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My Dads An Alcoholic.. (Girl/15)


Girl15

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Hi. So I live with my alcoholic dad, and I have for 2 years. He doesn't drink all the time but these past few months has been too much. A few months ago he kicked me out and I suspect it's because he got a girlfriend and I'm just a burden for him now and I'm getting between them.. I asked my grandparents for help but they said its my fault. He never cooked for me or made sure we had food, and the house looks like . I do clean sometimes and I'm able to cook for myself but I'm the youngest, so everything has always been done for me until now that I'm expected to be an adult because no one wants to look after me. Me and my sister tried talking to him but he just laughed in our faces and it hurt so much. Yesterday he forgot to pick me up for the first time since I was a kid. (People with alcoholic parents will understand) he got home but he hasn't mentioned even though I called and texted him. His mom recently got cancer, something that's easy to remove tho.. So I do feel bad for him. But at the same time I don't because he treated me like even before she got cancer. I hate feeling bad for him, I hate him he's so ****ing manipulating!! My mom lives far away and doesn't contact me. On top of that I recently found out my boyfriend cheated on me for months, and he was basically the only person I had left. My grandma died. My sisters doing drugs. The rest of my family never contacts me either. I don't have any friends. I talk to some people from social services or whatever you wanna call it. But it never feels like they actually care. I wanna die so bad, I think about it every day and I'm so close to cutting myself every time I'm alone. The only reason I don't is because I don't want anymore scars, I have so many and they're ugly as ****.. I don't wanna give up but I don't have anything left and I'm thinking about doing drugs and just giving up, that's the closest I'll get to being dead and I'll never have to worry again. I don't even know how anyone can help me with this but honestly I just wanted to get it out of my system, everything's just building up and I'm so frustrated.. I wake up most mornings just wanting to cry and run away, I'm so sick of waking up to this. I end up crying and not eating for hours until the pain in my stomach gets too bad. I'm sorry if anyone read this and felt it was a waste of time, I'm so sorry. I just wanna vent, I'm so tired of this..

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Hey! Welcome.

 

I'm sorry. I grew up with an alcoholic mother. It sucks. Moving out on my own at 18 was a huge relief for me. I'm not implying that you should just "stick it out" for another 3 years, though. It sounds like your situation merits some swift action.

 

I'm sorry about your boyfriend, too - that feeling of betrayal is the worst and I hope you never experience it again.

 

I don't really have anything useful to say. I'm not from the US, and I don't know who you could turn to with stuff like this. Especially since you mentioned how unhelpful Social Services have been.

Hopefully someone else will step in with practical advice on what you can do.

 

As for drug abuse - I've been there. You said "the closest I'll get to being dead" is to go down that road, but while I sympathise, I have to tell you that you're wrong. It's much, much worse. It's a living hell, and by the sounds of it, you don't need any more of that in your life.

 

It sounds trite, but things do get better. One day you'll look back at this period with pride, because even through horrible circumstances, you kept fighting every day.

I have no less admiration for you than I would for a soldier surviving alone behind enemy lines for 2 years without shelter, weapons or food.

 

Whether you realise it or not, you're a survivor and a badass.

Edited by wakalaka
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Hi. So I live with my alcoholic dad, and I have for 2 years. He doesn't drink all the time but these past few months has been too much. A few months ago he kicked me out and I suspect it's because he got a girlfriend and I'm just a burden for him now and I'm getting between them.. I asked my grandparents for help but they said its my fault. He never cooked for me or made sure we had food, and the house looks like ######. I do clean sometimes and I'm able to cook for myself but I'm the youngest, so everything has always been done for me until now that I'm expected to be an adult because no one wants to look after me. Me and my sister tried talking to him but he just laughed in our faces and it hurt so much. Yesterday he forgot to pick me up for the first time since I was a kid. (People with alcoholic parents will understand) he got home but he hasn't mentioned even though I called and texted him. His mom recently got cancer, something that's easy to remove tho.. So I do feel bad for him. But at the same time I don't because he treated me like ###### even before she got cancer. I hate feeling bad for him, I hate him he's so ******* manipulating!! My mom lives far away and doesn't contact me. On top of that I recently found out my boyfriend cheated on me for months, and he was basically the only person I had left. My grandma died. My sisters doing drugs. The rest of my family never contacts me either. I don't have any friends. I talk to some people from social services or whatever you wanna call it. But it never feels like they actually care. I wanna die so bad, I think about it every day and I'm so close to cutting myself every time I'm alone. The only reason I don't is because I don't want anymore scars, I have so many and they're ugly as ****.. I don't wanna give up but I don't have anything left and I'm thinking about doing drugs and just giving up, that's the closest I'll get to being dead and I'll never have to worry again. I don't even know how anyone can help me with this but honestly I just wanted to get it out of my system, everything's just building up and I'm so frustrated.. I wake up most mornings just wanting to cry and run away, I'm so sick of waking up to this. I end up crying and not eating for hours until the pain in my stomach gets too bad. I'm sorry if anyone read this and felt it was a waste of time, I'm so sorry. I just wanna vent, I'm so tired of this..

 

Keep fighting, my friend.  I lived through this until I was nineteen years old... beatings, lack of friends, stunted social development.

 

Use your magnificent brain to formulate good plans to recover what you're missing.  Therapy, getting good grades, moving away to college, lining up a job in a field you'll enjoy.

 

I'm SOOOOO glad that you're recognizing this negative influence on your life, and have social media with which to reach out to others.

 

You didn't ask for this and you don't deserve this.  Persevere and endure and once you're rid of this, you'll positively soar!

 

Wakalaka is right... survivor and badass indeed.  Hang in there.

 

:console:

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I am sorry you are going thru this. I agree with Ratboy, try to focus on school, work on long term plans. Can you reach out to someone at school? A teacher, guidance counselor or adjustment counselor? They may be able to help. I will pray for you.

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Hi Girl15, My name is Raven and I am new here, firstly I want to say do not apologize for putting it out there, it is absolutely NOT a waste of time at all. Your problems are just as important anyone's. I can actually relate to you because I live with my mom and she isn't an Alcoholic but she is a Drug Addict and when I have asked her to change she has also laughed at me and she is just a Biotch to me and she has told me multiple times that she hates me and doesn't want me around. I have also considered suicide and it isn't worth it, just keep fighting girl, I know Exactly how it feels. If the social worker you are talking to doesn't seem to be helping you, I suggest calling the actual Social Service office and let them know what is going on and how you feel about your current social worker. Noone should have to go without food. If you can, look for churches in your area, alot of times they will give you food for free if you explain the situation to them. As for drugs, I have been down that road. They can make you very very sick and I would not recommend it. I have been off drugs for a few years now and i feel better off of them, even with the depression and the anxiety attacks I have. I will pray for you and I am terribly sorry about your situation, I am stuck living with my mom just like you are stuck with your dad, but we WILL get through this and we will be able to leave eventually, just remember you have people here supporting you and that love you :)

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thank you so much everyone, both for your advice and your stories. It really means a lot that someone took the time to reply and it made me feel a lot better knowing that someone understands, and can tell me that everything will get better, since I don't get that kind of support anywhere else. I'm still with my boyfriend, he's the one making sure I eat and he's always there for me, and his family has been so sweet and helpful too! They've been giving us money for food, I stayed at their place for a while when my dad kicked me out, and my boyfriend and I sleep at his dad's apartment in the weekends to get away from my dad. We can move into an apartment together in about a year, I'll just have to keep fighting. I just don't hope it'll get any worse because I'm really close to the edge right now. I live in Denmark and the social services here never helps me. I've contacted them 3 times since 2012 with suicidal thoughts and self harming, and they promised me a therapist but nothing ever happened. Then I moved and things have been the same two times now. Things are going so slow and I'm getting desperate :/ thank you again guys, I'm so thankful x

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thank you so much everyone, both for your advice and your stories. It really means a lot that someone took the time to reply and it made me feel a lot better knowing that someone understands, and can tell me that everything will get better, since I don't get that kind of support anywhere else. I'm still with my boyfriend, he's the one making sure I eat and he's always there for me, and his family has been so sweet and helpful too! They've been giving us money for food, I stayed at their place for a while when my dad kicked me out, and my boyfriend and I sleep at his dad's apartment in the weekends to get away from my dad. We can move into an apartment together in about a year, I'll just have to keep fighting. I just don't hope it'll get any worse because I'm really close to the edge right now. I live in Denmark and the social services here never helps me. I've contacted them 3 times since 2012 with suicidal thoughts and self harming, and they promised me a therapist but nothing ever happened. Then I moved and things have been the same two times now. Things are going so slow and I'm getting desperate :/ thank you again guys, I'm so thankful x

You are welcome, I am happy to be here for you If you need anything, even if it is just to vent :) I hope things get better for you!

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Hi Girl15, I am so sorry about your family situation.  I would like to suggest Al-Anon Family Groups.  It's not for everyone but it's something to investigate. 

http://al-anon.org/gso-denmark

Are there any social service groups that would help you get a place of your own?  Even though they have been pretty useless regarding your mental health, maybe one more try would not hurt.  Icy-rose's suggestion to contact church groups is a good idea too. 

I am grateful your boyfriend's family has been supportive but I wish he'd made some different choices.

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Yesterday I talked on the phone with my dad for about an hour, I started out just being p***** off and yelling at him but.. he explained everything, why he's sad, why he hasn't been able to buy food, etc. He also told me that his girlfriend actually pays for a lot of things for us, and she paid our electricity bill yesterday, because my dad didn't get his money. His brothers don't even speak to him about my grandma having cancer, my grandpa is just sitting at home staring and not talking. He said he misses me so much, how happy and talkative I used to be.. We both cried and I don't know if he's lying to me and being manipulative again but I feel a lot better about things now.. I never realized how much he needs someone to be there for him, just like I do. He promised to stop drinking (again) and I really hope he means it this time :/ He wasn't drunk so it was a lot easier to talk about things instead of just arguing and not getting anywhere.

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