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freckledface

The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread 2

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So I made most of the phone calls and did most of the things that have languished on my checklist too long. Most of it wasn't nearly as bad as I'd dreaded (as usual). The credit card company just kept transferring me from one place to another. Now I'm on hold with some kind of credit counseling service. External. I'm just hoping and praying things turn out OK and can be managed with payments small enough for me to actually afford.

 

Nervous! Telling myself things will look up when I'm in grad school. :)

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Does anyone else have a hard time watching mentally ill people pay their consequences for actions they probably wouldn't have taken had they been in a right state of mind?  There's a resident where I work who just found out she has a warrant for her arrest.  She's clearly not competent to explain herself to a judge.  Her thoughts are all over the map and she is on a lot of medication, yet she's expected to show up and defend herself.  What she did indicates her state enough that you'd think they'd just let her be.  She also has a drug history which will no doubt work against her in the courtroom.  A history she probably developed because she was trying to self medicate.  Anyway, she used a grocery cart from a local store to transport her food.  Her intentions were to take it back but she went into her house to rest, took her medication, and fell asleep.  The police retrieved the cart.  She didn't show up for court and now there's a warrant.  I know everyone is responsible for their actions, but dang, the woman can't drive, is poverty stricken, and mentally ill living in a nursing home.  Has our society reached a point where they just can't look at this situation and say this is a non-violent person who's obviously ill, how about we cut her a break?  Ok, rant over.  I just wish there was a way to advocate for people like this.

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Does anyone else have a hard time watching mentally ill people pay their consequences for actions they probably wouldn't have taken had they been in a right state of mind?  There's a resident where I work who just found out she has a warrant for her arrest.  She's clearly not competent to explain herself to a judge.  Her thoughts are all over the map and she is on a lot of medication, yet she's expected to show up and defend herself.  What she did indicates her state enough that you'd think they'd just let her be.  She also has a drug history which will no doubt work against her in the courtroom.  A history she probably developed because she was trying to self medicate.  Anyway, she used a grocery cart from a local store to transport her food.  Her intentions were to take it back but she went into her house to rest, took her medication, and fell asleep.  The police retrieved the cart.  She didn't show up for court and now there's a warrant.  I know everyone is responsible for their actions, but dang, the woman can't drive, is poverty stricken, and mentally ill living in a nursing home.  Has our society reached a point where they just can't look at this situation and say this is a non-violent person who's obviously ill, how about we cut her a break?  Ok, rant over.  I just wish there was a way to advocate for people like this.

 

I could not agree with you more, renee.  I think in a decent society people like her would be helped rather than punished in a situation like that.  But then, I'm probably a pie in the sky softie.

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Ohhhh....dear.

 

So the woman on the phone at the credit counseling place was so nice. She gave me a ton of info, will send me info on resources, and has signed me up for a payment plan (ouch...but still less than what the creditor wants).

 

But. She brought my attention to...well, the fact that my financial aid will actually not last me until grad school. At best, it will last until about May, when I'll graduate with my BA (and -- hope, hope -- be able to work full time).

 

I didn't tell her my fears surrounding getting a job, of course, but that's beside the point at the moment. I'm hoping to call St. Vincent de Paul back (finally) to hopefully get some other resources. I know they sometimes assist with paying utilities and stuff, but my biggest expenses are actually rent and my car, and my special diet and supplements. I can't do anything about my current health state, but I'm wondering if there's a way I can avoid using my car...I doubt it.

 

Anyway...kind of nervous. It's good to know this, and I know I'm handling it much better than I would have before. I know things will work out somehow, and I'm so glad I decided to face this. It's much better than worrying and trying to play the ostrich.

 

Praying I find a way to bring in more money soon. That's what it comes down to, because I really just can't stretch it by only cutting down on expenses. Especially since I'll need to move across the country at the end of the summer.

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Feeling anxious about technology. My computer kicked the bucket earlier in the year and I've been using a loaner laptop until I get something new, but I've been stuck doing so. I haven't called my computer-building friend because I feel like an @-hole for not keeping in better touch prior to asking for a favor out of the blue, and figuring it out on my own is totally overwhelming.

 

Last night said loaner laptop informed me that it's reached capacity (it was never meant for long term use) so now I need to figure things out. I need a decent computer for work, research, photos, contact and things like this. At least I've backed up recently. I should have taken care of this months ago. Why is it so hard to ask for help? Biting bullets.

 

 

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been couped up 3 days now, snow over knee deep, cant describe how i feel,  has any of you ever felt so bad it was indescribable? you had no words to describe how you feel? how do you communicate such a feeling with your Drs, therapist, or whoever you recieve treatment from? how do you determine what is wrong if you cant describe what your feeling?

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Here with my Dad at one of his friends places for the night. Just sitting here doing nothing. My dads and his friend are drunk... Was a mention of me walking in on my parents when I was young... Thanks for the disturbing image. Sheesh... Not going anywhere with my Dad anymore. Same with my Mom... I really want to just leave my family. They obviously don't care about me so I should just forget about them.

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Well, I'm glad I pushed myself to go to that Meetup tonight. It was a support group, and it went really well. I wasn't expecting much, but the leader was really welcoming and helped facilitate the whole thing nicely. Plus, a lot of people (7-8?) were really nice and I got along well with them. I even spoke up about as much as the others (a big surprise! :) Their interest and the leader's invitation to speak and efforts to include me were a big help, and I'm really grateful.

 

I'm going back next week. :)

 

Oh! and just in case anybody didn't realize: I had my username changed! I was "frozen" before. :) Same avatar, which I hoped would help, but I felt a change was in order because I came to DF feeling trapped in the effects of my past and childhood, frozen by coldness and harshness. I don't feel that way anymore, in part due to DF (BIG thanks!). I posted this in the thread where I asked about changing my username, but I guess this thread is more active. Sorry, everybody, for any confusion. Don't know why I didn't think of this before! :)

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Here with my Dad at one of his friends places for the night. Just sitting here doing nothing. My dads and his friend are drunk... Was a mention of me walking in on my parents when I was young... Thanks for the disturbing image. Sheesh... Not going anywhere with my Dad anymore. Same with my Mom... I really want to just leave my family. They obviously don't care about me so I should just forget about them.

I firmly believe that loving someone is not enough... we need to learn how to love people in a way they can appreciate. I'm sure they care, maybe they just don't know healthy ways to show it. :hugs:

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Here with my Dad at one of his friends places for the night. Just sitting here doing nothing. My dads and his friend are drunk... Was a mention of me walking in on my parents when I was young... Thanks for the disturbing image. Sheesh... Not going anywhere with my Dad anymore. Same with my Mom... I really want to just leave my family. They obviously don't care about me so I should just forget about them.

I firmly believe that loving someone is not enough... we need to learn how to love people in a way they can appreciate. I'm sure they care, maybe they just don't know healthy ways to show it. :hugs:

I agree! Hugs

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Does anyone else have a hard time watching mentally ill people pay their consequences for actions they probably wouldn't have taken had they been in a right state of mind?  There's a resident where I work who just found out she has a warrant for her arrest.  She's clearly not competent to explain herself to a judge.  Her thoughts are all over the map and she is on a lot of medication, yet she's expected to show up and defend herself.  What she did indicates her state enough that you'd think they'd just let her be.  She also has a drug history which will no doubt work against her in the courtroom.  A history she probably developed because she was trying to self medicate.  Anyway, she used a grocery cart from a local store to transport her food.  Her intentions were to take it back but she went into her house to rest, took her medication, and fell asleep.  The police retrieved the cart.  She didn't show up for court and now there's a warrant.  I know everyone is responsible for their actions, but dang, the woman can't drive, is poverty stricken, and mentally ill living in a nursing home.  Has our society reached a point where they just can't look at this situation and say this is a non-violent person who's obviously ill, how about we cut her a break?  Ok, rant over.  I just wish there was a way to advocate for people like this.

 

I could not agree with you more, renee.  I think in a decent society people like her would be helped rather than punished in a situation like that.  But then, I'm probably a pie in the sky softie.

 

 

Funny, reminds me of something that happened on DF recently........

 

Feeling a bit better today after a horrendous few days. Looking back though, I can see why it happened. I can also see that while I'm here (in a Central European country for about 3 weeks) I have an opportunity to get healthy again. I'm still too wiped out today to do much but will start from tomorrow. And I'm taking my medication religiously now. I had gone almost a week without it. I really don't know what I was thinking.

Edited by budfox

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We are all alone when we get depressed...most of the people don't like to hang out with unhappy people,i've only my family that's all...

 

((((((((((((((((((( :broken_heart: Hugs :broken_heart: )))))))))))))))))))

 

Tired of living,feeling extremely unhappy and restless

(((((((((((((((((desperados)))))))))))))))) It's so good to see a post by you; I've really missed you!

 

 

Oh thx (((((((((((((((((mulberrypie)))))))))))))))))))))) I've missed you too yesterday i overdosed some seroquel and today i feel some hope in me....as the time passes it's too bad still most of us are not feeling good. i don't believe in time. ''There is only now. We experience everything now, not in the past, and not in the so called future, only now''  As Einstein says everything exists in an ever present moment. We are watching the movement of the energy going through us from a single point of perception and that energy exchange is called as ''time'' by humans.

 

 

 

Edited by desperados

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Amazed at how well I'm doing considering I was woken up at ~6AM by what sounded like construction next door (no, there isn't any). I went back to bed after feeling like a zombie, ~8:00, and then woke up when the new roommie got back ~11:40!! I made a mad dash out the door to make an appt, and just got back and had something to eat! Lol. What a beginning to a day.

 

I sent more offical GRE scores, though. More money leaking out. ($27 a pop just to send something electronically, when I have a copy of the exact same info. Grr.)

 

I've gotten so much done, though. In good spirits. :)

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I don't know if I'm going mad or finally seeing sense - I've found a uni I want to go to in another country but I only have 15 days to do the application - is this me freaking out and not thinking right? Also I'm worried about my perscription running out and I don't know if I will have to get an appointment in order to renew it

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I don't know if I'm going mad or finally seeing sense - I've found a uni I want to go to in another country but I only have 15 days to do the application - is this me freaking out and not thinking right? Also I'm worried about my perscription running out and I don't know if I will have to get an appointment in order to renew it

15 days is actually enough time, in my experience. (I've pushed more to the last minute than I care to remember, lol.) As long as you can get all the application components in, there's no reason not to apply.

 

It's great that you're excited about this! I hope it turns out well.

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The new roommate seems nice. Polite and quiet, but friendly. She's Chinese, and doesn't speak English well, but I'm used to dealing with foreign students, since I've tutored people in English for a while.

 

I hope I can pick up something like that again to bring in extra money. Kinda wish I hadn't stopped.

 

I'm a bit nervous about the last items on my to-do list. I need to call St. Vincent de Paul back. We've been playing phone tag a long time, but I don't have it clear in my head what I want to even ask help for. I'm afraid of going to an allopathic doctor now, so not my health issues so much. Money's looming largest in my mind now, but the health concern is all they're familiar with, and I don't know how to say I don't want to even go to a doctor. I don't know how I'll sound, but I have terrible experience with allopathic medicine, and I've been learning more horror stories right and left. Plus, I'm having success with natural supplements.

 

Lastly, I still need to complain about that usher at the church I went to Saturday. I'm not upset anymore, thank God, but I do feel he should be reported, as he isn't fit for that role. He could drive others away. I called someone for the priest's email, left a voicemail. I hope she gets back to me... I probably shouldn't pressure myself too much. It's the holidays again starting tomorrow. I might have to wait till the 4th.

 

I'd like to just get it over with and do what must be done, so I can put the whole thing behind me. I'm doing well now, and this has no place in my life. There's no reason to hang on to it any longer.

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Aarrggghhh.

 

So I forgot to let my new roommate know I'm sensitive to fumes, and she painted her nails in the bathroom we share. It's really strong in there, but it seeped out to most of the rest of the house. Thankfully there isn't much in my room! Surprising, it's right next door. But it drifted out to the dining room where I've been hanging out, compelling me to open a window to the frigid night. Brrrr!

 

She was so sweet about when I told her it makes me sick, though, and promised (she offered) to do it somewhere else, outside the house. Which was really nice, and frankly necessary for me. I have really bad reactions, and still feel funny. I'm leaving the bathroom fan on until it's time to get ready for bed. Should be gone by then.

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