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4amRedLight

Please Name A Song That Understands Your Depression.

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Hold On by Pearl Jam

 

I know... life would be different if I... held on. Held on.
I know... I could be something if I... held on.

 

I don't want to be normal. I want what I stand for to matter. What does it mean to me to 'hold on'? Sometimes I think if I did like everyone else for a little longer, I would have made something of myself. And sometimes I think it means the opposite, that if I didn't follow the crowd playing along I could've found myself and found something worthwhile in life.

 

It's like walking on a fence. It's not knowing which direction to hold on to, and getting trapped in the middle by danger on both sides. The middle path isn't the safe path, it's just a pointless path.

 

My take on this however is that all of this IS my identity, I have many faces. In dark times I often say 'I'd give anything' to be "normal", but I'd rather find the courage to take pride in who I am, who I could be if I stop putting my head down and instead rise up.

I agree, depression is part of who I am. It's not like I'm functioning incorrectly to have depressed thoughts. I can't and don't need to be 'fixed'. It's like there's smoke in the house, so the detector alarm goes off, and you try to solve the problem by rewiring the detector instead of putting out the fire. But take the analogy to scale, imagine an enormous bonfire that wraps around the globe and a population of people who can't smell or sense the smoke. Now you walk around with alarms going off cause of all the smoke, but the majority of your peers walk around ignoring it and resigned to let the fire keep burning.

 

But in my dark times, I usually wish to be myself and accept my depression. And in my normal times I pretend to myself that I'd do anything not to be depressed, in the back of my mind feeling this isn't really what I want. I want to put that fire out, not walk around pretending to be oblivious all the smoke, hoping problems go away when we pretend they don't exist.

Edited by 4amRedLight

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"Just a Thought" by Gnarls Barkley... Everything in it, I know so well. The refrain alone, talking about how your mood just changes, and you know it'll come back

 

And I've tried
Everything but suicide
Ooh but it's crossed my mind
Just a thought

And so I've tried
Everything but suicide
But yes - it's crossed my mind
But I'm fine

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for me it's "Boston" and "Stars and Boulevards" by Augustana. They're my go-to pain songs. Favorite band when I was younger but I would listen to it over and over because it put my feelings into words. However it became too hard to listen to because I'd relive bad memories and emotions. So now it's kind of bittersweet.

Boston-

"In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh, it has begun...

Oh dear, you look so lost, your eyes are red and tears are shed,

This world you must've crossed...

You said...

You don't know me, and you don't even care, oh yeah,

And you said

You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah"

Stars and Boulevards-

"Oh...seems like I'm always on my own,

Seems like I'm never coming home

Seems like I'm always on my own...

All the stars and boulevards aren't close enough for you..."

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I like 'Crazy' by Gnarls Barkeley, particularly when I'm feeling angry or cynical about how society treats mental illness.

 

Ha ha ha bless your soul
You really think you're in control

Well, I think you're crazy
I think you're crazy
I think you're crazy
Just like me

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The Beach BOys - Till I DIe

[please PM member for the link.]

 

I'm a cork on the ocean
Floating over the raging sea
How deep is the ocean?

 

Sends me chills down my spine. Nobody understands me, I don't have a lot of friends, and I'm too scare to express myself due to the fact people will laugh at me and make fun of me. I'm missing that happy feeling I once had, and I can't find it anymore. Only when I'm riding my bike or I forget about it when I get high/drunk.

 

Also one of my depressed songs are: The Beach Boys - Lets Put Our Hearts Together

 

Please take a listen!

Edited by 20YearsandCounting
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Singing For The Lonely"-ROBBIE WILLIAMS

Singing for the lonely

You're not the only ones who feel this

So scared of what we're doing

All the time

Here comes wasted head-space

Paranoia

Anger, misplaced feelings

Leave me nowhere

All the time

I don't wake up early every morning

'Cause the more I sleep the less I have to say

Scared of you always thinking that I'm boring

Stop me yawning my life away

Tender young confusion

Send black mariah for blue delusions

Lays heavy oh so heavy

On my mind

I'm so sick of people's expectations

Leaves me tired all the time

If your home's full of useless aggravation

Then don't bring it to mine

I seem to spend my life

Just waiting for the chorus

'Cause the verse is never nearly

Good enough

The hooligan half of me

That steals from Woolworths

While the other lives for love

I'm so sick of people's expectations

Leaves me tired all the time

If your home's full of worthless aggravation

Then don't bring it to mine

Singing for the lonely

We're not the only ones who feel this

So scared of what I'm doing

All the time

Singing for the Lonely

We're not the only ones who feel this

Scared of what we're doing

All the time

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Hurt by Nine Inch Nails

 

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

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Perfect by simple plan just came on, which is a good one for others

But

Mine would be Make you feel my love, by Adele.

.....

When the rain is blowing in your face,

And the whole world is on your case,

I could offer you a warm embrace

To make you feel my love.

When the evening shadows and the stars appear,

And there is no one there to dry your tears,

I could hold you for a million years

To make you feel my love.

I know you haven't made your mind up yet,

But I will never do you wrong.

I've known it from the moment that we met,

No doubt in my mind where you belong.

I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue,

And I'd go crawling down the avenue.

No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do

To make you feel my love.

The storms are raging on the rolling sea

And on the highway of regret.

The winds of change are blowing wild and free,

You ain't seen nothing like me yet.

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.

Nothing that I wouldn't do.

Go to the ends of the Earth for you,

To make you feel my love

To make you feel my love

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Numb from Linkin park, it would be me who sign this song to my mother. I'm quite sure that she was bipolar but in total denial like she was in denial about me being ADHD even after my diagnosis when I was 19. She knew that I was a smart girl capable of doing lots of amazing things but the problem was if it wasn't something that she wanted me to do, even if it was a good thing in her eyes it was bad and she would do everything to make me stop doing it and try to force me to do what she wanted me to do. For instance I'm a really good singer and dancer but she wanted me to do classical type of dance like ballet and sign opera, I like rock in her eyes that was bad only bad peoples love rock music she would tell me. I also wanted to be an hairdresser or cosmetician again in her eyes this wasn't good enough. Anyway! the only thing I've learn from her was to run away as far as I could from her because I don't accept to be controlled by anyone.

I'm tired of being what you want me to be

Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface

Don't know what you're expecting of me

Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes

(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)

Every step that I take is another mistake to you

(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)

[Chorus:]

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there

Become so tired, so much more aware

I'm becoming this, all I want to do

Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me,

Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control?

'Cause everything that you thought I would be

Has fallen apart right in front of you.

(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)

Every step that I take is another mistake to you.

(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)

And every second I waste is more than I can take.

[Chorus:]

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there,

Become so tired, so much more aware

I'm becoming this, all I want to do

Is be more like me and be less like you.

And I know

I may end up failing too.

But I know

You were just like me with someone disappointed in you.

[Chorus:]

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there,

Become so tired, so much more aware.

I'm becoming this, all I want to do

Is be more like me and be less like you.

[Chorus:]

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there.

(I'm tired of being what you want me to be)

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there.

(I'm tired of being what you want me to be)

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For me I would say "Angel" by Sarah Mclachlan (hopefully i spelled her name correctly) and "I shall believe" by Sheryl Crow. I have been listening to those since my depression started ten years ago..

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Peaches by In The Valley Below

 

I've been working on my knees baby it's alright
Everybody got disease maybe it's alright

...

We won't live too long
So let's love for one song

...
You've been drinking all week baby that's alright
You've been stepping on me baby it's alright

 

The bad things happening stop mattering to me. Don't care anymore. Numb. Have no reaction to mistreatment, apathy.

Trying to work up the emotion to find anything worth caring about.

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My apologies for the multiple posts

 

 

 

 

 

 

Multiple accidental posts were deleted; there's only one post now.

Edited by 20YearsandCounting
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I tried to walk together

But the night was growing dark
Thought you were beside me
But I reached and you were gone
Sometimes I hear you calling
From some lost and distant shore
I hear you crying softly for the way it was before

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