, when I am down, I still feel this way.  Only, it is just not true.  Let her have her good times and be grateful.  It does not reflect on you or your worth - not one bit! There is a future for you, and me, as well.  I know it.  

 

One fallible (as we all are) human being should be allowed to control our own feeling of self worth.  The reality is, we are all alone in this world.  We can count on no one - not for sure and not for the long haul.  That is harsh, but it is true.  But what this means is that there is only one person you NEED and that you can COUNT ON - and that is yourself!!!

 

 

Thank you for the encouraging words, Brian. I do very much appreciate your (and everyone's) concern and compassion.

 

I still feel like sh!t, but it is a comfort knowing that other people 'get it' and at least give a bit of a damn :)

 

On another note, I have decided that  I am absolutely done with relationships (family ties and friendships being the exception). I am severely damaged goods, with more baggage than Hartsfield-Jackson International. If I'm completely honest, I'm going to have to tell any potential partner, "yes I was married twice, and my depressive illness ultimately drove both my ex's away, despite all my attempts to get better and make things work."  

 

Yeah, I'm done. 

Edited by LonelyHiker
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((((Lauryn))))

((((OneMoreRedNightmare))))

 

((((Anyone else who needs it)))

 

 

I feel like absolute sh!t, myself...I am starting to feel like I will never get over losing my ex...I wither and she continues to blossom. The albatross (me) has fallen off, the parasite (me) has been extracted, the speed bump (me) impeding her progress and success is gone...should it be any surprise that she is soaring?

 

I wish her well.....and I wish I were dead...

 

Lather...rinse...repeat...

 

(Isn't this where we came in?....)

 

Hi LH.  I know how U feel.  It happened to me.  And, when I am down, I still feel this way.  Only, it is just not true.  Let her have her good times and be grateful.  It does not reflect on you or your worth - not one bit! There is a future for you, and me, as well.  I know it.  

 

One fallible (as we all are) human being should be allowed to control our own feeling of self worth.  The reality is, we are all alone in this world.  We can count on no one - not for sure and not for the long haul.  That is harsh, but it is true.  But what this means is that there is only one person you NEED and that you can COUNT ON - and that is yourself!!!

 

 

Thank you for the encouraging words, Brian. I do very much appreciate you (and everyone's) concern and compassion.

 

I still feel like sh!t, but it is a comfort knowing that other people 'get it' and at least give a bit of a damn :)

 

On another note, I have decided I am absolutely done with relationships (family ties and friendships being the exception). I am severely damaged goods, with more baggage than Hartsfield-Jackson International. If I'm completely honest, I'm going to have to tell any potential partner, "yes I was married twice, and my depressive illness ultimately drove both my ex's away, despite all my attempts to get better and make things work."  

 

Yeah, I'm done. 

 

LonelyHiker, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way =( Wish I had some comforting words for you, but I know you're feeling just bottom of the pits right now. I wish you wouldn't think of yourself as damaged goods because you're not, you just suffer from an illness, but I know how hard that is when you're looking at two marriages that didn't work out.

 

Depression is an illness that is not your fault. I always feel guilty about my depression within my own relationship and wonder how it is impacting my boyfriend, but for those who can't stick in a relationship because of that, well that's no fault of your own. It's a reflection of their own limitations. You still are a good person with positive qualities to offer this world, and to someone who has more tolerance and patience. Your depression doesn't define all of who you are by no means. But I know the feeling of wanting to give up altogether on relationships when you're feeling so down. My boyfriend is OK with my depression though I still feel guilty over it, but I know he still loves me regardless. He is very patient and very kind. Maybe you just need someone who is more tolerant? Perhaps in time when you're feeling a bit better. Don't give up. I truly believe that there is someone for everyone out there.

 

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

Edited by RiverLight
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I feel really sad and lonely that I have no money and im single,i feel like an outsider around other people especially my classmates I feel so much older then them, I walk into the class and feel angry when anyone is friendly towards me and push them away.i don,t know how to stop maybe im just being bipolar or borderline or what ever but it feels as natural to me as breathing at this point.I want people around then when i meet them i start despising them and hating them,then i want them to just go away.I don,t even know iff I want a connection with people or I just want to feel like I am accepted and fit in,but at the same time I want to be different.my therpist was asking me if I felt frustrated,because is feeling a bit frustrated her self I  am frustrated because everyday I feel aimless and like I have dementia,I just pace around in my house someetimes because I can,t find anything I want to do.maybe im just having a depressive mood swing I can,t think of anything else that triggered it but being around people at college and talking to them,I don,t know I have so many screws lose.

 

I hope everyone on here is having a great your all good people.

Edited by scienceguy
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Today I am fighting back anger, jealousy and depression.  This is when I am at my worst.

 

My son told me my ex wife is going to be a school principal.  Long story, but our breakup left me in financial ruin with child support going her way, and her on financial easy street.  She made very little money until we broke up (I financed her schooling into her 40's) and now she is doing very well (I am happy for my kids, for sure).  I am not, doing well, that is, still paying child support (of course, which is what i should be paying) and a good chunk of my pension will have to go her way too which might mean I won't be able to retire in 3 years.  It just feel it (life) is all stacked against me.  Add to that, she is in a new relationship (as is my ex girlfriend (after the marriage)) and I just feel like the world's biggest chump.

 

"I could a been a contender."  What the *^%& happened to my life?

Edited by salparadise6132
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I'm so anxious right now.. my PTSD has been triggered simply by anticipating having to present my boss with some important recommendations, when she has already ignored my previous recommendation and totally blew up at me about it.. I am so afraid of her retaliations towards me.... especially when done publicly in front of my team. She triggers my PTSD. I am physically shaking right now just thinking about having to do this. :/

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I'm so anxious right now.. my PTSD has been triggered simply by anticipating having to present my boss with some important recommendations, when she has already ignored my previous recommendation and totally blew up at me about it.. I am so afraid of her retaliations towards me.... especially when done publicly in front of my team. She triggers my PTSD. I am physically shaking right now just thinking about having to do this. :/

 

I hope it goes okay, River.  Such a difficult situation.  I just wish your boss were a more reasonable person

 

Thanks, Lauryn! I decided to hold off today.... my anxiety was so high, I just couldn't do it. :/ I soooooo wish she was more reasonable and didn't trigger my PTSD! Ugh.

 

And I don't see anything wrong with going out to a restaurant or treating yourself to something nice once in a while. Those things do help overall mental health, and we all need pleasure and breaks in life. Having some amount of entertainment expenses is a natural part of life. Like you said, as long as you're not going further into debt, you're fine. :hugs:  Your mom is really off-based.

Edited by RiverLight
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Today I took off work because tonight I'll be playing at a bar in Lexington with a friend of mine, Eric who flew in from LA to perform alongside me. I myself am nervous because this will be my first time playing out guitar wise and singing in quite a long time. Secondly I'm nervous because Natalie very well could walk in. Reason I know is that since I posted a message on facebook to everyone to come out she was one of the many who said they'd be there. It will also be the first time both of my custom guitars will be played in front of a crowd.

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Today I took off work because tonight I'll be playing at a bar in Lexington with a friend of mine, Eric who flew in from LA to perform alongside me. I myself am nervous because this will be my first time playing out guitar wise and singing in quite a long time. Secondly I'm nervous because Natalie very well could walk in. Reason I know is that since I posted a message on facebook to everyone to come out she was one of the many who said they'd be there. It will also be the first time both of my custom guitars will be played in front of a crowd.

 

YAY!  Break a leg RK02

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I'm irritated.  My parents are of the belief that because I am at home during the day that I do not work and never had a job which is further from the truth.  I've had a few jobs over the years and my last one I'm currently doing online, I've been with them for 5 years.  I'm disappointed that they make such judgments about me without sitting down for 5 mins and understanding anything at all.  They assume they know it all when they know nothing. I've told them repeatedly what I do but because it's not a 9-5, non-computer work or high paying job  then it's not a job at all. 

Edited by zenzang
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Today I took off work because tonight I'll be playing at a bar in Lexington with a friend of mine, Eric who flew in from LA to perform alongside me. I myself am nervous because this will be my first time playing out guitar wise and singing in quite a long time. Secondly I'm nervous because Natalie very well could walk in. Reason I know is that since I posted a message on facebook to everyone to come out she was one of the many who said they'd be there. It will also be the first time both of my custom guitars will be played in front of a crowd.

good luck

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Today I took off work because tonight I'll be playing at a bar in Lexington with a friend of mine, Eric who flew in from LA to perform alongside me. I myself am nervous because this will be my first time playing out guitar wise and singing in quite a long time. Secondly I'm nervous because Natalie very well could walk in. Reason I know is that since I posted a message on facebook to everyone to come out she was one of the many who said they'd be there. It will also be the first time both of my custom guitars will be played in front of a crowd.

 

 

Man.  I'd love to play my guitar for others one day.  I'm still working on getting my open chords faster.  I hope you had a great show!  

Edited by zenzang
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Tonight I feel so lonely and depressed I would cry if the meds didn't prevent it.  I wrote more but deleted it, because what's the point

 

 

I'm sorry your are feeling bad tonight.  Lots of times I feel worse at night than during the day.  Everything seems more intensified, I guess because we not distracted by our daily routine of working and such.  My mind works overtime at night too, feeling lonely and depressed.  But the next day can be completely different and somewhat joyful.  Guess we just have to take it a day at a time and reach out when we need to.  

 

The forum is such a great place to vent or express your feelings any time of any day knowing  people will hear you, understand, and try to help you feel better.  I've followed some of your posts and am especially impressed how you are helping others cope among many things.

 

Being a writer also caught my attention.  And I'd like to thank you for your response to my post about having writer's block, and telling me about the One Step at a Time forum.  I'll check it out.

 

Hopefully you will feel better tomorrow.  And thank you for being the caring and supportive person you are,  as demonstrated through your posts and responses.

 

Best to you and hugs too.

Edited by highanxiety
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Today I am fighting back anger, jealousy and depression.  This is when I am at my worst.

 

My son told me my ex wife is going to be a school principal.  Long story, but our breakup left me in financial ruin with child support going her way, and her on financial easy street.  She made very little money until we broke up (I financed her schooling into her 40's) and now she is doing very well (I am happy for my kids, for sure).  I am not, doing well, that is, still paying child support (of course, which is what i should be paying) and a good chunk of my pension will have to go her way too which might mean I won't be able to retire in 3 years.  It just feel it (life) is all stacked against me.  Add to that, she is in a new relationship (as is my ex girlfriend (after the marriage)) and I just feel like the world's biggest chump.

 

"I could a been a contender."  What the *^%& happened to my life?

 

Well it's certainly understandable why you are fighting anger, jealousy and depression.  I would be furious if I'd financed someone's education and now he/she had broken up with me and was doing better than me.  She should probably be paying you alimony. 

 

I hope life gives you back what you need so you can retire comfortably.

 

 

Brian, ditto on LaurynJcat's response.  I feel for you as in a way I have been there too.  I'm a giving person, as you appear to be.  And you are responsible satisfying financial obligations.  But the investment didn't turn into the return you perhaps were hoping for.  I would be angry too.

 

It sounds as though you have great kids, and that in itself is a huge blessing.  

 

As Lauryn said I hope life gives you back what you need and deserve for  a comfortable retirement.  I have a feeling it will .

 

Take care and I hope things get better. 

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I don,t know what happened to me today i had such a bad mood swing,I sounded so run down and depressed today.i feel better now but hope it doesn,t come pack.I felt so weird when I went into the office to get accomidations there normally I sound happy and cheerfly at least this week  anyway I was so depressed I could barley speak or smile I felt like my face was out of energy to smile at people today.I had negative thoughts going thru my head all day.I feel better now and hope it lasts.

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Today I am fighting back anger, jealousy and depression.  This is when I am at my worst.

 

My son told me my ex wife is going to be a school principal.  Long story, but our breakup left me in financial ruin with child support going her way, and her on financial easy street.  She made very little money until we broke up (I financed her schooling into her 40's) and now she is doing very well (I am happy for my kids, for sure).  I am not, doing well, that is, still paying child support (of course, which is what i should be paying) and a good chunk of my pension will have to go her way too which might mean I won't be able to retire in 3 years.  It just feel it (life) is all stacked against me.  Add to that, she is in a new relationship (as is my ex girlfriend (after the marriage)) and I just feel like the world's biggest chump.

 

"I could a been a contender."  What the *^%& happened to my life?

 

Well it's certainly understandable why you are fighting anger, jealousy and depression.  I would be furious if I'd financed someone's education and now he/she had broken up with me and was doing better than me.  She should probably be paying you alimony. 

 

I hope life gives you back what you need so you can retire comfortably.

 

 

Brian, ditto on LaurynJcat's response.  I feel for you as in a way I have been there too.  I'm a giving person, as you appear to be.  And you are responsible satisfying financial obligations.  But the investment didn't turn into the return you perhaps were hoping for.  I would be angry too.

 

It sounds as though you have great kids, and that in itself is a huge blessing.  

 

As Lauryn said I hope life gives you back what you need and deserve for  a comfortable retirement.  I have a feeling it will .

 

Take care and I hope things get better. 

 

 

That is such a sweet message.  Thanks high!  I am grateful to you!!!!

 

Thank you too, Lauren, for your understanding!!!

Edited by salparadise6132
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I am currently experiencing simultaneous emotions of apathy, disinterest, despondence, discouragement, dejection, depression and hopelessness.

If my life were an equation, it would look like the following mess:

M = R (e * v)
       T (i * d)

Motivation = Reward (Expectancy x Value)
                   Time (Impulsiveness x Delay)

Values are essentially R = 0 , T = ∞ (i.e. decreased reward probability and magnitude with increased instances of distraction and delay of task reward), which leads to zero motivation and no success.

Math is definitely not my strong suit. I probably butchered that equation horribly – somewhere, a mathematician is crying  :coopcray:

Edited by Recherche_Misfit
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It's late and I'm getting sleepy, but I'm feeling a little out of it.

Spent two plus hours watching a movie with my spouse because his brother sent it to us as a gift.

I wish I could have said, no let's watch the movie I've been wanting to watch for months, but I couldn't for some reason. I wanted to be companionable and that is good.

I hope I get a good night's sleep.

I'm sleepier than I thought. That didn't make much sense.

Yay mirtazapine!

Edited by Dolphin2013
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How am I feeling right now? Fairly well-rested. By the way, the movie we watched last night, Interstellar, was okay, but took too long to get to the point. My husband's brother thinks it's the best movie ever made.

I'm having a moment or two of indecision. I believe that I should go to the gym and exercise--but that's not what I want to do. I want to drive to a furniture store and look at armchairs. I want to get one for my home office.

Nothing too expensive. No leather or pleather or double-wide. Just something simple, comfortable and with arms wide enough to rest a coffee cup on. And fabric that I can live with, so nothing that's got words printed on it (unless I completely love and agree with said words) and fabric so light in color that I'll have to put a slipcover on it. Which I might have to do anyway, because my cat will most certainly take it over.

I think I will go work out and then go to the furniture store.

Then I have a writing assignment I need to complete.

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I'm feeling like I never really matter to anyone...  Or maybe I'm just too 'broken' to be around.

 

One thing that seems to happen over and over, is that I'll have a 'friend' and they'll suddenly just stop communicating with me.   This isn't in relation to any single person in my life either.  It can be someone I've known for a day, week, month or even a year.  Then, one day, I just never hear from them anymore.  It's like I've ceased to exist to them.  This happens to me all the time. 

 

In the past I used to message back these people, thinking it was an 'oversight', but I can't think of one time when I sent a message or two to someone who hadn't contacted me asking if 'everything was ok' and had them get back to me saying that they tried to reach me and somehow the messages didn't get through.  Whenever I've messaged one of these people who 'vanish', they either ignore it or they make up an excuse about how they've been busy and they'll get back to me later--but they never do.  No worries, I 'get it' now.

 

It makes me wonder why I'm that easy to 'discard'.  Sure I can find other friends, but what is it that makes me so easy to throw away?  Do I mean so little to people that they can't even send a final 'goodbye' message to let me know that they don't want to stay friends anymore?  

 

Well if there is one thing that this does, it gives my inner critic ample material with which to berate me with.  It's hard to build up one's self-worth when people treat you like an afterthought...   :/

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