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Maximus0988

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I don't feel like I should be depressed. It feels like it all stems from genetics for me. I'm a very intelligent and successful individual. I have proven multiple times that I can do anything I want to in life yet I don't feel like there's a point in living. I know I can put in a high score in the game of life. What's the point of playing if I know the end result? It feels so tiring to me and pointless. 

 

I'm self-employed with high pay at age 22 with only a GED. No, I'm not a drug dealer lol. I have freedom to travel the world and set my own schedule. Spending $100 on fine dining is fun and all but it's only a temporary happiness as is every other coping tactic I use. This has been the worst month depression wise for me in 7 years since I had my first major episode. I turn 23 in a month but ******* I feel at least 35. 

 

It doesn't help that I feel stupid for having depressing thoughts constantly when I know how awesome I have it compared to a high percentage of the world. 

 

I hope this didn't make anyone else more depressed and I hope it didn't come off as bragging. 

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I'm so ****ing p***** off right now bc I heard a girl get blamed for not being more compassionate toward someone who really purposely inflicted a lot of harm on her and fails to feel guilty and lies an it and bulls***. Omg its bc of his disorder that he does this. Dear ****ing God draw the line. Someone good step in.

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I am realizing that I put more into my marriage than my spouse.

Now that I am broke I am treated like a burden.

 

Oh man.  I can relate to this.  When I bankrolled her, when I was flush, she didn't have a problem with it.  I never asked for a thank you.  Now that I am broke and out of work, I feel like I have to kiss her hand every time I need a little spending money.  I HATE having to rely on anybody, even my own wife.

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I am realizing that I put more into my marriage than my spouse.

Now that I am broke I am treated like a burden.

 

Oh man.  I can relate to this.  When I bankrolled her, when I was flush, she didn't have a problem with it.  I never asked for a thank you.  Now that I am broke and out of work, I feel like I have to kiss her hand every time I need a little spending money.  I HATE having to rely on anybody, even my own wife.

 

Brother, a few weeks ago I had a Manic or Anhadonia extreme moment and decided to up and leave, like pack a bag and roll out.  She ployed the 17 and 13 yo against me and the discussion was about medical insurance and income.  NOT ONE WORD ABOUT LOVE.

No care for me or my well being, just "Oh we will have no money..."

18 Years in my first (her second) marriage, I am the only one that works and I am treated like a visitor in my own house.

I was happy with the thought of living out of my car and washing dishes at a restaurant, maybe finding a GF that was interested in me...ah pipe dreams.  Probably why I have been loathing every minute of every day.

AND...I am in intensive therapy and can't tell of my home life because of my security clearance.

Catch 22 from Hell.

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Sorry, not meaning to be a one-upsmanship contest, just venting.

Feeling quite hopeless lately.

 

No, I hear you.  A year ago I kicked out and went to my parents for a couple of weeks.  I couldn't stay because of medication, doctors etc.  But it put things into perspective for her.

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How are some people so clueless on how their actions or lack of actions affect people around them?

 

Some driving ones...

 

When you're at a stoplight and multiple cars are leaving half car to one car length gaps for no reason between each car preventing you from having the extra couple feet of space to squeeze into the left turn lane when the left arrow is the first one that goes green in Florida so you end up having to wait another 3 minutes for the left arrow light.

 

When you change lanes without using your signal in medium traffic cutting me off forcing me to quickly brake while fearing that I'm going to get rear ended by the a****** tailgating me.

 

When both your tail lights are out on your white van, I can't easily tell when you're braking and go from 50 to 20. 

 

When you're first in the left turn lane on a quick/medium length arrow and you don't see it's green for the first 6 seconds you effectively screwed up anyone that is 7th or more in line. Thanks for sending that tweet saying you hate waiting at stoplights while forcing me to wait for the next green arrow. 

 

When you're the first car in the line of cars pulling up to a new red light you go from 45 to 10mph 100 yards away forcing everyone to brake unexpectedly early and making people miss the left turn green arrow because of the time it takes to get to the light now. 

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There is a tall chimney that belongs to the hospital's crematory towering over everything directly in front of me when I look out the window, and on top are two red lights for planes when it gets dark. So when it's pitch black and those two glowing red dots is all I can see out there it's like I'm having a staring contest with death. /deep

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