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nexus321

Come On God! Give Me A Girlfriend Already!

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Come on! If you're up there help me out. I've basically been invisible to women my whole life. It sucks, I know I would be a great boyfriend if anyone would give me half a chance.

This is the sole cause of my depression. Loneliness. Everywhere I look I see couples holding hands. I wish I knew what that felt like. I wish I knew what it felt like

to kiss someone. To have sex or go on a date or something. I just don't get it, what part am I missing that makes me so undesireable. When I look in the mirror I don't see an ugly person. So what gives? I've asked this question so many times over the past 10 years. I'm a 25 year old kissless virgin.

I wish things were different. I wish I was happy. I wish.

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I've felt like this in the past a lot. I couldn't understand why all the people around me were getting married/dating and I couldn't even find anyone to go out on a date with. Trust me, though, relationships aren't all they're cut out to be. I got my hopes up and thought that I would be happy if I could just find someone who could love me. Sadly, in this world, most relationships don't last and they usually end up causing more pain than anything else. Sure, it's great when it works out, but how often does that really happen? I'm 21 and have never been in love, and I don't see it happening anytime soon. I'm alright, though. I have my own life and I don't need to be with anyone else to bring meaning to my existence. I want it more than anything else sometimes, and still find myself crying over it at 3:00 in the morning occasionally, but I'm ok being alone. You can be, too. I know this sounds pretty cynical. To be honest, I'm in a cynical mood, but I still think it's good advice. Just try to relax and realize that you're not a failure because you're not with someone. Focus on yourself and do things that you enjoy. If you're feeling up to it, ask someone out. Take a chance. Just manage your expectations.

I understand how it feels to be lonely. I'm very sorry that you're struggling with this, but try to stay strong.

~Rose

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Come on! If you're up there help me out. I've basically been invisible to women my whole life. It sucks, I know I would be a great boyfriend if anyone would give me half a chance.

This is the sole cause of my depression. Loneliness. Everywhere I look I see couples holding hands. I wish I knew what that felt like. I wish I knew what it felt like

to kiss someone. To have sex or go on a date or something. I just don't get it, what part am I missing that makes me so undesireable. When I look in the mirror I don't see an ugly person. So what gives? I've asked this question so many times over the past 10 years. I'm a 25 year old kissless virgin.

I wish things were different. I wish I was happy. I wish.

 

I struggle a lot myself... I've asked out several women and basically gotten shot down by them all. Sometimes they aren't even directly a no its the yes and then within a week we're done. Yes, my left arm and hand are messed up... Yes, I have scars all over my body... I'm a freak. Even some doctors don't even consider me "normal" so I guess everyone else considers the same about me. I can't stand going out in public anymore because people just stare... Even though I'm a musician, producer and DJ... I still feel awkward as ever. To me I feel as though me being a musician is the sole thing keeping me "lonely" and so on. Not exactly sure.

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Hello

I have felt the same for many many years, I am 27 now. But I have been coming to terms with reality in recent years. There are just some hard truths to swallow.

First off I no longer think I would make such a good "boyfriend". For starters i do not do much nowadays. I just sit around and in bed and work on my online business all day everyday. I am not super active or doing exciting interesting fun stuff. I do not even play video games. The highlights of my days are watching lots of random YouTube and movies and listening to a bunch of music. Other than that I do not offer a whole lot.

Emotionally I see now that I am basically pretty messed up. Due to my inexperience I am very emotionally ********/immature. I am very moody, which is not a good trait especially in guys. While I am fully functional and I pay my bills and such, I do not see myself as very stable emotionally. One minute I am depressed, the next minute I am OK, sometimes I am angry, it is random and confusing even to my parents. My schedule is inconsistent, I wake up late and go to sleep late. I would say that while I am an intelligent and articulate person, I do not feel as emotionally strong as I would like to be. Girls want their guy to be a pillar they can lean on. I cannot be much of a pillar when I am busy trying to balance myself nowadays.

Physically I am not bad looking but not great looking either. I am skinny and pale and not muscular. Girls tend to gravitate bigger stronger guys in general, which I am not. You will not find me fighting or defending anyone, I would most certainly lose. And of course due to inexperience I do not exactly offer much in the bedroom. I put very little effort into my clothing and appearance. It would be great to be able to look sharp every day, but I just do not care enough.

As far as ambition and motivation, I have always been a driven, hardworking good individual but my passion and energy is really lacking nowadays. I just do not care anymore. What girl wants that ?

I am also somewhat of a miserable **** nowadays, I tend to be very risk averse, and very frugal also.

It has definitely not helped that I have had mostly bad experiences with girls in the past, and only very few have ever expressed any real interest in me. I have just had a lot of uncomfortable, or weird, or regrettable social interactions where I shoot myself in the foot a million different ways, I think my brain is messed up beyond repair as a result.

While I still think most guys are less sincere, less genuine, and dumber than myself, I can definitely see how an average girl would prefer someone else over me. Someone more well rounded and balanced, with goals and energy and some experience. Someone with a more positive attitude and friendly funny personality.

So yeah while I still feel bummed about not having a girlfriend, I at least understand logically why it has not happened and unfortunately will continue to not happen. Life is unfair. What else is new

Edited by sloth

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Come on! If you're up there help me out. I've basically been invisible to women my whole life. It sucks, I know I would be a great boyfriend if anyone would give me half a chance.

This is the sole cause of my depression. Loneliness. Everywhere I look I see couples holding hands. I wish I knew what that felt like. I wish I knew what it felt like

to kiss someone. To have sex or go on a date or something. I just don't get it, what part am I missing that makes me so undesireable. When I look in the mirror I don't see an ugly person. So what gives? I've asked this question so many times over the past 10 years. I'm a 25 year old kissless virgin.

I wish things were different. I wish I was happy. I wish.

If a woman approached you and asked you out, and she wasn't exactly a looker in your opinion, would you give her a chance, or reject her based on the lack of immediate attraction/interest? I ask just because sometimes, based on our standards, we narrow down the pool of people we would consider, and end up being alone because we don't give ourselves a chance. I don't know what kind of standards you have. Would you date just any girl, for the sake of not being alone? Personally I think of myself as not so shallow that I would reject a person based on looks alone, but there would definitely have to be mutual interests for anything to happen. I don't think I would be with a girl just to not be alone. If we were polar opposites and I didn't even consider her attractive, maybe I'd rather be alone.

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Come on! If you're up there help me out. I've basically been invisible to women my whole life. It sucks, I know I would be a great boyfriend if anyone would give me half a chance.

This is the sole cause of my depression. Loneliness. Everywhere I look I see couples holding hands. I wish I knew what that felt like. I wish I knew what it felt like

to kiss someone. To have sex or go on a date or something. I just don't get it, what part am I missing that makes me so undesireable. When I look in the mirror I don't see an ugly person. So what gives? I've asked this question so many times over the past 10 years. I'm a 25 year old kissless virgin.

I wish things were different. I wish I was happy. I wish.

 

The thing that I get from this post and your previous posts is that you talk about getting a girlfriend as if it is a thing, a milestone or something. Even the title of this post "Give me a girlfriend already". It almost sounds like, give me a car, give me a nice apartment, give me a great job, but in my experience, relationships just happen at their own pace, it's not like you can pick one up of the shelf like you can with other things. For example, have you ever met anyone you have some mutual chemistry with? that's how it usually starts, and as you get to know the person, it either progresses or fizzles out but you seem to want someone to just appear and fall in your lap and voila, you have a girlfriend. 

 

serious question, but why do you want a girlfriend? Is it so you would fit in and feel less out of place? or feel like everyone else? Lots of people are single and are quite happy that way, sure others are single and would like a partner but they don't base their happiness around it. Another question is, how do you know you would be a great boyfriend? If you've never been one, how do you know you would have it all figured out? I tend to think it takes a few failed relationships before you really learn to be in a relationship, I don't think it comes that naturally to most people and so most people don't stay with their first or second love. e.g. maybe you won't be a cheater or a controlling jerk, but how do you know you wont be too clingy or needy instead? it's not that easy finding the right balance sometimes and since everyone is different and wants different things from a relationship, what works with one person would be a disaster with someone else. You say all you need is a chance, but relationships are more complicated than that .

 

I think sloth has some really insightful observations, if you feel strong or complete within yourself you have something to offer another person. If you don't feel good within yourself, then you have much less to offer another person and it's something other people will pick up on. I've said it before on your posts, but looks aren't everything either. A really good looking guy with a dud personality is interesting for about 5 mins. an average looking guy who is fun and interesting will keep a woman interested for much longer, definitely long enough to get to know them properly to see where it leads.I guess Im wondering if you[ve ever met someone you were attracted to that went beyond her appearance, e.g. she was easy and fun to talk to etc and there was some type of chemistry between you,  because IMO a lot of this comes down to natural chemistry and who knows how or why that even works but some people just click for some reason but I agree with ladyofshallot to "Just manage your expectations." Getting into a relationship is just the beginning, it's not a destination because that's when the work of making it work begins and when you get two people together, they don't always have what it takes to go the distance.

Edited by bluegal

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I completely agree with bluegal here.

When we look around and see other people getting in and out of relationships so frequently, it often appears that a girlfriend or boyfriend is some kind of trophy that you are given. It just is not true. I believe strongly nowadays that it is something that instead is a reflection of where you are emotionally and what your situation in life is. People refer to this as confidence but it is also possible for insecure people to find partners too-- they will just have more issues to deal with.

The answers can be found within oneself mostly, not so much externally.

Like i have said already, i know the feeling all too well of desperately wanting it to finally just happen already for me. When i am in this mindset all i can focus on is how much i want to be validated socially. I crave the social attention and confirmation. I am jealous of others who appear to have it better than me. I want what i believe will be fun and interesting experiences and emotions. And of course sex. Everyone wants these things, of course. But these cravings are all reflections of some internal issues, feelings of inadequacy or lack or poor self esteem. If one felt more complete on the inside, they would not desire so strongly. Ironically it is when we feel complete and non-needy that we become most attractive and desirable to others, since most other people feel lacking and incomplete as well.

The healthy goal ought to be for two generally non-needy, complete people to find each other and enjoy and appreciate -- but not depend on -- each other.

Also Luis makes a good point about judging from appearance alone. I can honestly say that yes, i would probably reject most girls who i do not find physically attractive at first sight. As a result i rarely ever get past that point since i am far too picky. Perhaps if i were more accepting and open minded to more average looking people like myself then i might have more success. If i am only giving the most attractive 10's a chance, then i am truly out of my league and also facing way, way more competition from other guys. So unless i am a 10 myself, it would take tremendous skill to make this happen-- skill that usually comes from prior experience.

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Your putting women on a pedestal,I flirted with a lot of women at my university and had a bunch of numbers,but I was so business working and studying for my degree that I was barley sleeping I only managed to go on 1 date the girl had model looks but a very boring personality,we had nothing in common and I was just interested in her because I thought she was hot.I remember thinking on the date how boring she was,all she did was watch foot ball and was very religious.I tried to get to know her but it seems like most women want men to do all the work,you have to pick out the place your going then you have to keep them interested,then they want gifts...its not worth it dating unless they have a good personialty that I click with or they know how to have a relationship with someone and not just talk about themselves the whole time,I ignored a lot of less attractive women that wanted to take me out to dinner and would sit near me to have a conversation if I wasn,t so obessed with dating the hottest women possible and lowered my standards I would probably be a lot happier.

 

So if I was you I would think more in terms of how can this person bring value in my life instead of pandering to there expecations you should try to meet them in the middle.I know a lot of women have crazy expecations of men and that's why they will die alone,once you figure out your talking to one of these women that expect you to jump through hoops to get them and they take advantage of your kindness just leave em and don't look back.Think of it as women losing out if your rejected.

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Loneliness is crippling and most people on these forums are dealing with or have dealt with it. You're not alone. However, you stand to gain nothing by beating yourself up for it? Who told you that you are undesirable? I don't think I'm undesirable but I'm alone a lot. Sometimes I prefer to be alone and am skeptical about relationships. I'm a rogue, I fly solo. 

 

You need to reframe the way you look at yourself, think about yourself. 

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Come on! If you're up there help me out. I've basically been invisible to women my whole life. It sucks, I know I would be a great boyfriend if anyone would give me half a chance.

This is the sole cause of my depression. Loneliness. Everywhere I look I see couples holding hands. I wish I knew what that felt like. I wish I knew what it felt like

to kiss someone. To have sex or go on a date or something. I just don't get it, what part am I missing that makes me so undesireable. When I look in the mirror I don't see an ugly person. So what gives? I've asked this question so many times over the past 10 years. I'm a 25 year old kissless virgin.

I wish things were different. I wish I was happy. I wish.

 

I just posted something similar in another thread.

 

Girls aren't attracted to the nicest or the meanest guys. I've already got torn apart at some point for being both a "nice guy" and a jerk. I admit that I've already made mistakes that I acknowledge. Girls are attracted to people that make something out of the life they're given. People that take the time express passion, joy, love, desire for something within the real world. Means of escapism don't count because they are only designed to block out the real world. Take me for example. I've been told that I make very good points when I express my thoughts on both depression-related subjects on this board and also entertainment-related things that I enjoy on other boards too. And yet at my job when there's real people around me, I rarely ever talk because I'm always so overwhelmed by things that suck the life right outta me. A lot is based on appearence too. Some bullies have girls running after them because they know how to carry themselves. But in a general perspective, it's complex. But the summarize it as best as I can in short...the only way to get started is to live for something.

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Also even if you get women it won,t nessciarly make you happy I know plenty of guys who sleep with lots of women a good friend I had was sleeping with a different women every week and was constantly suicidal and depressed.my best friend I had got a lot of women to and he told me he was on antidepressants and told me he feels guilty if he is happy at all because he doesn,t deserve anything he has.So try being happier finding hobbies and achieving goals,while casually talking to women that you meet with out the intent of hooking up with them or dating them,even if you got married when you were younger,most people break up or divorce then are depressed about that and repeat the same process trying to search for happiness outside themselves.i know lots of people who are married unhappy and stuck.The people you see holding hands just met in a month or two they will break up and be emotional messes most likely,until they find another person to start the whole thing over again.Just be yourself and try to meet people more doing things you like,without any expecations but to enjoy yourself.

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I think the best advice I can give you is to not to go looking for romance so actively. It comes off a little forced and desperate - two things that will drive girls away. Just let it happen naturally. Go out with friends, socialise and enjoy yourself. I've found I always find romance when I'm least expecting it.

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a good friend I had was sleeping with a different women every week and was constantly suicidal and depressed.my best friend I had got a lot of women to and he told me he was on antidepressants and told me he feels guilty

 

This is proof that "getting some" won't solve the lingering thoughts of depression. I hear a lot of times that the "urge" to get some and the frustration of being unsatisfied becomes unbearable it creates suicidal thoughts, and the cure to that problem is to get laid. But yet here we are, and the thoughts and feelings of suicide remain.

 

Just a reminder. :smile:

Edited by The_Unwanted

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Unwanted

I felt bad for him he was the closest person I could relate to and the only person that I could openly talk about my suicidal thoughts to he was a very out control person though and would openly talk about is drug use and suicidal thoughts in public he was a good friend though,but he was getting me into drugs and he dropped out of college and work I think because of his drug use. 

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