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The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread 2


freckledface

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My anxiety is through the roof today. I am actually afraid of my boss. I feel cowardly. She is a bully boss. :/ She triggers my PTSD every time she bullies me and I physically start shaking whenever I have to present an opposing viewpoint, stand my ground on a point, or defend myself against her accusations and public blaming of me. I think I need to take an Ativan to calm my anxiety.

 

I'm shaking right now and I'm not even conversing with her. I'm afraid to even send a message about anything right now given our heated argument the other night. She even said to me, "Fine, have the last word if you need to!!!" With several exclamation points. YEP. A BOSS said this to me. How unprofessional is that? What are we, like 12 years old?

 

 

RiverLight.  I'm sorry your are going through this with your boss.  I can really relate as some of my bosses have been horribly mean and intimidating just because I think they needed someone to blame, partially for their own mistakes.  I used to be a buyer and travel a lot with my boss who treated me like her servant.  When you are 3000 miles away from home on a business trip with appointments booked from 8 am to 7pm. then dinner with vendors and my boss, I about went crazy.  It is a long drawn out story but only one of many.  I will say before I was going to request a transfer or take a job offered to me at a different company, she had accepted another job and was leaving.  Her replacement was a delight and I loved working for her.  

 

I understand your being afraid of your boss based on what you have said.  Maybe making an appointment with her to talk about how you feel.  I remember being so fed up with the District Manager of Stores yelling at me on a walk through of my departments, I made an appointment with him.  I had been offered another job as an assistant buyer in another company in Seattle.  Also the cosmetic divisional had asked me to demote and manage downtown cosmetics but at the same salary.  I told him obviously I am not living up to your expectations and I see no reason to continue based on the behavior you display on the floor towards me in front of my department managers and store execs.  Once I had confronted him with this he totally backed down and said, "I don't really blame you, but your store manager for not training you better for the job".  It was no secret he disliked my store manager, but I never knew he would assign blame to him.  To make a long story short, he said he felt I would be more successful under another store manager at another store in the chain.  I went with his suggestion and everything changed, and I ended up staying with company for another 13 years.  

 

So my point is some times something good can come out of an unpleasant working relationship.  Try to stay strong and be as professional as you can be.  I just gave my situation as an example, but maybe some of it may be of help to you.  At the very least, you know other people have been through what you are going through right now and came out ahead.  

 

Good luck and try not to stress too much!  Ok!

 

Highanxiety, thank you so much for your thoughtful reply and encouraging story. That is encouraging. Only problem for me is that I'm very afraid to confront her. I've confronted a boss in the past about their disrespect, and it backfired on me, so I'm worried the same will happen here. I'm also concerned about getting a good reference from her for the future, and fear that if it backfires, it will just make things worse. So in my particular case, I'm not sure if the same tactic will work for me. :/

 

I aim to leave my job relatively soon. I could try and just deal with it the best I can until then, which is going to be very, very difficult. Or, I could try to confront it, despite my fears. I just don't know. :/ 

 

I just wish I knew if it would work to confront her on this. I have been thinking about doing that for some time, and have held back because of my fears.

 

About your own post: it's really tough and burdensome to take on all the worries of the world on your shoulders; that can definitely depress someone more when you care so much. You truly are a person who cares which is an amazing trait! Your resolution is a good one I think though; to look out for your own well being too, and to not let others take from you so much. I truly hope the feelings of anxiety and of being overwhelmed ease up for you!

 

:hugs:

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This new year is not starting out very well so far.  It already feels like a year has gone by.  Already I feel completely overwhelmed and anxious.  

The stock market crash, new leadership for this country, mixed signals coming from everywhere.  Guess I could go on and on but it just fuels my depression.

 

Need to find a light switch or something to stop worrying so much, and maybe worry about my well being for a change.  I guess I could be classified as a giver, one who does what I can for the environment, our veterans, endangered species among other causes.  That makes me feel good.  People who just take, take, take with no sense of guilt are the ones I am shying away from.  I've let myself be vulnerable and susceptible to such people far too long, but no more.  That is one of my new year resolutions.

 

Just hope things get better, not only for me, but for all of us this year.

 

Hi high, you, like me sometimes, carry the weight of the world on your shoulders.  And, your heart and dedication to giving is more than admirable!

 

I just throw this out to you:  How about trying to make 2016 the year you will accept that the whole world may be going to hell, but you will take pride in working to save it? My experience in reading about the really amazing "givers" out there, people like Jean Vanier, MLK, Mother Teresa, etc. is that they understand better than anyone the dark side of things, and, contrary to the stereotype, they're hope is not pollyanaish. While they believe that our world can be improved, they also recognize very well that it can go the other way very quickly.

 

I guess I am asking you to take pride in what you have done and will do, and, give yourself a break.  

 

All that said, I too get to despairing about the state of things. And it can and does overwhelm me from time to time.  I have tried to concentrate a great portion of my meditation on accepting that I can't control it all and that we may all be doomed. Then I offer good thoughts and love to all, and try to keep on going.  Because it's the givers like you who are our only hope!!! :)

Edited by salparadise6132
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I feel my depression sneaking up on me as it usually does during the day at work. I don't know if it's because I am overly challenged, or because of my incredibly sucky, mean boss, or because the work I'm doing doesn't thrill me or all of the above.

 

But my work depresses me. :/ I can't wait to quit my job. I think my horrific boss takes the cake out of the above list. I'm starting to not want to try anymore. I'm so tired of trying my hardest and getting practically nowhere. Like hitting a brick wall each time & trying to squeeze blood from a rock. Today I don't just don't even want to try. It's a thankless job.

Edited by RiverLight
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Doing better this morning. I made sure to eat something just after rising, and I think that helped. Short on time, as I'm afraid I'm going to be for the duration of this semester...

 

An old friend emailed last night, saying her little brother died over Christmas. I hadn't heard from her for weeks, and now I understand why. It was an unexpected shock, and she asked prayers for her whole family. She lives far away now, but I wish I could do something for her...

 

Well, I'm off to another hectic day. I have one afternoon break, and need to do short readings for two classes. Considering how crazy my schedule is, it's a damn good think I enjoy most of my classes. I hope to God it stays that way.

 

Good luck, everyone! Blessings for the day!

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Welcome feeling_lost, evergreen, and althor!!!!

 

It is so nice to have new people visit on here (not that I don't love all you "old" people LOLl!!)  - though, personally, I spit on the whole idea of your having to be chatting here, rather than on, oh, say, some site about anime, or Star Wars, or Japanese rock music, or needlepoint, or curling (not SO weird where I am from LOL).

 

I am sorry you guys are feeling poorly. You will find a beautiful community of helpful people here!  We have all been there!  Hugs.

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I'm feeling like I got sucked into a deep, dark, black hole. A deep dark pit of despair. It is swallowing me whole.

 

I have so much resentment and anger towards my boss. I am completely undervalued for my contributions and hard work. I shared good news earlier today and received zero response from her on it, and mentioned a few fixes I had done, with zero thanks. In front of my whole team mind you. She does this all the time. How humiliating and demeaning. I'm so sick of this. I get practically no recognition. it's such a thankless job.

 

Yes, I am leaving as soon as I can, but that won't be for a while; so I have to endure this horrific work environment until then. I am beyond disgruntled. I think I actually hate my boss, if I can hate a person.

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Ok, so after my deep dark pit of despair post, I'm going to try to come up with three positive things. One is that I'm in a better place than I was last year professionally; two is that I'm making more money now; three is that I can leave my job. And the sooner the better. 

 

My apologies for not responding to others' posts in a couple of days.. I've been too down in the dumps to be able to offer anything helpful. The most I can do is give big hugs to all who need them and say that I wish everyone here wasn't suffering. Hoping for brighter days for all.

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I'm doing okay. Very low energy day. Another chilly, gray day. There's some snow on the ground, but I hear we're supposed to get sunshine and warmer weather this weekend.

I was so low energy, I napped for nearly an hour. Wait. It was about 10 minutes more than an hour! Wow. I must have needed it. My bed was so soft and toasty, I didn't want to leave.

But I worked on this short course thing and I compare the way I do this to the way I would have done it, say 10 years ago. Back then I would have looked at something like: "Your policy needs to have who is responsible, what a standard response will be and what negative consequences are there for abusers of the policy..." And thought yeah yeah. It's self-explanatory.

This time I was really trying to understand the reasoning behind the policy.

Anyway. My brain works better after a nap.

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My anxiety is through the roof today. I am actually afraid of my boss. I feel cowardly. She is a bully boss. :/ She triggers my PTSD every time she bullies me and I physically start shaking whenever I have to present an opposing viewpoint, stand my ground on a point, or defend myself against her accusations and public blaming of me. I think I need to take an Ativan to calm my anxiety.

 

I'm shaking right now and I'm not even conversing with her. I'm afraid to even send a message about anything right now given our heated argument the other night. She even said to me, "Fine, have the last word if you need to!!!" With several exclamation points. YEP. A BOSS said this to me. How unprofessional is that? What are we, like 12 years old?

 

 

RiverLight.  I'm sorry your are going through this with your boss.  I can really relate as some of my bosses have been horribly mean and intimidating just because I think they needed someone to blame, partially for their own mistakes.  I used to be a buyer and travel a lot with my boss who treated me like her servant.  When you are 3000 miles away from home on a business trip with appointments booked from 8 am to 7pm. then dinner with vendors and my boss, I about went crazy.  It is a long drawn out story but only one of many.  I will say before I was going to request a transfer or take a job offered to me at a different company, she had accepted another job and was leaving.  Her replacement was a delight and I loved working for her.  

 

I understand your being afraid of your boss based on what you have said.  Maybe making an appointment with her to talk about how you feel.  I remember being so fed up with the District Manager of Stores yelling at me on a walk through of my departments, I made an appointment with him.  I had been offered another job as an assistant buyer in another company in Seattle.  Also the cosmetic divisional had asked me to demote and manage downtown cosmetics but at the same salary.  I told him obviously I am not living up to your expectations and I see no reason to continue based on the behavior you display on the floor towards me in front of my department managers and store execs.  Once I had confronted him with this he totally backed down and said, "I don't really blame you, but your store manager for not training you better for the job".  It was no secret he disliked my store manager, but I never knew he would assign blame to him.  To make a long story short, he said he felt I would be more successful under another store manager at another store in the chain.  I went with his suggestion and everything changed, and I ended up staying with company for another 13 years.  

 

So my point is some times something good can come out of an unpleasant working relationship.  Try to stay strong and be as professional as you can be.  I just gave my situation as an example, but maybe some of it may be of help to you.  At the very least, you know other people have been through what you are going through right now and came out ahead.  

 

Good luck and try not to stress too much!  Ok!

 

Highanxiety, thank you so much for your thoughtful reply and encouraging story. That is encouraging. Only problem for me is that I'm very afraid to confront her. I've confronted a boss in the past about their disrespect, and it backfired on me, so I'm worried the same will happen here. I'm also concerned about getting a good reference from her for the future, and fear that if it backfires, it will just make things worse. So in my particular case, I'm not sure if the same tactic will work for me. :/

 

I aim to leave my job relatively soon. I could try and just deal with it the best I can until then, which is going to be very, very difficult. Or, I could try to confront it, despite my fears. I just don't know. :/ 

 

I just wish I knew if it would work to confront her on this. I have been thinking about doing that for some time, and have held back because of my fears.

 

About your own post: it's really tough and burdensome to take on all the worries of the world on your shoulders; that can definitely depress someone more when you care so much. You truly are a person who cares which is an amazing trait! Your resolution is a good one I think though; to look out for your own well being too, and to not let others take from you so much. I truly hope the feelings of anxiety and of being overwhelmed ease up for you!

 

:hugs:

 

 

 

RiverLight:  I'm glad I may have been some help to your situation with your boss.  I see your dilemma about confronting her.  Certainly if you are leaving your job soon, and afraid the results of talking with her about your feelings may impact your performance review, it seem reasonable to try to hang in there until you leave.  Trying to put up an invisible shield protecting you from her insults.  But if it is just too much to bear, you may want to just ask your boss you have felt some conflict, and just want to understand how to make things better.  Or perhaps talk to Human Resources.  Either way, it sounds like trying to hang in there for a little while longer makes sense.  At least you know you won't be there forever.  Also, I don't think any of this is about you, but about her hang ups and insecurities..  Good luck and in you are in my thoughts.  Let us know how things go.

 

And yes, I do take a lot of the world on my shoulders.  Worry a lot more than I should.  At the first of the year my anxiety seems to be worse and I feel most overwhelmed.  Doing charitable things for others, and giving to organizations which can help our world be be better makes me feel I've done at least something, and that makes me feel good.

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This new year is not starting out very well so far.  It already feels like a year has gone by.  Already I feel completely overwhelmed and anxious.  

The stock market crash, new leadership for this country, mixed signals coming from everywhere.  Guess I could go on and on but it just fuels my depression.

 

Need to find a light switch or something to stop worrying so much, and maybe worry about my well being for a change.  I guess I could be classified as a giver, one who does what I can for the environment, our veterans, endangered species among other causes.  That makes me feel good.  People who just take, take, take with no sense of guilt are the ones I am shying away from.  I've let myself be vulnerable and susceptible to such people far too long, but no more.  That is one of my new year resolutions.

 

Just hope things get better, not only for me, but for all of us this year.

That's a great resolution.

 

I'm similar in terms of personality, and I also tend to shy away from those types. But I've found that avoidance may be the best bet with certain kinds of people. The healthiest way. If you deal with them, they demand it being on their terms, their way, and that can just lead to you changing, striving to become more like them in order to keep up, not be stepped on, etc. But that's the last thing I want to be. I'm learning that I need to find an environment where I can be myself, the kind of person that I like, and respect, and feel happy being. Obviously, in life there's going to be some adjustment necessary to most situations, but it shouldn't be unreasonable, and it shouldn't require us to "**** or be killed."

 

I have the same concerns about what's happening in our country...that Donald Trump is being seriously considered as President of the United States of America, by anyone other than the lunatic fringe of the lunatic fringe...I am astounded. He even looks insane. I'm fairly moderate, though left-leaning; but our political poles have gone haywire. Extremism is an understatement; we're in la-la land now. Or as a classmate put it, the loonies have got the run of both bins.

 

I'm coming to a fork in the road with grad school ahead. I'm actually thinking of going abroad. Somewhere saner. I've always been passionately patriotic, so this is somewhat painful, but...for years now, I've started to wonder where this country's headed, and if there's any point in going to perdition with it. I'm not the captain of this Titanic, and I don't see what difference I could make for its fate. But it sure makes a big difference for mine.

 

I'm at least going to apply. Where I get in is up to God.

 

 

 

I feel like you Skylark1.  I am very worried about what is happening with this country in so many ways.  We share the same views on the political situation as well.  I too have been considering moving to another country if the worst of the worst get in office this November. And now that Palin is on board, well, what can I say.  We will just have to hope and pray.  Thanks for your response.

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