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freckledface

The "how Do You Feel Right Now?" Thread 2

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I'm having an okay day. My knee is hurting, so I've not done any exercise. My husband is going away on a business trip, leaving tonight and coming back on Sunday.

I'll get to bingewatch my shows! but I'm sad too. We went out for lunch and then went to visit his dad. Tomorrow I'm doing stuff with my son. I will probably call a friend of mine to see if she wants to go out for breakfast or coffee some time on Saturday...

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I am feeling both excited and overwhelmed about Christmas.  I'm not having it at my house this year, which alleviates some of the stress.  Ha.  I don't have to clean and I'm not doing the huge Christmas tree.  In fact, I don't think I'll do one at all this year.  I'm going to stick to putting my energy into the stuff I do like to do, which is make candy for my family and residents and buy each member of my family an ornament.  I've been doing that for years and it's become a tradition.  I like the idea of them having something to remember me by when I'm gone and purchasing them with their personalities in mind is fun.  My daughter is very practical and she buys my granddaughter clothes that, should she have a boy, he could wear.  So, I bought her some girly clothes and can't wait to see her in them.  I also got them musical instruments and books.  When I look back on my life and recognize places where I was in states of depression it was music and reading and cooking that really helped me through.  I want them to appreciate those things too.

 

I hope you all have a lovely day.

 

HH, I am sorry if I added to your stress.  I know what it's like to have PTSD and get triggered.  I would never intentionally do that to anyone.  I love what the moderator said about always treating someone as if they're fragile.  You did not ask for advice and in hindsight I wish I would have kept my opinions to myself.  They are just that, opinions.  Please know that it came from a place of concern for you.  I have learned something about not offering advice if it's not asked for.  I seem to always look for ways to "help" people think of things in a different way and will try to be more cognizant of where people are.  I don't really even understand your job.  Ha.   Us know it all types, like me, can be a pain in the you know what.  

 

Well, off to work for me.  Boo to that... 

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Lauryn, I just wanted to say thanks, too. Your post really helped me as well. :) And you're so right - I read all of the post in question, and it was even more upsetting than the part I read yesterday that made me stop reading because of feeling triggered. I don't know what I'd do if I was the person it was directed against - I'd certainly be feeling as awful as HH, but probably much, much worse, because I've been very fragile for a long time now due to so much happening. Like I said to her, we never really know on here what someone's been through or how close to the edge they are.

 

The fact that we're here in the first place is reason enough to treat people gently. In addition to traumas, PTSD, situational agonies, and the like, there are all kinds of brain chemistry issues involved here that can cause very, very different psychological (and behavioral) responses to things than what some people might deem "logical." You just don't know where someone's coming from; they could be right on the edge. This place could be a lifeline that seems suddenly untrustworthy.

 

It was especially upsetting with this post because HH had clearly been struggling for so long, and it was obvious she already felt so beleaguered. I just can't see how something like that could possibly have been seen as helpful - it seemed written for the benefit of the writer, not the recipient. I don't think it should be acceptable to suddenly engage people with criticism in order to satisfy our own (self-)ruffled feathers.

 

And that's the kicker: Irony of ironies, the writer was the one making a choice to get so riled up about a situation that had nothing to do with her, over which she had no control (and no stake), choosing to let that get to her so much that she publicly posted a bunch of unsolicited judgement, in an obviously emotional and ruffled way. That post reads like a guilt-trip meant to make someone question and blame themselves, and HH was in no position to handle something like that even if it had been true (which I don't believe it was, at all...that, as I said, is kinda proven by the post itself, by the fact that the author felt compelled to write it in the first place). It seems pretty clear that this was a case of someone being set off by being reminded of things they're not comfortable with in themselves...maybe reacting to others in a way that echoes hurtful input they've had in their own past. No excuse, certainly, but maybe something to keep in mind if we get really set off by others who are doing us no harm and whose situations we have nothing to do with. If we feel compelled to get involved with something that has nothing to do with us, where no one is being harmed, and no help is being asked...the place to address the problem is within.

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Plumber cannot fix hot water tank so I have to replace it cost $1250.00 plus tax.    OUCH!!!!!

YIKES!!!! Just adding my howl of outrage.

 

He wanted an additional $66 because I was going to pay by Mastercard.  The total was $1312.50  plus $ 66 for me using mastercard.  Luckily I had cash at home.  I got RIPPED OFF today.  I over paid by three hundred dollars.  DAMN!!!

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HH, I am sorry if I added to your stress.  I know what it's like to have PTSD and get triggered.  I would never intentionally do that to anyone.  I love what the moderator said about always treating someone as if they're fragile.  You did not ask for advice and in hindsight I wish I would have kept my opinions to myself.  They are just that, opinions.  Please know that it came from a place of concern for you.  I have learned something about not offering advice if it's not asked for.  I seem to always look for ways to "help" people think of things in a different way and will try to be more cognizant of where people are.  I don't really even understand your job.  Ha.   Us know it all types, like me, can be a pain in the you know what.  

 

Hi Renee, I appreciate this very much... thank you. And you're right -- I didn't ask outright for advice.

 

And funny, because I don't even fully understand my job. LOL! No, that's not really true -- I do. Anyways, thanks.

 

 

Lauryn, I just wanted to say thanks, too. Your post really helped me as well. :) And you're so right - I read all of the post in question, and it was even more upsetting than the part I read yesterday that made me stop reading because of feeling triggered. I don't know what I'd do if I was the person it was directed against - I'd certainly be feeling as awful as HH, but probably much, much worse, because I've been very fragile for a long time now due to so much happening. Like I said to her, we never really know on here what someone's been through or how close to the edge they are.

 

The fact that we're here in the first place is reason enough to treat people gently. In addition to traumas, PTSD, situational agonies, and the like, there are all kinds of brain chemistry issues involved here that can cause very, very different psychological (and behavioral) responses to things than what some people might deem "logical." You just don't know where someone's coming from; they could be right on the edge. This place could be a lifeline that seems suddenly untrustworthy.

 

It was especially upsetting with this post because HH had clearly been struggling for so long, and it was obvious she already felt so beleaguered. I just can't see how something like that could possibly have been seen as helpful - it seemed written for the benefit of the writer, not the recipient. I don't think it should be acceptable to suddenly engage people with criticism in order to satisfy our own (self-)ruffled feathers.

 

And that's the kicker: Irony of ironies, the writer was the one making a choice to get so riled up about a situation that had nothing to do with her, over which she had no control (and no stake), choosing to let that get to her so much that she publicly posted a bunch of unsolicited judgement, in an obviously emotional and ruffled way. That post reads like a guilt-trip meant to make someone question and blame themselves, and HH was in no position to handle something like that even if it had been true (which I don't believe it was, at all...that, as I said, is kinda proven by the post itself, by the fact that the author felt compelled to write it in the first place). It seems pretty clear that this was a case of someone being set off by being reminded of things they're not comfortable with in themselves...maybe reacting to others in a way that echoes hurtful input they've had in their own past. No excuse, certainly, but maybe something to keep in mind if we get really set off by others who are doing us no harm and whose situations we have nothing to do with. If we feel compelled to get involved with something that has nothing to do with us, where no one is being harmed, and no help is being asked...the place to address the problem is within.

frozen, I want to give you a thousand hugs right now!!! :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

THANK YOU for sticking up for me, and for pointing these things out about the author and the offensive post itself. It truly was most offensive to me, and threw me into a tailspin... and as I had mentioned earlier, made me feel like I can't post openly here anymore. Thank you thank you thank you thank you!! You're the best!

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HH, I am sorry if I added to your stress.  I know what it's like to have PTSD and get triggered.  I would never intentionally do that to anyone.  I love what the moderator said about always treating someone as if they're fragile.  You did not ask for advice and in hindsight I wish I would have kept my opinions to myself.  They are just that, opinions.  Please know that it came from a place of concern for you.  I have learned something about not offering advice if it's not asked for.  I seem to always look for ways to "help" people think of things in a different way and will try to be more cognizant of where people are.  I don't really even understand your job.  Ha.   Us know it all types, like me, can be a pain in the you know what.  

 

Hi Renee, I appreciate this very much... thank you. And you're right -- I didn't ask outright for advice.

 

And funny, because I don't even fully understand my job. LOL! No, that's not really true -- I do. Anyways, thanks.

 

 

Lauryn, I just wanted to say thanks, too. Your post really helped me as well. :) And you're so right - I read all of the post in question, and it was even more upsetting than the part I read yesterday that made me stop reading because of feeling triggered. I don't know what I'd do if I was the person it was directed against - I'd certainly be feeling as awful as HH, but probably much, much worse, because I've been very fragile for a long time now due to so much happening. Like I said to her, we never really know on here what someone's been through or how close to the edge they are.

 

The fact that we're here in the first place is reason enough to treat people gently. In addition to traumas, PTSD, situational agonies, and the like, there are all kinds of brain chemistry issues involved here that can cause very, very different psychological (and behavioral) responses to things than what some people might deem "logical." You just don't know where someone's coming from; they could be right on the edge. This place could be a lifeline that seems suddenly untrustworthy.

 

It was especially upsetting with this post because HH had clearly been struggling for so long, and it was obvious she already felt so beleaguered. I just can't see how something like that could possibly have been seen as helpful - it seemed written for the benefit of the writer, not the recipient. I don't think it should be acceptable to suddenly engage people with criticism in order to satisfy our own (self-)ruffled feathers.

 

And that's the kicker: Irony of ironies, the writer was the one making a choice to get so riled up about a situation that had nothing to do with her, over which she had no control (and no stake), choosing to let that get to her so much that she publicly posted a bunch of unsolicited judgement, in an obviously emotional and ruffled way. That post reads like a guilt-trip meant to make someone question and blame themselves, and HH was in no position to handle something like that even if it had been true (which I don't believe it was, at all...that, as I said, is kinda proven by the post itself, by the fact that the author felt compelled to write it in the first place). It seems pretty clear that this was a case of someone being set off by being reminded of things they're not comfortable with in themselves...maybe reacting to others in a way that echoes hurtful input they've had in their own past. No excuse, certainly, but maybe something to keep in mind if we get really set off by others who are doing us no harm and whose situations we have nothing to do with. If we feel compelled to get involved with something that has nothing to do with us, where no one is being harmed, and no help is being asked...the place to address the problem is within.

frozen, I want to give you a thousand hugs right now!!! :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

THANK YOU for sticking up for me, and for pointing these things out about the author and the offensive post itself. It truly was most offensive to me, and threw me into a tailspin... and as I had mentioned earlier, made me feel like I can't post openly here anymore. Thank you thank you thank you thank you!! You're the best!

 

 

Very insightful frozen!!!  You're good.  Can I hire you to help me LOL?

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Why do you have to pay your ex-wife?  I don't understand?

 

Fairly common in divorces. My salary is higher than hers, for one thing.

That's BS.  I don't like it.

I agree with duck. It is bs. I can see helping your daughter, but this is 2015, she should stand on her 2 feet.

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Hi all, Been AWOL for a bit. I went on a long planned vacation. Visited some friends who are living in the Philippines so I went there for 17 days. Got to see places many tourists miss since one the friends is a native Filipino. Did ok mostly, a few times I had some down periods and when alone the sad thoughts of being alone forever paid their unwelcome visit. My friend "C" suffers from depression now and then but seemed to be in a good spot. 

 

Now that I am home, reality is setting in. I am still here, nothing changed... keeping busy kept the darkness at bay... but did not eliminate it. 

 

Right now, I am all hyper as I know I am on adrenaline because of poor sleep and jet lag.

 

Off to check on you all. 

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Doing OK, but feel kind of like I just stepped out of a pool. I thought a noise outside was a roommate coming back unexpectedly (it was a neighbor), and my whole skin chafed. I feel kind of like you do when you've been by yourself for a long time, like my personality has expanded to fill the house without that usual boundary keeping me walled in and socially guarded for "presenting self." I don't feel up to interfacing with anybody. Though I've spent a lot of time on DF today. :)

 

I was supposed to get two things done today. But UConn seems closed, so I couldn't get through for my questions. And I've been putting off the bureaucratic part, which I'm off to do now. Otherwise, I've had lots of time to indulge my keen new interests, in an MA or MFA path (still applying to PhDs as well, though...just widening the pool), and in story ideas. Pretty good day.

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Plumber cannot fix hot water tank so I have to replace it cost $1250.00 plus tax.    OUCH!!!!!

YIKES!!!! Just adding my howl of outrage.

He wanted an additional $66 because I was going to pay by Mastercard.  The total was $1312.50  plus $ 66 for me using mastercard.  Luckily I had cash at home.  I got RIPPED OFF today.  I over paid by three hundred dollars.  DAMN!!!

Yet another YIKES!!!

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I walked around the mall today and saw all the couples and it made me think of trying again with the lady I was just seeing.  I went home and debated over and over whether to message her.  I am going back to work on January 4 (that was her main problem with me).  If I message her, I will tell her that, see if that makes a difference.  Still, I got the vibe that she demands change in her partners, that she requires them to be be what SHE wants them to be.  Obviously, a red flag. Still, I feel I should give it one more shot to find out for sure.  I think I will message her tomorrow.  We will see one way or the other.

 

On top of the angst re. that relationship, my writing was going horribly.  And, when my writing is going badly, my other problems in life are magnified. That's just the way it is for me.  I did about 8 hours today on my novel.  I wasn't happy. I was losing hope.  And, typical of me, what was an issue with one particular scene grew to become a calamity that would **** the entire work.  In other words, a bad day writing, for me, means it's all no good, I'm no good, the world is no good.  Fortunately, I kept at it, and tonight I came up, finally, with a unique and I feel interesting way to save the scene and make it sing.  I am so glad I have the time right now to do this.  I feel so much better. I have to remember, that, if I keep on working, I can get there.  It's not always going to be easy.  Or, as someone once said, "it's not supposed to be easy."

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OK, slightly freaked out. I just filled out this form for school-related purposes. They demanded two personal references, and wouldn't let me submit without them. I know this is common, but... I literally have no references.

 

I don't know how I feel about that now. Well, not good. But I really, literally don't. I wrote the names of a couple of long-ago acquaintances, from other states in hopes that that thwarts any contact. I don't see any reason why they'll contact them anyway, but I don't know what to do.

 

Academic, that's fine; my profs tend to love me. But personal...crickets. I'm afraid. Of getting into trouble, though I know that might be an infantile response. I needed to submit this form, the school was nagging me about it, so I definitely would've gotten in trouble if I hadn't. And there were no other options. I guess I'll just have to explain if it comes out (or pretend to have gotten the contact info mixed up...but then they'll demand the correct stuff). I don't really think anything will come of it. It just freaked me out, and I guess brought up something that's kind of unpleasant.

 

I've been isolated for so long, and with everything I've been going through, it's so hard to relate to most people or feel comfortable in opening up. Also, I feel like...the world has kind of gone on and evolved without me, in ways that I just feel out of step, like someone from a different time period. It feels odd to use this phraseology, but I feel like the late 90's ~2000 was my "heyday." For whatever reason, I still that period. (So sue me.) The post-9/11 world just got stranger and stranger to me, and I don't "get" a lot of modern culture. I think there's been incredible change in such a short time, but most people don't seem disoriented...

 

Besides, I just don't share interests or concerns with most people around me, and there's a kind of culture shock, a personality conflict type thing. I hope and expect this will change in grad school (many people have implied so, saying I belong there). And in a different environment. *sigh* Looking forward hopefully...

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I thank you guys for your kind words and thoughts and my thoughts and prayers go out to you who have recently lost loved ones. To all of in general because I know everyone here is hurting in some way or form. My wife and were reminiscing today about family who have gone already and how fast life goes by. One day you're in your twenties,family is alive and well and next many have gone and you aren't twenty anymore.

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Hey everyone, reading through the posts makes me feel not so alone. I've been dealing with a reoccurrence of depression and anxiety since mid October till now. Went from one med to another and now back on my original that I've been on since '09. Last week was actually a great week, I was out doing things, enjoying life and felt normal. This week I'm back in the dumps, I'm hoping it's just a temp thing and I'll go back up in mood. Just feel kind of alone, friends and family say that they don't understand why I can't just snap out of it. Just wanted to say thanks to all who share what they are going through, makes me not feel so alone in the world. :-D

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Dear HH - I haven't engaged with you because you know me, a straight shooter. I feel you are going around in circles and not deciding to find internal peace, regardless of what is going on around you. You are allowing external things to determine your mood. We all have our own personal drama, but when you "feed" the drama instead of find a way to make peace with it, you're hurting yourself. Renee gave you some good advice. The question to ask yourself is "what need am I meeting by continuing in this way?" Is it my need for attention? Is it easier to not change if it's always someone else's fault? You are very kind to others, but I hope you will do a kindness to yourself and ask these questions.

 

Either leave the job or spend your energy learning how not to internalize your boss' behavior. Either stay in your relationship with the good and bad, or leave it. Weeks and months of going over the same ground is "crazy-making". What need are you meeting by remaining a victim?

 

Trust me, we've all arrested in our development in different areas. My own brother thinks I act like a victim. That hurts. Granted, he's a bit of a blowhard, but I think there may be some truth in it. We depressives have to work extra hard to take personal responsibility for doing everything we can to be well in our minds. We can say we have a condition and use that as an excuse to be unwell, or we can say we have a condition and therefore it's more challenging to be well. See the difference?

 

I would like to see you put all your energy seeking internal peace instead of wasting energy on outside stuff. It's a choice.

I am still angry and hurt by this post. I feel very targeted, and unfairly called out and picked upon. This post is cloaked in messages of caring or concern, but really, it is judgmental and harsh.

 

I was actually physically shaking yesterday as a result of this post. I have PTSD, and this was triggered... it was very triggering for me, and for several people who PM'd me to ask if I was OK.

 

I will not accept this kind of treatment.... not here or anywhere. I have been beaten up enough in my life, and don't need to be here as well.

 

As I mentioned before, I no longer feel safe here as a result, and will probably stop posting.

 

I am tired of being targeted, picked on, beaten up, and accused... I think suicide is a better option.

 

 

Please keep posting, Havehope.  I understand that you're upset right now but please don't consider suicide.  We are here for you.  The post that has upset you was harshly worded and judgmental (possibly because Follena felt frustrated hearing about your situation, but that's no excuse), and has upset others besides yourself.  Telling someone of their situation: "It's a choice" is like telling someone their depression is a choice.  It's just one person's opinion of what is a choice.  That doesn't make it right.

 

Give yourself some time and space, if you need, to recover from this, but then come back and post again.

 

We want to keep DF a space where everyone feels safe to post about their feelings and what they're going through.  I think it's a great reminder to act as if everyone is fragile.  We must be certain, when responding to a post, that our response is supportive and kind, and that any "advice" we give is given with a gentle hand, and in the same spirit.   I know that some members and moderators refuse to even give "advice" because they feel like it could be misconstrued or misinterpreted.  It's better to maybe tell someone what has worked for us, than to assume we know what will work for someone else.

 

Anyway I wanted to tell everyone to please keep posting but just keep in mind to keep your responses to others' posts supportive.  My own rule is to not post something for 24 hours if I feel it may upset anyone, to give me time to reconsider.  I have certainly posted inappropriate or judgmental posts myself, however, and it can happen without any intention to hurt another.  Which is why we all have to watch it so carefully.

 

 

So well articulated, Lauryn, and thank you so much for posting that! I, too, hope that this remains to be a safe place for us all to post, give and receive support, as it has been most the time.

 

I couldn't have said it better than Lauryn did. ((((Hugs))))

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I feel... meh. A little reserved and reluctant.

 

I have not worked a full day for 6 days now. My boss said she hadn't heard from me on something. Ugh. I've got to be more productive today.

 

It doesn't feel like Christmas.

Edited by havehope

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I feel lonely today, like my life will forever be just me, in here, alone.  Going back to work with my boss (Jan. 4) doing the same job has really boosted my anxiety and depression levels.  I am not sure what to do anymore.  I tried to make a change happen, but, it does not seem they are willing, yet, to accommodate me.

 

Just down today.

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I feel lonely today, like my life will forever be just me, in here, alone.  Going back to work with my boss (Jan. 4) doing the same job has really boosted my anxiety and depression levels.  I am not sure what to do anymore.  I tried to make a change happen, but, it does not seem they are willing, yet, to accommodate me.

 

Just down today.

(((((((Brian)))))) Hugs! Sorry you're feeling lonely! Did you reach out to your lady friend? Sounds like the depressed thinking talking in extremes "my life will forever be just me"...  you never know what may happen, is the real truth. Things can change on a dime. That's the beauty of life, things do change..

I can understand why you're down though... especially when you don't know if they're willing to accommodate you at work, and the thought of going back soon to the same ole same ole could be depressing. Can you follow up with them to see what the status of a change is and push for it, I wonder?

 

Again, big hugs! I, too, am down today. Hoping for brighter, better days ahead for both of us!

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