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PsychT1987

Just Saying "hi."

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Haven't really been on in about a month. Thing's are okay I guess. My moms relationship with me has it's up and downs in a bit of improvement. Still some boundary issue's just waiting for the lows to hit again. My relationship is going well prepping for the wedding 10/16.

I guess in need of someone to talk to. I feel.guilty and ashamed when talking to family, friends, or my fiance about my thoughts. Family normally says either suck in up, our problems are worse, you have no issue's, depression is made up diesels, so on and so on and so on. Feel friends either are overwhelmed by me draining them and why I don't have friend's really, just co worker's. Maybe can't remember in past relationships and may in this relationship to can't recall. I know my fiance is supportive and wants me to open up about issue's affecting me. However, I worry my thoughts can be taken the wrong way.

They come in go these thoughts really no rhyme nor reason to them. Had an amazing evening out to the movies with the fiance, saw Jurassic World, good movie if you haven't seen it. Even if feeling joy, which I do a lot with my fiance and just just in life. It's hard to explain that yes I am happy with you, but also sad at the same time wanting to not be alive.

I assume it's going to be like this my entire life. I am not sure why it has become more prominent as I come closer to 30.

I have my stressors that can exacerbate it. I am worried about not finding my career by time I am 30. Not making enough money to raise my family. Not getting myself out of a pigeon hole of credit debt. That my impulsive actions can have a negative affect on my life.

Even with that I can be thinking of nothing just laughing and the thoughts come in.

Appreciate you hearing me out. Have a good day.

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Just wondering, PsychT1987, if you have been to see a psychologist or therapist? I really recommend counseling and especially if you have issues that you are not comfortable sharing with your fiancé.

Most of us here have been through thinking about suicide--even if we don't plan on doing anything, we think about it. Counseling and medication can help with that too.

Good luck and congratulations on your upcoming marriage!

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It's too expensive to see e a Doc. My insurance won't cover some doctors not eligible for state insurance. The copays are too much and medication is too much. What I make a month I can barely survive leaving me bankrupt if I saw a Doc. Will agree I need some psychotherapy hopefully be able to afford it again one day. The wait time is close to 3 month's or some places not accepting new patient's. Kind of a bummer.

Appreciate the feedback though. If some say could see a Doc for free I would feel it help ten fold.

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      Hi,

 

       Welcome back to you. I wish it wasn't under these circumstances but we're always here for you. I do think that you should tell your fiancé about all of your thoughts whether positive or negative. The more open and honest you are now, the closer and deeper the love you'll have for each other. It's called being intimate with her. If you'll show her that you trust her, maybe she'll surprise you. She may be feeling the same way about things just with different people and circumstances. Maybe she's needing the same support from you. You'll never know until you say something. I know it'll be hard to open up to her, but try.

        I wish you all the best, peace and God Bless!

 

                                             

                                                                                                                         Sincerely,

                                                                                                                         Curtis

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Hi there, PsychT -

 

I know what you mean about sharing with others who don't (or even can't) understand.  That's one reason counseling can be so helpful - the counselor is there to help you process your thoughts, and then your other relationships can be what they are.  (I don't think we're meant to share deeply with everyone.  It's OK to have friends/relatives who are closer and more intimate than others.) 

 

Some therapists will work out payments or a sliding fee structure - have you checked into that?  I'm not sure whether you attend church, but some churches also offer counseling or pastoral care.  At the very least, if you are receiving any kind of premarital counseling, maybe the facilitator could give some insight into how best to share your feelings with your fiancee.  Like Curtis mentioned, marriage is an intimate partnership - spouses are there to help each other along the road of life.  I know you have worries, but I feel strongly that you have good things ahead of you. 

 

Just a few thoughts, sent with care.

 

grammiann

Grammie to 2 precious girls

 

The Lord bless you and keep you;the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you;the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace. Numbers 6:24-26

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This seems to me like it's a thought re framing issue, have you looked into that? Can you mention something specific? Like when you say you'd be thinking about nothing and laughing and then the thoughts come in. What are the thoughts?

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I'm not sure this will help at all, but some of the greatest people in history (Theodore Roosevelt, Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill, King David, to name just a few) battled depression.  I read recently that perseverance in beating back intrusive thoughts and depression is a key part of winning the battle. 

 

Please do everything you can to get the help you need, but also remember the words of Churchill himself: "Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never.  In nothing, great or small, large or petty—never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense."

 

One day at a time, friend.  Take good care!

 

grammiann

Grammie to 2 precious girls

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Hi again - Have you heard of the book Changes that Heal?  I'm reading it now, and it has a lot of insight about family patterns and getting to a healthier place.  Might be worth checking out.  God bless!

 

grammiann
Grammie to 2 precious girls

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