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The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread 2


freckledface

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I think I'm done, there's nothing more I can do.  My son hasn't been back to school since last Tuesday, we tried but the panic hits with a force.  He went for two days and I thought we were getting back on track.  We've stopped the anxiety meds (Alprax) because he doesn't think they're working and possibly making him worse.  He doesn't feel 'safe' anywhere but his bedroom at the moment and I can do nothing but sit here and watch his life go down the toilet just like mine did. 

 

Why?  Why is this happening.  I'm angry, frustrated and defeated.  I can feel the darkness laughing at me and I'm too weak to fight back.....I have nothing....I'm lost....my son's lost....I can't do this anymore.  I'd pray for a miracle but I don't believe in God...how can I.

 

I'm sorry for all of you who are suffering too, it's so unfair :hugs:

(((Purplestorm))) I came on here to post my bummed feelings about having to go to work tomorrow but after reading your post, I only want to be compassionate to you. Oh what a tough time this is for you. I'm going to offer every single day of this week and pray a novena for you and your son. Don't worry about not believing. Times like these we have to believe for each other. Most specifically, that the right drug can be found for your son. Risperdal and Celexa are the only two I'm aware of. How old is your son? Is it possible he can get adult education equivalent to high school later in life when he's stronger? The burden a mother feels for a child is like no other. Strength healing and peace to you both.

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I think I'm done, there's nothing more I can do.  My son hasn't been back to school since last Tuesday, we tried but the panic hits with a force.  He went for two days and I thought we were getting back on track.  We've stopped the anxiety meds (Alprax) because he doesn't think they're working and possibly making him worse.  He doesn't feel 'safe' anywhere but his bedroom at the moment and I can do nothing but sit here and watch his life go down the toilet just like mine did. 

 

Why?  Why is this happening.  I'm angry, frustrated and defeated.  I can feel the darkness laughing at me and I'm too weak to fight back.....I have nothing....I'm lost....my son's lost....I can't do this anymore.  I'd pray for a miracle but I don't believe in God...how can I.

 

I'm sorry for all of you who are suffering too, it's so unfair :hugs:

(((Purplestorm))) I came on here to post my bummed feelings about having to go to work tomorrow but after reading your post, I only want to be compassionate to you. Oh what a tough time this is for you. I'm going to offer every single day of this week and pray a novena for you and your son. Don't worry about not believing. Times like these we have to believe for each other. Most specifically, that the right drug can be found for your son. Risperdal and Celexa are the only two I'm aware of. How old is your son? Is it possible he can get adult education equivalent to high school later in life when he's stronger? The burden a mother feels for a child is like no other. Strength healing and peace to you both.

 

 

Follena, thank you so much for your kind words and prayers, my son is 15.  Please don't let me stop you posting about going to work, that's what this thread is for and I'd be bummed too.  :hugs:

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Tired but stressed after work but ok?

 

Did my first breakdown today, changed the N/S (near Side) mirror on bus no #113 at Deakin University after the driver smashed the glass in it.

 

Work is still stressful, one of the apprentices had a go at me when i was driving the forklift, no idea why he did. And also complained about my metal fab skils and how i was doing the job. I told him, "Dont like it? Stiff "

Still conterplating on resigning, i find it very difficult to adapt to working in buses compaired to cars, im still looking to go elsewhere.

 

Right now im just working on the XH, dealing with the headlights and the drivers door lock actuator.

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(((Purple))) BIG bear like ones!  Your post was so tough to read.  I truly believe there is hope for your son.  It is going to be trial and error and a long slog, unfortunately, but it will come.  Maybe tiny steps then school are what is needed right now?  I send you as much courage as I can.

 

highanxiety - I liked reading your positive outlook, your hope that you can live in the present.  I agree, it is essential.  

 

As for me, early morning, first day of work for the week - no more needs to be said.  Yuuuuck!  

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Purplestorm,

 

Your son will look back some day and know you fought for him.  When my son was sixteen, I had to sign him out of school.  It was a tough decision, but he was missing so many days that I was facing jail time and a fine.  I did everything I could, including hearings with the school board, but at the end of the day I couldn't make him go.  He had turned to drugs and alcohol in an attempt to ease the pain from his Dad dieing and my previous behavior and to self-medicate anxiety.  I thought his life was going to be like mine and I felt responsible.  He started seeing therapists when he was in third grade.  He was diagnosed with ADD and on Ritalin for a time.  I know this scenario is different than you sons, but the common denominator is I was hopeless he'd have a joyous life.  

 

He's thirty now, graduated from college, married with three children, just bought his first house, and is a very kind man.  He's been sober for nine years.  His younger brother is twenty-seven, was in a similar situation and has been sober for eight years.  He is engaged to a wonderful woman, makes way more money than his Mom, and is also a very kind man.  Both of them suffer from depression and anxiety and though they are not on medication for it it has greatly improved for them. 

 

I felt your heartache when I read your post.  I remember those years with my boys and how incredibly hard it was for us all.  Keep hope alive.  When they were unable to come out of their rooms I went in there with them.  I would make them their favorite meal, and we played hours of chess.  Later, when things were bad for me they did the same for me. 

 

So sorry for your struggles.  A mother's love runs deep.

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I'm feeling a bit anxious this morning.  I have to go to work for an inservice, which I'm not to concerned with, but I haven't been to work since the woman was reported for being intoxicated.  If she passed her drug screen, which is likely since she's said she has her daughter pee for her, she may be there.  I also don't know how the other employees feel about her being reported.  They weren't there and so probably don't get what sort of a situation she placed us in.  I was so scared for her, but scared too for the residents and for the workers who had to make a decision about what to do.  It was a horrible night and the idea that she may be mad at us makes me angry.  Well, I don't know what's happened these past three days so I guess I'll just go and do what I need to do and let the chips fall where they may.  I guess the good news is if she does that at work again it's not my problem.  The management has been made aware and will likely keep watch.

 

Do you ever just get tired of seemingly unnecessary stuff entering your space? 

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Awww... ((((((((Purple)))))))) sending you massive hugs & strength through this most difficult time with your son.. That was very heartbreaking to read... I can understand your sentiments of wanting to give up. There is hope though.. unfortunately sometimes it takes fighting an uphill battle, and the will to keep on fighting. Hoping and praying for a positive outcome for you!

 

As for me, I woke up definitely on the wrong side of the bed & maybe on the wrong side of the planet. I don't know if I have the strength today to face this major challenge at work. Wish I could call in sick. :verysad3:

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I work as a self employed property manager for a couple of small condominiums. One of them is filled with childish, ignorant jerks that would make an average 12 year old look like a mature professor. They have annoyed me greatly so I am joining them and being childish and stubborn too. I just do not care. 

 

I am going shopping.

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Purple, I'm so sorry that you and your son are traveling down this road. I wish I could take it away as well. (((Massive Hugs))) to you and all that are here.

 

My eyeballs are heavy, the insomnia beast wouldn't leave me the duck alone. I've got the coffee IV hooked up so hoping that helps. I'm not really sure anything can help though. I'm feeling extreme pressure to get back to work and since I'm not finding anything that I'm qualified to do that means I'll have to find a job that will put my self esteem and confidence further into the pits and make pennies. As if.... *%$#^*%&%^

I need an off switch.

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Trying to get motivated. 

 

On a positive note my wife and I raised over 1000$ for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention and are doing a walk for them on 10/25.  I was ambivalent about this because I thought it might tip people off that I tried to check out early, but then I cam to the conclusion that I was being paranoid.

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My eyeballs are heavy, the insomnia beast wouldn't leave me the duck alone. I've got the coffee IV hooked up so hoping that helps. I'm not really sure anything can help though. I'm feeling extreme pressure to get back to work and since I'm not finding anything that I'm qualified to do that means I'll have to find a job that will put my self esteem and confidence further into the pits and make pennies. As if.... *%$#^*%&%^

I need an off switch.

FF, very sorry about the insomnia.... that truly sucks. :( I hope you can get some good rest soon. I was in your same position job-wise a year ago and settled for a job that was half the salary I used to earn, starting at the bottom rung again. However, it felt good just to be working full-time again after so long, and the job served as a stepping stone for my next position, so it helped. Even if you have to start at the bottom somewhere, it's a start at least and will serve you well in the future for other opportunities.. just another way to look at it. big (((hugs)))

Edited by havehope
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Omg... I'm going to scream. My boss is having me revise my monthly executive report for the third freaking time and it was due the first week of this month. She can't make up her mind about what she wants in this report, it's driving me insane.

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My eyeballs are heavy, the insomnia beast wouldn't leave me the duck alone. I've got the coffee IV hooked up so hoping that helps. I'm not really sure anything can help though. I'm feeling extreme pressure to get back to work and since I'm not finding anything that I'm qualified to do that means I'll have to find a job that will put my self esteem and confidence further into the pits and make pennies. As if.... *%$#^*%&%^

I need an off switch.

FF, very sorry about the insomnia.... that truly sucks. :( I hope you can get some good rest soon. I was in your same position job-wise a year ago and settled for a job that was half the salary I used to earn, starting at the bottom rung again. However, it felt good just to be working full-time again after so long, and the job served as a stepping stone for my next position, so it helped. Even if you have to start at the bottom somewhere, it's a start at least and will serve you well in the future for other opportunities.. just another way to look at it. big (((hugs)))

 

 

Thank you hh, I appreciate your support. If it was just me, it wouldn't be as such a big deal but I have two kids and this is the first time in over 20 years that I've not worked. I know I have a pretty s***ty outlook on it but it's just hard, you know? I have other people depending on me and I'm failing them miserably. :(

Edited by freckledface
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Oh havehope i feel you!! you deserve a better boss 59491299.jpg

 

Oh Brian I-m-the-BOSSY-DAD-fathers-day-funny.png

 

haha been feeling the worst anxiety ever through the day with a big black hole of sadness in me i had noting to do but keep walking up and down meaninglessly. I need to take radical changes in my treatment and search for alternative docs,meds or ECT.

 

 

Damn freckledface as you write in your profile ''Always laugh when you can. It's cheap medicine.'' i'm so sorry you feel that way now,without laughter life on our planet would be intolerable.It's pity we can't laugh.

 

 

 

 

  Edited by desperados
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