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Maximus0988

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:ranting:  Coyotes!! Jumping in my chicken yard and eating my birds. 5 all together, 2 in one morning and they ate my favorite rooster too. The stupid one that just won't quit being an a******, oh no they left him. But my sweet little rooster who always crowed when you called his name and came running? Oh yeah he was yummy. :sadwalk:

 

Now I have to wait and hope that I can get someone to come out and try to take care of the coyotes. Don't feel bad for the coyotes please. we are overrun with them and they are marking all the way up to our house as theirs. They even come up in the front yard in broad daylight with no worries, I am actually nervous about going outside sometimes because there are so many of them.

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My husband and I went to see Trans-Siberian Orchestra. My husband got the tix for my birthday which was last week. The show was awesome, but I am tired today. Feeling good overall. My daughter will be home from college Monday. One semester down, seven to go.

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Someone's mean words & actions really impacted me... the individual was quite judgmental and harsh, and for no good reason. I don't deserve to be beaten up. Tired of it. Why am I always a target for people's meanness? I'm a nice person who cares about others. I just don't get it.

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Someone's mean words & actions really impacted me... the individual was quite judgmental and harsh, and for no good reason. I don't deserve to be beaten up. Tired of it. Why am I always a target for people's meanness? I'm a nice person who cares about others. I just don't get it.

I've noticed a similar pattern with me re: being targeted despite being really sensitive to others myself. I don't get it, either, except it seems like some people essentially object to sensitivity/niceness, and feel compelled to attack people - the nicer they are, the more, and more harshly. Seems like mean people of a certain kind are intolerant of nice people because they see us as living rebukes in one way or other.

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Someone's mean words & actions really impacted me... the individual was quite judgmental and harsh, and for no good reason. I don't deserve to be beaten up. Tired of it. Why am I always a target for people's meanness? I'm a nice person who cares about others. I just don't get it.

I've noticed a similar pattern with me re: being targeted despite being really sensitive to others myself. I don't get it, either, except it seems like some people essentially object to sensitivity/niceness, and feel compelled to attack people - the nicer they are, the more, and more harshly. Seems like mean people of a certain kind are intolerant of nice people because they see us as living rebukes in one way or other.

 

YES! You are so very insightful! :)

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Someone's mean words & actions really impacted me... the individual was quite judgmental and harsh, and for no good reason. I don't deserve to be beaten up. Tired of it. Why am I always a target for people's meanness? I'm a nice person who cares about others. I just don't get it.

Ditto on this havehope.  I have had the same experiences and for no good reason.  I consider myself a nice person like you and care for others.  Plus give a lot back to the community in volunteering, and donating to important causes.  I feel like an easy target because I tend not to retaliate because I try not to speak badly of others.  But I have disconnected from many people, so called friends, who are judgmental, harsh, and mean.  I used to apologize to these type people, and accept it as my fault for whatever they were accusing me of.  Just because I didn't want to lose friendships, or relationships with family members.  

 

My therapist finally told me to stop giving my power away and allowing yourself to fall into this pit.  After many attempts I finally disconnected, even from my sister, the only living relative I have, because she is so terribly mean.  For me not having a family, and disconnecting from many of my friends has created a somewhat lonely existence, although I get by with the five solid friends I have.  But looking at the big picture, this is much better than constantly being the target for mean people to unload on.  Try not to let it get to you.  I know how hard that can be.   I don't think this is all about you, but about the people who are being mean to you.  And why would anyone want to be friends with them?  You are too good a person for this to happen.

 

Hang in there and believe in yourself.  Don't allow other people to play power trips on you, or put you in a negative place.  That is what they want, and they come out the victor and we feeling confused, and misunderstood.

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Someone's mean words & actions really impacted me... the individual was quite judgmental and harsh, and for no good reason. I don't deserve to be beaten up. Tired of it. Why am I always a target for people's meanness? I'm a nice person who cares about others. I just don't get it.

Ditto on this havehope.  I have had the same experiences and for no good reason.  I consider myself a nice person like you and care for others.  Plus give a lot back to the community in volunteering, and donating to important causes.  I feel like an easy target because I tend not to retaliate because I try not to speak badly of others.  But I have disconnected from many people, so called friends, who are judgmental, harsh, and mean.  I used to apologize to these type people, and accept it as my fault for whatever they were accusing me of.  Just because I didn't want to lose friendships, or relationships with family members.  

 

My therapist finally told me to stop giving my power away and allowing yourself to fall into this pit.  After many attempts I finally disconnected, even from my sister, the only living relative I have, because she is so terribly mean.  For me not having a family, and disconnecting from many of my friends has created a somewhat lonely existence, although I get by with the five solid friends I have.  But looking at the big picture, this is much better than constantly being the target for mean people to unload on.  Try not to let it get to you.  I know how hard that can be.   I don't think this is all about you, but about the people who are being mean to you.  And why would anyone want to be friends with them?  You are too good a person for this to happen.

 

Hang in there and believe in yourself.  Don't allow other people to play power trips on you, or put you in a negative place.  That is what they want, and they come out the victor and we feeling confused, and misunderstood.

 

Yes, you're so right! Mean people are definitely on power trips, and it's about them... they like to put others down to feel better about themselves. I wonder if in part it's jealousy about not being a nice person themselves, knowing this deeply withing, and hating those who are nice? I think this has something to do with it.. people who inwardly despise their own selves, and resent those who seem to be better than they are.. at least in terms of how to treat others with respect and sincere caring.

 

Thank you for your post --- it helped. I think mean people should just drown in their own misery, to be honest. I don't like them, and refuse to be around them or let them treat me poorly just because they're miserable in their own skin or lives. Good for you for separating yourself and for seeing the distinction --- five solid friends is pretty darned good! :)

Edited by havehope

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My boyfriend just sent a great reminder to appreciate what I do have.. I can walk, I am not in a wheelchair, I have good overall health --- a friend of his, a sister in law, fell down the stairs and severed her spinal chord. She is completely paralyzed now with a breathing tube. Anything can happen at the drop of dime.

Edited by havehope

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The irony of depression is, at least for me, you don't want to tell people you are depressed because many just don't get. So when I go out for appointments, shopping, seeing a friend, etc I hide my emotions and hide behind a mask so to speak, acting happy and enjoying life.  Only my therapist and physicians see the real me.  As well as members on this forum.

 

But when I am withdrawn, not social, which is a lot of the time,  and down, my friends won't accept my not wanting to go out or see them.  I don't tell them I'm depressed, just very tired and it hasn't been a good day.  It doesn't take long for this line not to work anymore, and people begin to not call you or don't want to be around you because you are casting a negative vibe .  So essentially you are  ------if you do, or ----- if you don't.  

 

Does this make any sense?

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Yeah, that makes perfect sense to me.

 

I don't know how long pretending and hiding it can last.... I completely understand why.. and I do the same. I put on a front when out with my friends, and just have a good time. Then when I;m home, I am faced with my depression.

 

Recently, I had to explain to my boyfriend why I didn't ffeel like getting together one night -- so I explained the depression I'm experiencing. He already knows I suffer from it, so it was no surprise, but good for him to know. he felt better understanding the reason why.

 

I don't know... maybe opening up and admitting it isn't such a bad thing? Allowing trusted friends in? Putting up a constant front and coming up with excuses is harder I think. Being upfront at least provides even more of an understandable reason. I explained why I was so depressed to my boyfriend, and he got it. People may surprise you?

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A few people tell me that I should get a girlfriend. How could I get a girlfriend if everyone gets disgusted by my ugly self whenever I try to approach them?? They walk away mumbling hostile and critical words, obviously about me. Grooming my appearence and being in a legit good mood makes no difference.

 

If I even just once responded to someone in that manner, everyone would have my head. But there's nothing wrong with doing that to me. They decide my happiness.

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A week ago a 15 year old girl took her life. Her family even mentioned the suicide in the obit. I had never seen that before.

When I was 15, I was very suicidal. If I had taken my life I would have never

Graduated my high school and college

Had a 35 year career in IT

Met and married my husband

Had my daughter and See her graduate from HS

Never meet my nieces and nephews

Even now, my husband and daughter keep me going. I have a good family, a good doc and meds that work (for now)

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My stomach hurts. 

 

 

I can relate. Mine does too.  Very overwhelmed.  Holidays are tough for me.  Plus I think I might have caught some bug going around.  My support today has been watching football on tv.  Our city's team, the Seahawks won today.  Interested to see how the Cardinals play out with the Eagles.  Football is my guilty pleasure and helps me forget my pain and escape for awhile.

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Yeah, that makes perfect sense to me.

 

I don't know how long pretending and hiding it can last.... I completely understand why.. and I do the same. I put on a front when out with my friends, and just have a good time. Then when I;m home, I am faced with my depression.

 

Recently, I had to explain to my boyfriend why I didn't ffeel like getting together one night -- so I explained the depression I'm experiencing. He already knows I suffer from it, so it was no surprise, but good for him to know. he felt better understanding the reason why.

 

I don't know... maybe opening up and admitting it isn't such a bad thing? Allowing trusted friends in? Putting up a constant front and coming up with excuses is harder I think. Being upfront at least provides even more of an understandable reason. I explained why I was so depressed to my boyfriend, and he got it. People may surprise you?

 

 

havehope: You are soooo lucky to have a boyfriend who understands your condition.  Having someone, your significant other, who gets depression and is lovingly supportive for you is HUGE!   I would love to have someone like that in my life.  Unfortunately they are hard to find.  Good for you!

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HIghanxiety: well, he understands that I get depressed and he's compassionate, but he doesn't fully "get" or understand depression, so I need to explain it to him. But you're right.. i am lucky that he is very supportive.

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I am constantly freaked out by my own existence.  Like I'll look at my hands, or myself in the mirror, or think about the fact I exist and I've been around for 30+ years and the time will come when I'm not around and I get really freaked out about it.  Being alive is weird and I don't understand it

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Kaniro...that happens to me too. I look in the mirror and just think, what?? Alan watts said to try and imagine what it's like to have existed before you were born. Then think about how it would be like to go to sleep and not wake up. He philosophized that those two things are the same.

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Busy week. An annual Xmas dinner last weekend was a bright spot, but blows have been falling too; my mom has been in and out of the hospital several times and they can't figure out what's wrong despite numerous tests and scans. Today I was going to try to scrape up the energy to finish shopping, but Dd4 woke up with the explosive tummy flu so I'm waist deep in laundry and gentle cuddles and hope that we don't all get sick.

 

On the up side I discovered some wonderful Yogi tea (to aid sleep) that seems to noticeably relax me and figured out which tiny tree light needed replacing so they're back on. I wish my mood worked like that; that I could find and replace faulty thoughts and return to brightness. Maybe I need to check my emotional filaments. Rewire. Smash some bad bulbs.

 

Top of the Monday and bright lights to you all.

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Today I took my prescription to the pharmacy and said I'd pick it up in a couple of hours. Went to the gym, completely forgot about the prescription and got the bus home. So, I won't be getting much sleep tonight.

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