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freckledface

The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread 2

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I'm feeling so inspired by the strength of the human spirit. Though I wouldn't wish the sorts of hardships most of us here deal with on a daily basis, I can't help but have a sense of pride in knowing how difficult the journey has been for many. The thing that really gives me hope is this feeling I have of knowing what it feels like to both be down that rabbit hole and the pain involved in resurfacing and accepting the pain that was felt down there and the need to catch up and the guilt. I'm not sure which phase is hardest. I'm looking around my apartment and it is a disaster, but I have managed to get to work everyday, pay my bills, take my meds and supplements, purchase mostly thoughtful gifts for my family, and not throat punch anyone. Ha. I'm glad to have a community where people understand how hard that is. I wish it were easier. I wish I could be one of those people who can keep it all together, but I am learning to accept that I am not. I'm trying to be okay with that. I may only ever be someone who can barely keep the dust off of things. I spend a lot of time prioritizing stuff. I hear myself saying just get up, just eat food, just do the dishes, and it saddens me some but it is a start. I'm in a place where it isn't pity or attention I want for the condition I'm in, but I am going to try to give myself credit for the strength of my soul. I hope you all do too. I know your struggles and cheers to you for continuing to try to make life happen and give to one another.

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Thanks to everyone for their advice on solving my constipation issues. It's the medication I am on which causes this. My pharmacist confirmed this.

I am happy to state I had a bowel movement today. :smile:

♪ ♫ ♬ Oh duck, maybe Mikayla will come along and write another poem for you :smile:

Here comes the virtual drop

moving bowels

moving mood to the positive mode

side effects suck and the word f***

is frequently used.

Care not, you'll manage it, duck.

:))))))))))))

:))))))))

 

Mikayla (((HUGS)))    :hugs:  :hugs:

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I am doing alright today.  Still dreading going back to work for my boss on Jan. 4, but, other than that my writing is going well (with the exception of not hearing back from my adviser.  I am revising Chapter 5 (of about 16 total) and am awaiting comments/edits from him on chapter 2 (promised to me by last Thursday).  I paid $3,500 for this?  It all wraps up in April, which means at this rate he will help me with about 25% of the book.  Cheese and Crackers!!!

 

Best to everyone today!!!

May I ask what you are writing about?  Is it fiction? Thanks.

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cant sleep again have pain in upper back radiating around my ribs to my chest, pain in my lower back radiating down into my hips and legs, major headache with blurred vision,, wanting to just bust out bawling and screaming, ive gone thru this 8 years now can i really do it for another 20 years?

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Hi folks, please wish me luck.  I am going into the lion's den, meeting with HR and my boss about moving forward.  After some consultation with a wise friend yesterday, I have decided to be positive but express my overall concern with continuing to work with my boss - concern that we speak different languages are not well-matched, which I believe, is the reason for me stress.  Simple and true, not accusatory.  We will see if it works. 

 

Have the best day you can, everyone!

 

Brian

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Wish that I could say that I doing good but it would be a lie I'm absolutely discouraged and devastated, my husband is not well at all and the job is pure hell so... Yea!.  I just want to hide somewhere and scream and cry.

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GoldenEve, frozen, vega, carukia, highanxiety, bbwolf, Brian and everyone else who is suffering... big hugs, comfort, strength and lots of unconditional love being sent your way! (((((hugs)))))

Renee, that was a beautiful post about the strength of the human spirit.

 

Brian, fingers crossed for you! I know how anxiety provoking this must be, but I'm sure you will handle it well, and I'm praying for the best possible outcome for you!

Edited by havehope

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I, myself, am not sure if I got through to my boss. She acknowledged my concerns about the website redesigns, but then stated that the visuals are her first priority. OK. Though I didn't get the sense that she really truly heard me when I said that design and SEO must work together cohesively --- she's not putting SEO as a priority as well, when it relates integrally with design. How come she doesn't understand this yet?

And I don't think she fully gets that I must be involved in the project from the beginning and not at the end. I've told her that my job cannot be done after the site is already complete, and that mistakes will be made if this is the process we follow. 

 

When she did this before, costly mistakes were made, and the site lost rankings. There were several problems and things went wrong that hurt the site.

 

This is all in an effort to make sure my job is done right, rather than having costly and time consuming mistakes be made, that I will end up having to scramble and fix. I'm trying to avert disaster.

 

And yes, I think we are still butting heads. I don't think she gets it still. I'm not getting through to her. Maybe I need to change the way I communicate.

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"I have failed. I am a failure as a husband, as a father, as a son, as a man. I cannot make people happy np matter how hard I try. All I get for my efforts is verbal and mental abuse from people who are supposed to love and support me. I am feeling as though the world would be better off if I wasn't a part of it. I don't know how to make things better."

Daveb48, I'm sorry to hear you are catching it so hard right now. I suspect most, if not all of us, have felt this way at some point though our lives are different. But I'm not making light of it, because your post is very unsettling! It sounds like you are at a dangerous place right now. If you aren't already in therapy and/or on medication, it sounds like some professional help is needed! If you are, it sounds like some changes are needed. I'm not a professional, but I have been in and out of therapy many times and expect I will be on medication the rest of my life. I hate that I need it, but I'm glad it's there! I hope things improve for you really soon.

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So my brother has arrived with his girlfriend and it's almost christmas. I am extremely down. I can't enjoy being with my family because of it and I can't hide it. My dad made comments and it's exhausting to have to fake happiness all the time. I haven't seen my brother for years and he won't come back for a while, why can't I just be happy?

I'm scared I won't be able to do the main-subject-switch at my university, I'm scared of holding a presentation in my tutoring class, I'm scared of getting a job.

Just read my post and realized how boring all of this sounds.

I guess Depression is just a very boring disease.

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I, myself, am not sure if I got through to my boss. She acknowledged my concerns about the website redesigns, but then stated that the visuals are her first priority. OK. Though I didn't get the sense that she really truly heard me when I said that design and SEO must work together cohesively --- she's not putting SEO as a priority as well, when it relates integrally with design. How come she doesn't understand this yet?

And I don't think she fully gets that I must be involved in the project from the beginning and not at the end. I've told her that my job cannot be done after the site is already complete, and that mistakes will be made if this is the process we follow. 

 

When she did this before, costly mistakes were made, and the site lost rankings. There were several problems and things went wrong that hurt the site.

 

This is all in an effort to make sure my job is done right, rather than having costly and time consuming mistakes be made, that I will end up having to scramble and fix. I'm trying to avert disaster.

 

And yes, I think we are still butting heads. I don't think she gets it still. I'm not getting through to her. Maybe I need to change the way I communicate.

Hope, I'm sorry. I do think it might help to change the way you communicate, having come up against this kind of thing, and studied it. It seems like vital info is getting lost in translation. Have you tried bringing up the impact on profits if the site loses rankings? Money talks, they say, and she sounds kind of materialistic to me, or at least she values things over people, it sounds like.

 

Yes, it all seems very elementary from our perspective, but she seems to think the objective (to her) superiority of the site rather than its subjective effects on visitors is what matters. When in reality the whole point of the visuals is drawing in customers...I can only imagine how frustrated you must be. I'd feel like I was banging my head against a brick wall trying to explain arithmetic to someone who just refuses to get that our aim is to get the higher numbers, not follow a particular procedure because the book says so.

 

Does she understand how profits are linked to site ranking, and how that's affected by visuals? Unless she's incredibly thick, it sounds like she's got some screwy info sown into her basic assumptions about the whole thing, which would be why she can't seem to hear you.

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Got into a funk shortly after waking when I was not fully conscious, and a bit anxious because I was still throwing off cobwebs of bad dreams.

 

Trying to get into the right headspace and back on track. My head itself doesn't feel quite right. Not sure if it's this disturbance, or diet-related. Going to try taking it easy with carbs again today (I've been having quite a bit of fruit, but that's still fructose, sugar), and re-up the protein again.

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I, myself, am not sure if I got through to my boss. She acknowledged my concerns about the website redesigns, but then stated that the visuals are her first priority. OK. Though I didn't get the sense that she really truly heard me when I said that design and SEO must work together cohesively --- she's not putting SEO as a priority as well, when it relates integrally with design. How come she doesn't understand this yet?

And I don't think she fully gets that I must be involved in the project from the beginning and not at the end. I've told her that my job cannot be done after the site is already complete, and that mistakes will be made if this is the process we follow. 

 

When she did this before, costly mistakes were made, and the site lost rankings. There were several problems and things went wrong that hurt the site.

 

This is all in an effort to make sure my job is done right, rather than having costly and time consuming mistakes be made, that I will end up having to scramble and fix. I'm trying to avert disaster.

 

And yes, I think we are still butting heads. I don't think she gets it still. I'm not getting through to her. Maybe I need to change the way I communicate.

Hope, I'm sorry. I do think it might help to change the way you communicate, having come up against this kind of thing, and studied it. It seems like vital info is getting lost in translation. Have you tried bringing up the impact on profits if the site loses rankings? Money talks, they say, and she sounds kind of materialistic to me, or at least she values things over people, it sounds like.

 

Yes, it all seems very elementary from our perspective, but she seems to think the objective (to her) superiority of the site rather than its subjective effects on visitors is what matters. When in reality the whole point of the visuals is drawing in customers...I can only imagine how frustrated you must be. I'd feel like I was banging my head against a brick wall trying to explain arithmetic to someone who just refuses to get that our aim is to get the higher numbers, not follow a particular procedure because the book says so.

 

Does she understand how profits are linked to site ranking, and how that's affected by visuals? Unless she's incredibly thick, it sounds like she's got some screwy info sown into her basic assumptions about the whole thing, which would be why she can't seem to hear you.

 

Yeah, lol.. you get it, why doesn't she?  So, actually, I just presented the data that backs up my points. I had forgotten this very simple tactic and factual point of perspective to present. The data speaks for itself over any words I may be able to convey.

In terms of profit, I can show her that the site has lost a lot of profit since last year, since she redid the home page, in fact. There's also more data I can share.

 

And yeah, her whole focus is strictly on the visuals --- she's ignoring every other aspect that is critical to retaining visitors & for increasing profits that I have pointed out. Sigh.. yes, it's like banging my head against the wall... but again, the data speaks for itself, so if she ignores that, she's seriously ignorant.

 

I just showed her, for example, that most visitors on one of our sites that we're redoing spend only 0-10 seconds on the site.... that's not good at all. They're demanding that I improve rankings, yet when I tell them that rankings directly correlate with visitor retention, it goes out the window. GRRR.

 

Thank you for your reply and support in my plight! (((Hugs)))

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I'm feeling uncertain about the therapy appointment I made. I'm not going to be able to keep going if I start (I didn't know her rate until I made the appointment and it's almost double what I expected). Then again maybe she'll have some good suggestions for me. Part of me thinks spending the money on relevant books, having the house cleaned, or saving it for potential future MBCT group sessions she's doing would be of more use. Then again... (groan)

 

Any thoughts on whether a couple of sessions with someone highly qualified might be worthwhile or just a total waste?

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I'm feeling uncertain about the therapy appointment I made. I'm not going to be able to keep going if I start (I didn't know her rate until I made the appointment and it's almost double what I expected). Then again maybe she'll have some good suggestions for me. Part of me thinks spending the money on relevant books, having the house cleaned, or saving it for potential future MBCT group sessions she's doing would be of more use. Then again... (groan)

 

Any thoughts on whether a couple of sessions with someone highly qualified might be worthwhile or just a total waste?

 

Hi knocks.  I don't really know myself.  My gut says anything is worth a try.  As you said, she might have good suggestions for you!  Good luck!

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Cold and gray here. I don't like it, though I'm thankful it's not affecting my mood. I'm trying to think of something to do, but I feel kinda like I should be curled up on the couch. (I'm sitting at the dining table instead because my back has started complaining about lounging on the couch bent out of shape.) But I'm sick of reading, too. Trying to find a good free movie or something.

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Have been in a crazy wave of night sweats again with effexor... Besides that I've been listening to a bunch of vinyl records lately which has been pretty good for zoning out of depression. What doesn't help is that I don't have work to use as an excuse to skip christmas at my grandmothers Thursday afternoon so I'm not sure how to get out of it. Could fake being sick but my Dad would figure that out pretty quick. Not much sense in going because everyone there pretty much will open gifts and be out so not much socializing going on.

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Pan-frying potstickers, and burnt myself a bit with the explosive splatter of oil and water. I think I was dimly aware, but not appropriately informed, of how angrily they meet on a hot surface.

 

Other than that, though, I'm doing pretty well. :)

 

Good day. Thoroughly shook off my morning funk, and now feel quite solid. Plus, the potstickers are better than expected. :)

Edited by frozen

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Feeling somewhat less than of worth.  But it will probably pass.

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: You are fully worthy of everything life has to offer, all its joys, blessings and gifts! 

 

:candycane:  :candycane:  :candycane:  :candycane:  Sending sweet candy canes!   :rudolf: and magic reindeer! 

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Hi guys,

 

I just got back from vacation Sunday night and had a really relaxing, lovely time.  The last time I took a vacation, the change in routine seemed to trigger a depression when I got back home, it was really rough.  I was nervous that might happen again, but I'm actually feeling quite calm and happy so far, which is a huge relief. I worked so hard before the vacation to make sure that I would come back and not have work piled up, which made a big difference. I am also off the rest of the week for the holiday and am looking forward to some quality family time, even if it requires a good amount of driving around.  I shared a few pictures of the beach at the Dominican Republic in my gallery if you want to take a look, it was truly a paradise, I would recommend visiting someday if you ever get a chance.  It's still pretty inexpensive since they got into the resort industry much later than most other Caribbean locations. :)  I'm hoping to bake some cookies tomorrow and then the family time begins for the next 3 days.  I hope that you all have a wonderful Christmas (if you celebrate) and are able to get a little break!!

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