He Dumped Me And I Couldn't Get Over It

[Tribe416]

I last posted a thread about my ex boyfriend and I thank everyone who has offered me your viewpoints. 

What happened recently was really heartbreaking for me and I find myself coming to this forum as i do not know what to do. It has affected me in ways I could not fathom because he was a jerk. And yet a jerk can have such effect on me. No matter how much I try to pray, I can't get out of this

 

How is it possible that he can dump me and the next day, attend a singles event? Throughout the 3 months we were together, he had never once gave me any gift or flowers. But yesterday event came with free roses for the guys to hand out to the girls and he actually brought the rose to another girl and get her number. I witnessed it all as I also registered for the event to see for myself what kind of person he is. I also saw how he talked to many girls there.

 

Now, I am filled with a myriad of emotions. Yes, he dumped me and I should have moved on. But I am filled with this rage and anguish which has been affecting me badly.

Any idea what to do? I can't understand myself. My professional job is to help others yet I'm such a failure at this. I just really detest myself right now - that I actually want a jerk back. Can anyone explain to me and hopefully give me a good wake up call? I try to forget him but I just can't, 

[chrisl67]

All of your feelings are valid, but it sounds like he is a narcissist, and they are masters at manipulation, and making their victims feel worthless, and at fault for everything.

You are in a sense lucky that he chose to move on, because the damage someone like that can do is enormous.

If you can, find a therapist and discuss everything with them, so you can get some feedback from someone who is not emotionally involved in the situation.

I know it is difficult but try not to get down on yourself for wanting him back, that is part of the game they play. There are plenty more fish in the sea.

I hope you start feeling better soon

-Chris

[birch]

I'm sorry you feel your heart is breaking. Give it some time. I think a lot of us find it hard to close the door on a relationship, even if we know it's bad for us.

 

Try to distract yourself with friends and time-consuming activities that keep your mind off him and pretty soon you'll be disliking him for the very reasons you pointed out here:

"he was a jerk"

"he can dump me and the next day, attend a singles event?"

"he had never once gave me any gift or flowers."

"I am filled with this rage and anguish"

 

Edited to add: You deserve much better.

Edited August 9, 2015 by birch

[SongsOfIceNFire]

Everybody is right Tribe416, you deserve so much better. He's the fool for letting you go.

Don't think of it as rejection. Think of it as a new opportunity to meet somebody amazing.

[EllaMight]

So sorry you are going through this hun. I'm in a very similar situation to you, and I hate myself for wanting such a jerk back. 

 

The replies implying that your ex is a narcissist make a lot of sense. It would be great if we could avoid these types in the future. Unfortunately these very types tend to take advantage of the kinder hearts of the world so put your armour on and protect yourself in the future. 

 

In 5 years time hopefully we'll both look back and realise how silly this whole situation was and that he doesn't deserve our investment. 

 

Best of luck to you. I know it is not easy to move on. 

 

Ella x

[freckledface]

Hi Tribe,

 

I'm sorry you're hurting but as the others have said...it's a temporary situation and it is really okay to grieve the relationship, regardless of how much a jerk he is. Just please try to avoid contacting him or looking at what he's doing on social media because it's just going to cause you more harm. I know it's difficult right now but you are truly stronger than you give yourself credit for.

 

Try taking a class or joining a group so that you're doing something for yourself. You deserve it.