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freckledface

The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread 2

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Feel physically awful. Uncomfortable, and can't seem to get comfortable. Too cold, and in pain. Doesn't help my emotional state, but I've been feeling overwhelmed, scattered, and depressed since putting too much on myself today.

 

I'm going to step away, take a break. I'm on my vacation! I don't have to push myself like this. There's plenty of time. I believe everything will work out for the best, and I don't need to take the world on my shoulders again only to have it crush me. I need to do what I can, calmly and reasonably, and then let go. Things will come together if I stop trying to force everything and let it happen as it's meant to.

 

You know, my physical pain actually lessened as I released some of the tension. Some of it has to be stress.

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im fat, im ugly, im worthless, im useless, im depressed, im not ok, i hate myself

You are depressed, if you are fat that's not so bad and the rest ...is your depression saying you!

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You know that saying "when it rains it pours"? That's what is happening to my family:my daughter's car they had just bought was totaled while parked at work, just gotten off so she's ok. Our uncle Julian is in his last days of life. It's been a few hard months. I wish I could find somewhere to hide.

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Had an intense therapy session yesterday.  I'm so lucky to have been referred to my therapist by my primary physician because he is amazing.  He knows I am a writer and asked if he could read some of my poetry.  I agreed and yesterday he gave me his interpretation of what I wrote and any common threads.  Those being trust, hope, sadness, nature, and PTSD among a few.  He is spot on.  

 

Suffering from both depression and PTSD is a horrible combination, and can be quite serious if untreated.  PTSD has really been fueling my depression I think because I am so stuck in wanting the people I lost back in my life.  It is a domino affect with me when I begin to think about my father's rather recent passing, triggering my sadness about losing so many of my friends and family.  I miss them especially my Dad where it hurts so bad.  Thinking about them makes me tear up all the time.  He suggested thinking of the good times you had with the people you lost, being thankful they were in your life, instead of being sad.  This will take some practice but he does have a point.

 

He asked me what do I hope for?  I said to get well and try to rejoin the human race again.

 

He asked me about how many people I trust.  I said about four or five.  And he said six counting me.  That made me feel good.

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Had an intense therapy session yesterday.  I'm so lucky to have been referred to my therapist by my primary physician because he is amazing.  He knows I am a writer and asked if he could read some of my poetry.  I agreed and yesterday he gave me his interpretation of what I wrote and any common threads.  Those being trust, hope, sadness, nature, and PTSD among a few.  He is spot on.  

 

Suffering from both depression and PTSD is a horrible combination, and can be quite serious if untreated.  PTSD has really been fueling my depression I think because I am so stuck in wanting the people I lost back in my life.  It is a domino affect with me when I begin to think about my father's rather recent passing, triggering my sadness about losing so many of my friends and family.  I miss them especially my Dad where it hurts so bad.  Thinking about them makes me tear up all the time.  He suggested thinking of the good times you had with the people you lost, being thankful they were in your life, instead of being sad.  This will take some practice but he does have a point.

 

He asked me what do I hope for?  I said to get well and try to rejoin the human race again.

 

He asked me about how many people I trust.  I said about four or five.  And he said six counting me.  That made me feel good.

Hey highanxiety, I suffer from both depression and PTSD.. my PTSD has never been treated, and my depression has not been properly treated. I am glad you have such a great therapist! I wish I had the same.

 

Triggers are very powerful, especially around the loss of loved ones as you have suffered. I think that's only natural to get triggered like that. It is true that thinking of the qualities in those people that you cherish helps... I lost my dearest cousin ten years ago due to an undiagnosed brain tumor. To this day, I still remind myself of the love, sheer joy and enthusiasm she had for life itself, and I try to incorporate that mentality in my own life when I can. It's a part of her that I loved so very much, that I keep very close to my heart and soul. It makes me feel like she is still with me, in a way.

 

Trusting six people is pretty darned good... close friends are hard to come by, so if you have five, you're doing well. That's a blessing.

Edited by havehope

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Dang!  This site is acting up for me again - can't seem to like and delay posting.

 

I hope this goes through but I just wanted to say highanxiety that your dad's 

 

Had an intense therapy session yesterday.  I'm so lucky to have been referred to my therapist by my primary physician because he is amazing.  He knows I am a writer and asked if he could read some of my poetry.  I agreed and yesterday he gave me his interpretation of what I wrote and any common threads.  Those being trust, hope, sadness, nature, and PTSD among a few.  He is spot on.  

 

Suffering from both depression and PTSD is a horrible combination, and can be quite serious if untreated.  PTSD has really been fueling my depression I think because I am so stuck in wanting the people I lost back in my life.  It is a domino affect with me when I begin to think about my father's rather recent passing, triggering my sadness about losing so many of my friends and family.  I miss them especially my Dad where it hurts so bad.  Thinking about them makes me tear up all the time.  He suggested thinking of the good times you had with the people you lost, being thankful they were in your life, instead of being sad.  This will take some practice but he does have a point.

 

He asked me what do I hope for?  I said to get well and try to rejoin the human race again.

 

He asked me about how many people I trust.  I said about four or five.  And he said six counting me.  That made me feel good.

 

comments to you were beautiful, and that he is right!!!

 

You have friends and support and that is a blessing.  What a memory those words from him is!  I mean, amazing.

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I am feeling cold and tired and I am still on the internet. I did not sleep all night.   I am worried about my future and my finances.

 

Have a good day all.  Big HUGS!!!

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(((hugs))) to all who are struggling who have posted so far today --- wish I could say something to make it better. Sending comforting thoughts & lots of warmth...

 

So I don't feel like dealing with life right now.. I feel like burying my head in the sand. I guess I feel overwhelmed. Too many issues floating around in my head to sort through. I know that the answers will come.... I just have a lot that's weighing on me. Plus I have a body rash that is really uncomfortable right now. Ugh.

 

Someone's hurtful words are still bothering me. I'm very sensitive. Maybe overly so. I feel self-conscious now though as a result.

 

I wish that my issues would just be resolved already and I could feel better. I'm tired of feeling weighted down by so many issues.

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Someone's hurtful words are still bothering me.

We are saying many hurtful words and don't really think about what we have said. When someone hurts me, it helps me to remember that i sometimes do the same, either by accident or not.

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Someone's hurtful words are still bothering me.

We are saying many hurtful words and don't really think about what we have said. When someone hurts me, it helps me to remember that i sometimes do the same, either by accident or not.

 

Yeah.. I hear you, though I try to be very sensitive to others' feelings, even though I know I don't say things perfectly at all times, and could end up saying something that hurts without realizing it. Which is what you're saying.. still, I am very sensitive to hurtful words.. and it stays with me for a while.

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I just found out someone I loved very much had passed away in May...and I didn't know about it.

So now I feel rotten. And I feel gee, has it been that long that I haven't checked his Facebook page or anything...I knew he'd been ill, but didn't know the whole story and kept putting off making inquiries because I didn't want to have to ask a person: how's he doing and hear, "Didn't you hear? He died!"

Well, I found out on my own.

Ahhhh crap.

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I have come to realize that, for various reasons, all of them valid, I will be spending the next few years alone (in the romantic sense) until I can get my crap together.  Today, with my kids here, this seems easy to accept.  When I am alone, it is harder, but, there you go.

 

I searched a year for partner, with friends telling me my financial situation would not be an impediment, that if someone liked me they would "like me for who I am" etc.  That is simply not true - I had two who I liked and liked me but could not get past my situation.  At my age, you are simply supposed to be "there."  No one thinks of potential in a 51 year old - they think of retirement and travel.  

 

The good news is that I am still thinking of my potential.

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Feeling better today, got back on track again, and am working to keep on. I've got some chores I need to get to on time, but after I come back home this evening, things will happily slow down for me again. :) And after I unwind, I can even more happily get cracking at a few projects I've set myself around the house. I'm not pressuring myself again; I've got all break to finish them, but I know I'll feel better as I slowly finish one after the other.

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I am so tired.  I was off work yesterday, but worked the night before so I slept all day.  I did finish up my shopping in the middle of the night.  Ha.  This morning I went to exchange some items and I had a bag of garbage I put in my car to put in the dumpster.  Yep, I threw the new items away and left the garbage in the car.  So, I had to get a broom and scoop the bag out of the dumpster with the handle.  I sure hope no one saw me digging in the trash.  I seriously considered, just for a moment, jumping in there and throwing my stuff out before I realized I would then be stuck.  Now I have to go to work for a few hours because a coworker didn't show up this morning.  I should have said no.  I swear these codependent traits of mine resurface when I'm tired.  My memory seems to get cloudy, too. 

 

I wish you all a peaceful day.

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no energy, no motivation, no desire,  had force myself to take my meds, there right there in arms reach and took me nearly an hour to take them, then i managed to get a shower the first in a week, then i sat around and cat napped all day,my life sucks so bad

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Strangely sleepy.  Last night I went to sleep at ten and woke up the next day at 2 pm.  Felt sleepy at around 3 and took a nap.  Woke up at 5.  Its 8 pm and I'm very sleepy again.  This is very usual for me. 

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