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Random Trauma/ptsd/pts Dissociation Thought Thread For All.


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Endlessly have internal thoughts that I fine and nothing affected me and then hit up against the way my life is dominated by this stuff. Its endlessly painful knocking up against both. I just want it to be fine and not have to think of treatment or anything that happened. I long for my previous denial and then remember all else that cost me. Round and round we go.... Annoying. 

Like it has a power of its own. Completely gets in the way of any sort of self preservation. sick of it and i know what your going through

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recently a doctor asked why i was on medication. told him the reasons, including ptsd.  he suggested positive thinking to forget what happened.  And to put out positive "energy" I came home and cried. 

Oh I am so sorry to hear that Topekak. Its one thing that makes me totally crazy - these types of responses. Arggghhhh I could go and scream at him for you. Except I dont do screaming. 

 

What, do they think we havent tried before? Oh darn why didnt we think of that?! Forget it, think happy thoughts. grrrrrrrrrrr Sorry, I hope you are feeling a little better now. He is wrong and is ignorant. 

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Endlessly have internal thoughts that I fine and nothing affected me and then hit up against the way my life is dominated by this stuff. Its endlessly painful knocking up against both. I just want it to be fine and not have to think of treatment or anything that happened. I long for my previous denial and then remember all else that cost me. Round and round we go.... Annoying. 

Like it has a power of its own. Completely gets in the way of any sort of self preservation. sick of it and i know what your going through

 

Thank you. Sick of it too. Had times recently when I am just over it and cant find acceptance. Dont want this to be what I am dealing with. 

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I'm having one of those days when I'm afraid I'll completely lose it and go crazy. I'm afraid I'll have a psychotic break and hear voices. None of these things have ever happened before, and there is no family history of it that I know of. I'm also afraid I'll have a disassociatve episode. I gave taken some anti-anxiety medication and think I need to take some more.

Has anyone else ever felt this way before? I hope I'm not the only one.

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TopekaK that sounds terrible, I'm sorry--I hate it when people tell me to "think positively". It would have made me cry too.

 

Fizzle I think you are very strong for doing it all on your own--have you thought of confiding in your husband and maybe get some support from him? Not that he would understand necessarily...Well, I actually don't know about this myself, because people don't understand unless they have experienced it, do they?

 

I just feel so tired that it never goes away. A family member used to say to me that if she could she would like to open my skull and fix my brain so I will no longer think and feel the way I do...Actually that would  be nice, if anyone knows how. Therapy and meds take forever and they don't seem to cure the thing at all. They help making you feel better, but the "thing" is still there. Ugh.

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Hi Riddle, 

 

People dont understand trauma symptoms I find. If only someone would open our heads and take it all out! If only your friend could do that for you. Have you had therapy specifically for it? Meds arent supposed to be the fix it means of dealing with trauma and are rather supposed to help us through. Processing the trauma is the supposed to be the long term way of resolving the symptoms as much as is possible. But we need to be stable enough to be able to do that so meds and learning coping skills can be the first step. Sorry its so exhausting and feels never ending. 

 

Thanks for your kind words. I wish doing it alone was about bravery. Its rather about my inability to trust people and life long habit. Im starting to think is probably a bit of an attachment issue too. Therapy and sharing with a therapist seems to set that off badly. My husband isnt terribly sensiitive but in truth I cant tell him as I find it triggering for some reason. I want help and support but am stuck behind this glass wall of mistrust and habit. Better than I was I guess. Practice makes perfect. I hope you are feeling less overwhelmed today. 

 

You are right 

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Hi Fizzle,

 

"I want help and support but am stuck behind this glass wall of mistrust and habit"---you said it!! That's just it! I couldn't have put it better. Yes, attachment is also a big issue for me. It's like you want someone to be there for you and support you and protect you, but at the same time you don't want to confide in people at all. People can be so disappointing sometimes. I mean, it's not their fault for not understanding, but you can't help hoping someone would know exactly how bad you feel. I envy people who seem to let out their emotions so easily--people who cry when they tell people their trouble, etc. I can never do that. I don't know your specific story but I can sort of understand how you may find it hard to tell your husband. People who are closest to you are the hardest to deal with sometimes. I guess that's why it's easier to talk to therapists because they have nothing to do with you really! Hope you are feeling better today too. I know the "cure" doesn't happen overnight, so it's a long haul (sigh). But at least we are not alone.

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Ugh, it feels so hopeless. I have a somewhat triggering thing coming up and I can't believe I react like this. Other people could do it so easily. I hate being so unreasonable and it sucks how normal life activities could be such a big deal sometimes. The thing with trauma is, there's the part you think is the trouble but maybe it isn't, and you never know. Your therapist can only help you so much. More than one therapists had asked me questions like "is there anything you have not told me?" or "did anything happen to you?", but I really don't know! There are things that happened but they may not count, and there are things that must have affected me but I either don't remember or can't point to them. All I know is that if I erased certain years from my life the "thing" in my head would be gone, but I don't know what exactly caused it! Sorry for the vent..

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Hi Hazzy, I think fearing one is going to loose it entirely is a common symptom of general anxiety. Is there there any foundation for you fearing a dissociative episode. What is the history of that for you? 

Thank you for responding Fizzle,

I have had issues with derealization/dissociative issues before. Not self diagnosed either, when I told my therapist what was going on she said that's what it was. The last episode I had I wasn't on mediation and it those feelings lasted for 4 days. I don't think I can make it through another one, so I think that is where the fear comes from. I also think I fear that having another one will be 'the last' one.

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