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The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread 2


freckledface

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I don't know about anyone else but I woke up to he'll again today. My blood pressure and heartbeat shoots up within 2 mins of walking out my bedroom door.

Thanks God for answering another prayer last night in such a fashion. You sick minded pos

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My anxiety is through the roof today. I am actually afraid of my boss. I feel cowardly. She is a bully boss. :/ She triggers my PTSD every time she bullies me and I physically start shaking whenever I have to present an opposing viewpoint, stand my ground on a point, or defend myself against her accusations and public blaming of me. I think I need to take an Ativan to calm my anxiety.

 

I'm shaking right now and I'm not even conversing with her. I'm afraid to even send a message about anything right now given our heated argument the other night. She even said to me, "Fine, have the last word if you need to!!!" With several exclamation points. YEP. A BOSS said this to me. How unprofessional is that? What are we, like 12 years old?

(((((((((((((((RiverLight)))))))))))))

 

Thank you, mulberry! I am really suffering right now. :/ This sucks so freaking bad. I don't know how I'm going to make it through the day. I need strength, courage and stamina, which I feel I just don't have anymore. :/

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My anxiety is through the roof today. I am actually afraid of my boss. I feel cowardly. She is a bully boss. :/ She triggers my PTSD every time she bullies me and I physically start shaking whenever I have to present an opposing viewpoint, stand my ground on a point, or defend myself against her accusations and public blaming of me. I think I need to take an Ativan to calm my anxiety.

 

I'm shaking right now and I'm not even conversing with her. I'm afraid to even send a message about anything right now given our heated argument the other night. She even said to me, "Fine, have the last word if you need to!!!" With several exclamation points. YEP. A BOSS said this to me. How unprofessional is that? What are we, like 12 years old?

RL, I'm so sorry. You're right, this is childish and unprofessional behavior. I can fully relate to how PTSD can be triggered by things like this.

 

Have you tried milk peptides for anxiety/panic? They work wonders. I think you can get them for ~15 online. Haven't used them for a while, though. Praying for you...

 

I'm doing OK. This morning was tough, but I made it through so well, and I'm just as well as I was before. :) I'm glad I have done all the work that's due this weekend. I'm still a little on edge, but I think it's a blood sugar thing. I'm going to have to make a habit of eating something as soon as I wake up, before doing anything. Usually wait an hour or two, and that's not working out well.

 

Now I'm off to a full day of classes. I've packed lunch, printed what I need, and am taking a book to read on the shuttle ride...My body feels too tired to go, but I know it's probably illusory, from not doing anything physical all weekend. lol. I'll probably feel better after I get going.

 

Blessings and prayers for the day, everyone! Good luck!

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"Believe what you may, Say what you will, I spit my venom in the eyes of the world. spit. spit. SPIT." - Hatebreed

 

Everyday I wake up thinking about my ex gf.  When I think back on the four years we spent together, all I remember is the smiles on her face, the countless times she promised she loved me.  How I'd make her laugh, make her happy.  I felt that we had a special connection, that we meshed well, and that we'd grow old together.  There were some bad times, we were both addicts.  Being dope sick sucks.  The only arguments we ever had were about drugs.  That whole time we dated, she never worked.  So I was the one getting our fix.  I never did anything without her, but she'd do stuff behind my back.  Besides the negativity of being an addict, we spent most of our days in euphoria.  I used to say to her, this must be what Heaven feels like.  We both finally got sober this past year.  I went through a program, she stayed at home with her broke self not being able to get anything.  Then it was like she just flipped a switch, and was no longer in love with me.  How aggravating.  I pride myself being able to talk and wiggle out of crumby situations.  There was just no talking to her.  So I thought if I gave her some space it'd all work out.  She later told me she didn't want to be with me because of the drug use.  Then a month and a half after being separated, she gets with some guy and from what I hear all they do is drink and get messed up.  I just feel like it should be me.  Her lips should be pressing against mine.  I should be falling asleep next to her.  I loved her so much.  She also had the nerve to tell this guy all this awful stuff about me.  Like, if I was so bad, why'd you spend four years with me?  If I was so bad why did you beg me to take you back the two times we broke up?  I've just been all over the emotional spectrum about it.  I wish I'd just stop thinking about it. 

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My anxiety is through the roof today. I am actually afraid of my boss. I feel cowardly. She is a bully boss. :/ She triggers my PTSD every time she bullies me and I physically start shaking whenever I have to present an opposing viewpoint, stand my ground on a point, or defend myself against her accusations and public blaming of me. I think I need to take an Ativan to calm my anxiety.

 

I'm shaking right now and I'm not even conversing with her. I'm afraid to even send a message about anything right now given our heated argument the other night. She even said to me, "Fine, have the last word if you need to!!!" With several exclamation points. YEP. A BOSS said this to me. How unprofessional is that? What are we, like 12 years old?

RL, I'm so sorry. You're right, this is childish and unprofessional behavior. I can fully relate to how PTSD can be triggered by things like this.

 

Have you tried milk peptides for anxiety/panic? They work wonders. I think you can get them for ~15 online. Haven't used them for a while, though. Praying for you...

 

Thanks so much, Skylark. I can't even believe how my boss behaves... I mean, seriously. To say, fine have the last word if you need to.... what the heck? I cannot handle this anymore. She is so unprofessional, and berates me publicly. Who does this? Wish I could pursue legal means against her for mistreatment. :/

I have not tried that for anxiety/panic... the Ativan works pretty well though. It's strong enough. I may have to take two doses today.

 

I wish I had the strength to help others on here right now, but I just don't... very sorry. I can barely keep my head above water atm. Ugh.

 

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Something's coming up in classes today that's been...an issue...for me for a long time. I know that's not very articulate. Sorry, but I'm hesitant to even go into what this is about...partly because I'm confused, and not sure how I even want to approach the topic...but partly because I'm inclined to think that not very many people can evaluate and respond knowledgeably and reasonably. And I am just sick to death of inflamed jabbering without grounds, silly assertions that fall apart before the least scrutiny. I'll just say that I'm torn between two poles: the full-bodied traditional position on this topic scares me, but the full-bodied Leftist position is simply too ridiculous to take seriously at all, and I believe the latter has the potential to do equal or greater damage. The feeling of being torn has a lot to do with my background; I have this niggling suspicion that if it hadn't been so bad, I probably would throw in with the conservative camp (ON THIS ISSUE :) because I wouldn't have firsthand experience of how awful it can get with that approach. However, on the other side, on this issue, I'm simply finding a different face of evil instead of any sort of solution - or even a "lesser evil." I can't decide if one is better or worse than the other, or even which one I should go with. (I can't see a way, so far, to avoid both.)

 

I feel like I need to find someone who can understand these things and give me some insight, though. I need to talk about this, with someone who can listen calmly and advise knowledgeably. I'm thinking about trying to hunt down a former prof, but I don't know which one, and...I've always been kind of shy. I can speak easily on particular topics, especially if they're important to me, but I'm not the kind to make much small talk with my professors (or anyone). Which is kind of a cultural issue, and touches on the topic itself, actually.

 

Argh. I'm being even more circumspect than I intended. I might just make myself spit this out somewhere, somehow. Sorry to be so obscure. I think I need to build up the courage to talk about this. It's really troubling me, and I'm afraid I may make the wrong decision out of agitation, or in a reactionary sort of way.

 

In other news, though, one of my profs was essentially using the podium as a pulpit today. SO inappropriate. She not only talked about religion, but politics (which I'm noticing she's tended to do all along, but she pushed her own views heavily today, as if there are no others). This is a literature class. Granted, she has every right to tell us what's good literature and what's bad, even if I disagree. But she has neither the right nor the authority to tell us what's good or bad policy in government or international affairs. How silly. She even made weird assertions regarding many other disciplines...none of those things had anything to do with our readings.

 

And in regard to that - I completely agreed that she assigned a text of great literary merit. With one or two exceptions, everything I've read or seen on her syllabus so far is indisputably good literature. But she butchered it! She deformed the text to fit her own views, even claiming that one of its most clear (albeit arguably racist) messages actually meant the exact opposite, and that the book had this elaborate thesis on the subject that it plainly just didn't have.

 

In a later class, I had this incredibly rude guy (who's visibly and painfully dumb, to boot), talk on and on when I was clearly trying to get a word in - and then, when I was talking, he tried to jump in. By habit, trained in politeness, I automatically started to slow down - and he acted like I was rude for not letting him go immediately, totally disregarding his own rudeness before! He kept treating me like I was rude. What a boor! He made really stupid suggestions, too, contradicting even himself...ridiculous. Honestly, some people seem like they were raised by wolves. Ugh.

 

Gross, but I'm shaking it off. I needed to get this out, throw it away, and move on. Thanks for reading.

 

I hope everyone's managing OK today. Praying for you...

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I've been taking these short, online course bits, maybe toward a certification. Not sure. It will cost money that I don't have.

It was chilly & wintry, snowed a little today. I did not leave my house. Got word that the skin biopsy I had done last Wednesday was negative! Yay! I was worried.

I have the dullest life. I've been eating soup and comfort foods because of the cold. Didn't exercise today, but that's okay.

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My anxiety is through the roof today. I am actually afraid of my boss. I feel cowardly. She is a bully boss. :/ She triggers my PTSD every time she bullies me and I physically start shaking whenever I have to present an opposing viewpoint, stand my ground on a point, or defend myself against her accusations and public blaming of me. I think I need to take an Ativan to calm my anxiety.

 

I'm shaking right now and I'm not even conversing with her. I'm afraid to even send a message about anything right now given our heated argument the other night. She even said to me, "Fine, have the last word if you need to!!!" With several exclamation points. YEP. A BOSS said this to me. How unprofessional is that? What are we, like 12 years old?

 

(((((((((((((RiverLight)))))))))))  I hope it's going okay for you today.

 

Thanks so much, Lauryn! A very stressful day but I made it through somehow. ((((hugs))))

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I've been taking these short, online course bits, maybe toward a certification. Not sure. It will cost money that I don't have.

It was chilly & wintry, snowed a little today. I did not leave my house. Got word that the skin biopsy I had done last Wednesday was negative! Yay! I was worried.

I have the dullest life. I've been eating soup and comfort foods because of the cold. Didn't exercise today, but that's okay.

 

Great news Dolphin :)  I will debate you any day on who lives the dullest life LOL!!!

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How do I feel right now...

It's my birthday. It's just another day. It's actually worse than just another day, because at least on just another day you expect it to be that way...your birthday should feel special and it is an awful feeling when you know it should be special and it's just another day. I'm 28 and it's the worst birthday I've had up to this point. I am struggling so hard with the depression and anxiety and I feel like at what point can I stop struggling. It becomes more clear to me every day that the more I become aware of what's happening to me, the less control I have of everything and I feel it should be the other way around. I lost my social security card, I thought I knew right where it was...looked for it there and after realizing it wasn't, everything has gone downhill after that. The anxiety about it has me feeling like it will ultimately ruin everything for me...a job that I start on Friday which I need it for, that will progress into not being able to be put on payroll until I have it, which means extended time of not having a paycheck when I'm already rationing out food for my family...etc and so on and so on until it has ruined my life. And right where the anxiety ends...the depression begins...and doesn't end.

 

That is so disturbing and I hope you find it asap.  Happy Birthday and try not to let it ruin your day.  ((((hugs))))

 

 

 

First off Happy Birthday.  I wish you were having a happier one, but I know for me too it is just like another day, however I am much older than you.  It sounds like you have a lot on your plate with valid concerns.  And valid uncertainties.  I hope the job works out fine for you and things will settle down some.  I send all my best wishes to you.  Remember we are always here for you.  Again Happy Birthday.

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My anxiety is through the roof today. I am actually afraid of my boss. I feel cowardly. She is a bully boss. :/ She triggers my PTSD every time she bullies me and I physically start shaking whenever I have to present an opposing viewpoint, stand my ground on a point, or defend myself against her accusations and public blaming of me. I think I need to take an Ativan to calm my anxiety.

 

I'm shaking right now and I'm not even conversing with her. I'm afraid to even send a message about anything right now given our heated argument the other night. She even said to me, "Fine, have the last word if you need to!!!" With several exclamation points. YEP. A BOSS said this to me. How unprofessional is that? What are we, like 12 years old?

 

 

RiverLight.  I'm sorry your are going through this with your boss.  I can really relate as some of my bosses have been horribly mean and intimidating just because I think they needed someone to blame, partially for their own mistakes.  I used to be a buyer and travel a lot with my boss who treated me like her servant.  When you are 3000 miles away from home on a business trip with appointments booked from 8 am to 7pm. then dinner with vendors and my boss, I about went crazy.  It is a long drawn out story but only one of many.  I will say before I was going to request a transfer or take a job offered to me at a different company, she had accepted another job and was leaving.  Her replacement was a delight and I loved working for her.  

 

I understand your being afraid of your boss based on what you have said.  Maybe making an appointment with her to talk about how you feel.  I remember being so fed up with the District Manager of Stores yelling at me on a walk through of my departments, I made an appointment with him.  I had been offered another job as an assistant buyer in another company in Seattle.  Also the cosmetic divisional had asked me to demote and manage downtown cosmetics but at the same salary.  I told him obviously I am not living up to your expectations and I see no reason to continue based on the behavior you display on the floor towards me in front of my department managers and store execs.  Once I had confronted him with this he totally backed down and said, "I don't really blame you, but your store manager for not training you better for the job".  It was no secret he disliked my store manager, but I never knew he would assign blame to him.  To make a long story short, he said he felt I would be more successful under another store manager at another store in the chain.  I went with his suggestion and everything changed, and I ended up staying with company for another 13 years.  

 

So my point is some times something good can come out of an unpleasant working relationship.  Try to stay strong and be as professional as you can be.  I just gave my situation as an example, but maybe some of it may be of help to you.  At the very least, you know other people have been through what you are going through right now and came out ahead.  

 

Good luck and try not to stress too much!  Ok!

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Nights always feel worse than during the day for me.It`s when I feel the loneliest most of the time.The best way I can describe it is that I just feel a sense of doom.I don`t know why.Last time I saw the pdoc he upped 2 of my meds.We`ll see how it goes.I just feel so sad right now.

Edited by Lady Mozzer
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This new year is not starting out very well so far.  It already feels like a year has gone by.  Already I feel completely overwhelmed and anxious.  

The stock market crash, new leadership for this country, mixed signals coming from everywhere.  Guess I could go on and on but it just fuels my depression.

 

Need to find a light switch or something to stop worrying so much, and maybe worry about my well being for a change.  I guess I could be classified as a giver, one who does what I can for the environment, our veterans, endangered species among other causes.  That makes me feel good.  People who just take, take, take with no sense of guilt are the ones I am shying away from.  I've let myself be vulnerable and susceptible to such people far too long, but no more.  That is one of my new year resolutions.

 

Just hope things get better, not only for me, but for all of us this year.

Edited by highanxiety
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This new year is not starting out very well so far.  It already feels like a year has gone by.  Already I feel completely overwhelmed and anxious.  

The stock market crash, new leadership for this country, mixed signals coming from everywhere.  Guess I could go on and on but it just fuels my depression.

 

Need to find a light switch or something to stop worrying so much, and maybe worry about my well being for a change.  I guess I could be classified as a giver, one who does what I can for the environment, our veterans, endangered species among other causes.  That makes me feel good.  People who just take, take, take with no sense of guilt are the ones I am shying away from.  I've let myself be vulnerable and susceptible to such people far too long, but no more.  That is one of my new year resolutions.

 

Just hope things get better, not only for me, but for all of us this year.

That's a great resolution.

 

I'm similar in terms of personality, and I also tend to shy away from those types. But I've found that avoidance may be the best bet with certain kinds of people. The healthiest way. If you deal with them, they demand it being on their terms, their way, and that can just lead to you changing, striving to become more like them in order to keep up, not be stepped on, etc. But that's the last thing I want to be. I'm learning that I need to find an environment where I can be myself, the kind of person that I like, and respect, and feel happy being. Obviously, in life there's going to be some adjustment necessary to most situations, but it shouldn't be unreasonable, and it shouldn't require us to "**** or be killed."

 

I have the same concerns about what's happening in our country...that Donald Trump is being seriously considered as President of the United States of America, by anyone other than the lunatic fringe of the lunatic fringe...I am astounded. He even looks insane. I'm fairly moderate, though left-leaning; but our political poles have gone haywire. Extremism is an understatement; we're in la-la land now. Or as a classmate put it, the loonies have got the run of both bins.

 

I'm coming to a fork in the road with grad school ahead. I'm actually thinking of going abroad. Somewhere saner. I've always been passionately patriotic, so this is somewhat painful, but...for years now, I've started to wonder where this country's headed, and if there's any point in going to perdition with it. I'm not the captain of this Titanic, and I don't see what difference I could make for its fate. But it sure makes a big difference for mine.

 

I'm at least going to apply. Where I get in is up to God.

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Sad. Really Depressed. Tired. In pain. Just really crappy and the dark thoughts are coming out of the corners and being a real d!ck.

 

I went to bed around 11 and slept for an hour - after that my eyeballs popped open when I moved my knee a certain way and I can't go back to sleep.  I've tried. :(

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Nights always feel worse than during the day for me.It`s when I feel the loneliest most of the time.The best way I can describe it is that I just feel a sense of doom.I don`t know why.Last time I saw the pdoc he upped 2 of my meds.We`ll see how it goes.I just feel so sad right now.

Depression never ends!!!! that's another good day waking up and knowing that your best friends the lord of despair and hopelessness are with you to torture you again.

 

Even when you are in a room full of people,depression forces you to feel like you're in the loneliest place in the world.

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