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Introversion


stardreamer

Introverted or extroverted?  

71 members have voted

  1. 1. Are you introverted or extroverted?

    • Very introverted
      44
    • Somewhat or sometimes introverted
      10
    • Somewhere in between, or it varies
      13
    • Somewhat or sometimes extroverted
      0
    • Very extroverted
      2
    • Neither
      1
    • Other
      1


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I'm very very much an introvert.  Being with other people exhausts me to no end.  I haven't really had any good friends for quite a few years that I like enough to spend a lot of time with them.  My best friend is really only one, but he lives in Washington and I live in Arizona.  I'm wondering if I have the right friends if I would feel less introverted.  It doesn't help I work retail, and I'm a manager, so I'm dealing with people all day long.  By the time I get home, I just want to be alone.  I've finally started to feel lonely sometimes though and that's pretty new for me.  I'm usually just fine being alone, but lately I haven't even gone out much or done anything even on my own.  I just really don't know how to make friends anymore.

yeah, this totally  happens. i think the key is to have a few close friends. that's usually how introverts manage their social needs. you can learn how to make friends again if you're rusty. everyone, even introverts, have a need for some type of social interaction, even if it is not very frequent.

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Hi 20 years, 

 

I am way less introverted so there are differences but I relate to some of what you mention. How much easier it is when there is a little distance that writing or the web creates. You probably find that this is your true warmth that is coming out, There is always a lot of it coming from you! I also have some difficulty with hugs. I have gone through stages where giving them on the web has been easy for me but i have gone through phases where i can't do so and where getting them can also be difficult. It can be confusing!  

 

I think introverted feeling types sometimes express their feeling needs internally and not so much externally. It sounds like that is what happens for you. 

 

In my experience dissociation can give all sorts of impressions to others. I think I have seemed a bit stupid or dim at times and it has also given me the impression of being relaxed when i am not really. Talk about my serene face is rather amusing in context. But distance like you mention is a bit of a given both internally and externally. I suppose thats part of the intention with d. 

 

A library seems like a pretty good place for someone very introverted! Quiet. 

 

****

 

I was thinking of the different sides of being introverted versus extroverted. 

So there is the usual how much people exposure can you do before it becomes tiring. 

Then: how much of what you think about goes on externally about what is around you rather internally inside your head. Extroverts focus is on the world around them whereas introverts focus is internal. 

Do you think then speak or think whilst speaking. Extroverts like formulating their thoughts externally in some way and preferably with other people. Introverts like first formulating their thoughts inside their heads before verbalising them.

There is often a hesitation before introverts speak although social phobia and confidence can also make someone do that. Introverts do so even when they aren't nervous at all. 

Noise and activity. Introverts are more easily stimulated than extroverts. Too much noise and activity makes them feel frazzled rather than energised. 

Introverts like speaking one to one or to small groups whereas extroverts like larger groups of people or are energised by them. 

Introverts find small talk much more challenging and a little boring. They like bigger content and meeting new people doesn't have the appeal it has for extroverts. 

As a result introverts are often more structured in their thoughts as they are more deliberate about them. Unfortunately introverts usually dont realise that and will often steamroller intorverts as a result and not give them a chance and space to speak. Especially in meetings. Introverts usually have to make the adjustment and be more forceful if they are not to be sidelined. 

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Fizzle,

Once again, you pretty much nailed it!!  I hadn't realized that the disassociation I deal with internally would show itself to others as a sense of aloofness or coldness.  Believe it or not, that little bit was new for me, thank you!!  My son gives the same impression of casualness or sereneness, and this makes me wonder if he also struggles with disassociation, or if he really is laid back.  (new insight into kids is awesome, btw, thank you again!!) 

 

I really am lucky to work at the library.  I've really, really hung on to that job over the years for that very reason. 

 

I really feel for kaniro in retail hell, honey you are amazingly strong to go through that every day and not lose your mind!!  (((kaniro)))

 

I do find it ironic that I use the hugs emoji or its equivalent a lot around here when I would never do that in real life.

 

And then what you added about the differences between motivations for introverts versus extroverts.  My thoughts deal almost entirely with internal issues, so much so in fact that I am often oblivious to the world around me.  I'm actually pretty infamous at work, and with anyone who knows me for that.  Did you ever watch the original Mr. Magoo cartoons, with the little old man who couldn't see half of anything and was constantly avoiding catastrophe by narrow margins?  That's me. :blush21:    And I prefer to reason out and work through my emotions then share what I resolve, rather than the other way around.  And small talk, that's exactly right. 

 

===========================

 

My thought life is so much more real to me than reality is, am I really insane for that?  Or is that just a hallmark of being an introvert?  I can cry buckets over Watson's grief at Sherlock's death, and then just sit there and go 'huh' when an acquaintance dies.  I've been like that all my life. :blush21:

Edited by 20YearsandCounting
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I just canceled my plans to go to the bonfire to watch the walking dead my friends is flaky and doesn,t stick to plans,cancels on me to go hang with other people.I don,t even like most of the things i go to with all that happens is that i sit around and have to make small talk for hours at a time i get so bored I just leave early.There likely just going to sit around smoking pan bullxxxxxxxx about other people i invited my friend to a few things like going to six flags come over to my house with a few people to play drinks and games seeing a movie.He just ignored it and said will see all that he so ****ing stupid he didn,t read my message and just scroll down to the bottom.everytime im out with him they just all talk about facebook in his room thats to small to fit everyone in.i want new friends,he ignored my messages for half a year anyway.

 

i can,t deal with people that are so extroverted all they want to do is to sit around in a huge group of people and small talk they ignore every other person and there whole goal is to talk to as many people as possible while being loud and obnoxious,the whole things sucks ass and after being there for a hour or two I have to sneak out,because im just done talking.

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I can really identify with that, scienceguy.  When I was single I hardly ever dated, hardly ever did anything besides work & take kids to school. Like Kaniro, I worked in retail, & between that & kids it sucked up all the people-tolerating skills I had, and more. I've always been intense, but I was even more of a b*tch back then, due to always being 'over my emotional limit'.  

 

A brave, extroverted soul practically dragged me to a weekly church function for singles.  I made myself stick with it to pursue my beliefs, and didn't really care about meeting anyone.  Guys never really approached me when I was single, I'm too intense & opinionated. But that's how I met my current husband of 15+ years.  So when I suggest joining groups or pursuing activities that are interesting or encourage a person to grow, it's not actually b*llsh*t, it's what worked for me.

 

Anyway, I can really identify with being sick to death of extroverted, shallow friends.  Sorry for the ramble. :blush21:

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I'm very very much an introvert.  Being with other people exhausts me to no end.  I haven't really had any good friends for quite a few years that I like enough to spend a lot of time with them.  My best friend is really only one, but he lives in Washington and I live in Arizona.  I'm wondering if I have the right friends if I would feel less introverted.  It doesn't help I work retail, and I'm a manager, so I'm dealing with people all day long.  By the time I get home, I just want to be alone.  I've finally started to feel lonely sometimes though and that's pretty new for me.  I'm usually just fine being alone, but lately I haven't even gone out much or done anything even on my own.  I just really don't know how to make friends anymore.

yeah, this totally  happens. i think the key is to have a few close friends. that's usually how introverts manage their social needs. you can learn how to make friends again if you're rusty. everyone, even introverts, have a need for some type of social interaction, even if it is not very frequent.

 

 

I think you're right.  I used to have social interactions maybe about once a month, but then this friend got into a relationship, and our last outing was her trying to set me up with someone and it was all really awkward.  Now I haven't really had a social interaction since January with people from work.  I need to figure out how to make friends again.  

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I can really identify with that, scienceguy.  When I was single I hardly ever dated, hardly ever did anything besides work & take kids to school. Like Kaniro, I worked in retail, & between that & kids it sucked up all the people-tolerating skills I had, and more. I've always been intense, but I was even more of a b*tch back then, due to always being 'over my emotional limit'.  

 

A brave, extroverted soul practically dragged me to a weekly church function for singles.  I made myself stick with it to pursue my beliefs, and didn't really care about meeting anyone.  Guys never really approached me when I was single, I'm too intense & opinionated. But that's how I met my current husband of 15+ years.  So when I suggest joining groups or pursuing activities that are interesting or encourage a person to grow, it's not actually b*llsh*t, it's what worked for me.

 

Anyway, I can really identify with being sick to death of extroverted, shallow friends.  Sorry for the ramble. :blush21:

I know I have to join something I just don,t like  how there is nothing catered to introvert people,No one cares im single even my parents,grandparents brother sister aunts or uncles,I wish people would ask or tell me not to be single I have never heard it from anyone,people always say im attractive or good looking I don,t know if its because they pity me and want me to start liking them and talking to them,they act like if they say that i will act how they want me to I feel like taking a swing at people when I hear them pity me I take most compliments as a insult,because I see at someone ,telling me im someone to pity.i keep putting it off because i don,t have money i mostly use dating websites now,because im sick of dealing with soceity.Im happy you met your husband and you have been together so long

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scienceguy,

No one really mentioned about me being single, either. It always made me wonder if there was something glaringly wrong with me that everyone else but me could see.   I think it probably would have driven me crazy, though, to have everyone and their dog trying to get me to go out with someone. I think if enough people tell you you're attractive, then you probably are. Of course, what really matters is how you see yourself. 

 

For me, what puts most people off is my intensity and aloofness.  Whatever warmth comes across on DF is completely & utterly lost in translation IRL.  Part of that could be my disassociation, though, I'm glad Fizzle mentioned that. 

 

TBH, I'm usually pretty suspicious of compliments, too, especially from people I've just met or don't know very well.  I've always felt weird having a bad reaction to someone who is what I think of as 'aggressively nice,' so it's reassuring to hear I'm not the only one who has to resist the urge to smack them one!  When people start being nice to me, I start wondering what they're up to.  I don't even know where that comes from, it's not like I've had a really hard life.

 

And I really don't have the patience for all that small talk crap,either, and after all these years I still really still don't see the point of it. 

 

I'm sorry there's not very many options for you.  I wish I had a brilliant idea or several for you.  I'm glad you're here on DF, though.  :Coopwink:

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scienceguy,

No one really mentioned about me being single, either. It always made me wonder if there was something glaringly wrong with me that everyone else but me could see.   I think it probably would have driven me crazy, though, to have everyone and their dog trying to get me to go out with someone. I think if enough people tell you you're attractive, then you probably are. Of course, what really matters is how you see yourself. 

 

For me, what puts most people off is my intensity and aloofness.  Whatever warmth comes across on DF is completely & utterly lost in translation IRL.  Part of that could be my disassociation, though, I'm glad Fizzle mentioned that. 

 

TBH, I'm usually pretty suspicious of compliments, too, especially from people I've just met or don't know very well.  I've always felt weird having a bad reaction to someone who is what I think of as 'aggressively nice,' so it's reassuring to hear I'm not the only one who has to resist the urge to smack them one!  When people start being nice to me, I start wondering what they're up to.  I don't even know where that comes from, it's not like I've had a really hard life.

 

And I really don't have the patience for all that small talk crap,either, and after all these years I still really still don't see the point of it. 

 

I'm sorry there's not very many options for you.  I wish I had a brilliant idea or several for you.  I'm glad you're here on DF, though.  :Coopwink:

I think there are alot of options for me but I just didn,t see them,there is no way i will find a women that fits with my personality going to parties bars etc i just don,t like the personalty that congregate there,so why would I date someone there and then have to put up with all the social obligations im going to have to follow up with I noticed all the women I am attracted to are always introverted and self confident,im better off taking art classes writing classes tennis lessons .

 

I feel i need to become more mentally stable,I have been feeling alot better with the meds they give I have many days and moments I feel completely normal,but i still have periods where I become completely mentally unstable,I need alot more therapy to treat my personality disorder,then the right meds to control my bipolar disorder,i think it would be very difficult for me to explain that I am in IOP and if I hide that im getting 12 hours of therapy a week,im sure there going to wonder where im disappearing to,I know if my date told me she was bipolar had borderline personality disorder and was in outpatient treatment in the psychiatric hospital I would back away if I was someone who had no mental illness.i don,t  want to start doing my ineffective behaviors again and embarrass myself.

it is really obvious now that im medicate why I have always been single my behavior has been really really out of control!!I am happy when im flirting and talking to women im attracted to but my mood crashs once they don,t answer my messages.

 

i have the same problem with being aloof and cold,I don,t want to be that way but I am it makes people really dislike me but when I try to fake being warm and open that doesn,t go well either.I really don,t want talk to every person i see at the outpatient center i get so aggravated when im trying to get to group and everyone wants to stop and chat with me I usually say hello and just walk past,the only problem with that is i have to deal with there passive aggressiveness later on.

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  • 1 month later...

I can relate to much of what you all have posted.  I also have tested IFNJ, each time I've taken that test.  Being around people truly does drain my energy.  I work with people very closely as part of my job so I need some serious "down" time after work to be alone and take care of myself.  Being in groups gets overwhelming to my senses and I feel the urge to escape pretty quickly.  I've always been uncomfortable with hugs and always kind of did the "side hug", but have worked really hard to try to be better about that so as not to offend anyone...but it's certainly not natural, and you won't see me walking up and hugging people on the regular!  I think we have much to offer to people when we do open up on a more intimate level, if we are willing to take that risk!  I really don't think most introverts like small talk or talking just to fill empty space. I'm okay sitting in silence sometimes.  Anyways, I'm off to bed, you all have a good night.

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I don't really like people but I find that my job and volunteer work requires me to interact with a lot of different people, many of who are strangers. If it weren't for my work I would probably still have no friends and spend most of my time at home like I was two years ago. So I'm an introvert at heart, but circumstances force me to pretend that I'm an extrovert. It drains my energy very quickly though. After a week of seeing people everyday I often need a couple of days by myself to recover.

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I am definately an introvert.  My need for time to recharge is very likely why I am awake until about two or three in the morning while everyone else sleeps.  I find I have a limited patience with anyone interrupting me during my weekends, I think I need to find a quiet corner that I can retreat to when home gets too noisy.  Too bad I can't do the same with work, all I can do is use music to focus on what is important and block out what is not. 

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I think I am both. Whenever I am around people I am an extravert, I'm definitely not shy. That is what people tell me as well. I love making people laugh and I truly enjoy talking to pretty much anyone. There are very few things I enjoy more then getting to know new people. However I am also perfectly fine staying at home for a few days and just have myself as company. I love that as well. Sometimes it feels like I have two personalities?

Edited by Cupcake_girl
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I'm an introvert, although I live with family, I spend most my time in my room with the door closed. Outside of close family, I'm very selective who I talk to and when. I don't like to talk on the phone but will text all day long. Some say I'm pretty much a hermit. I've been divorced for 12 years but haven't went on a date since 2007....no, I don't have cats.

Edited by Nissala
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I'm an introvert, although I live with family, I spend most my time in my room with the door closed. Outside of close family, I'm very selective who I talk to and when. I don't like to talk on the phone but will text all day long. Some say I'm pretty much a hermit. I've been divorced for 12 years but haven't went on a date since 2007....no, I don't have cats.

Im going to start collecting cats I was going to get from two my professor that is raising them,but I need a better job to support them lol,who needs kids when you can have a bunch of cats.I can be the weird single guy who hoards cats atleast  soceity has a place for me I,ll sound less crazy if I say i talk to cats all day to then myself.

Edited by scienceguy
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I want to be a crazy dog person. Doesn't sound so bad. If I'm going to be alone forever, I might as well get the next best kind of affection.

My roommate has a cat and I have two small furry dogs.  My dogs are 10x more affectionate and responsive than her cat and she notices the difference.  For one,you can take them out with you.  You can train a cat to leash but most people dont

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I want to be a crazy dog person. Doesn't sound so bad. If I'm going to be alone forever, I might as well get the next best kind of affection.

My roommate has a cat and I have two small furry dogs.  My dogs are 10x more affectionate and responsive than her cat and she notices the difference.  For one,you can take them out with you.  You can train a cat to leash but most people dont

 

 

I don't hate cats (most of them anyway), but I prefer dogs. I miss my boxer pup I had to give up when I couldn't work anymore. She loved to cuddle.

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I like dogs to but I find cats fascinating,they remind of myself,very aloof and indepdent,they requiire less maintance then a dog and can be alone longer,I love the family dog to,I feel like cats are more masculine then dogs because there so indepdent and aloof.A dog you know what its thinking but a cat is a puzzle.

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I'm INtP. I usually prefer not to be around anyone if I can avoid having to be, but I don't mind socializing really (I'd just rather not) so I chose "somewhat or sometimes." Actually I probably could have chosen "very introverted" now that I think about it some more. (It's hard to separate what's personality and what's depression/anxiety sometimes.)

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I'm an introvert, although I live with family, I spend most my time in my room with the door closed. Outside of close family, I'm very selective who I talk to and when. I don't like to talk on the phone but will text all day long. Some say I'm pretty much a hermit. I've been divorced for 12 years but haven't went on a date since 2007....no, I don't have cats.

Im going to start collecting cats I was going to get from two my professor that is raising them,but I need a better job to support them lol,who needs kids when you can have a bunch of cats.I can be the weird single guy who hoards cats atleast  soceity has a place for me I,ll sound less crazy if I say i talk to cats all day to then myself.

 

Scienceguy, I don't have cats but do have 12 dogs...maybe I'm a crazy dog lady?

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I want to be a crazy dog person. Doesn't sound so bad. If I'm going to be alone forever, I might as well get the next best kind of affection.

At least I'm not the only one who feels they will be alone forever. Yes, dogs are more dependent than cats, I think of mine as perpetual two year olds.. 

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I want to be a crazy dog person. Doesn't sound so bad. If I'm going to be alone forever, I might as well get the next best kind of affection.

At least I'm not the only one who feels they will be alone forever. Yes, dogs are more dependent than cats, I think of mine as perpetual two year olds.. 

 

 

That's about the only cuddling or affection I'm ever going to get, and it actually sounds really nice right now. I wish I had a dog.

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