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The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread 2


freckledface

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Good morning. :) I'm doing well, surprisingly, maybe impossibly well, thank God. School isn't as bad as I'd feared. I'm handling it very well, staying on top of everything, and I know the attitude change makes all the difference. (I also feel completely fine and unaffected by what happened yesterday, miraculously. I was woken up this morning, too, but it was just in the nick of time! And I'm going to need to get up around that time for the rest of the semester. :D How's that for propitious? Or Providential. :)

 

I've swapped out a couple of difficult, demanding classes for what look like much easier, more laid-back ones. I'm now down to only three lit classes, two of which don't look that hard. The third looks and sounds challenging, but I'm hoping I can manage, or else switch out of it to something else. I've got until the 17th for drop/add week.

 

:) All in all, doing well and staying on top of things. Intend to keep doing so. Best to everyone!

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Lonely, but...

 

determined to keep going in life. 

 

I am determined to attach my pride and self-respect to effort, not outcomes. My efforts at work, with friends, writing and self-improvement (spirituality). This may indeed be the life I will live until I die, but at least will have given it my shot - kept trying to enrich my existence and believe in myself.

 

Best and hugs to all of you!!!

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Really discouraged. :/ Just told my boss that I'm working very hard but get very little acknowledgement for my hard work. Hopefully I won't get into trouble, but she chastised me for not getting something done when my plate is overfull and I am working very hard to get things done. Now I'm nervous, but I felt it had to be said.

Edited by RiverLight
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Lonely, but...

 

determined to keep going in life. 

 

I am determined to attach my pride and self-respect to effort, not outcomes. My efforts at work, with friends, writing and self-improvement (spirituality). This may indeed be the life I will live until I die, but at least will have given it my shot - kept trying to enrich my existence and believe in myself.

 

Best and hugs to all of you!!!

I'm feeling hugged, Brian. Thanks!!

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When I let myself stop worrying, I actually get excited about my classes. Some of it is really interesting and exciting stuff, stuff I personally have a taste for. :)

 

I'm working on not having click-whir responses to things, like I'm in the past. Snubs usually have nothing to do with me, and everything to do with the other person and where they are right now. Often it's just simple miscommunication anyway. I know I'm not really being targeted when my roommates seem inconsiderate, too. Some of it may indeed be selfishness and there may be something wrong with one person, but the other two are basically nice. Also, people are just thoughtless and unaware sometimes. It feels dangerous sometimes to think that way, like I might leave myself vulnerable to worse trouble, but this is not my childhood, and these are not the same people -- none are physically violent or blatantly verbally abusive, at all. I know I don't have the same kind of attack to fear.

 

It's automatic to blow things out of proportion sometimes, but even when selfishness or malice are present, the danger is simply not on the level that my body tells me with its panic and gut reflexes. My automatic responses are not "wrong;" it's natural and right for my body to try to protect and warn me. It's just that it was conditioned for one kind of (thankfully fairly unusual) environment, and social circle, and I am far, far away, in a completely different environment and among completely different social circles now. I avoid the old ones like the plague, and will do so consciously and scrupulously from now on.

 

I'm glad I took this moment to unwind, reflect, and become conscious of this. I feel such a peace and readiness - and I'm ready to live in and according to my present environment and social circles now. :)

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Watching the pillars of my life that I have known for many years slowly crumble and die around me. Not much of it left now. Had high hopes, but they were futile in the end. Soon security and people will be gone. Leaves me hopelessly sad and lonely. Very low.

Ready to die, but am relatively healthy, so I'll have to struggle on. Don't want to, though. Really disappointed in how life turned out. Its nobody's fault, but it's a losing game.

Edited by One More Red Nightmare
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I need strength to get through this day. Someone please send me strength.

 

My spirit was totally crushed yesterday when my boss yelled at me unnecessarily in front of my team, humiliating me. One task slipped through the cracks during Monday's chaos, it got done on Tuesday, but she freaked because it wasn't done Monday. She had thrown so much at me once that I simply forgot. She said, "why do I have to ask you to do this?" "I don't want to have to come in on this again." It's not as though I always forget things; I'm usually very organized. But seriously, did she need to chastise me like that in front of the whole team?

 

I'm going to keep my head down today, but man, I really don't need to be kicked around like this. Glad I told her that I don't feel my hard work is appreciated.

 

Yesterday I couldn't work the last two hours of the day because of this and just went onto chat here instead. :/ Same thing may happen today; hope she is nice to me today.

Edited by RiverLight
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I need strength to get through this day. Someone please send me strength.

 

My spirit was totally crushed yesterday when my boss yelled at me unnecessarily in front of my team, humiliating me. One task slipped through the cracks during Monday's chaos, it got done on Tuesday, but she freaked because it wasn't done Monday. She had thrown so much at me once that I simply forgot. She said, "why do I have to ask you to do this?" "I don't want to have to come in on this again." It's not as though I always forget things; I'm usually very organized. But seriously, did she need to chastise me like that in front of the whole team?

 

I'm going to keep my head down today, but man, I really don't need to be kicked around like this. Glad I told her that I don't feel my hard work is appreciated.

 

Yesterday I couldn't work the last two hours of the day because of this and just went onto chat here instead. :/ Same thing may happen today; hope she is nice to me today.

 

Sending a can of spinach and Popeye level strength your way River!!!!  

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Bit out of sorts this morning. Forced myself to get up almost immediately upon waking, instead of allowing my brain to catch up like usual. So I don't feel *all here.* Fog-brained, and not much presence of mind, so it's been hard controlling impulses and that. I had little time this morning to prep before classes - about to head off now, don't come back for almost 8 hours - and the car insurance co. isn't answering so I can't renew my policy. The MVD said I had to do so by today... I guess I'll try back later, but I can't very well rattle off my payment info on a busy campus. Hm. I'm sure it will be all right, something can be worked out, so I won't worry.

 

I've just been kind of scattered, forcing myself to rush instead of letting myself slow down and enjoy things, so I didn't get much done. Going to try to consciously go in the other direction now.

 

Have a good day, everyone. Best wishes!

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Climbing the anxiety tree. I have a very important application deadline tomorrow and I'm struggling with distilling and editing what I've written for it, which needs to be condensed to about 1/30th. Beating myself up for leaving things to the last minute again, plus I’m still feeling thoughtmuddled from a recent migraine.

 

Wishing the perfection monsters would eat themselves à la Ouroboros instead of gnawing on my head. I think I have an OCD rumination branch that pertains to editing. Is that a thing? I think it is for me.

 

Firing up willpower and the teapot.

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I'm miserable and hungry and crying but my family has guests over and I can't go in the kitchen without having to greet them, but I don't feel brave enough for that.

I hate love and I hate feelings I really hate that I can't choose not to feel this stupid s***ty pain. I'm so embarrassed that I'm such a fool. I just really wanna tear out my heart and stab it until it stops being so stupid feeling things it should never feel.

 

I guess I'm just gonna sleep

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