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freckledface

The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread 2

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I just found out someone I loved very much had passed away in May...and I didn't know about it.

So now I feel rotten. And I feel gee, has it been that long that I haven't checked his Facebook page or anything...I knew he'd been ill, but didn't know the whole story and kept putting off making inquiries because I didn't want to have to ask a person: how's he doing and hear, "Didn't you hear? He died!"

Well, I found out on my own.

Ahhhh crap.

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I have come to realize that, for various reasons, all of them valid, I will be spending the next few years alone (in the romantic sense) until I can get my crap together.  Today, with my kids here, this seems easy to accept.  When I am alone, it is harder, but, there you go.

 

I searched a year for partner, with friends telling me my financial situation would not be an impediment, that if someone liked me they would "like me for who I am" etc.  That is simply not true - I had two who I liked and liked me but could not get past my situation.  At my age, you are simply supposed to be "there."  No one thinks of potential in a 51 year old - they think of retirement and travel.  

 

The good news is that I am still thinking of my potential.

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Feeling better today, got back on track again, and am working to keep on. I've got some chores I need to get to on time, but after I come back home this evening, things will happily slow down for me again. :) And after I unwind, I can even more happily get cracking at a few projects I've set myself around the house. I'm not pressuring myself again; I've got all break to finish them, but I know I'll feel better as I slowly finish one after the other.

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I am so tired.  I was off work yesterday, but worked the night before so I slept all day.  I did finish up my shopping in the middle of the night.  Ha.  This morning I went to exchange some items and I had a bag of garbage I put in my car to put in the dumpster.  Yep, I threw the new items away and left the garbage in the car.  So, I had to get a broom and scoop the bag out of the dumpster with the handle.  I sure hope no one saw me digging in the trash.  I seriously considered, just for a moment, jumping in there and throwing my stuff out before I realized I would then be stuck.  Now I have to go to work for a few hours because a coworker didn't show up this morning.  I should have said no.  I swear these codependent traits of mine resurface when I'm tired.  My memory seems to get cloudy, too. 

 

I wish you all a peaceful day.

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no energy, no motivation, no desire,  had force myself to take my meds, there right there in arms reach and took me nearly an hour to take them, then i managed to get a shower the first in a week, then i sat around and cat napped all day,my life sucks so bad

Hey bbwolf, I do that too. Especially showering. When I'm seriously depressed, I just think, oh crap, I'll just get dirty again. Why bother showering?

I'm glad you got a shower in today.

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I am worried because I haven't had a bowel movement since Thursday.   I am sick of being constipated.  I tool Clearlax which my doctor recommended and still nothing.

I sometimes go a few days without any bowel movements either. I usually have to add fiber-rich foods and extra water at that point. I am pretty sure it's from my meds and my diet, although because I've been eating more carbs lately, I think that has been better for my bowels.

Duck, it this typical for you or unusual? If it's unusual, could you be drinking fewer liquids than usual or eating stuff that's more constipating? If it's typical, maybe try another dose of what your doctor suggested.

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hey duck when i get that bad i'll fill up on water, and walk around that usually loosens everything up...

 

dolphin thanks now i need to work up the energy to shave..

 

renee if someone doesnt like how i keep house they know where the door is, i didnt wrap anything i stuck them in sacks and stapled shut, gonna get ripped off anyway. hoorah for the nap!

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I went on google and searched for "online counselling" and it came up with a website and they guaranteed that I would be chatting with a professional counsellor, so I signed up since it's anonymous. I booked an appointment because it's getting out of control and I'm not feeling any better. I'm so nervous. This will be the first professional help I'll be receiving (irony because it's online and not face to face) but it's a government website (in my country) so it's supposed to be legit right? Idk I'll take my chances i don't want to spend $170/hour and it might not be helpful at all (experiences from the school counsellor).

What if I don't know what to say? I don't even know where to begin. What happens during therapy? I'm so scared.

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I am worried because I haven't had a bowel movement since Thursday. I am sick of being constipated. I tool Clearlax which my doctor recommended and still nothing.

Hey duck! It happened to me too but I never took any meds. I normally eat papaya or drink milk and it works for me. I'm not sure if it does work for you but I hope it does :)

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Bit nervous. I have various worries flapping about in the back of my mind, ruffling the feelings of calm and good humor that have collected there recently. It's partly money. I haven't been able to make my credit card payments. I hope to next month, when the financial aid comes in for school, but I'll still be stretched so thin at that point that I'm tempted not to. I'm actually wondering about declaring bankruptcy...

 

My anxiety is partly because I feel I should contact the bank and try to explain to them, but I'm afraid of money being seized from my checking account - I need that to live on. Can they do that? Or do they do that? Maybe they already would have if so..

 

Plus, part of the mess I've been intermittently making myself clean in preparation for my landlord's visit tomorrow is piled up mail, and I don't feel good when I look through some of the unidentified envelopes. If they don't tell me who it's from, I usually don't open it. I'm worried. But I can't make payments anyway, so I'm not going to waste energy in worrying, and just put it away in my room out of the way. The mess isn't terrible. I just find it more manageable breaking it up into 10-15 minute assignments throughout the day. Easier, and I'm more likely to actually get each assignment done.

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Bit nervous. I have various worries flapping about in the back of my mind, ruffling the feelings of calm and good humor that have collected there recently. It's partly money. I haven't been able to make my credit card payments. I hope to next month, when the financial aid comes in for school, but I'll still be stretched so thin at that point that I'm tempted not to. I'm actually wondering about declaring bankruptcy...

 

My anxiety is partly because I feel I should contact the bank and try to explain to them, but I'm afraid of money being seized from my checking account - I need that to live on. Can they do that? Or do they do that? Maybe they already would have if so..

Hey frozen,

 

So sorry for your financial worries! I know how stressful and anxiety provoking that is. Wish I had some good advice about whether to declare bankruptcy and what this entails. Something to look into and research? I believe you can call the credit card companies, explain your situation and possibly get on a payment plan that you can meet, or defer payments until you have the money? Perhaps something to look into. I truly hope all works out for you!

 

(((Hugs)))

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I went on google and searched for "online counselling" and it came up with a website and they guaranteed that I would be chatting with a professional counsellor, so I signed up since it's anonymous. I booked an appointment because it's getting out of control and I'm not feeling any better. I'm so nervous. This will be the first professional help I'll be receiving (irony because it's online and not face to face) but it's a government website (in my country) so it's supposed to be legit right? Idk I'll take my chances i don't want to spend $170/hour and it might not be helpful at all (experiences from the school counsellor).

What if I don't know what to say? I don't even know where to begin. What happens during therapy? I'm so scared.

Hey Anita,

 

It has helped me to write down the topics/issues I want to address first, and then prioritize them before a counseling session. Then, in knowing the time is limited as well as cost, I then decide which issue(s) are top priority to discuss within the given time frame.. it has also helped me to know what I am looking for out of the conversation, or my objective --- whether I'm simply seeking support and validation, or specific guidance on an issue, or tools to use for coping, or getting another perspective on a situation.... it has helped me to know what I looking to get out of the conversation and what will be most helpful for me at that mement.

 

Also, a counselor is there to help & support you, so perhaps it may help to just keep an open mind? Previous negative experiences can definitely color one's mindset, but keeping an open mind may help.. just remember they are there to help and hopefully you'll get a top quality counselor.

 

I hope it goes well for you and that you get the support you need.. (((Hugs)))

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I am... doing OK considering all the issues I am facing right now. 

 

I decided I must prepare myself for a possible breakup with my bf. I told him what I will not accept, and that if certain behavior is repeated again, that I will leave.

 

This weekend I also had a brief moment of peace---feeling like all my issues will sort themselves out, that I need to relax in knowing this... that all will unfold and work out one way or another, and that I will be able to handle whatever the outcome is. It was a brief moment of feeling like I do have the strength, despite feeling more weakened in my present condition. I will probably be devastated though if we do have to break up, and it won't be easy. Right now, I just don't know.

 

I do feel better having drawn the line. It is what I needed to do for myself, for my self-respect, and I feel more empowered.

 

:hugs: and :icon12:  to all.

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I actually accomplished everything I needed to today. My youngest grandchild is pretty reserved with her hugs but gave me two today. Baby hugs are the best. I did most of the holiday food shopping, which is a pain in the rear because I have to carry it up three flights of stairs. I try to tell myself it's exercise though. I filled up the gas tank and saved a bunch of money with fuel points, so now I don't have to do that before going to my son's house on Christmas. I also got the boys gift cards today. So, when I'm off Wednesday I can do the baking and make the candy and chop and fry everything I need for dinner which will then be easier to throw together Christmas morning and cook. I'm thinking about taking a vacation in March. I want to go by myself to the beach and just walk and swim and read. I hope work goes easy tonight and you all sleep well.

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Missing my kids.  I just took them back to their mothers and I always miss them so much, even though they spend 95% of the day with their headphones on LOL.  It is just nice having them around.

 

Trying again to stop smoking.  On day 3.

 

Worried about work and going back to my old boss.

 

I am bored tonight.  I want to go to bed, but I am afraid I won't be able to sleep.

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Feeling OK. Got so much done. But my head feels a bit funny now. I think it'll pass, and that it's food-related, but I'm not sure what's causing it.

 

I've been keeping in good spirits lately. Trying to ride the current of a great new direction in my story.

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Dreaded Monday has rolled around... at least it's a short.week for me. I bet if I weren't taking off Christmas eve day my boss would have me working until 6 pm.. not getting out early.

 

This body rash is driving me crazy. If it doesn't get better on prescription meds, I'm going to have to go to the doctor. :( It's so itchy. Ugh.

Edited by havehope

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