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Not a lot, I had been walking back from the grocery store and was thinking about how things are for me and then I kept thinking I don't have any close friends or close family what if I didn't exist?  Not that I have ever really considered this, I have in the past been used for my knowledge and couldn't get anything for helping others even though I was struggling and they weren't.  I stopped all volunteering and I haven't driven anywhere because the cost of gas is too high.  On my way back from the store, I was almost to my apartment building when someone said "Do you need a ride"?  I answered no and said I live just here and I thought it was nice it was the first time someone had gone out of their way for me.

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That WAS nice!

 

What if you didn't exist?  Somebody would know.  Somebody would care.

 

I've had dysthymia since childhood, and have really suffered from depression off and on since I was forty-three.  I live alone - parents both deceased, only a half-brother 1000 miles away, a couple-three cousins, a few friends.  I don't kid myself that their lives would be shaken if I were gone, but they'd miss me a little.  And the people that know of my struggle would be sorry that as a society, we'd all failed in seeing that an otherwise productive member wasn't able to reach his potential because of an abusive father, bullying, mental illness, and so forth.

 

Not a big deal, but I keep going.  I know that my depression is all in my head, and I fight it as best I can.  And someday, even though I will always abhor the fact that I've not had a really happy fifty-six years so far, maybe something will change for the better if my attitude allows it.

 

Anyway at rock bottom, I pay taxes and exhale CO2 for the plants!

 

Take care - thanks for reaching out to us here on DF - it's a great first step.

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I'm slightly disabled and try to find work and its hard.  I can't do heavy lifting or stand for long periods.  Not here but a couple of people suggested I move to a larger center for more work and supports but if you have a hard time struggling with what money you get how can you move?  I do what I can but when you want to work and know that if you could get minimum wage you would make more than on disability you begin to wonder.  Anyway I keep plugging away and hope for something before I lose my car, as I need it to get to my doctor.

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Welcome to the forums, genealogymaster.

 

These forums are a wonderful place to "write" out your feelings, vent your frustrations and make connections with others that can understand what you're going through. I have found the more you put into participating, the more you get out of it. There are truly some wonderful people here.

 

I hope you'll stick around and make yourself at home.

 

Take care of you.

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