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Verbal Abuse - Psychiatrist


The Purist

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Hello Everyone,

 

Yesterday I had to deal with a very stressful event.  I had to have an upper-endoscopy done.  I have to go every year but for some reason this year I was dreading it more than most.  I got myself out, went to the center, got it done and felt good about myself afterwards.

 

In the afternoon, still a little woozy from Propofol, I went to see my Psychiatrist who I have been seeing for over a year.  He's an older man, sometimes he can be cranky but we've always gotten on.  Basically, to sum it all up, he told me I was fat - I am overweight - told me to go out and get a job and remarked that he could not believe that my wife still puts up with me.....I felt like I was gut-shot.  I didn't defend myself, I am ashamed that I did not.  I guess that maybe I am so numb that it did not affect me on a certain level.

 

I feel like I should call him today to tell him how I feel or tell him how inappropriate his comments were.  I am not sure what good that would do as it is obvious I need to look for another provider.  In a very linear way, and this is kinda pathetic, there is a part of me that wants to let it go as it fits the narrative of my life the last year or so.  Thank you for reading.

 

Best,

R'

 

 

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Hi the Purist and  :welcomeani:  to DF,

 

      If I was in your shoes I wouldn't let it go, this physiatrist have shown total unprofessionalism and a lack of respect toward you.  You're entitled to be treated with respect and compassion by someone who will not be so cranky.  I would be also furious by his remark about your wife putting up with you this for me is unforgivable behavior especially coming out from the mouth of someone who's suppose to be there to help you in your recovery.

 

As patient we have the right to be understood and treated in a respectful manner, you deserve the best treatment and should get it. :hugs: Take care.

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Yup, he's an *sshole!

 

Please find another provider.  I have no idea if there's anyone to report him to; at the very least, yes, please confront him... "I felt very disrespected by your comments (list 'em!) from my last visit.  They would be out-of-line and uncalled for in any conversation, let alone toward someone suffering from depression.  I will be seeking out another provider for my future psychiatric visits".

 

Take care - welcome to DF!

Edited by RatBoy
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He was/is so far out of line. Report him to his higher ups if possible and anywhere else you can find, if he is going to say things like that he shouldn't be in the position he is. He had no business talking to you like that.

 

Oh and :welcomeani:

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Like many have said above, I would see another psychiatrist. They are there to help you, not to personally attack you. I have had a few times, but one time particularly where I had a similar psychiatrist like you and it just made me worse. I also didn't defend myself and thought of all of these things I wish I said. I was angry I didn't stand up for myself and angry at my mom for being so passive. In the end, I did leave him. He didn't listen and was very arrogant. It looks like your psychiatrist was trying to give you the tough love approach but he came off unprofessional and very rude. He really crossed the line.

 

How are you feeling since that event? It stings for a while. I hope you can find a better psychiatrist who treats you with more respect. The only thing I would be worried about is if he is prescribing you meds, how the new doctor will adjust. If it is a big issue to you, I would report him or at least let it known how badly you felt treated to any higher ups. I wish you best of luck!

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Don't expect any remorse on his part.  Most doctor's who I have encountered like the one you describe are just a-holes and do so with no shame or guilt or remorse whatsoever.  Dump him like a sack of potatoes and find another one. I know what a pain and how hard it can be to have to go searching for a new doctor, especially if you are not well.  It is just someone we have to suck on as patients, doctors just simply aren't accountable to anyone.

Edited by NC86
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Like many have said above, I would see another psychiatrist. They are there to help you, not to personally attack you. I have had a few times, but one time particularly where I had a similar psychiatrist like you and it just made me worse. I also didn't defend myself and thought of all of these things I wish I said. I was angry I didn't stand up for myself and angry at my mom for being so passive. In the end, I did leave him. He didn't listen and was very arrogant. It looks like your psychiatrist was trying to give you the tough love approach but he came off unprofessional and very rude. He really crossed the line.

 

How are you feeling since that event? It stings for a while. I hope you can find a better psychiatrist who treats you with more respect. The only thing I would be worried about is if he is prescribing you meds, how the new doctor will adjust. If it is a big issue to you, I would report him or at least let it known how badly you felt treated to any higher ups. I wish you best of luck!

Thank you for asking how I am feeling and thank you to everyone for your kind words and support.  I am good, I am seeing my Therapist tomorrow and am going to talk it over with her.  I am looking for another Psychiatrist but can't stop going to him until I find one.  In New York you can only get benzodiazapenes  one month at a time so you are married to these jerks until you find someone else.

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Wow, sorry this happened to you. I can relate, I was seeing a "counselor" at the university as a condition of getting help from voc rehab. I didn't connect with her much, but we found common ground talking about clothes, earrings, etc. She never really made these seem like a therapy session or anything, but one day, near the end of the hour, she got out her notes and asked me how my stress eating was going (I had mentioned stress eating), I answered fine, she got snarky and said "well just try to not have to go out and buy new pants". I felt sucker punched, I also was upset with myself for not saying something right then. The kicker was, I was already in a very high state of anxiety because there was a career fair a week away, and I had already taken all kinds of abuse and remarks about even being in class at that age.

I called the place to get a different counselor (only because I thought it was still a requirement), she sent me an email asking why, I told her she was very hurtful, she obviously had a weight thing herself because when showing me a pic of one of her sons, the only thing she said was "he really needs to lose weight", and I mentioned her doing that. I told her how awful to be even more stressed right before the career fair. I also asked she not contact me.

She did, all "I am not that kind of person", "I think a lot of you and would not do anything to hurt you", "I am devastated" (that made me sick, "devastated"!). Nowhere in this unwanted email was there any element of an actual apology.

I went to the next meeting with the other counselor, who was very hostile, accused me of "attacking" her friend, and told me I didn't need to be there because voc rehab only required a few months and that had been satisfied. I said OK, and got up, she still wanted to chew me out.    Then I was mad for not telling HER she was out of line.

 

Sorry to go on, just wanted to let you know being an insensitive jerk who makes damaging remarks to people they are paid to help, sometimes happens, and NOT standing up for yourself is the standard reaction; we see these people to help ourselves, open up to them, become vulnerable, so that "sucker punch" takes a while to process.

 

Good luck to you, and I am sorry you had this experience. Just keep trying!

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Hi there,

 

I agree with all the others and am glad to hear that you are doing okay after that awful situation. I'm not sure but is there any other Psychiatrists in the office that you go to, or perhaps a nurse practitioner that you can see instead of this a$shat? I hope the therapist has some helpful solutions.

 

PS...welcome to the forums! I hope you'll continue to browse around and post if you're comfortable. It is really a great place for support and information.

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Glad you have the therapist to talk this out with.

 

As many others have agreed here, your psychiatrist is way out of line and his comments do not deserve another thought from you.

 

This is a personal matter for me, as I had a similar experience - only in my case it happened at a particularly bad time and has led to catastrophic, life-threatening consequences for me and my family.

 

Ignore this jerk until you can find another practitioner.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Thanks to everybody for responding and for your kind words.  I am no longer seeing him and am now seeing a Psycho-pharmacologist.  I sent him a very polite email saying that I appreciated everything he did for me and would always be grateful but that I did not want to continue as a patient.  He replied, "Thanks." and that was that. 

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The Purist,

 

     So sorry this happened to you.  I agree with what the others have said about it.  How are you doing today?

 

Sincerely, Epictetus

 

I am okay.  I don't think much about that anymore.  Thank you for asking,

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