Jump to content

The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread 2


freckledface

Recommended Posts

Im kinda feel like an *****,I look back and read my posts occasionally,I get so distracted by my horrible spelling and grammer while reading them,I can only imagine what other people think .My spelling and grammar is worse now that im graduating from college then when i started,it must have been all the years of using spell check and texting.First world problems I guess,my life is going pretty good other wise

 

I hope everyone else on here has a great night or day,it seems like everyone is doing ok today that makes me happy!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Still feeling down. Today I stopped hoping and started to realize my life is a living hell. At age 49 getting better seems impossible. Having a girlfriend will not happen.  Having a happy life is not going to happen.  I have to accept this.

I'm sorry you're feeling down, Duck. I understand what it feels like to think you're too old to start over, but I believe this concept of age is another form of buying into what society teaches up about what we can and can't do given the number of decades we've been on earth. I'm fifty-two and work in a nursing home, so to the residents I am a young woman with so much life in front of me, but if I were to go to a skating rink I'm pretty sure most of it's patrons would find me old. I think I have just as much a chance of finding love again as anyone else does, but we're taught to think in terms of time and how we don't have as much of it as younger people. The thing about that is people fall in love, or start to, with a random recognition of mutual interest. This happens in a moment for everyone. So, though it's true I may not live long enough to enjoy a partner as long as a younger person will it is not true that my odds are less than the younger person that I will begin another relationship someday. Personally, I'm not focused on that at all right now. My challenge is to accept that it's okay for me not to pursue partnership. I think that has a lot to do with ego. I've been taught that if a woman doesn't have a man it's because she's undesirable. Because I don't want people to think I am undesirable my inclination is to find a man even though it's not what I want right now, so I am going against societal norms. It would be incredibly selfish of me to hook up with someone because I think that's what I'm supposed to do.

Well, you certainly triggered some thought processes for me and I want to thank you for that and to say that I'm not saying any of this is true for you.

It's obvious that you have a kind soul and totally possible for someone of equal kindness to be drawn into your world.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Unsupported and unworthy.

Hugs to you, OMRN. I dislike it when I feel this way, but I do from time to time. It's so strange how one minute I can feel like I'm the luckiest woman on earth with such a loving family and, without anything changing, feel very much alone and unsupported the next. I can literally go to bed in a great mood, pleased with my life and day's events, and wake up, which means I didn't have the opportunity for any negative events to occur, and feel the exact opposite. It drives me nuts. The opposite is also true, I can go to bed feeling dreadful and wake up full of hope. What in the world happens to my brain while I sleep? Is it depression, or chemical changes, or dreams?

Anyway, I just wanted to say I can relate.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Happy to be functional again after yesterday, when I mind as well have been bedridden, I spent almost all day there. Overall today's the best day I've had in quite a while. Hope others are enjoying some respite as well. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

"I've got to root for my homeboys, If they don't win it's a shame, Because it's one, two, three strikes you in, Twenty five years of pain you know my name." - Ice Cube

 

The first time this year, I actually don't feel too bad.  The psychotic train decided to stop for a little bit at least.  Yesterday I spent the day with my bro, we played his modded Wii.  It has a collection of every 16 bit game and some Nintendo 64 games.  Was fun distracting myself with something good I actually have in the past.  The music and sound effects make me smile.  I got an interview to go be a janitor.  I just have one question.  Does the job come with a french maid outfit?

 

LOL glfinding!!!  Glad you're having a good day!!!

 

Same to you mulberry and Riv!!!!  YAY!

 

As for me, I had a rough couple of days, but they seem to have lifted.  My downswing was caused by Monday (of all things) and taking my kids back to their mother's.  When I get down, I miss my ex of 2 freaking years (come on Brian, for crying out loud - get over it)!!!

 

I was driving today and I heard a cheesy song that made me feel better about losing someone you love.  When I first broke up with her I leaned on End of the Innocence by Don Henley.  I wish I'd had this one in my quiver too, at that time :) 

 

 

Never been this blue

Never knew the meaning of a heartache

But then again, I never lost at love before

 

Somewhere down the road

Maybe all those years will find some meaning

I just can't think about them now or live 'em out anymore

 

Stand tall, don't you fall

For God's sake don't go and do something foolish

All you're feeling right now is silly human pride

 

Oh, stand tall, don't you fall

Don't do something you might regret later

You're feelin' it like everyone, it's silly human pride

Amen Burton!!!

Brian, my house always seems so empty when my grandkids go home after a visit. It's like someone just sucked the life right out of the place. It's a time when I'm most vulnerable for feeling lonely and then I start to romanticize my past relationship. I can almost convince myself that I made a bad decision at times like those, but then I do a reality check and acknowledge that I was miserable in that union. It's been two years for me, too. I beat myself to death over not being able to get over it and then I read an article about grief and that there isn't any normal time limit for passing through the stages. It also said it can take longer if the relationship was toxic and caused hypervigilance. So, in my case, there are reasons that it has taken what some may percieve as a long time. I used to be embarassed by that. I knew people could see that I was still hurting and my pride didn't want them to think it was because of him. Because he was less than kind I felt shame for the struggle and for loving him in the first place. What a process, yes?

Have you seen the kids movie Inside Out? It's so cute and is all about feelings and how, even sadness, is needed to have a full life.

Hugs to you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm still not feeling well. I had my lab work done today and my white blood cell count is high. Normal is 11 and mine is 17. The other test is still pending, so I don't know yet what I have. No matter what it is the doctor wants me to have blood drawn again next week because she wants to monitor the WBC count. Though I work in the medical field I'm not at all sure if 17 is significantly high or how high they let those get befor they start ordering more invasive testing. Well, hopefully my numbers will go down by next week and I won't have to worry about it. I didn't know that stress can cause an elevation in WBC counts, too. That seems like such an interesting topic. WBC's are the bodies way of fighting off infection, when they're high it usually means illness, so I'm wondering if the body recognizes emotional illness just as it does physical illness, or if stress just sends a signal to the cells to multiply because they'll be needed. I'm going to research this one.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Feeling pretty good. Skipped out on going to sleep for the first time since November so I'm extremely sleep deprived. It's a great feeling for me. I missed it. For the first time in months I actually enjoyed and felt comfortable playing guitar, piano and singing. It's my only emotional outlet so I finally released some stress. What triggered my decision to stay up was going back and listening to all the music I stopped listening to the last few months and how amazing it sounded and felt to the point I didn't want it to end. Now I remember why I was sleep deprived every time I used to make and play music. Also had a conversation that I didn't wind up regretting. Sleep deprivation is very helpful for me... puts me in a state of being where everything I experience feels more beautiful and fantastic than usual. Especially music. if only there was an easy way to stay like this after waking up. Perhaps my best course of action is to go back to the days when I was sleep deprived 24/7.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Exhausted. I skipped the first and last class today...had a headache on and off...just feel out of it, physically. It's hard to concentrate, and I feel like I just don't want to do anything. I think it's the brain fog lingering from the illness. I'm trying not to be impatient. I just want to move past this. But right now, all I want to do is get in bed.

 

I'm to do just that, as soon as possible.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Had my first therapy appt tonight and all we did was a lengthy questionnaire evaluation for a full hour. The evaluation isn't even complete so it will spill over to our next meeting in two weeks. So I won't even have a full therapy until a month from now. I'm really aggravated.

Edited by RiverLight
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Im kinda feel like an *****,I look back and read my posts occasionally,I get so distracted by my horrible spelling and grammer while reading them,I can only imagine what other people think .My spelling and grammar is worse now that im graduating from college then when i started,it must have been all the years of using spell check and texting.First world problems I guess,my life is going pretty good other wise

 

I hope everyone else on here has a great night or day,it seems like everyone is doing ok today that makes me happy!!

 

I hadn't noticed anything about your grammar bud.  The only thing I notice is your empathy for us and your good heart!!!

 

 

 

 

"I've got to root for my homeboys, If they don't win it's a shame, Because it's one, two, three strikes you in, Twenty five years of pain you know my name." - Ice Cube

 

The first time this year, I actually don't feel too bad.  The psychotic train decided to stop for a little bit at least.  Yesterday I spent the day with my bro, we played his modded Wii.  It has a collection of every 16 bit game and some Nintendo 64 games.  Was fun distracting myself with something good I actually have in the past.  The music and sound effects make me smile.  I got an interview to go be a janitor.  I just have one question.  Does the job come with a french maid outfit?

 

LOL glfinding!!!  Glad you're having a good day!!!

 

Same to you mulberry and Riv!!!!  YAY!

 

As for me, I had a rough couple of days, but they seem to have lifted.  My downswing was caused by Monday (of all things) and taking my kids back to their mother's.  When I get down, I miss my ex of 2 freaking years (come on Brian, for crying out loud - get over it)!!!

 

I was driving today and I heard a cheesy song that made me feel better about losing someone you love.  When I first broke up with her I leaned on End of the Innocence by Don Henley.  I wish I'd had this one in my quiver too, at that time :) 

 

 

Never been this blue

Never knew the meaning of a heartache

But then again, I never lost at love before

 

Somewhere down the road

Maybe all those years will find some meaning

I just can't think about them now or live 'em out anymore

 

Stand tall, don't you fall

For God's sake don't go and do something foolish

All you're feeling right now is silly human pride

 

Oh, stand tall, don't you fall

Don't do something you might regret later

You're feelin' it like everyone, it's silly human pride

Amen Burton!!!

 

Brian, my house always seems so empty when my grandkids go home after a visit. It's like someone just sucked the life right out of the place. It's a time when I'm most vulnerable for feeling lonely and then I start to romanticize my past relationship. I can almost convince myself that I made a bad decision at times like those, but then I do a reality check and acknowledge that I was miserable in that union. It's been two years for me, too. I beat myself to death over not being able to get over it and then I read an article about grief and that there isn't any normal time limit for passing through the stages. It also said it can take longer if the relationship was toxic and caused hypervigilance. So, in my case, there are reasons that it has taken what some may percieve as a long time. I used to be embarassed by that. I knew people could see that I was still hurting and my pride didn't want them to think it was because of him. Because he was less than kind I felt shame for the struggle and for loving him in the first place. What a process, yes?

Have you seen the kids movie Inside Out? It's so cute and is all about feelings and how, even sadness, is needed to have a full life.

Hugs to you.

 

 

Thanks Renee.  What you say is very wise and true.  It is only when I am down for other reasons that it bothers me.  I was really happy with my ex, that's the thing.  The only time I began to be unhappy with her was when I finally realized that she wasn't "all in" for me. It was so much easier with my ex wife, where the breakup occurred gradually over years so that we were relieved to be rid of each other LOL. With Heidi, it wasn't that way at all.  I still love her.

 

BTW Renee - best of luck with your tests.  I am thinking about you!!

 

Brian

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Had my first therapy appt tonight and all we did was a lengthy questionnaire evaluation for a full hour. The evaluation isn't even complete so it will spill over to our next meeting in two weeks. So I won't even have a full therapy until a month from now. I'm really aggravated.

 

I hope you can be patient, Riv!  You have an outlet - us!  PM us anytime.  The therapy will come.  I see my dude once a month and sometimes I am grateful it is not more often (only because I don't want to get so reliant on it - not sure if that makes any sense to anyone but me LOL).  I can still look forward to these session and it seems to help me a little to know that they are scheduled.  Not to be dismissive, I know your health system is much different than ours.  But, just know that you have support here :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Worried, but attempting to reassure myself that there is nothing that can be done at 11:00pm at night, and that it will have to wait until tomorrow.  I really hope it doesn't turn out to be what I think it is.  At the moment its out of my hands, time for bed.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

Feeling sad and irritated at the same time. Sometimes I feel like my efforts to do positive things get shunned and it actually turns around and bites me in the ass. 

Hi IcyRose,

I know this feeling well. I get this all the time at work and it's discouraging. But don't let that stop you from continuing to make an effort and doing positive things. Positive actions do bring about positive results a lot of the time. Others who can't appreciate it for whatever reason may not see it or even value it, but don't let that stop you from being who you are. It's a beautiful trait to have. =) :hugs:

 

Thank you for the kind words  :hugs:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks, Brian and Lauryn!  :hugs:  I hope I can be patient on therapy too, but yeah, Lauryn, it is very frustrating. Brian, I definitely need every couple of weeks with a therapist -- once a month wouldn't be enough for all of my issues, lol. And thank you for the PM offer, hugely appreciated!

 

I barely got enough sleep last night and don't know how I'm going to be able to put my brain to work today. :/

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Im kinda feel like an *****,I look back and read my posts occasionally,I get so distracted by my horrible spelling and grammer while reading them,I can only imagine what other people think .My spelling and grammar is worse now that im graduating from college then when i started,it must have been all the years of using spell check and texting.First world problems I guess,my life is going pretty good other wise

 

I hope everyone else on here has a great night or day,it seems like everyone is doing ok today that makes me happy!!

I never look at your grammar & spelling! I just like reading what you have to say.

Hope today goes well for you too.

 

Edited to add: I like your avatar, too.

Edited by Dolphin2013
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm having a lot of generalized anxiety. I try to talk to people about it but when they don't take my fears seriously it makes me feel much worse.  When I talked with my mom she just added to my fears, I guess she meant it as a joke. 

Teddy, I understand completely!

I had to stop talking to my mom about serious stuff. I wonder if she just was scared by my emotional-ness, maybe feeling it was too close to her own state of being?

 

I have had to develop a filter system or flow chart when I need support. Example: does spouse have frowny face? Talk to someone else!  Can I get a hold of P (best friend) by text? Maybe arrange meeting and talk.  Does Facebook seem too happy?Turn off the ****** FB & visit the Depression Forum!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...