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freckledface

The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread 2

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Woke to my usual heavy baggage of dread, fear, regret and general "badness."  The depression hits me hardest in the morning.  I decided I would try a little meditation when I first wake up, to see if that will help lift the veil even enough for me to get out of bed.  There are various definitions of meditation out there, but what I tried was from a self-esteem book I read years ago.  The authors basically said that if your self-esteem issues are deep enough (from an abusive childhood, for instance) they are non-verbal, so even if you manage to counter all the cognitive distortions you may still have a deep feeling of unworth or badness (I can't remember the exact words they used).  They recommended suspending all judgement for a period of time - starting with, say, a half hour.  For instance if a car speeds by, you are allowed to think "there's a car going fast," but not "what an a$$hole, going to cause an accident."  I find this exercise very healing.  This morning it helped me. 

LaurynJcat, can you tell me what the book was? I would like to try this exercise.

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I am feeling terrible. So lonely I cant bear it anymore. 

First of all, I want you to know I clicked "Like," to let you know I read your post. I don't like that you are feeling terrible and so lonely.

One good thing, you got here, to the Depression Forum, where many of us have gone through--or are even at this moment going through what you have been feeling.

Welcome aboard {{{{{JustAllAlone}}}}}.

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I`m feeling tired and empty tonight.I went to a baby shower today and that went okay.My niece and sister organized and cooked for it.It went well.Then I get home and feel so lonely and I don`t live alone.It`s just the emptiness inside of me.I guess these things can kind of make you realize what you don`t have....what you`ll never have.

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Feeling kind of lonely, but probably by my own choice.  Lately I haven't been very communicative except with my therapist and docs.  I'm very disappointed in some of my friends who seem to want but never give.  Plus being told there is something wrong with me.  They notice I have been isolating.  Any answer I give them they don't seem to understand or accept, so I just kind of say "whatever".  

 

Most of the time I have a project waiting, like completing a novel I am attempting to write.  And start getting things organized for taxes.  

 

Can't help but feel very uncertain about what is happening in the world and in our country.  We are having shootings here in parts of the city. Seems there is a story of someone or people being shot every day on the local news.  Some just random drive bys.   Makes me nervous while driving through certain parts of town.  

 

Sometimes I can't watch the news or have to take a break because it can be so depressing.  We could use some good news for a change.

 

Hope everyone else is having as good a weekend as possible.

Edited by highanxiety

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Stressed. School's really hectic even though it has only been a week of school but the school did warn us that we would be spending 80% of our year studying our ass off for the A levels. I can barely take a rest w/o thinking about studying. My face has also started to breakout and it stresses me even more. I don't even want to go out of the house because I'm quite embarrassed.

Oh and sometimes it's sad how when you think someone is nice and starting a good friendship but turns out they actually need something from you. A classmate was always thought to be "close" but she's starting to ask so many favors (which I honestly didn't mind in the beginning) but now everything is has become a request, and she ALWAYS interrogates me on whether I'm studying or not. I feel slightly uncomfortable because even my parents don't ask me if I'm studying. And another friend of mine (a secondary school classmate) only contacts me when she needs help in her studies.

Is this how my life is going to turn out? Where everyone just uses me and then dumps me when they don't need me. Sounds great.

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I feel annoyed. It snowed overnight and now that I'm a grownup, I hate it. Also it's freaking cold. -14 Celsius/ 7 Fahrenheit. Not supposed to get much warmer. Every little thing bothers me when it's so cold and dry.

At least it didn't snow much. It's very dry snow so easy to push off the driveway. And my spouse is doing that part. And squeeze! He found the newspaper!

Okay, now that I've written it out, I don't feel so bad.

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Woke up after very broken, fitful sleep feeling pretty horrible. Mornings are the worst for me too, Lauryn, et. al.

 

I am starting to wonder if I am ever going to get over this divorce and losing the most wonderful woman to ever grace my life. I know I need to let go and move on with my life, but knowing it and doing it just can't seem to reconcile   :no:

 

 

 

I miss her. I really, really miss her   :tear2:

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Beyond awful. But it's because I was really sick a couple of days ago and now feel exhausted going from one room to another. Also having horrendous, fitful sleep with very deep and disturbing dreams, emotionally much too powerful, so I wake up feeling completely shaken. I've made some really bad decisions the last 6 months and am going to write them off and not look back. I just want to live a healthy, productive life. I'll still get depression and anxiety but hopefully nothing to compare to the hell I've endured in the last half year while messing around with stuff I shouldn't have been messing around with. I'm done.

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Also I'm anxious. I am going out to meet a whole bunch of people I have never met before. I know one from Facebook. That's it. It's a workshop.

Wishing the workshop person would cancel because of the weather...

Will have to go out in it.  So taking a shower is difficult. So cold.

I have soup cooking for later, though.

 

My stomach is a little fluttery from anxiety.

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Lauryn, I don't know if you take a probiotic, but they can really work wonders for your immune system, especially recovering from stuff like that. I'm amazed at how much healthier I've been on them, plus the other supplements I'm taking. Of course, I'm also eating healthier, and that's turned everything around. I think too much carbs, especially grains, were wreaking havoc on my system overall.

 

I'm doing well today. Bit fog-brained, but reading and getting quite a bit done. I finished another book, and started another. I'm loving the older lit.

 

Now I need to tap out a paper and finish a Melville novella...

 

I'm nervous about the paper, but I'm determined to start off on the right foot this semester, and this is the only damn long weekend I'm going to have, aside from Spring Break. So - here I go.

 

Good luck today, everyone!

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Scared beyond belief. I'm going to an employment agency tomorrow, but it's not that that has me worried. It's an hour drive in possibly bad weather in my major city. My last experience was forgettable. Other than that, my life still sucks.

~ KS

Edited by KidSurvivor2011

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I feel good. I know this feeling is fleeting because I have work tomorrow and a pile of stress to look forward to. But right now I will enjoy the feeling.

 

Hugs to all who are feeling low and down. I dearly hope for all those who are struggling that there are better, brighter days ahead.

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It's Sunday evening again. The gloom has set in.  Celine said it best when he wrote : “The worst part is wondering how you’ll find the strength tomorrow to go on doing what you did today and have been doing for much too long, where you’ll find the strength for all that stupid running around, those projects that come to nothing, those attempts to escape from crushing necessity, which always founder and serve only to convince you one more time that destiny is implacable, that every night will find you down and out, crushed by the dread of more and more sordid and insecure tomorrows."

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Lonelyhiker if there is one positive to your situation it is that time always heals heartache. It's the worst feeling in the world and I'd prefer to be beaten into a coma that go through it. That's why I do not open my self to anyone anymore. Sslowly show them they are better off moving on to someone better and it is much easier.

A persons emotions are like a broke vase. It can be dropped and broken many times and glued back together but after so much damage there is nothing to glue to hold together. Crushed pieces of glass. All you can do it sit it on the table broken as it is or throw it away completely

I'll never give any part of me to anything or anyone again. Ever.

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I am feeling too many emotions right now. When I left my ex two years ago I had to leave my dog of thirteen years with him. I had absolutely no choice and was willing to put her down at that time. She was a chow and absolutely not able to adopt out. Had I taken her to the pound she would have been put to sleep and I thought it best if I took her to a vet for a peaceful goodbye. At the last moment my ex said he wanted to keep her. I was grateful because she did love him and wasn't going to have to be uprooted or put to sleep. So, yesterday I got a text from him saying he had to have her put to sleep. She had aged to the point that she needed assistance getting down the stairs to pee and was suffering. I get that. The thing is I feel as though he should have told me before he put her down and allowed me closure or a least a day to process what was happening. I don't know. I'm all over the place and angry with myself for not even knowing if I should be upset about this. It's been an ongoing theme in my life where I just don't know how the average person would respond to this. Would most people be upset?

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{{{{{{{{Renee}}}}}}}} I just don't have words. He should have told you, but might have been under pressure to have her put down.

I know I would be horribly upset. To not be able to say goodbye to a beloved pet is horrible. Edited to add: I don't think you are horrible, just that the situation is. Your ex should have told you.

Edited by Dolphin2013

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I would, renee. I develop very close bonds with animals as a lot of us do. And I know what you mean about an ongoing theme in your life about wondering if it's the way most people would respond. I would be completely devastated, just to get a text after the fact. I would feel very wronged if that were done to me. Some people just don't feel things as deeply as others. And some are just plain shallow, and don't seem to consider how someone else involved may feel. I know you are feeling a loss and bereavement for your pet and I'm very sorry for your loss, and that you have learned about it this way.

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