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freckledface

The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread 2

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I'm working through on a lack of sleep.

Last night, during rush hour, I drove my spouse to the airport. He's in L.A. for work.

I stayed up really late waiting to chat with him--his plane got in late, then it took forever to get his luggage...then a cab to his hotel.

 

Anyway, I did some work on this project that I've given myself a deadline of the 22nd for. I thought I wouldn't have enough material, but I have tons and sorting through it and writing blog posts about it, was difficult. I tried to take a nap, but that didn't work.

 

I'm supposed to be going shopping with my son in about 20 minutes...

And it's sunny, but chilly today. 6ºC or 43ºF. 

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I am.... tired.

 

It's been a long week and I didn't get much sleep last night. Trying to rally to get through a busy day. Rah. Rah.

 

(((hugs))) to everyone.

{{{{{{hugs}}}}} back at you!

Did you start a job? What's going on with you?

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

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I feel lonely today, like my life will forever be just me, in here, alone.  Going back to work with my boss (Jan. 4) doing the same job has really boosted my anxiety and depression levels.  I am not sure what to do anymore.  I tried to make a change happen, but, it does not seem they are willing, yet, to accommodate me.

 

Just down today.

(((((((Brian)))))) Hugs! Sorry you're feeling lonely! Did you reach out to your lady friend? Sounds like the depressed thinking talking in extremes "my life will forever be just me"...  you never know what may happen, is the real truth. Things can change on a dime. That's the beauty of life, things do change..

I can understand why you're down though... especially when you don't know if they're willing to accommodate you at work, and the thought of going back soon to the same ole same ole could be depressing. Can you follow up with them to see what the status of a change is and push for it, I wonder?

 

Again, big hugs! I, too, am down today. Hoping for brighter, better days ahead for both of us!

 

 

Thanks Monica.  I am hanging in.  I hope U R as well!!!  Hugs back.

 

I get my kids in a hour, so my loneliness will be looked after for a while.  I can't help but spiraling into catastrophic thinking of the future, though, what will I do when they are gone. I am losing confidence in my book and my chances of ever being a success of any kind financially. I believe finding a partner depends on it.  It feels like a no-win situation.

 

Catastrophic thinking, I know.  Things can change.  It's just that the worm has not turned for me for 51 years.  One does begin to detect a bit of a pattern.

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Thanks, Brian. :)

 

Yeah.... I completely understand those sentiments & feelings... when things haven't changed for a long time, it's harder to imagine that they will.

 

I guess all we can do is keep trying without projecting too much into the future... at least that's what I'm trying to do myself and it seems to help - though I know that's hard. It also reminds me of that song, with the lyrics "25 years and my life is still, trying to get up that great big hill of hope, for my destination... "

Your writing seems to bring you happiness & a sense of accomplishment. Like above, you were pleased to have overcome an obstacle you faced, and you kept at it and it turned out beautifully! Those small accomplishments can just make us feel good, regardless of any other outcomes... those are the moments to cherish --- even if they don't bring financial rewards, the personal reward is meaningful and adds a level of joy. Your writing seems like an important outlet and hobby.. something you enjoy.

 

I'm rambling.... just thought I'd comment on your personal accomplishment with your writing!

 

And thanks, I am doing OK. I'm managing... :hugs:

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I'm going "out" tonight. Not in the sense of having a date, but I'm driving my daughter and her friend around to various places. It will get me out of the apartment, which is a good thing. I know I'll wind up at a bookstore, which can be an expen$ive thing. :smile:

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Feel physically awful. Uncomfortable, and can't seem to get comfortable. Too cold, and in pain. Doesn't help my emotional state, but I've been feeling overwhelmed, scattered, and depressed since putting too much on myself today.

 

I'm going to step away, take a break. I'm on my vacation! I don't have to push myself like this. There's plenty of time. I believe everything will work out for the best, and I don't need to take the world on my shoulders again only to have it crush me. I need to do what I can, calmly and reasonably, and then let go. Things will come together if I stop trying to force everything and let it happen as it's meant to.

 

You know, my physical pain actually lessened as I released some of the tension. Some of it has to be stress.

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You know that saying "when it rains it pours"? That's what is happening to my family:my daughter's car they had just bought was totaled while parked at work, just gotten off so she's ok. Our uncle Julian is in his last days of life. It's been a few hard months. I wish I could find somewhere to hide.

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Had an intense therapy session yesterday.  I'm so lucky to have been referred to my therapist by my primary physician because he is amazing.  He knows I am a writer and asked if he could read some of my poetry.  I agreed and yesterday he gave me his interpretation of what I wrote and any common threads.  Those being trust, hope, sadness, nature, and PTSD among a few.  He is spot on.  

 

Suffering from both depression and PTSD is a horrible combination, and can be quite serious if untreated.  PTSD has really been fueling my depression I think because I am so stuck in wanting the people I lost back in my life.  It is a domino affect with me when I begin to think about my father's rather recent passing, triggering my sadness about losing so many of my friends and family.  I miss them especially my Dad where it hurts so bad.  Thinking about them makes me tear up all the time.  He suggested thinking of the good times you had with the people you lost, being thankful they were in your life, instead of being sad.  This will take some practice but he does have a point.

 

He asked me what do I hope for?  I said to get well and try to rejoin the human race again.

 

He asked me about how many people I trust.  I said about four or five.  And he said six counting me.  That made me feel good.

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Had an intense therapy session yesterday.  I'm so lucky to have been referred to my therapist by my primary physician because he is amazing.  He knows I am a writer and asked if he could read some of my poetry.  I agreed and yesterday he gave me his interpretation of what I wrote and any common threads.  Those being trust, hope, sadness, nature, and PTSD among a few.  He is spot on.  

 

Suffering from both depression and PTSD is a horrible combination, and can be quite serious if untreated.  PTSD has really been fueling my depression I think because I am so stuck in wanting the people I lost back in my life.  It is a domino affect with me when I begin to think about my father's rather recent passing, triggering my sadness about losing so many of my friends and family.  I miss them especially my Dad where it hurts so bad.  Thinking about them makes me tear up all the time.  He suggested thinking of the good times you had with the people you lost, being thankful they were in your life, instead of being sad.  This will take some practice but he does have a point.

 

He asked me what do I hope for?  I said to get well and try to rejoin the human race again.

 

He asked me about how many people I trust.  I said about four or five.  And he said six counting me.  That made me feel good.

Hey highanxiety, I suffer from both depression and PTSD.. my PTSD has never been treated, and my depression has not been properly treated. I am glad you have such a great therapist! I wish I had the same.

 

Triggers are very powerful, especially around the loss of loved ones as you have suffered. I think that's only natural to get triggered like that. It is true that thinking of the qualities in those people that you cherish helps... I lost my dearest cousin ten years ago due to an undiagnosed brain tumor. To this day, I still remind myself of the love, sheer joy and enthusiasm she had for life itself, and I try to incorporate that mentality in my own life when I can. It's a part of her that I loved so very much, that I keep very close to my heart and soul. It makes me feel like she is still with me, in a way.

 

Trusting six people is pretty darned good... close friends are hard to come by, so if you have five, you're doing well. That's a blessing.

Edited by havehope

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Dang!  This site is acting up for me again - can't seem to like and delay posting.

 

I hope this goes through but I just wanted to say highanxiety that your dad's 

 

Had an intense therapy session yesterday.  I'm so lucky to have been referred to my therapist by my primary physician because he is amazing.  He knows I am a writer and asked if he could read some of my poetry.  I agreed and yesterday he gave me his interpretation of what I wrote and any common threads.  Those being trust, hope, sadness, nature, and PTSD among a few.  He is spot on.  

 

Suffering from both depression and PTSD is a horrible combination, and can be quite serious if untreated.  PTSD has really been fueling my depression I think because I am so stuck in wanting the people I lost back in my life.  It is a domino affect with me when I begin to think about my father's rather recent passing, triggering my sadness about losing so many of my friends and family.  I miss them especially my Dad where it hurts so bad.  Thinking about them makes me tear up all the time.  He suggested thinking of the good times you had with the people you lost, being thankful they were in your life, instead of being sad.  This will take some practice but he does have a point.

 

He asked me what do I hope for?  I said to get well and try to rejoin the human race again.

 

He asked me about how many people I trust.  I said about four or five.  And he said six counting me.  That made me feel good.

 

comments to you were beautiful, and that he is right!!!

 

You have friends and support and that is a blessing.  What a memory those words from him is!  I mean, amazing.

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(((hugs))) to all who are struggling who have posted so far today --- wish I could say something to make it better. Sending comforting thoughts & lots of warmth...

 

So I don't feel like dealing with life right now.. I feel like burying my head in the sand. I guess I feel overwhelmed. Too many issues floating around in my head to sort through. I know that the answers will come.... I just have a lot that's weighing on me. Plus I have a body rash that is really uncomfortable right now. Ugh.

 

Someone's hurtful words are still bothering me. I'm very sensitive. Maybe overly so. I feel self-conscious now though as a result.

 

I wish that my issues would just be resolved already and I could feel better. I'm tired of feeling weighted down by so many issues.

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Someone's hurtful words are still bothering me.

We are saying many hurtful words and don't really think about what we have said. When someone hurts me, it helps me to remember that i sometimes do the same, either by accident or not.

 

Yeah.. I hear you, though I try to be very sensitive to others' feelings, even though I know I don't say things perfectly at all times, and could end up saying something that hurts without realizing it. Which is what you're saying.. still, I am very sensitive to hurtful words.. and it stays with me for a while.

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