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havehope

Work Malaise, General Malaise, & Fighting Depression, Pls. Help...

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Hi all, I'm having a really hard time right now and could really use some support here... thank you kindly for reading and replying. 1st time posting in this particular forum on here, but I'm fighting with my depression right now. I've dealt with depression off and on all of my life, and right now it feels particularly bad. I'm on meds & am in therapy, but I need the additional support from fellow DF members.... thank you so much for listening and reading through.

 

So here's the lowdown: work is very stressful and is not going well... I feel like a failure in my role and I'm really worried about getting fired. I've been screwing up on a couple of items and can't fix the problems I created so I'm scared, anxious and stressed. Secondly, I just lost a friendship that needed to be severed, but I'm suffering deeply from the loss... I wrote about this in another forum on here. She is a narcissist and the relationship became too toxic for me so I had to sever it, but I don't have many friends around here so I'm suffering from the loss of a friendship, which is contributing to my depression. Thirdly, my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend I think is still interested in him and seems to be a little bit in pursuit of him. She is also a friend of mine (strangely enough), but last night we ran into her and she cornered him all night long, commandeering his attention the entire time and talked about their past, reminiscing, etc. This really bothered me and I feel insulted, angry and hurt that my friend would step on my toes like this right in front of me. Maybe she resents the fact that I am dating her ex-boyfriend, but she seemed OK with it after a while, and I was upfront with her about it from the beginning. I initially was very worried about how it may affect our friendship, etc., and was very careful and concerned for her feelings, yet she has now done this twice when we've run into her -- commandeered his attention all night. She also has called him on several occasions, has stopped by his house, and invited him over to her place with his daughter, all right after finding out that we were dating. I don't know what's going on here & I don't know what to do about it, but it's starting to hurt. Lastly, I also have had some trouble in some of my relationships that's not making me feel good. I'm not proud of some of my past behavior with certain people that I got into bad arguments with, and I'm tending to beat myself up about it to this day. Arguments whereby I was the main contributor/instigator. I'm not feeling good about myself as a result, which is also contributing to my current depression. One more thing, I work from home 40 hours a week without much contact with people and I suffer from loneliness. I'm really wishing that I had more friends, but I can't seem to get the courage up to join any social groups to create new friendships. I just feel too tired, unenthused and worn out.

 

All I want to do is lie down and disappear from life right now.... I feel overwhelmed by all my issues (there are more), and really down on myself. Thanks again for listening and for supporting me. :verysad3:

 

 

 

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Now I'm also realizing how hurt I am by my girlfriend's behavior... I talked to my mother and my boyfriend about it, and they both agreed that she's being hurtful, and perhaps even spiteful towards me by dominating his time while we're out. I feel like my relationship with my boyfriend is ruining my friendship with her, or definitely affecting it... but she dated him five years ago and hasn't dated anyone else since. I don't think she's over him. In the meantime, he got married and had a child and now is with me... is it really wrong of me to be dating my friend's ex-boyfriend? I always felt super weird about it and not quite right, but he and I became very close through the separation with his wife, and then both decided we wanted to date once they had broken up for good. And my friend had dated him five years ago. I just don't know... the whole thing is a mess and is really bringing me down. I don't know if she wants him back or what the deal is.

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and now I think I hate my job and my career path..... today has been absolutely horrible, all around. I want to curl up in bed an disappear today. :verysad3: :coophelp:

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Hi havehope.  

 

This is a lot of stuff happening, and I'm sorry it's all hit at once! :)

 

A few things come to my mind though.  You always have a place here, with us, that's for sure.  I am encouraged by the support you are getting from your mother and boyfriend.  Perhaps you could ask him, if you have not already, not to play along with her when she tried to dominate his time. It sounds like she's craving attention, and one-upping you makes her feel good about herself (just my guess).  As far as whether it was right to start up a relationship with him, I don't know what the code says on that, but, it has started, and if you are happy, then it is ALL GOOD.  She needs to be a bigger person about it, and if she isn't, then perhaps she's not a very good friend.

 

Finally, I know what you mean about working from home.  I would encourage you to get out during the day, go to the store, see someone, anyone, it really helps.  Facetime someone if you can.

 

Cheers, HH

 

Brian

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Hi Brian, thank you so much for your reply and support... you make a really good point about my friend. And yes, I do have the support of my mother and boyfriend thankfully, and just received my father's input as well. He thinks she wants my boyfriend to still be attracted to her, kind of along the lines of what you're saying about wanting attention and one-upping me. Seems she may be trying to compete with me? That's no good.... it just really hurts. And yes, he and I are happy together, we've had some bumps, but we're getting past them and things are good right now. I would hope she could be the bigger person here.... it's definitely an odd situation and certainly not my preference, but it just happened.. and years after they had been together. It's not like I broke them up or anything awful like that. Just wish she could be more considerate and sensitive to how that makes me feel, & I feel totally disregarded and disrespected as his girlfriend.

 

And yes.... I do need to get out more during the day. I walk to Starbucks for coffee once in a while, but I really should get out every day at lunch, as you suggested. It is hard to work from home all alone, especially when battling depression. Facetime is not a bad idea... not sure who I would Facetime though -- that's the thing.

Thank you so much again, your support helps... knowing I have support from this forum helps tremendously. And I like trying to help others too, if I can.

Big sigh. This is when I feel like drinking. When I'm so down in the dumps like this.

Edited by havehope

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havehope,

I am mobile now. But I have read your post. I will reply later tonight Eastern time. But hang in there. Don't over analyze things if you can avoid it.

Peace

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I'm really sorry things seem to be piling up on you. It is such an overwhelming feeling. Do you think it would help to call your friend and just confront her and say something like, "I don't know if you are upset that XXX and I are dating now and if you are I apologize, I didn't realize you still had feeling for him (or insert whatever you feel comfortable saying) it was five years ago and you hadn't really said you were still interested,, etc..... acknowledge her feelings and in turn MAYBE she will tell you how she is feeling or at least you'll know where that friendship stands. I also think you should talk with your BF and tell him to stop making it so easy for her to get in between the two of you.

 

We can't change our past or how we've reacted in situations but what we can do for ourselves is learn to avoid those mistakes again and forgive ourselves for being human. DBT therapy is something you may want to read about, it may help you with some coping skills as well as ways to look at situations objectively without involving your emotions.

 

I agree with Brian, take a break! Get out of the house, maybe start a hobby or take a class. You need to practice self care and try to look after yourself as much as you worry about others.

 

Sending hugs your way, havehope.

 

PS...sometimes crawling into bed and forgetting about the day is necessary! Don't feel bad if you have to do that!! Tomorrow is a new day. I hope it is a better one for you. (((Hugs)))

Edited by freckledface

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Hi Starsea, thanks so much, and I look forward to hearing from you later, if you can. If not, no worries, it's the thought that counts!

 

And TY you so much as well, freckledface... I love your username by the way, and the fact that you're in the middle of a cornfield. That always cracks me up... thank you for your continued support, I always love hearing from you.

 

Great feedback and suggestions, thanks..  I may decide to have a candid conversation with my friend, though I'm scared to.. I'm super afraid of getting a negative reaction from her or any upset. I don't want to shake up our friendship anymore than it already is by me dating her ex. I don't know how she would respond.. the way you phrase it though sounds non-threatening and just openly candid.... I'll definitely think on it some more.

And I think you're right -- I need a hobby or something to do with myself. I'm not sure what that would be though. I know I need to get out more, and going to the bars is not really the answer. I love live music, so that's usually where I end up when I get out. I'm not motivating myself and I need to somehow... it could be because of my depression that comes and goes?

I'll look into the DBT -- I've heard of it before... maybe that will help? I do need to get over my past mistakes, but it's hard bc one of them was thrown in my face this weekend, a conflict I had with someone four years ago suddenly reappeared and just completely depressed me. I was so ashamed of myself back then and then relived that shame all over again.... I screamed at this person, which is so unlike me. Typically I get along with everyone, but my buttons were seriously pushed by this person, and I just lost it. UGH. I feel horrible about it... anyways, I'll look into the DBT.. I need something to get over my past behavior.

Yes, I am crawling into bed and am going to watch the Bachelorette to try and get my mind off all of this. I am scared about work though which is plaguing me.... & I wish my depression would not come and go like this. Sometimes it just hits so hard. UGH.

 

Thank you for the hugs... means a lot to me, thank you!

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 havehope,

 

Mistakes at work are commonplace. But depression, anxiety, etc... can make you lose focus so you make more mistakes than you normally would. Try not to stress out about it. What works for me is to break each assignment into smaller sub-tasks, which are more easily completed. Then, by working on the easier pieces you can focus better and make progress even on seemingly insurmountable work. This works well for me and my staff. Your mileage may vary, though. But it's something to try, at least.

 

I'm less sure about the relationship issue. But I think I can play a little bit of devil's advocate and say that if my ex significant other was dating a friend of mine, I would probably be upset. It would depend, of course, on how my breakup happened. But, assuming it was a normal breakup there would be some heavy emotions and some scarring involved. If you're seeing her ex, your friend may be having a hard time finding closure vis-a-vis the relationship she shared with him. She may even still have unresolved feelings for him. It's probably a bad situation for the three of you and I'm not really sure how to resolve it. Usually being open, honest and respectful of the other's point of view works well. But be prepared for some drama if you talk about this.

 

As far as being lonely goes, I know exactly how you feel. Much of my adult life was spent depressed and lonely. And I worked in an office. I can't imagine how I would have felt if I worked from home. The only advice I have is to try to find something you can do with other people. I'm terrible at this, myself. I'm finding, though, as I treat my depression it's easier for me to meet people. Try not to give up hope. 

 

But, I think you can see that I've broken your issues into three categories. Seeing your issues as individual issues instead of your entire life being terrible might help you tackle each one. That way you can make progress on each issue. 

 

I'm sending big hugs your way. Please be good to yourself.

 

Peace

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Hey Starsea, wow, thank you so much -- you've really broken this down into sizeable, digestible pieces for me. You're so right -- I don't need to feel like my whole life is crumbling just because I have these different issues to grapple with.

 

Your suggestions about work are very helpful. I don't feel as organized as I normally would be. But then again, my boss isn't organized which makes things much harder. I will try your suggestions.. thank you!

 

And you make a good point about my friend -- I would probably be pretty upset myself. I have always felt uncomfortable about it and questioned in the beginning whether it was a good idea to proceed with dating him. I deliberated back and forth for a long while, but we had grown so close, and it just kind of came together very naturally. I do have a lot of compassion and understanding for my friend's position though. I've always been very careful with her feelings around this, making sure she is OK with things if we talk about it, and acknowledging that it may be uncomfortable for her. Bottom line is -- it's not a comfortable situation and one which I wish were different. But it is what it is... maybe I made the wrong decision to date him and by so doing, maybe I've jeopardized my friendship with her? I am not sure. But I have been grateful for having him in my life, which has been a big plus, so I can't fully say that it was a mistake? He did hurt her badly when they broke up --- she may have unresolved feelings she is still working through, as you suggested. Just wish I knew how to handle things better... I'm doing what I can, but I still don't feel OK.
 

Re: work and loneliness.. I'll try not to give up hope, thanks. :) I do need something else to do with my time --- more friends, something. I haven't been motivated to do anything and instead just suffer with my loneliness. I don't know what's wrong with me. I may be isolating a little?? I don't feel comfortable with the fact that I'm living with my parents right now -- very hard to admit to new people when I'm almost 45. UGH. I know a lot of people end up doing that too, but still, it's not easy and kind of embarrassing. Maybe that's why I'm reluctant to join a new social group? I suppose I could join a gym, but I've been lazy & unmotivated. Sigh. I need to just do something. I need to motivate somehow, which has been really hard.

Anyways, thanks so much again for your support and the hugs... greatly appreciated!!

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Your friend may still be really hurt by her breakup. She may be confused about her friend being with her ex. It's a tough situation, really, no matter how careful you are about it. But it's happened and don't ruminate about it too much. You may need to accept that her friendship is in the past. She may be too hurt to be a friend now. But that's not your fault. So try not to worry about it too much.

 

Everyone's situation is different. If you're living with your parents it's for a good reason. Do you really need to be embarrassed about it? Do you need to let it get in the way of your meeting new people? Only you can answer that for yourself. If I met someone our age who lived with their parents, I would assume the parents were ill and you were taking care of them. You may not need to be as embarrassed about it as you think. 

 

Really, try to be kind to yourself. You deserve your own love and respect.

 

Peace

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She is mostly over it, but not fully, at least that's what she tells me. It's been five years since their breakup, so there's been a fair amount of time and space. I think she is/was confused about me being with him... she mentioned that to a mutual friend of ours. I know she can't be much of a friend to me, but she actually has been fine with getting together once in a while so maybe we can remain friends to a certain extent without the friendship totally dissolving. I know that I haven't personally hurt her, so that's good at least. And she knows I care about her feelings.... there's really nothing more I can do except try to be as understanding as I can be I suppose. And maybe follow the suggestion to talk about it with her, if I don't get too scared about it.

 

on my parents.... perhaps you're right... guess I just feel that way. It's really hard for me to have lost my independence since I'm a very independent person typically, or at least was, so there's a bit of.... shame? It could be shame. I came home because I landed myself in the hospital for mental health reasons. I'm kind of ashamed of that as well.... amongst my own friends I am too. I don't tell many people. I do tend to be very hard on myself sometimes... something I need to work on more is self-love and respect.. I can really beat myself up sometimes. This also isn't permanent (living with my parents) -- only until I get back on my feet again financially.

Thanks so much again for your thoughtful and caring reply... it means a lot to me!

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How important is her friendship to you? If it's less important than your romantic relationship, you have an answer as to how much emotion and effort you need to invest in continuing the friendship. I know it may seem cold and calculated. But if the state of the friendship is troubling you and it's not that important to you, you may want to let it go. But that's something you'd want to discuss with your therapist. I'm only seeing this from the outside. My impression may be completely inaccurate.

 

The main thing is for you to take care of yourself.

 

Peace

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Good question -- both relationships are equally important to me & I can't lose another girlfriend... I just lost one that i had to let go of. I will definitely discuss this in therapy.. thank goodness I have my appt tomorrow eve. Good timing. I do need to take good care of myself... thank you. :)

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Dear havehope, I can't give any real advice because it's so difficult for me to give advice to anyone who has structural problems in their relationships with other people. To me it seems like your friend hasn't been honest with you when she said she wouldn't mind you dating her ex and that's what caused the current relationship issues. I would blame her for not saying upfront what she really felt, but I guess it's understandable how she didn't want to seem pathetic or desperate.

Their relationship could never be rekindled, right? It's obviously so since your boyfriend is currently dating you. So, whatever problems she may have, it's up to her to resolve them and to move on. It's really not your place to be her therapist.

 

As for your job, baby steps. You can start by doing something by yourself at first, but at least to change your environment a bit or even lead meaningless conversations. Perhaps run to the store and say a few kind words to the clerk, stuff like that. It's not the real deal, but it helps!

 

Your family and boyfriend seem to be really nice people, hang on to them.

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Hi Hope,
 
It might help to try break things down and only focus on say the next 5 minutes of life as it comes. Maybe you can even write down "Things to deal with within the next 5 minutes" as a list and then write a new list when 5 minutes it up. That way things aren't so overwhelming.

 

There is really only two ways do deal with things in life and that's either: 

 

1) Take action - do something to change or get rid of the circumstance but when that option isn't available see (2)

2) Accept it - accepting doesn't mean liking it, it just means you give up the struggle with it

 

Of course the mind likes option 3 which is worry about it, think about it over and over, start preparing for all the things that could go wrong which is pointless and only harmful for you.

 

When I get overwhelmed (many times a day) I try and think "what problem's do I have this very second?" and usually I'm thinking about things in the future which haven't happened. So I then plan to either take action to deal with it or try to accept that there is nothing I can do and just let it go.

 

Hope this helps.

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Hi ReggieSherman, thanks so much for your post and for the advice... yes, my mom and boyfriend are great... I feel very lucky to have them. You made a good point about my friend --- there's definitely no chance of rekindling, at least not on my boyfriend's part. Initially when she and I talked about it, she said "oh wouldn't that be funny if you and J ended up dating" -- J being her ex. She didn't think we would last & months later, she actually seemed dismayed to find out we were still together. Yes, she should have been upfront with me about her true feelings if she wasn't OK with it. At the time she said it was weird but seemed to be accepting of it. It does seem to me that she's not over it and is trying to gain his attention. Last night I was thinking that maybe she can't stand the thought of watching he and I together while we're out, so she's trying to keep all of his attention on her instead. I wonder if she would feel this way about any woman he was with, or if it's me in particular. UGH. It's just not a good situation, all around. I truly feel for her because she hasn't had a boyfriend in five years since him.... I think this is also contributing. You're right though - I can't be her therapist. She has depression too, but stopped seeing her therapist. I think she could get back into counseling, personally. i think it would help her. She's not moving on and is holding onto something. I know I'm going on and on here but it truly bothers me, the whole situation and I just don't know what to do.

 

I'm going to try to get out some more if I can... thank u again.

@SpaceAce --- howdy, and thank you! That's great advice --- I've forgotten that tactic.... just focusing on what's immediate & in the right now. I tend to get easily overwhelmed by my work because its so freaking challenging. Oh my gosh.... it's constant learning and constant troubleshooting of things that I don't know how to do so I have to learn them quickly, then implement. All the time. Then my boss is really disorganized, which is making things much more difficult.... tasks get dropped easily and forgotten about because she's all over the place with constantly changing priorities. Then I get overwhelmed by everything else that's happening all at once and it all caves in on me. I think your advice is sound though, in addition to Starsea's.. to break things down into smaller pieces, and just focus on the here and now. I will try it....

Still feeling down and out & fighting this depression though.. I think it's all of it altogether that's depressing me. Glad I have therapy tonight. And thank you....



 

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Hi - just read through the responses and I am loving all this support! Great advice on here. Just wanted to also encourage you to know that you are not alone in this! Keep communicating with your bf about all of this, that will help. Hope your therapy session goes well and gives you the chance to vent your frustrations which always makes me feel better. Really try to take time for yourself, focus on doing something you enjoy. You'll be amazed at how much that helps...go outside, try gardening, take a class, etc. This will take the focus off of your struggles and maybe even connect you with other people. :) Praying for ya!

 

mommato2lilmonkeys

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Havehope, I can't be of much help, but my thoughts are with you. I'm glad you got so much support and love from everyone here.  :smile: The fact that your mistakes at work upset you so much tells me that you care about work - so you're probably usually good at it. Get better for us! 

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Hi dancingsunflowers -- what a great username! :) thank you so much for your post -- I am deeply grateful for everyone's love, support, advice and encouragement on here. It helps so much!! And thanks for the encouragement.. I just need to decide what that will be, something to enjoy. Wish I could go kayaking. I used to live right on a river where I could kayak from out my backyard. It was amazing, and I miss that apartment so very much. Maybe I'll go kayaking this weekend.. something to look forward to at least. I also just need something during the day/week to help me... I really should  motivate to join a gym. I'm being lazy and indecisive. A true Libra. Depression doesn't help either.... I have to force myself to help myself sometimes.

 

Dear winry, thanks so much as well.. just having you post here and sending your thoughts of support are helpful. And thanks for the encouragement about my work -- I do care very much about the quality of my work and am typically very conscientious. I think my work is depressing me though and really gets me down. My boss is difficult. She's chaotic, disorganized, bull headed, she comes and goes and doesn't communicate well. Expectations & instructions are not always clear. My position itself is also very difficult. And I work from home alone, as mentioned above, without much contact with people so I just carry this stress all day all by myself, with no one to vent to... it's really really hard. And half the time I don't even know what I'm doing, which just adds to the stress level and my depression about work. UGH. Guess I'm venting some here, lol. Maybe I need to switch jobs, but I can't do that for at least a year, so I have to suck it up. do my best and accept the way things are. SpaceAce talked about acceptance, if you can't change something for the better. Acceptance without the struggle... I need to work on that.

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I'm starting to really hate my job. :verysad3: My boss is very hard on me and makes things really difficult for me. She snaps a lot. It's demotivating. She's basically a biotch --- there's no other truly appropriate term. She'll give me praise indirectly to others but doesn't encourage me at all directly. It's so hard to stay motivated, especially working from home by myself like this. This is definitely contributing to my depression right now. Wish i could change jobs, but I can't. I know I should be grateful to have any work at all, especially since I was out of work for so long, but it's tearing me apart right now. She makes me want to drink. And sometimes come five o'clock I've fixed myself a cocktail even though I have to work another hour until six. I've never done that working from home the whole time I have been, so I know it's bad. I know I need to just accept things as they are, but it's really really really hard. I really don't like my boss. I've always been unlucky in this regard and never had a good boss, and it just plain sucks. I just needed to vent here.. thank you for listening and supporting.

Edited by havehope

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Just got back from therapy. I'm more confused than ever about my girlfriend's behavior. I'm thinking I need to have a heart to heart with her and ask her point blank if she still has feelings for my bf. Scary thought.... it's very direct. Any opinions?

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It depends on the nature of your friendship, really. Are you besties from a long time back? Is she a close friend? A casual friend?

 

If she's got feelings for her ex, there's bound to be some negative emotions going on. Either she's mad at you or mad at him or mad at herself for being mad at you or him. Or it could be some combination of all three. 

 

One of my roommates in college "stole" a girl I thought I was in love with. It turns out she was never really into me - even though, in my mind, I was going to marry her someday. We talked a lot on the beach and in my dorm. But we never even hugged. I think she only liked me being into her. But, in any case, I was really hurt and I never spoke to my roommate again. I regret the chain of events but it's part of my past. It doesn't define me. The thing is: I still have some feelings for her. And this is something which happened over a quarter of a century ago. It's reasonable to assume your friend has some feelings for her ex even if she says it's OK. Personally, I would not date my friend's ex but that's because of my previous experience. It's no reflection on you. You acted in good faith and did what you thought was right.

 

I'm afraid that, ultimately, you may need to mourn the loss of your friendship or the loss of your relationship. Before you discuss it with your friend, I might discuss it with your partner. Maybe he might have some insight. He knows you both, after all. 

 

I wish I had better advice for you in this situation. All I can say is: you acted with no malice in your heart. So your conscience should be clear. If your friend is hurt, it's not your fault. 

 

If you lose your friend, what's the worst that can happen?

If you lose your partner, what's the worst that can happen?

 

What's the best possible outcome for you? Don't think about your friend or your partner. What's the best for you?

 

When you come to a conclusion, try to move in that direction.

 

Peace

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Hey all (Lauryn and Starsea), thank you.... oh boy. I know, Starsea. If it were my preference, I wouldn't be in this situation. I think I mentioned before that he and I grew close and it just naturally came together... something that couldn't be helped almost. Poor excuse, but it's the truth.

 

I hate that it's like this... me dating my friend's ex boyfriend. However, I'm actually not that close to her. She has not been a good friend to me in fact which I figured out in therapy tonight. I've been there for her, but she hasn't been there for me.... still no excuse for it, but my therapist asked me point blank who I care about more.. my boyfriend or her, and I said my boyfriend. So, there it is. I care more about him. I was going through troubles while living in Santa Fe, NM a few years ago and she just threw up brick walls. She didn't respond to anything I needed at the time with insight, support, or help and she didn't support me in anything I was going through, yet I supported her the whole time through her breakup with my boyfriend now. I think this is why I felt that it was semi OK that I date her ex-boyfriend years after they broke up? If she were truly close to me, I think it would have been more taboo... ? I believe so! So in a long-winded answer to your question, she and I just more casual buddies and are not very close. I don't know if I'm making excuses and justifications for this... perhaps I am? I do feel guilty and I don't like it, regardless.

 

I don't want to lose him, and I don't want to lose her. I can't lose more people in my life. I certainly have no malice and am just trying to do what is right... right by her, & right by me. But I also at the same time don't think it's fair if she's still holding onto him after five years and still has some hope when he's dating me? He has zero interest in her. I'm not in her shoes, but I wish she would just move on and date someone else. She hasn't dated anyone else since.

 

@Lauryn, thank you so much as well... I think I will ask her if she still has feelings for him.... or perhaps unresolved feelings? Thank you... as for work.... sigh. I can't switch jobs since I need the longevity on my resume right now. I need to stay at least a year.. ideally two. Another big sigh. A journal would help.. great idea! Or sticky notes with inspirational messages all over my computer? The forum helps too!! Just wish for all of us that life could be easier... but I'm glad we're all here for each other through our individual troubles!!!

Hugs... and thank you both!!

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Speaking of sticky notes on computers, this is the large one on mine (from Invictus by William Ernest Henley). Maybe this will give you a bit of strength as it does for me. I like to pretend I am stronger than I actually am! 

 

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is ******, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul

Edited by winry

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