Describe What Depression Is Like For You.

[Remove]

Depression hurts, but its symptoms can feel different to different people.
What kind of analogy can you think of that best describes what depression feels like for you?

Here is one an anonymous user posted before, just to get things going;

 

It feels like I'm walking upstream through a current strong enough to pull me under four times over. There are others with me, but they are walking along the banks telling me to, "just get out of the water." But instead of extending a hand in help, they just move on and leave me behind. Every once in awhile I find a rock that is strong enough for me to lean on, and I can rest for a bit. But the rocks always get tired of holding me up and when they let go, I'm left drowning, thrown 50 ft back again. And nothing is harder than standing up in that current, when everything in you is telling you how much easier things would be if you just let yourself get dragged under.

Edited September 1, 2015 by Remove

[K_Pluto]

The world is grey and heavy. My feet feel like they are filled with sand weighing me down, food has no taste, music has no rhythm, sleep brings no rest. 

[Epictetus]

To me it feels as though I am emotionally balanced on the head of a pin, tottering this way and that, falling this way and that, tipped and overturned  side to side by huge negative tidal waves of emotion. 

[Abandonedalways]

Unrelenting hell. A barrage of all the worst possible feelings. Numbness coming and going, ripping away all the things that you once found precious. Just when you think you might get past it a little bit, you get pushed back in. Permanently falling backwards, unable to get a foothold. Colors wash out, sounds turn to random noise. Too scared to hope, because you know you'll only be let down. Sleeping once a reprieve - no longer. Dreams invade your mind, haunting you as you close your eyes. No release, depression is all consuming. 

 

What depression is to me.

[novangel]

I don't have serious depression as some of you do (my main mental illness is anxiety but they go hand in hand) but I always feel unsatisfied, doubtful, like a loser, cry easily, and just an unexplainable void. I can feel VERY lonely even in a room full of people. I was told I have dysthymia way back in high school. I have been this way for as long as I can remember. The anxiety started young too but got really bad with panic attacks later in life.

 

I was a very promiscuous teen because of my low self-worth. I thought sex would mean a man would love me. Very sad.

[SadBirdie]

It's a dark cloud that never leaves me!

[survivingdepression1]

My depression lingers, it goes wherever I go. No real escaping from it, just learning tools I need to live with it.

I am numb, disconnected most of the time. Spend most moments of the day forcing myself to focus on the right now, and not let dark thoughts take over completely.

Everything feels weird, I feel out of place.

I didn't have a strong foundation of life skills/school skills...everything feels way out of reach.

Joyous moments feel few

When I do have the opportunity to feel some real happiness(my children being sweet,friend offering much needed company)I savor it, I mentally picture myself placing that moment in my heart. That way, even if it was brief, I can call back on that memory, and know there is hope.

[Remove]

Thank you all for sharing.

[The Purist]

I feel like I am walking through mud with a refrigerator on my back looking for something, I don't know what it is or if it even exists.

[Justmrs]

I feel trapped in my own body,like my bones want to burst out of this imperfect shell,its mind numbing sometimes

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[Kogent5]

My whole body feels tired and weighed down - my head, my heart, my stomach feel like they have weights attached to them. I just want to lie face down and not get up.

 

It's like constantly having earplugs on. I know there are things going on around me, I know I'm doing things, but it's like I'm not in the moment. Everything feels dull and slightly hazy.

[Els1e]

...

 

It feels like I'm walking upstream through a current strong enough to pull me under four times over. There are others with me, but they are walking along the banks telling me to, "just get out of the water." But instead of extending a hand in help, they just move on and leave me behind. Every once in awhile I find a rock that is strong enough for me to lean on, and I can rest for a bit. But the rocks always get tired of holding me up and when they let go, I'm left drowning, thrown 50 ft back again. And nothing is harder than standing up in that current, when everything in you is telling you how much easier things would be if you just let yourself get dragged under.

 

I loved this, I think it describes it beautifully.

 

For me, it's like I'm living in a prison cell, in a colourless, locked room, in permanent solitary confinement. Completely isolated, with no release date & nothing to ease the tedium, except for the occasional visitor/ social connection. Just waiting for the end, for nothingness. The ultimate peace.

 

The main thing driving me is guilt. My life is about staving off guilt by forcing myself to achieve the bare minimum so I don't drown in it, with the sole objective of reaching the finish line.

[Ledam]

I feel like I'm in a room full of fragmented mirrors. To whatever direction I face, all I see is myself saying that I'm just asking for attention. So I turn away, then it's the same me scolding me for attention-seeking. And then I turn away, then I turn away, and it's a never-ending rerun of the same images. I feel so much attention, and yet all of it comes from myself. And there's no escaping it, and it's exhausting, but even the exhaustion is provoking my reflections.

[Suncat624]

I feel like I am going after something, but I know that when I get there it will be gone.  What's the point of trying.

[stardreamer]

Terrible emotions, terrible thoughts, guilt, shame, frustration, feeling worthless and like a failure, visions of doomed futures that seem like they are imminent.
Every day I fight a battle against these issues/thoughts/emotions, sometimes for hours, to get my mental state in a better place. Usually I succeed and I can go about my business. But it takes a long time and reduces my productivity. Then I am OK for most of the rest of the day until I get triggered by something else. My body is just not dealing with stress anymore so a lot of things set me off into depression/anxiety.

 

Edited September 10, 2015 by stardreamer

[PutABirdOnIt]

Death of everything but body and pain.

[Lady Mozzer]

I feel like I`m falling down a hole.It feels like whatever I do to try to crawl out of that hole nothing helps.I feel like I`m just getting pushed back down and down I fall farther and farther.

 

Sometimes I just feel so numb and empty.I can`t feel pleasure even in the things that used to give me so much of it.I feel as though I`m not living but just existing.