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Do You Live Alone? Are You Alone In The World?


Lynn1954

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Unless someone is saying it to be mean, I think people are protesting when expressing something like "nice guys finish last".

About friendship ending around marriage age, that might be more true in the US than elsewhere in the world. We don't have pubs, for example.

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I certainly believe I qualify for this.

 

Live alone.

No family. 

No friends

No co-workers (no job)

I do a volunteer job and have some acquaintances there.

No partner.

I have about a dozen neighbours', but I only like one of them. 

I never have visitors.

 

I wish that my situation wasn't like this. Believe me, I've tried to improve my life.

If I died now, the only thing that would alert anybody, would be after my corpse began to stink and the stench eventually drifted out in to the lobby. 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

I'm pretty isolated in life, have been for a while.

 

Since moving to my current city, I haven't really made any friends. Only acquaintances.

 

Family is somewhat estranged. I cannot talk to anyone about what I'm going through. There is some history in my family where women's emotional and psychological pain is downplayed or ridiculed as "faking it"...some of it has to do with culture, some with the history of trauma in the family.

 

HappyBunBun, I can relate to losing a lot of connections after a traumatic event in my early 20s.

 

I'm at that "everyone is married" age now and extremely lonely.

 

I am single and planning to sit out on dating until I work through my current bout of depression, which was brought on by career upheaval within the past year.

 

I figure I just may have to forego friendship for a while...until people's kids start leaving for college...so maybe the next decade and a half or so. 

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Last night I was on a bike ride with about 100 people, but felt alone the entire time.  My mother is elderly and lives close by, but irritates me constantly (probably because of her age and I don't want to end up like her); I can't talk to her because of the fear she'll needlessly worry even more.

 

My brother lives ten hours away, but found out through general Facebook postings he got divorced and sold his house.

 

Two internet friends and I corresponded several times a week, but this summer it's only been MAYBE once a week if that.

 

So yeah, I am alone and it sucks!!!! 

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Last night I was on a bike ride with about 100 people, but felt alone the entire time.  My mother is elderly and lives close by, but irritates me constantly (probably because of her age and I don't want to end up like her); I can't talk to her because of the fear she'll needlessly worry even more.

My brother lives ten hours away, but found out through general Facebook postings he got divorced and sold his house.

Two internet friends and I corresponded several times a week, but this summer it's only been MAYBE once a week if that. 

So yeah, I am alone and it sucks!!!!

I give you credit for going on a bike ride even though you didn't feel connected to anyone.

Sorry you had to find out about your own brother's particulars throug F/B.

I get you about an elderly mom. Sons protect their mothers by not sharing things, for fear of worrying them. Then you'd have your own burdens AND her burden on top of it and that's not worth it.

This whole thread has meant a lot to me because I think loneliness and/or being alone is at the crux of a lot of

depression (besides the chemical imbalances and childhood crap). But loneliness is really a soul-number and not good for us at all. With depression, I always have to fight my inclination to feel "apart" from others.

Earlier this week I felt very disconnected from 5 staff in our sub-office when I visited them in another city. I had paranoid thoughts about what they must think of me. By the 2nd day, one of them talked about her twin sons and I could relate and we chatted and lauged and immediately the "apart" feeling left me. Then I shared with them my experience of a job interview. I was amazed at how my thoughts and feelings changed over the course of my 3 day visit.

A book that really helps me is David Burns Feeling Good Handbook because it puts the lie to cognitive distortions (wrong ways of thinking) in order to feel better, in order to behave better, which results in feeling better.

Thought first (they don't like me) = then feeling (I'm a loser) = then behavior (stick to myself)

Change thought (I have something in common with this lady), which changes feeling (I am not alone), which changes behavior (I can share more with these people).

Amazing book.

As soon as I stopped sticking to myself in my little weird universe and chatted with this lady, and as soon as I shared with the team my interview experience, they warmly surrounded me and shared their experiences and voila! I felt connected and not so alone and like a winner instead of a loser.

I can go on about this forever but I believe depressives actually think and feel what most of humanity experiences, only we feel it acutely. I think most everyone feels alone deep down, whether they admit it or not and that all humans are seeking meaningful connection.

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I live alone and mostly consider myself alone in the world but not as severe as the defined by the OP. 

 

Some of my family I'm in contact with, some of them I'm not, but none of them have even tried to understand me. Some of them have very much abused me. I don't trust any of them with my deepest self, and I mostly put on a mask to fit in when around any of them. Are all of my family members terrible? Not necessarily, but let's just say there's no close bond and if blood ties were stripped we'd be more like acquaintances at best. 

 

I don't have any close friends anymore. It seems that when everyone I knew hit their late 20's and early 30's, they all moved away, got married, had kids, and grew increasingly distant till the most I hear is an occasional newsletter at Christmas, if that. I, of course, am not married let alone in any form of romantic relationship and have no kids, and that seems like a huge part of their lives now ...so there's really no connection there, either. 

 

I do have acquaintances but they're all scattered around the world and entirely on the Internet. This is partly my fault (the trifecta combo of social anxiety, generalized anxiety, and PTSD really makes physical socialization difficult for me), partly the fault of my work (software/web development keeping me in front of the computer and inside most days), and partly the fault that I live in a small town where there isn't much to do other than hang out in bars. The bars are typically crowded with new college students as it's also a college town, and their exuberance doesn't really mesh with how I feel on a day-by-day basis. Now, if the bars were more like something out of the old west with a bunch of worn out old cowboys nursing their alcohol I probably might venture out into them...

 

Anyway, according to my doctor and psychiatrist this is not living a social life and not healthy and I'd certainly like to agree with them on that. It sure would be nice to have a reason to venture out of my front door besides emptying the trash, shopping, or the ever-constant doctor/pharmacy visit.

 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

I'm interested to hear from people who live alone.

 

In addition to living alone, I'd like to know if you are alone in the world.

 

For purposes of this discussion, "alone in the world" would be:

 

no living family members, or you never communicate with living family members ever

 

no close friends and no casual acquaintances

 

no co-workers, or if you have co-workers, your only interaction is work-related

 

no neighbors, or if you have neighbors, your only interaction is perfunctory "hello" if you pass each other.

Hi Lynn, 

Is that your situation?  Would you like to say more so that we can support you too? 

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Thank you so much for asking, Fizzle.

 

I do live alone, but I'm not alone in the world.  I have family and friends.

 

On the day I posted the message, I was feeling very lonely, and my mind "wandered" and "wondered" about other people who also feel lonely, but in addition don't have anyone to seek out, be with, call for fun, call for help, spend time with, etc.

 

I was wondering how many or few people like that are here on this forum.  

 

My intention on that day was to immediately respond to anyone who was isolated in that way, to say something comforting to people who didn't have the option of calling family or friends during their loneliness, although I hadn't a plan of what I'd say to them. 

 

The thread touched a chord with a lot of people, and produced a variety of answers, and I've been reading the messages without responding.  I can't even really explain why my original plan to answer changed to just letting people tell their story.  But that's the way it turned out.

 

Thanks again, Fizzle, for your interest and caring.

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I live alone.

I have no friends or acquaintance.

I have no co worker since I stopped working.

(They were strictly work related and big exploiters, No way near to the word "friend". Not even "acquaintance").

My family live far away.

I have neighbors who come to me only when they need to borrow something.

They are strictly "borrowing-related" :cheesy:

 

Update: OOps, this is an old thread and I've posted a post before.

My windows 10 mail client is not working properly.

Old deleted emails reappear in my inbox.

Edited by dolphin2015
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