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The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread 2


freckledface

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"Use me, When you want to come, I bled just to have a touch, When I'm in you I wanna die." - Marilyn Manson

 

Had a dream about my ex gf.  Pretty graphic, I will spare the details.  Great motivation to start the day.  Am I the only one that sees global warming as a good thing? Fantastic, let Earth be the new Mars.  Someone told me that I was selfish to have that opinion.  I told him, it's a selfish world.  It's either take or be taken from.

Edited by glfinding
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I am relieved to learn that my recent pdoc appt is in fact covered by my new insurance, and so is my new therapist. Finally I can see a therapist after having gone without for a long time. This is a huge relief and burden off my shoulders. My stupid company was confused, but very glad it's all straightened out now.

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Great morning. On one level. But I don't know if I got enough sleep. I was woken up ~6:45, by cold or noises, I couldn't tell. Maybe it was even the nightmares. But I couldn't get back to sleep. I don't feel physically right today, and my head is...foggy. Sensitive. I don't know, but since my roommates are already going to get my assignments in for me, I'm taking the day off. I only have two classes, anyway, and I know the time to recuperate will help.

 

Classes all day again tomorrow, 11:30-7:15. Well, I get home ~7:45. But at least Wednesday and Thursday will be short days...due to a paper that I'm doing in lieu of the exam on Th. A paper I'd planned on finishing over the weekend, but that I haven't started yet since I've felt brain-dead since getting sick...aaccchh.

 

It's wonderful when physical discomfort doesn't interfere with my mood, but it is still making it hard to concentrate on much... I'm determined not to get out of the swing, though. This semester will crush me if I let things get away from me. The good news is that I've finished almost everything other than the paper that's actually due this week. The readings...I'll just have to catch up with what I haven't managed. And that one other piddling little assignment I can easily tap out in ~5 minutes. The paper...I'll have to try to get some sleep today, and then do it whenever I can manage it.

 

Blessings, everyone.

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I just got back from the doctor's office. I have two separate things going on. The first is an upper respiratory infection, but my lungs are clear so that is good. I pulled a muscle in my rib cage coughing, so she gave me ultram for that and my headache is gone, too. I have to go in for a blood test and a stool sample tomorrow. She thinks I have a bacterial infection and is concerned about that. I have a low grade fever so she told me to stay off work tomorrow. I'm on a clear liquid diet. Anyway, the good news is I'm getting treatment for whatever this is. I dislike clear soda and gatorade but I have to rehydrate myself. I really need to care for myself more. I think taking the time off work shows that I'm starting to acknowledge my limits anyway. When I called my boss to tell her what was going on she said when they told her this morning that I called in she asked them if I was nearly dead. It's great to have strong work ethics but dang I have tortured my body keeping up with that work until you drop thing. I believe if I loved myself more I wouldn't need to prove that I'm some sort of super hero. Sometimes I'm grateful for these learning curves and other times I just want the train to let me off at the station.

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Still stuck in a strange state of mind. State of brain, more like. I feel strange. I'm considering skipping my first class tomorrow, too. I need to go to the others, I think, but I might skip the first and the last.

 

I hope I recover from this soon, whatever it is.

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Still feeling down. Today I stopped hoping and started to realize my life is a living hell. At age 49 getting better seems impossible. Having a girlfriend will not happen.  Having a happy life is not going to happen.  I have to accept this.  

Edited by duck
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Still stuck in a strange state of mind. State of brain, more like. I feel strange. I'm considering skipping my first class tomorrow, too. I need to go to the others, I think, but I might skip the first and the last.

 

I hope I recover from this soon, whatever it is.

skylark thats what I did all throughout college,I always think to myself whats the point of the first class all my teachers have there grading rubrick online,so whats the point in going.I wouldn,t worry to much about.

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Seem to be a little better this morning, still anxious, lonely, and a little down.

 

Balancing my life out to be able to include all the stuff my health requires seems to be a difficult issue I need to work on. I try to schedule meditation and working out but when I get inspired to write, I simply have to.  I realize that this is my choice, but, I just can't let a feeling of inspiration go without taking advantage of it - especially since I've been working on this novel since 2010.  I want to get it done.  Yet, I want to meditate and workout too.  Argh!!!

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Still feeling down. Today I stopped hoping and started to realize my life is a living hell. At age 49 getting better seems impossible. Having a girlfriend will not happen.  Having a happy life is not going to happen.  I have to accept this.  

duck, please believe that circumstances can change. We never really know how life will turn out, whom we will meet, or what is going to happen next. But it does take effort on our part too, to make things change. I know you're in a lot of self-help therapy groups. Do these help? :hugs:

 

Tired, stressed and everything in between. I feel like breaking my bones

Philatos, sorry you're feeling this way! Please do take care of yourself and give yourself a big well deserved hug! :hugs:

 

Unsupported and unworthy.

OMRN, you are worthy, please believe this. You are deserving of everything that life has to offer. I'm so sorry you don't feel supported. :/ If not IRL, I do hope that you feel supported here by many who are also struggling with similar issues. :hugs:

 

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Still feeling down. Today I stopped hoping and started to realize my life is a living hell. At age 49 getting better seems impossible. Having a girlfriend will not happen.  Having a happy life is not going to happen.  I have to accept this.  

duck, please believe that circumstances can change. We never really know how life will turn out, whom we will meet, or what is going to happen next. But it does take effort on our part too, to make things change. I know you're in a lot of self-help therapy groups. Do these help? :hugs:

 

Tired, stressed and everything in between. I feel like breaking my bones

Philatos, sorry you're feeling this way! Please do take care of yourself and give yourself a big well deserved hug! :hugs:

 

Unsupported and unworthy.

OMRN, you are worthy, please believe this. You are deserving of everything that life has to offer. I'm so sorry you don't feel supported. :/ If not IRL, I do hope that you feel supported here by many who are also struggling with similar issues. :hugs:

 

 

 

 

duck, philtatos and onemore - I echo River's comments.  Things can and do change.  I can believe that today, but yesterday, I couldn't - that's the Big D for you.  &*&% Depression!!!!

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Today I am very happy to say that I feel like I am on fire! Nothing can stop me today..... I achieved some big wins at work this morning that I am proud of. My hard work and efforts are paying off. Keeping my head down despite my wicked boss is paying off. I've never felt more on top of my job. Even if my boss yells at me today, I don't think it will effect me. Given how awful I feel on most days, this is a big achievement today. =) I feel good.

Edited by RiverLight
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RiverLight, I'm so happy for you!!! That's excellent, and it's always so rewarding see your restraint and patience pay off, especially when they can feel like defeat in the moment. (One of the drawbacks of keeping your head down is that it limits your vantage point, ha ha, but seriously, I think it is far and away the most effective and self-protective things to do in certain situations until you can get out of them.)

 

I'm feeling good this morning. It's been a rocky morning, but good. I'm definitely recovering. Still going to skip the first class, but I'll go to the others, so I need to get ready soon. I'm going to have to work on getting to sleep earlier, though, and using ear plugs for a couple of days. Lack of proper sleep is not helping.

 

Hope everyone has a good day, or feels better, at least. Blessings!

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"I've got to root for my homeboys, If they don't win it's a shame, Because it's one, two, three strikes you in, Twenty five years of pain you know my name." - Ice Cube

 

The first time this year, I actually don't feel too bad.  The psychotic train decided to stop for a little bit at least.  Yesterday I spent the day with my bro, we played his modded Wii.  It has a collection of every 16 bit game and some Nintendo 64 games.  Was fun distracting myself with something good I actually have in the past.  The music and sound effects make me smile.  I got an interview to go be a janitor.  I just have one question.  Does the job come with a french maid outfit?

Edited by glfinding
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"I've got to root for my homeboys, If they don't win it's a shame, Because it's one, two, three strikes you in, Twenty five years of pain you know my name." - Ice Cube

 

The first time this year, I actually don't feel too bad.  The psychotic train decided to stop for a little bit at least.  Yesterday I spent the day with my bro, we played his modded Wii.  It has a collection of every 16 bit game and some Nintendo 64 games.  Was fun distracting myself with something good I actually have in the past.  The music and sound effects make me smile.  I got an interview to go be a janitor.  I just have one question.  Does the job come with a french maid outfit?

 

LOL glfinding!!!  Glad you're having a good day!!!

 

Same to you mulberry and Riv!!!!  YAY!

 

As for me, I had a rough couple of days, but they seem to have lifted.  My downswing was caused by Monday (of all things) and taking my kids back to their mother's.  When I get down, I miss my ex of 2 freaking years (come on Brian, for crying out loud - get over it)!!!

 

I was driving today and I heard a cheesy song that made me feel better about losing someone you love.  When I first broke up with her I leaned on End of the Innocence by Don Henley.  I wish I'd had this one in my quiver too, at that time :) 

 

 

Never been this blue

Never knew the meaning of a heartache

But then again, I never lost at love before

 

Somewhere down the road

Maybe all those years will find some meaning

I just can't think about them now or live 'em out anymore

 

Stand tall, don't you fall

For God's sake don't go and do something foolish

All you're feeling right now is silly human pride

 

Oh, stand tall, don't you fall

Don't do something you might regret later

You're feelin' it like everyone, it's silly human pride

Amen Burton!!!

Edited by salparadise6132
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HI guys, the groups I am going to certainly helps. They distract me from my issues and I also meet new people.

 

I am feeling tired and physically weak.

 

I managed to return empty bottles to the bottle depot, return electronics to Best Buy,  Buy several bags of nuts and chips from Bulk Barn, Buy groceries.

 

My friend Willy called and we talked for thirty minutes.

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hey duck i feel ya! you know having a gf or wife could make things worse! im married over 20 years, she didnt even notice the signs that i was having troubles, but my old dog who was a rescue sure knows, he does more to help me than any human or drug i know,  robin williams once said that he thought the worse thing in life was to end up all alone, then he realized it wasnt, the worse thing in life is being with someone that make you feel all alone! 

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Still stuck in a strange state of mind. State of brain, more like. I feel strange. I'm considering skipping my first class tomorrow, too. I need to go to the others, I think, but I might skip the first and the last.

 

I hope I recover from this soon, whatever it is.

I hope you feel better soon, Skylark. I believe we should all get a free pass from physical illnesses since the mental ones take up so much time. Ha.

Do take care of yourself. Hugs.

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