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The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread 2


freckledface

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Everyone's having a positive outlook on the new year and the whole of 2016 but here I am just dreading it.

I'm just not prepared for the s***ty things that are going to happen next year just like it has happened this year. I'm not sure if I can handle it. I hate New Year, because it reminds me of another s***ty year ahead.

Hi Anita, I hope the opposite is true and that you have a better year ahead! Though I can understand feeling like it's just going to be crappy.

 

I wish the holidays weren't so hard on so many people. Even though I'm looking forward to the change of the year and putting the past behind me, I can't wait until the holidays are over.

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Feeling like I'm lazy. The problem is I don't know that I enjoy doing much stuff. I like reading, watching films, writing (sometimes), trying to teach myself to dance (from YouTube videos) and eating. But they are all indoor activities and pretty much all can be done at home. So I stay in. A LOT. My gf is into things like hiking and taking day trips to different places. I just don't enjoy that stuff very much but I know it would be good for me and would probably help with depression. At least when I was running, that would be an hour every day that I was out of the house. So in the New Year I definitely want to run regularly, maybe take a class (like yoga or something) and maybe do one more thing regularly which makes me leave the house.

 

Does anyone else feel like this?

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Feeling like I'm lazy. The problem is I don't know that I enjoy doing much stuff. I like reading, watching films, writing (sometimes), trying to teach myself to dance (from YouTube videos) and eating. But they are all indoor activities and pretty much all can be done at home. So I stay in. A LOT. My gf is into things like hiking and taking day trips to different places. I just don't enjoy that stuff very much but I know it would be good for me and would probably help with depression. At least when I was running, that would be an hour every day that I was out of the house. So in the New Year I definitely want to run regularly, maybe take a class (like yoga or something) and maybe do one more thing regularly which makes me leave the house.

 

Does anyone else feel like this?

hey budfox, I stay in all the time too... and I mean all the time, except maybe a walk here and there. But I used to be much more outdoorsy and used to roller blade and kayak. Now I don't do much at all, so I know the feeling. I definitely want to start exercising too, and doing something that gets me outside. Problem for me is that I now live in a place that doesn't encourage me to want to be outside. It's boring suburbia. Doing anything outdoors means driving somewhere. Although there is a wide foot path that is good for biking. So there's one thing I could do. Anyways, I'm with you!

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Feeling like I'm lazy. The problem is I don't know that I enjoy doing much stuff. I like reading, watching films, writing (sometimes), trying to teach myself to dance (from YouTube videos) and eating. But they are all indoor activities and pretty much all can be done at home. So I stay in. A LOT. My gf is into things like hiking and taking day trips to different places. I just don't enjoy that stuff very much but I know it would be good for me and would probably help with depression. At least when I was running, that would be an hour every day that I was out of the house. So in the New Year I definitely want to run regularly, maybe take a class (like yoga or something) and maybe do one more thing regularly which makes me leave the house.

 

Does anyone else feel like this?

hey budfox, I stay in all the time too... and I mean all the time, except maybe a walk here and there. But I used to be much more outdoorsy and used to roller blade and kayak. Now I don't do much at all, so I know the feeling. I definitely want to start exercising too, and doing something that gets me outside. Problem for me is that I now live in a place that doesn't encourage me to want to be outside. It's boring suburbia. Doing anything outdoors means driving somewhere. Although there is a wide foot path that is good for biking. So there's one thing I could do. Anyways, I'm with you!

 

 

Thanks Riverlight. I feel less bad knowing I'm not the only one. Big groups of people stress me out so much. Taking a flight a few days ago, the airport was like a zoo. So I have to avoid crowds. But even taking a walk in a nice forest or something which everyone is supposed to enjoy leaves me feeling nothing and I have to pretend to be as happy as my gf who loves all that stuff.

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yeah, I hear you, budfox. I hate large crowds too. They stress me out just as much. I feel claustrophobic.

 

Maybe you don't have to pretend to be happy when doing those activities with your gf? I mean, maybe you don't have to feel pressured to enjoy them like she does, but just simply enjoy the time together that you're spending? That's another way to look at it. And then just find something that you do enjoy that will get out a little more.. like running, as you mentioned.

 

I do think getting out helps depression - I know for me, that staying in all the time doesn't help. I think it's awesome that you're learning dance from Youtube videos, :) I use those for yoga sometimes and meditation, but I, too, need to get the heck out of the house and do a class or something healthy. I feel so unhealthy lately. :(  My New years resolution: get healthier!!!! hmm.. I say this every year.

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yeah, I hear you, budfox. I hate large crowds too. They stress me out just as much. I feel claustrophobic.

 

Maybe you don't have to pretend to be happy when doing those activities with your gf? I mean, maybe you don't have to feel pressured to enjoy them like she does, but just simply enjoy the time together that you're spending? That's another way to look at it. And then just find something that you do enjoy that will get out a little more.. like running, as you mentioned.

 

I do think getting out helps depression - I know for me, that staying in all the time doesn't help. I think it's awesome that you're learning dance from Youtube videos, :) I use those for yoga sometimes and meditation, but I, too, need to get the heck out of the house and do a class or something healthy. I feel so unhealthy lately. :(  My New years resolution: get healthier!!!! hmm.. I say this every year.

 

Thanks RL, we should try and encourage each other in 2016. There was a time when I would go to a yoga class every day and run pretty much every day too. I felt really good. Now I feel doughy and unfit. I hope we can both do more in 2016. Just doing stuff like that increases self esteem I think, the sheer accomplishment of it. Never mind all the benefits for your body and mind.

 

Thank you for your advice about not feeling pressured to enjoy stuff. I think it's good advice. The time I feel furthest apart from my gf is when she's looking out at some view and her face shows only blissful contentment, whereas I just want to get back home! I'm such a sad sack.

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ho ho ho ho ho damn the celebrations of the new year when there is war at everywhere around the globe and dying people cause of starvation,poverty and human made natural disasters....no matter in what year we are the world is always the same and only getting a worser place to live in.

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Hey budfox, yes, let's encourage each other, great idea! I definitely need a good kick in the butt to get more active. It does increase self-esteem and endorphins that help with depression. And exercise just feels good. You're not a sad sack... maybe in time you can grow to appreciate the differences between you and your gf? The fact that she feels blissful when doing outdoor activities and you're more content or more comfortable at home? I tend to be more of a homebody myself. It's like a safe haven & refuge away from a world of trouble, chaos and stress.

 

Hi desperados, I can relate to your sentiments. The world is becoming a scarier place to live by the day and so many suffer around the globe.

Edited by RiverLight
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Lauryn,

 

I hate your rehab coordinator. When are these nasty idiots going to realise we're doing our damn best? Mind you I've also seen people badmouth a girl with multiple sclerosis for 'leaving eary' every day (she wasn't even leaving early, just not staying late) so I can only conclude that there are a lot of vile people out there.

 

I'm in my hotel room and there are fireworks going off right outside my window. I don't mean in a nice pretty display type of way, I mean it honestly feels like I'm in a warzone type of way. It's not very calming. I've decided I don't like New Year's Eve much. Sleep is going to be impossible until these fireworks stop.

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My resolution is to be fit (which is to lose like 20 pounds)

I really do want to go to the gym but the thought of having people inside just scares me and thus I don't go to the gym. There was once when I walked past the gym (in full gear) and I saw people, I turned around and went home instead. I was also once inside the gym because thankfully no one was there, but 5 minutes later, someone entered and I got so scared I stood at the corner of the gym for 45 minutes before mustering the courage to leave. I would exercise at home but i don't have any treadmills (my parents won't get one hehe) and I know there are indoor exercises but I have to run.

Anyways, it's 2016 now and..............I don't feel anything. Its going to be a long year and honestly, I'm not up for it. My friend sent me a new year's text, and also an interesting message that implied that I chose the "lifestyle" I'm in which is why I'm at this stage and that all I had to do was to "stop it" because it's not that difficult. I don't even know how to feel at this point.

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Lauryn, I'm so sorry! I'd be nervous, too, I've never been able to stand loose ends like that. Her attitude sounds almost fishy. Can you go around her or over her head to make sure other people get this done?

 

I'm really sorry you're struggling with this right now. It sucks when difficult people like this get in the way, either deliberately or otherwise.

 

I'm feeling pretty good. I had an appt with the pastor at the new progressive church. It went well except that I was a bit nervous I rambled on without a clear sort of organization of plan. Wish I'd thought more about what to say and ask beforehand. I think I had a lot of religious baggage and it was just nice to get it off my chest.

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Thanks, budfox.  The thing that's making me nervous is I've had issues with my pdoc and forms before, where she doesn't get them in on time or makes mistakes.  The insurance company sent her a "graduated return to work" plan for me for Feburary, so I'm hoping she changes the date on it, as well as changing the date on the form she sent to my employer.  I won't feel secure now until I know that my coverage will continue until April.  Stupid rehab coordinator.  I wouldn't be doubting it except for her words and attitude.

Hi Lauryn. so very sorry... that is nerve wracking (spelling??) to say the least. That coordinator sounds like a real fool -- how ignorant to use those words and scare you like that. I truly hope your pdoc pulls through for you asap and that all is swiftly resolved! *hugs*

Edited by RiverLight
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It astounds me how those of you working, going to school, and more can go through the motions while depressed.  As I've mentioned to you before,  it must take tremendous bravery pulling back your depression/sadness while working.  Putting on that proverbial mask to get by each day.  I wish I could still work, but in my business I am in the public eye all the time, and I don't think I can wear a mask anymore.

 

I have felt the stigma about depression for some time now and have lost many friendships and even family as the result of it.  Many feel I am faking it for attention or something, and I'm using it for an excuse not to go out  or be more social.  It seems to be like a catch 22 where if you tell a family member or friend straight out that you are depressed, many times they run for the hills because they just don't get it.  And that seems to be a normal response in my world, and I don't blame them for it.  I just wish they understood.  And then on the other hand if you become isolated and withdrawn without giving them a good reason the reaction is something is wrong with you or you are sending out negative vibes so they don't want to be around you.,  Or in a couple cases have told me I need to check into rehab.

 

Depression is so misunderstood, and more education needs to be put out there so people will understand, and lend support instead of making you feel worse because you aren't social any more.  

 

It is going to take awhile for me to get out of this depression.  It is especially hard compounded with PTSD and suffering from a chronic illness. But whatever happens, I'm thankful for this forum because we do get each other and can sympathize with each other's pain.  I know I can feel very alone in this world, but this forum has given me validation and support for depression, and just knowing you are here makes me feel so much less alone.

 

Thank you for that.  I feel I can face the new year with your help, continuing therapy, and in particular learning how to forgive. and just stop blaming myself for everything!  Feeling guilty and having no sense of trust in people is what I truly want to overcome this year if at all possible.

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On what`s supposed to be a fabulous night (at least it looks like the people on tv are having fun) I am feeling pretty down tonight.It feels like just any other night.I`m just feeling sad and lonely I guess.I hope at least some of you out there are having a good time. I just want to wish all of you here on the DF a happy new year!!!!!!!

 

:bestwishes: :bestwishes: :party: :party: :gathering: :gathering: :buttrock: :buttrock: :happyny15: :happyny15:

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Feeling pretty okay today and wishing the next year will be a better one. I just finished my resolution list although I feel like I'll probably add on to it throughout the year (kinda defeats the purpose though). I wish you guys a good New Years eve :)

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It astounds me how those of you working, going to school, and more can go through the motions while depressed.  As I've mentioned to you before,  it must take tremendous bravery pulling back your depression/sadness while working.  Putting on that proverbial mask to get by each day.  I wish I could still work, but in my business I am in the public eye all the time, and I don't think I can wear a mask anymore.

 

I have felt the stigma about depression for some time now and have lost many friendships and even family as the result of it.  Many feel I am faking it for attention or something, and I'm using it for an excuse not to go out  or be more social.  It seems to be like a catch 22 where if you tell a family member or friend straight out that you are depressed, many times they run for the hills because they just don't get it.  And that seems to be a normal response in my world, and I don't blame them for it.  I just wish they understood.  And then on the other hand if you become isolated and withdrawn without giving them a good reason the reaction is something is wrong with you or you are sending out negative vibes so they don't want to be around you.,  Or in a couple cases have told me I need to check into rehab.

 

Depression is so misunderstood, and more education needs to be put out there so people will understand, and lend support instead of making you feel worse because you aren't social any more.  

 

It is going to take awhile for me to get out of this depression.  It is especially hard compounded with PTSD and suffering from a chronic illness. But whatever happens, I'm thankful for this forum because we do get each other and can sympathize with each other's pain.  I know I can feel very alone in this world, but this forum has given me validation and support for depression, and just knowing you are here makes me feel so much less alone.

 

Thank you for that.  I feel I can face the new year with your help, continuing therapy, and in particular learning how to forgive. and just stop blaming myself for everything!  Feeling guilty and having no sense of trust in people is what I truly want to overcome this year if at all possible.

 

Thanks High for the lovely sentiments in your post!!!

 

I have thought about the issues you have brought up for a very long time.  It is a catch-22 - you open up, you drive people away, you isolate, and you spiral. It puts us in a tough position.  Like you, I don't blame others necessarily for shunning us.  That may sound harsh - and I am NOT saying we deserve to be shunned (WE DO NOT!) - but everybody hurts, as REM said. Buddha said that life is suffering, and that means even for people who do not suffer depression.  I think that those people tire of our doom and gloom because they fear it will bring them down too. It is human to seek the light.  I think they are mostly trying to protect themselves.

 

As for the working bit - we must remember that depression is a continuum. While I have had major depressive episodes for 30 years, and have never felt "joy" for extended periods, I have not be incapacitated for long periods at all.  I am thankful for that.  But it is not because I a strong and great.  I've just been lucky, that's all. I got this, but not nearly as bad as many others. I have never been in the state that I hear about here, that was so vividly portrayed by Kirsten Dunst in Melancholia, where even moving is almost impossible.  When I read these posts on here I tear up.  I have never felt quite that incapacitated, but, I believe I understand it, and I empathize completely with those who are so afflicted.

 

I think the one triumph I have had is to understand that I am lucky and that I have empathized with others who have it much worse than I do.  For me, other than now 2 periods off work, I have been able to function.  But I have experienced acute (for me) down times enough to know that that does not make me a better person, or stronger.  It just makes me a person who doesn't have this disease as bad as others - at least, not yet. So, I can work (usually - I am off now LOL).  But boy do I understand, I believe, those who can't.  I think it's all a matter of degree.

 

Best to all the lovely people on here!  I hope 2016 is better.  Maybe that's all we can ask.

 

Brian

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:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

For everyone who is down or suffering tonight. You aren't alone, there are people here that care and understand..

Lady Mozzer, I'm glad you are here, (but not that you are feeling bad!)

 

highanxiety and brian, as usual very well spoken! 

On what highanxiety and brian brought up:

 

As someone who works full time, I can tell you that although work is exhausting,

I would not be able to accomplish much if I were home more.

At least this way, I am bringing money in to the household.

 

Work is my 'crutch'.  The kids getting to school is my crutch.

Without work, without others to 'take care of' I cannot motivate, I cannot get around.

Without others to be there for, I have no reason to keep breathing.

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Bit concerned about the Chinese roommate. I got back home to realize she left the house with her window open (it faces the street), and the heater running. When I went in her room to close it, she had dishes full of food lying around. I put them in the fridge, but there's nothing to wrap them in. And the room...is a sty. A charger was left plugged in the wall, but whatever it was charging was gone. I unplugged it.

 

For reasons best known to herself, she has put an end table on her bed. Said table is covered with odds and ends.

 

Wow.

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Feel in a good mood, but strangely tired. Not sure if it's tension, diet-related, or from not enough sleep. Roommate woke me up early.

 

She texted me later to apologize and say she'll "explain that when I get back home," though. Kind of sweet.

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