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4amRedLight

Help Me Get A Job

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I have a Math bachelors of arts from ten years ago. I finished one year of a two year Master's degree in Computational Physics last year, then this February I had a severe depressive episode and stopped classes, quit my part-time retail job, and since then I've been living off money my father sends me to cover rent and student loans.

 

What triggered my depression was disillusionment about my education and the career I was I aiming for. The degree on paper sounded like we get skills and expertise well above the level students were actually at, and I had a bad experience seeing overexaggerated and misleading work carried onward into real-world jobs. I wanted no part of it.

 

My part-time retail job I started 20 hrs a week, then I cut it to one day a week after I wanted to leave for another job and my manager asked if I could stay. I always took my duties seriously, even though it was a low paying bottom position. It was hard on me because I needed to do things right, when there would be others looking to do as little work as possible. I looked away from it when it wasn't my business, and I tried to see positive things about them. My approach was, I'm not the manager, I don't care how much work you do, as long as you're not making my work harder for me. I'm going to get my work done, don't get in my way of that and I have no problems with you. If you can make me smile, or I can socialize with you when it's not busy, then we can even be friends.

 

The idea that I was working on my Master's degree got me through my part-time job. But when that goal vaporized as I lost faith in the program, working at a retail store turned from helping earn money towards that goal to pulling me farther away from any hope of a career in science.

 

I tried tutoring in Math and Physics and for a term I held a job working for the university. I was excited to start, because I wanted to explain the gaps in information that the school curriculum misses. Share my understanding and perspective from someone whose gone a few steps farther and can look back and guide them in the right direction. But each time I saw a student not care about the subject, only needing me as a homework helper, like a calculator or a search engine. It reminded me of the emotional stress I went through attending classes because I felt intellectually stifled, oppressed in my time attending college. I did not want to be another facilitator of the process.

 

Right now I have no money for health insurance, therapy, or medication. I need $1200 a month to cover rent, food, and student loans. I have few life ambitions left to motivate me towards getting a job and carrying on my life. One of them is to finish teaching myself introduction to Quantum Field Theory from a book I started reading. Another is to write a computer program to calculate wave function solutions to the Schrodinger Equation. I'm fairly certain the end of those goals will be disappointing the same way my other ambitions turn out, but for the sake of being fair, I ought to try to see them through. They are ambitions from before my depressive shutdown, I just want to wrap up all the things I had set out to accomplish. That's what I'm working on until the outside world inteferes and stops me.

 

Father says he will cut financial support in two months. I feel like whether or not I get a job my freedom will be gone. Asking for more time just delays the problem, doesn't change anything. Neither of my parents understand or care what my ambitions are. Either I suppress my emotions to enslave myself to empty work that I morally oppose, or I find out what the law does to a depressed individual who has no money left to pay bills. So help me, please. Think of somewhere I can get paid enough to keep living, or show me a way to get somewhere better.

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Hi 4amRedLight

 

I am really sorry to hear that you are struggling with depression and the impact that is having on your excellent life as a student doing a Masters.

You do really need to see a Doctor and get yourself assessed as if you are depressed it will be fairly easy to treat and for you to feel better in yourself once you have a treatment plan.

This does not have to involve expensive therapy at all, just see a mental health professional for advise and support.  I think you should be really proud of what you have achieved with your studies as your level of study is pretty awesome and your subjects are some of the hardest to learn. So do not be hard on yourself for your current situation as a lot of people get depressed for loads of different reasons.

 

In time you can always catch up on your studies and achieve your long term goals which are excellent. Have you told your parents that you are depressed. You may get a sympathetic hearing if you are open with them?

 

You have done a great deal to try and manage in your job and tutoring and be proud of that.  I was sorry to hear what your father said about cutting your allowence as that is unfair. Please let him know you are going through a rough time mentally.  

 

Whatever you do get some professional support as soon as you can, then at least you can start getting back to being positive and functional again before you were depressed.

 

Best Wishes

 

Jim Bow

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I would look for a full-time job in retail. It will pay the bills, keep you occupied, and serve as a basis to contemplate other opportunities.

Just so you know, I have a master's in high energy physics. I considered teaching for a while, did a lot of tutoring etc., and eventually found out I liked sales better.

I think the best is to jump in the job market, experiment, and eventually things will come together.

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In reading your post, I can't get over how similar your situation is to my own...I have a BA in Psychology (of all things) and have completed all of the classes for my MA in Clinical Mental Health Counseling (of all things) all that I had left was my internship, but I found it hard to sustain a full time job and find an internship...I said I was taking a "break" and went on a temporary leave that was supposed to be over in April, and have avoided pursuing anything further due to my mental state. 

 

I moved and started a new job as a Coordinator for a construction company, after my ideas regarding a career change, and working for the corporate world were blown to pieces I hit an all time low and having a really difficult time getting back on my feet. I had so many aspirations and desires as to the good I was going to use my degree's towards. Now it is like society has created this life where all we are meant to do is work and not be happy, but that is an entirely different tangent all together. 

 

Anyway, I lost my job (gave my two weeks and was told to clean my desk out that day, being shown how disposable I was to them) and now I am without money, insurance or any resources to get the help needed for my mental illness. I am depressed and unmotivated to pursue work, yet need to to make money and to get the assistance I need for my depression, so it is like a viscous circle!

 

I have always taken pride in my work, no matter what it is I am doing, like you, I am (or was) a very hard worker. I received little to no reward for the work, fell into the depression and now can't seem to get back to my old self. I am married, so my husband is trying to carry us through, but he does not understand the depression and is pressuring me to get a job because we have bills to pay. It is very difficult to know that you are not mentally capable or ready to take on starting a new job, but then to be pressured by outside sources to do so. Do we have to compromise our mental health for the sake of money? I feel like there should be something we can do, some kind of assistance that can be provided while we get ourselves well...it is a very difficult position to be in. 

 

Right now, I am looking into getting a low key position that will help me to get by for the time being...I just called a Kennel who posted an add for kennel help....I have a BA, I almost have an MA, and I am applying to work as a kennel hand.....It is a hard pill to swallow, but I don't know what else to do, other than to get a job that I can work to make some money, and to not be too stressed to take care of myself at the same time. While I can't get you a job, I can just provide you with the comfort of knowing you are not the only one going through what you are dealing with. I would recommend finding something you can do that is low stress and something that will provide you with the insurance and finances to get help to take care of the depression...once that is under control continue to pursue your dreams....that is what I am going to do. I believe that we can still achieve the goals we have set for ourselves, it is just taking time to take care of ourselves first and re-evaluate what we really want out of life.

 

Hope that helps, even if just a little bit....

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