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bellerose

Overreacting?

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I feel like it's bad that this is my second entry in this section recently, but maybe I'm just crazy and it's that type of month.

 

I have an incredible amount of work to do this weekend. I told my bf that. Since I am doing work, he decides to hang out with his buddies. Fine by me, it means a quieter study environment for me. Then I go to bed bc I haven't been sleeping well (he was on a business trip recently and I don't sleep well when he's not home). He calls me, while I'm sleeping, and says "hey, can one of my friends come over? we will be quiet and listen to music through our headphones instead of the speakers." Sure, I have ear plugs for just this occasion. 

 

I wake up at 8, his friend is still there. Ok, I'm sure he will leave soon and I can stay my day being loud. Nope, I try to tip toe around to be quiet but it's difficult to do so in a living room/dining room area with a couch. My work space is currently occupied so I do my work on the couch. My bf moved it to make room for his friend. I wasn't 100% sure where all of my things were this morning and didn't feel like tossing about papers next to his friend's head.

 

My boyfriend woke up at 1130. I sat in bed for those couple hours, smoked a little outside, came back to bed, texted my friend, and solved my rubik's cube. My laptop died and I couldn't do my work bc I didn't know where my charger was. Anyways, he woke up and saw I was upset. I told him about how my morning went. He felt bad, then said "u said he could come over". I didn't think he was gonna stay over. I thought he would take an uber home. 

 

I talked to him about it. He said I should have woken him up if i was mad at him. He would have gotten all my things for me. He told me I could make all the noise I want bc this is my home. But I just don't feel comfortable making noise and waking people up while they sleep (which I've done before while trying to be super quiet), I feel like it's rude. I feel like it's as if he says "Come stay in my home, but my gf will be pretty annoying 3-4 hours into your sleep". I don't get it. I don't like to treat my guests that way, he does.

 

Now he is asleep and I have no idea what it'll be like when he wakes up. Am I overreacting? I tend to do that when I'm stressed. But he knew I had a lot of work today and he had his friend stay over. I thought he was just coming over to hang out, but maybe he got to drunk and couldn't go home. I don't know. What the hell?

 

If you made it to the end of my rant, thanks for reading.

Edited by bellerose

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Hey, sorry but what exactly do you do? You keep saying you have a lot of work and that means you have to be loud... carpenter? :P

 

But on a serious note, yeah I would have thought the same, that the friend would leave, not spend the night, but I also agree with you overreacting. Go ahead and make noise, you have work to do and it should be your bf's friend who feels like he is intruding when he wakes up from the noise, not you thinking you are annoying him by doing your job. 

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Hi bellerose

 

Well I can see your point of view. I think the correct approach is to have a good chat about your need to study. Good clear communication and clear understanding will prevent misunderstandings.

 

I think you have made you point and the message has been received.  So see how it goes - now relax.

 

Jim Bow

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I'm a physics student so no hammering and drilling :) but I do like to spread out all of my papers into piles, eg "electricity and magnetism", "lab class", "research", "quantum mechanics". I have a desk but since this is a new living situation for me, all of our stuff is still boxed up and shoved in corners and covering my desk. I'd be fine if I had that space but my informal desk (couch) was occupied.

 

I really like his friends, the one who was over kept drunk hugging me when they got to our place. It was very cute. I think I just need to talk to him about some boundaries. We recently had a talk where boundaries came up. I didn't like the idea of putting something between us, but I wanted to stand up for myself this time. I think our boundaries talk needs to be more specific.

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Update: Things are totally fine. I apologized for overreacting, he apologized for being inconsiderate. We talked about when we feel like it is ok to have people stay over and when it's not. Thank you both for the perspectives :)

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