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littlesongbird

I Am Numb

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I am 32 years old. I have no goals. I am numb.

 

When I think about dating I feel nothing. Or I just dread it. 

 

I am single. I have always been single except for 6 months of my life. 

 

I have a job. I have a car. I live with my parents. I have saved my money.

 

But I am stuck and numb.

 

Food was the only thing that made me feel better.

But now I am fat. 

 

I joined a dating site. I talk to guys. But, I am too lazy to really do anything.

 

I feel nothing.

 

 

 

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I am sorry that you feel this way. Have you discussed these things with a doctor? and is the numbness what makes you feel stuck? 

Numbness is a very difficult thing to deal with and I am sorry you are experiencing it. I hope you find some relief.

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I think emotional detachment from life can occur from traumatic events in our life. Not like a car accident or something but like some deep emotional trauma that scares real emotion away like a small frighten animal. Something traumatic can scare away and distance all those core feeling. But hey we are all different. I'm not a doctor but I think there are some medical/counseling options out there for you if research it a bit.

Maybe engaging in some counseling service may bring some of that repressed emotions to the surface. Counseling can helping you identify what would be the cause of your emotional detachments in the first place. When you look something like this up you hear words like "Dissociation" and "Depersonalization" A medical professional can help you understand those words and more, I think it behooves you engage your life to find out more and to that end make changes in your life.

I know what it feels like and can empathizes with you. It's not a good feeling going around feeling nothing all the time. Your not really alive just a mechanical thing simply reacting to a world that's very much alive around you. There is a world of life around you and it seems hard to touch as much as you want to.

Though I can suggest that food is not a healthy outlet. You are just replacing an emotional need. Instead maybe try a hobby or Try to become active. A meet up group, exercise, anything that isn't confining you and allows you to be social. You would be surprised with how it can effect you emotionally.

I don't think online dating is really great at any rate. It's far better to meet people in person. "This goes back to that whole active thing" Though I think its better for you personally to put off dating till you can gather yourself emotionally. Another person is not a great cure all. Some people think that there significant will come along and bring that other half of themselves to make you whole. That not even good math. Two people are two people despite emotional well being. It shouldn't be another person job to make you emotionally stable. It's not fair to the other party.

You stated, " I am too lazy to really do anything." Maybe that's why nothing is happening. I know that this may sound a bit rough but I rather be honest, that sometimes life's greatest obstacle is ourselves.

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I think that society standardizes have us chasing this ideal of a perfect life. At a certain age that we are supposed to be here and have this many kids and be married with the white picket fence in a nice suburb to be truly happy.

Life can't be gauged by this standard, we can plot a course with a particular heading, sure, but we can't predict if will rain or not.

We just have to live as best as we possible can. You should live life the way it makes sense to you and not by some social measure. So even if we don't met all those prerequisites that society puts on you and you live as good as you can by your own merits and values.

Even if you end up alone you will still have to live with yourself. At least that person your living with is good by your own satisfaction.

I'm not saying that you wont find a partner just stating that you may not need one. All the "good advice" I can really lend you with any certainty is nothing will happen unless you participate in your own life.

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But what if I am alone forever? What if I am supposed to be married and having a baby soon. that is what i think about.

 

I think it's more about what you want than what society says you're "supposed" to do. I know it's hard to want much of anything with blunted emotions. jsv121 makes a lot of great points - emotional blunting/numbness/anhedonia can happen for a lot of reasons. I've felt it, to some extent, as part of a major depressive episode. I've also felt it, to varying levels, as a response to emotional trauma. The best thing you can do, IMO, is look after yourself and try to get help - be that through therapy, medications, or a combination of both. Major life decisions, like whether or not to have a baby, can come after. After so much numbness, you deserve to feel some joy. It may take hard work, and potentially dealing with pain you've stuffed down, but help is out there.

 

(((Hugs)))

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