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StormyGirl436

My Family Makes My Depression Worse..help?

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I'm currently going to be a senior in high school this year. I've been depressed since 7th grade. Throughout my years growing up, I've been bullied by my peers at school, followed by bullying at home, which led to my depression and anxiety. My mom saysbhow i'm good for nothing, my sister criticizes everything abouy me, and my father constantly yells at me. This summer, my parents found out about my long distance bf (and i know this is dumb to a lot of adults and parents, but listen please.) And he began leaving rude voicemails threatening him. So of course, my bf's step dad got involved. Soon, when his mother came back from work, she called us and clarified that he's the same age as me. So, my dad let him talk to me. We still talk but...now it's so hard. I've developed emotional numbness from an argument with my bf but I've been slowly getting out of it...until that incident, then I sank right back. All throughout my teen years, my dad had other older students watching over me at school, just like now. I have no privacy. When I was younger, my cousins did. But anyways, now, my father constantly asks,"Are you talking to that boy?" Or says how he'll stop liking me and move on, or he threatens to make me stop talking to him. He makes a stupid excuse to take my phone. So, of course, I'll cry, and then he'll say,"You better stop or you'll definitely stop talking to him." So, I have to fake as though it doesn't bother me. I can't show any emotions about him because my dad will call me "weak". All through my life, pep talks with my dad were about how guys play girls and how they obly want one thing from girls. He does this type of think with EVERY guy I've ever liked, even celebs that I'll obviously never be with. Also, my mom and sister make stupid, ill jokes abouy me and him. My sister throws him in every argument we have and say how he's not a "real man" and they all love daying how I'll never ever meet him, and we actually had the chance to, but I said no, because my parents still wouldn't like it. They even bashed the fact that I had depression and said "why don't you ask him to buy you medicine then?"...really? I've discussed this with my friends, who've all agreed that: a) my father is overprotective as **** and finding any excuse (my bf) to prevent me from growing up, considering I'm the youngest. And b) My family don't want to see me be happy. Because of this, I'm utterly numb. I only feel my breathing and my head is filled with negative thoughts and lies. I love my family, but..this is too much. I even started to look at girls because I'm not sure if my dad would prefer I like them. Although I feel no attraction, I always compare myself to them..help please? :(

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I am much older than you but I went through almost the same thing at your age. When I graduated from high school I got a full time job and moved out. You need to distance yourself from the negative. Family isn't always a great support system. My family doesn't understand depression and what I'm going through. I have accepted that fact. I now go to a support group and it helps. Pushed those negative thoughts out. Try mindfulness meditation or yoga. Work on your self confidence because you are worthy.

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Thank you. I'm trying to work on my confidence but it's so hard to overcome when you have to go home to people who constantly bring you down...I started exercising because I've heard it helps. Also, I'm trying to pick a college not so far from home but with enough distance because I've hit my breaking point. Sadly, I think this will affect my academics next year. :/

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Do you have your own room? When you're at home, just try to avoid your family as much as possible. Are you allowed to have a job? Any time spent out of the house and away from your family, you'll find that the negativity starts to have less of an affect on you. Even if there's somewhere else you can spend time at instead of the house (like the mall, library, park, a friend's house).

 

Your father sounds very controlling. Are you sure he will let you go to a school away from home? If not, maybe delay post-secondary a couple of years so you can move out immediately and work. Then when you save enough, go back to school. It might be the hard way around, but that sounds like a terrible living situation right now.

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Sadly, I can't go to the mall because it's too far, and I'm not allowed to go to other people's houses, unless they're family. Also, i share my room with my older sis..I doubt he'll want me to go away :/ but I'll try if other colleges accept me, like from upstate NY. I'll have a talk with the counselor next year, I've been talking with her for a while last year because she found out about my depression from my personal statement for college.

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Welcome to the forums, I'm so sorry that you don't have any support at home. :(

 

The others gave some great advice. I hope you'll give the forums a chance and browse around. It's a really special community filled with caring members.

 

I look forward to seeing you around.

 

(((Hugs)))

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I have dealt with verbal abuse for a long time. This may sound silly but look in the mirror every morning and say to yourself that you are a good person or something along those lines. It does help boost your confidence.

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Sadly, I can't go to the mall because it's too far, and I'm not allowed to go to other people's houses, unless they're family. Also, i share my room with my older sis..I doubt he'll want me to go away :/ but I'll try if other colleges accept me, like from upstate NY. I'll have a talk with the counselor next year, I've been talking with her for a while last year because she found out about my depression from my personal statement for college.

 

If you get accepted to a school further away, will your parents pay for it? I feel like this is a question you need to ask. And if they won't, you need to start planning accordingly for what to do and how you will pay for school. If they will only pay for school as long as you stay home, are you willing to go through 4-5 years more of that?

 

Can I just say, as a high schooler, I thought it was imperative I go to university straight from high school. It wasn't. I wish I had worked a bit first, learned more about the real world, and then decided on what I wanted to do as a career.

 

It really sucks having to go through this alone with no support. I'm sorry you have to go through this.

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I remember them saying not so far, but I never planned to go too far so I think they'll pay. Also, I'm trying to get a scholarship . I'm also signing up for something called EOP and FASFA just in case. I'm trying to get a job next year too, but at the same time, I'll be putting in applications for college. My mom said she'll pay as long as it's not too expensive.

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