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freckledface

The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread 2

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I hope everyone had a nice Christmas.  Not to rain on anyone's parade, but for me Christmas can be a nightmare, knowing I will be around a lot of people and have to act out being happy and full of cheer.  Well as it turned out today, I unintentionally blew every thing off because I didn't get up till 3-pm.  Too late to go or make amends, so had actually a nice day alone watching old movies and getting things done around the house.

 

When people ask me how I spent Christmas, and I say alone, they immediately go into this "you poor thing", when I retort, " What's the big deal?"

 

To be honest I think Christmas is all about getting presents for many people and that is it.  With the exception I think Christmas is a lot about kids getting presents from Santa which I think is good.   I used to love Christmas mostly for that fact.  But my parents would be sure to take us to midnight service, and morning service, so the meaning of Christmas means more than just presents.  I think many of loose sight of the true meaning.  My parents made sure when we were growing up, we would still have presents and great time, but never lose sight of what Christmas is all about.

 

Only my interpretation.  Hoping all of you have a good holiday.  And let's all have a great new beginning with 2016,  

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I TEXTED MY FRIENDS MERRY CHRISTMAS AFTER NOT TALKING TO THEM FOR MONTHS my heart is beating really fast! It's midnight so I'm screaming internally, but it's the kind of screaming where you just escaped certain death. I may have let my social anxiety go way past the point of acceptable.

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Sometimes i wonder if acting strong is a good thing or not. All these while I always thought that if i masked my feelings, it will all go away but i'm so unhappy. 

Anyways, i had my first online counselling and apparently we focussed on the wrong part of my problem but i dont know how to tell her and i feel awkward for an entire hour.

Anyways, i hoped you all had a great christmas! 

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Extremely triggered and angry, not altogether in control, wild, like I might do something crazy.

 

This usher was RIDICULOUSLY rude at church. I couldn't find my way (2nd time there) and he acted like I was crazy. Kept telling me to "sit down" and "wait your turn!" He wouldn't listen to a word I said about not understanding where to go, but more than anything, his dripping contempt. I felt trampled on, ridiculed, and worst of all, he stalked off like he'd shown me a lesson! I was boiling angry. Still am. I don't know how to get a hold of myself. I haven't been so flagrantly disrespected in some time. But way too often throughout life. This kind of thing puts me in a near-crazy frame of mind these days. It's like this kind of treatment is an attempt to get me to accept the "lie" that I'm really worthless, insignificant, etc, and that I need to submit to being kicked around (this is exactly what it was an attempt at when I was a kid, explicitly with some). I don't know how to assert the truth that I have immeasurable worth, am a human being, etc. I feel wild without some kind of recourse, and I don't know what that recourse should be. And what if no one at the church will listen? I don't know how I'll cope, and I feel out of control.

 

How should I contact the church about this?

 

This is the great new church I thought I'd found, too. But not one person reached out to me, though I was visibly upset. Maybe it's just the priest who's warm and welcoming. I can't imagine treating a visitor like this. What if I'd just been checking out the CC and got scared off from joining? People like this shouldn't be ushers, shouldn't be allowed to represent the church.

 

I wish I knew how to get a hold of myself, but I have a head injury from years ago, and my emotions have turned into wild horses.

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OK...something just happened. Now, I am not proselytizing here, I hate that kind of thing as I've been on the other end (often!), and I just find it so, so disrespectful. I truly respect, and love, and bless you all, whatever your beliefs, and I wish you every healing and good thing by whatever means is right for you. As I think Epictetus said (better) somewhere around here, I hope the best for you regardless of beliefs, and I'm glad you exist.

 

I just want to say that I've been in (intense, agonized) prayer over what I last posted, and God has completely taken it away. Off my hands. As in gone. This is not my imagination or calming after discussing it with a friend kinda thing. This is the kind of, I almost want to say "miracle," that I've been praying for, for years, that God would just heal me, take it away. And God just did.

 

Wow. Wow. Wow, wow, wow. I don't know what else to say. I just felt I had to say something, after that rather troubling post. I'm fine now...

 

Best, and blessings to you all! lol

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Hi guys, I hope you all had a Merry Christmas.  I had three days of different family get togethers, and I always seem to get overwhelmed by spending so much time with family and then returning to regular life.  I ended up crying again this year, I think because my boyfriend spend a few nights away from me with his family during the holidays and wasn't able to come home Christmas night due to a work event.  I still enjoyed my holidays, but I feel bad that I get so overwhelmed, I cried last Christmas too.  It was enjoyable to spend time with family, we don't spend a lot of time together and it was nice to spend a few night's at my mom's house.  I think change is just hard. Being an adult is hard. Splitting holidays between several families is stressful. However, I am grateful for all of the people who care and am feeling better this weekend, trying to prepare myself for reality once work starts back up again tomorrow.  I'll need some extra motivation....hopefully I'll find some!

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I am just generally dejected with life.  I feel that, going back to my crap job and lousy boss, I have nothing to look forward to in life.  It all just feels like a total drag.

That pretty much sums it up for me as well, or at least that's how I'm feeling.

<-----------F.A.I.L.U.R.E.

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I am just generally dejected with life.  I feel that, going back to my crap job and lousy boss, I have nothing to look forward to in life.  It all just feels like a total drag.  

Brian, I'm so sorry. I know well the stress of going back into close contact with someone who's been toxic, or even just someone with whom you've had a really hard time getting along.

 

I'm not sure if you've already answered this somewhere, but I don't remember -- is switching jobs a possibility for you? Or if you're trying to stick it out till retirement, do you have a long time left? Is there anything else that can be done?

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I TEXTED MY FRIENDS MERRY CHRISTMAS AFTER NOT TALKING TO THEM FOR MONTHS my heart is beating really fast! It's midnight so I'm screaming internally, but it's the kind of screaming where you just escaped certain death. I may have let my social anxiety go way past the point of acceptable.

hope things worked out :)

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Cold!!! lol. It's 57F outside...not sure if this is normal. The heater's set to 73! and reads 74 now. But the house is so cold! I'm wearing four sweaters, had a shawl wrapped around my shoulders, and just put on my great coat. It helps, but my feet are still freezing. Have been for ages.

 

I wonder if this might signal a need for some kind of vitamin or mineral...but that's just my feet. Right now, all of me is cold, and I know it's not just me. The house is made of concrete, and retains outside temperatures all too well. Going to need to crank the heat when I get back from the store, and maybe bake something...for hours...lol.

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Cold!!! lol. It's 57F outside...not sure if this is normal. The heater's set to 73! and reads 74 now. But the house is so cold! I'm wearing four sweaters, had a shawl wrapped around my shoulders, and just put on my great coat. It helps, but my feet are still freezing. Have been for ages.

 

I wonder if this might signal a need for some kind of vitamin or mineral...but that's just my feet. Right now, all of me is cold, and I know it's not just me. The house is made of concrete, and retains outside temperatures all too well. Going to need to crank the heat when I get back from the store, and maybe bake something...for hours...lol.

 

Sorry you are cold.  Everyone has a different threshold for being too cold or too warm.

 

It is 37 degrees where I'm living with mixed rain and snow.  The dampness goes right to the bone.  But this our normal weather this time of year, so we've found ways to stay warm and comfortable.

 

Not sure of any vitamin you can take.  I'm sure there are.  My guess is you may have a circulation issue which can keep your extremities cold. I have that too.  If this is not normal for you, may check it out with your doc for ideas. Meanwhile make a cup of hot tea, and put a warm quilt around you.  Hope you get warmer!

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I am just generally dejected with life.  I feel that, going back to my crap job and lousy boss, I have nothing to look forward to in life.  It all just feels like a total drag. 

 

I get where you are coming from.  Thing can very overwhelming.  I have had a string of bosses who were intimidating and mean.  Then a few that were fine.  I almost walked off the job a few times with the mean bosses as they had no premise for what they were blaming for.  Actually I had to take the heat for some of my bosses to the upper brass because they would point fingers and not own up to their mistake.

 

I hope things settle down for you.  Be strong and try to keep your power about you.

Edited by highanxiety

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Thanks, highanxiety. I'm from Seattle, and have handled cold before OK. It's just that with my health issues at the moment - which may well include circulation - it's harder.

 

I think the cold just tends to seep into this house strangely at night and then hangs here throughout the day. It usually feels warmer outside, which is weird considering what the thermostat says. Sunlight probably has something to do with it, as it's usually sunny outdoors. Anyway, I am doing better now - running the oven is warming things nicely, including my feet from being near it, I guess. :D

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