Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
At7890

Torn On Breaking Up With Bf.. Really Need Guidance

Recommended Posts

Hey everyone.. I rarely post here - mostly a reader - but I could really use some help on this.

 

I have been with my current boyfriend for 10 months. I was diagnosed with depression/anxiety about 9 years ago and have been aware of it for even longer. I have been going through an "episode" for about 6 months now, and it's progressively gotten worse.

 

To keep this semi-brief, I find myself constantly battling thoughts of breaking up with my boyfriend because I feel bad that he has to deal with me. I am used to being hurt - by more than just boyfriends - so it only makes sense to me that he would be the same. I know he loves me, but when I act the way I do, I'm just waiting for him to reach a breaking point. He hasn't given me any reason to believe so, but I have an incredibly hard time letting go of the past. I've read a lot about other people having similar feelings, but I don't want to ruin our relationship. I know if the roles were reversed, I would be there for him 150%.. But I am really struggling in believing that someone could love me that much. I kinda just need someone to rationalize that I'm insane in my thinking.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi there,

 

I completely agree with the other two ladies. Share your thoughts with him, it is his choice whether or not he stays by your side through this. You shouldn't make that choice for him. ((((Hugs))))

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My comments in bold...

Hey everyone.. I rarely post here - mostly a reader - but I could really use some help on this.

 

I have been with my current boyfriend for 10 months. I was diagnosed with depression/anxiety about 9 years ago and have been aware of it for even longer. I have been going through an "episode" for about 6 months now, and it's progressively gotten worse.

 

To keep this semi-brief, I find myself constantly battling thoughts of breaking up with my boyfriend because I feel bad that he has to deal with me. - You believe you are just a burden to him. I think if he felt the same way, he would have headed for the exit by now, or else you would be seeing signs that he wants out. From his point of view, this "episode" has lasted for more than half of this relationship. He either believes you will get better, or he wants to stay, regardless.

 

I am used to being hurt - by more than just boyfriends - so it only makes sense to me that he would be the same. - I know the feeling. I have gotten so used to rejection and being ignored that it is the only expectation I have, and it has now gotten me into the rut of "why even try?" Our past experiences do shape our future expectations.

 

I know he loves me, but when I act the way I do, I'm just waiting for him to reach a breaking point. He hasn't given me any reason to believe so, but I have an incredibly hard time letting go of the past. I've read a lot about other people having similar feelings, but I don't want to ruin our relationship. I know if the roles were reversed, I would be there for him 150%.. - Give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he would, too. But as others have said, the only way to really know is have an honest discussion.

 

But I am really struggling in believing that someone could love me that much. - I suppose if your past relationships were really that bad, I can see why you'd think this way. But it's a dangerous path to go down. It sabotages a lot of relationships that otherwise could have worked out.

 

I kinda just need someone to rationalize that I'm insane in my thinking. - Your line of thinking is precipitated by things that have happened to you in the past. It's understandable, at least. But I'll re-emphasize that the only way out is to have two-way honest communication with your partner. I hope it works out for you!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks everyone.. I have talked to him about it.. We do so a lot. Our communication is generally pretty strong. He's kinda explained it the way that you all have.. Almost word for word actually.. That he would have been gone by now if he couldn't handle it.. That it's not up to me to decide if he wants to be with me.. And that he loves me and wants to help me through it. The guy is amazing and I know that.. I did this with my last bf though and I can see the pattern.. I get worse and worse and I just push away.. And I don't wanna do that this time around.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If he didn't want to be with you he wouldn't. I only know from my own experience but it bothers me when somebody tries to make a decision "for me" when really its not. When i'm in a relationship if my girlfriend has a problem I find it my duty to help her and I get some kind of weird satisfaction knowing I can actually make her smile on her bad days. Let him do his thing.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm almost in the same situation. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and he adores me and just wants to make me smile. I'm just never fully convinced and I feel like such a sh**ty person and he deserves better than me, the "perfect girlfriend". I feel like I've been pushing him away lately and just want to be by myself in my little depressed bubble and all he wants to do is cheer me up but it doesn't work. I feel like I'm in too deep with him, I've never made it this long in a relationship; and I can't decide if I'm actually bored with the relationship and want it to end, or my depression is making me second guess things and not giving me the ability to feel anything at all towards anyone. He wishes I would talk to him more and open up about what I'm feeling, but I can't really put into words, that conversation sounds exhausting and I rather just crawl into my shell and be quiet.

 

I'm sorry I don't have much advice, I'm at a total loss, I hope you're having better luck figuring everything out :hearthrob:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...