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I Hired A Dating Coach


nexus321

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Most of you are probably thinking "really? Did you really have to get a dating coach?" Well the answer is yes because I'm a 25 year old virgin who still lives at home and hasn't even had his first kiss yet.

I'm looking for work so I can move out but so far I can't get a job. Anyway back to my dating life (or lack thereof). The process is that I met up with the coach and we go to nightclubs and he teaches me how to interact with women. So far I've learnt very little. I see women hitting on the dating coach because he's really good looking. He kinda looks like a modern caveman. I keep thinking ofc that's why women like him. I wish I was born like that. But I'm only average looking. Women never give me a chance.

 

A part of me has given up hope. A part of me thinks if I somehow didn't get a girlfriend by 25 maybe I'm never going to get a girlfriend. This makes me really depressed. I reall want to meet someone. I had friends but some of them moved away, some turned out to be jerks and some never leave their apartment. Thinking about this makes me depressed too.

 

So far I've only spent 100 dollars on the dating coach but I fear I may never get good at this and that I might end up wasting my money on this.

What should I do I feel so lonely?

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im sorry, u feel so lonely. Its hard to establish conections. As for the million dollar question of what you should do... I don't know,

when feeling sad and lonely bad thoughts tend to happen, so try to stay strong.

As for the dating coach, i dont think its such a bad thing. But its not fruitful if you are not having fun.

the next time uguys go out see if u get anithing out of it.

 

take care and try doing things you enjoy it helps with the loneliness and to ease up ur mind

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First of all, don't focus too much on the virgin thing. It really isn't a big deal unless you make it a big deal. Your time will come eventually.

As for the dating coach, personally, I wouldn't advise it but I suppose it depends on how you feel it is going. Do you feel more confident approaching women when your coach is around (safety in numbers and all that)? If not, maybe ask one of your friends to be a wingman - you'll come across more authentic if your friend can talk about you.

Dating is a numbers game. You'll get rejected far more times than you hit it off. You've just got to brush those rejections off, laugh through it, and move on to the next girl who you can work your charm on. Just be yourself, ask questions about their hobbies, interests etc., and let the conversation flow wherever it leads.

I wish you luck! Don't give up - you'll find a spark with somebody if you keep at it!

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I agree with Songs. I've been in your shoes before. I didn't have a first kiss until 34. Now I'm married and I have a child. So, clearly, I'm not a virgin anymore.

 

My life did not change once I started having sex. It just felt like it did because I was putting so much weight on it. I know this comes as cold comfort to you since you're living it now. But please believe me, worrying about it will make you nervous when you don't need to be. If you focus on your goal too much you won't enjoy the ride getting there. Try to enjoy your time out - even if you don't hit it off with anyone.  

 

I'm getting to be an expert at going on dates with myself now that my wife and I are separated. I'm not trying to pick up women. If something happens I'll see where it takes me. But it's not something I'm setting out to do. The point is, I'm going out anyway - just to enjoy it.

 

I'm sorry you're feeling so down about this. I do understand it, though. Sex is like oxygen. It doesn't seem like a big deal unless you aren't getting any.

 

It can get better. Just try to enjoy yourself.

 

Peace and love

 

 

*** edit - changed "will" to "can." ***

Edited by Starsea
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I don't know what a dating coach does, but I wish you well with them!

 

And the best thing you can do is to relax.

 

I guess I had my first "girlfriend" when I was 28.  (Depends on definitions - there was a woman I had a relationship with when I was something like 25-26.  It lasted for about five years, but there was a boyfriend-later fiance-later husband in the way... )

 

And I didn't get married until I was 39.

 

Work on yourself, enjoy the other phases of your life - work, gym, hobbies, volunteering, whatever - and this particular phase will round into shape.

 

Take care!

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Work on yourself, enjoy the other phases of your life - work, gym, hobbies, volunteering, whatever - and this particular phase will round into shape.

 

 

 

This is where you will most likely meet someone that has the same interests as you.  Maybe try joining a MeetUp group in your area...anything that puts you in connection with like-minded individuals.  

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But didn't you say on the other thread that you wasted 3000 bucks in a dating couch?

 

Who is this question directed to?

 

It wasn't me.  Regardless, saying "wasted 3000 bucks" is subjective.  Hiring a dating coach should help one build the skills to effectively communicate and present themselves in a positive manner to those they'd be interested in dating.  It probably didn't come with a guarantee that one would get a date and a relationship.  If that person learned absolutely nothing about how to meet and interact with others, then yeah, they may have wasted their money.  Also, I know it does happen, but how many couples or married people can say, "Oh we first met at a bar/nightclub."  I know the percentage is pretty low.  

 

Another idea, rather than putting money on a dating coach, would be to put some of that money in a dating website.  There are also free dating websites like Cupid.  But even with these, you will get out if it what you put into it.  I found success on one of the sites but it took me rewriting my profile numerous times and rewording the various sections and getting the right pics on there before I started getting responses and dates.  And I had to visit my page and emails and such daily and respond.  And I sent out probably 20 contact emails or more for each one that I got in return.  Don't waste your time using winks or flirts or whatever BS the site may have.  Write an actual email if you are interested in someone.  Use good grammar and punctuation and be yourself.  Suggest that you would like to chat some and see if there would be enough common interest to have a meet and greet.  A meet and greet should have a time limit of 30 mins that way both parties have a chance to get out of it if its not working out.  Also, the meet and greet should be for coffee/tea/cheesecake and in a place that's neutral and safe.  And if it goes great and you end up chatting with the person for a couple of hours well that's awesome.  Also, one last tip, set up a throwaway email account to use for communication and don't give out your cell # until you're fairly comfortable with the person.  And don't ask for the girl's number right away either...use the dating website email system.  And even after that point you can set up a KiK messenger account for texting with each other and still not have to give up your phone number.  

 

Just relax and don't take non responses personally.  Women get bombarded on these sites but they do use them and filter through all the crap contacts they get.  I emailed one woman, over a period of a month, 4 different times before she responded and agreed to do a meet and greet.  And after the meet and greet we didn't see each other again and no one was hurt or upset.  It really takes all the pressure off.  I did 5 meet and greets before I met the woman that I am dating now. 

 

Again, the key will be to keep on trying.  The fact you're a virgin will make no difference.  I've never seen a Sexual Experience category on any of the serious dating sites.  LOL.  Heck, that might be an advantage...the girl will get to train you for what she likes.  LMAO.  Sorry, that was just funny though.  

 

So to summarize:

  1. Work on yourself, enjoy the other phases of your life - work, gym, hobbies, volunteering, whatever.
  2. Try MeetUp groups for activities you have an interest in.  You'll meet like minded people.  Same goes for gym and volunteering. 
  3. If your'e going to spend money, try one of the serious dating websites and use a meet and greet approach.
  4. Oh, and if you're religious, there's always Church.  Find one with a singles class.  

Put in the effort and I'm sure you'll be able to get a date.  

 

You can do it. 

 

Cheers!

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When I was dating I read some books and tried some tricks to get women to be more interested in me. But then I realized that I didn't want to be with someone I was just able to hook with a trick. I wanted someone who would get me and love me for who I really am. 

 

It depends on what you want, I suppose. If all you want is sex, then the tricks and techniques of a dating coach might help you get what you want. But if you want a lasting romantic relationship with someone, it may be better to be yourself.

 

Peace and love

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Same shoes when it comes to women... I live with my parents still and in a small town with very basically no social life. I've asked several girls out, some gave me a yes but it quickly turned into "no" within a day or so. I was with someone during high school and a little when I had just started college but that didn't end well. Seeing my cousin Jordan's post on facebook yesterday kinda made me sick... Reason why is because she's with someone. Several posts from others get to me as well. Everything always seems to just never work out for me but for some reason life just works for everyone else.

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When I was dating I read some books and tried some tricks to get women to be more interested in me. But then I realized that I didn't want to be with someone I was just able to hook with a trick. I wanted someone who would get me and love me for who I really am. 

 

It depends on what you want, I suppose. If all you want is sex, then the tricks and techniques of a dating coach might help you get what you want. But if you want a lasting romantic relationship with someone, it may be better to be yourself.

 

Peace and love

 

^ Pretty much this.

 

When I was reading on dating advices from so called coaches I would always come up as desperate and it is not before I decided to just be myself that I had any kind of connection with the opposite sex.

 

If you just don't want to be a virgin anymore, you don't need a dating coach, there are ways to go about that.

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Same shoes when it comes to women... I live with my parents still and in a small town with very basically no social life. I've asked several girls out, some gave me a yes but it quickly turned into "no" within a day or so. I was with someone during high school and a little when I had just started college but that didn't end well. Seeing my cousin Jordan's post on facebook yesterday kinda made me sick... Reason why is because she's with someone. Several posts from others get to me as well. Everything always seems to just never work out for me but for some reason life just works for everyone else.

 

It's strange. But depression can really sabotage your dating. It can make your body language and your speech sort of, "defeatist" and that can be a little, for lack of a better word, unattractive.

 

As I've been feeling better, my body language has been changing. I'm holding my head up. I'm standing up straight. I'm walking confidently. It's been really noticeable. And my speech has changed, too. I'm speaking more upbeat. I'm not nay saying things others say as much.  I'm more positive. People at work have said I'm acting like a completely new man. 

 

When I go out for my walks, I'm smiling at women and they're smiling back. Well, I mean, I'm smiling at everyone but this is about attracting the opposite sex. I even had a woman in a boat smile and wave at me when I was out at the lake a couple weeks ago. She looked back at me, too. A pleasant little exchange - even though I may never see her again. The depressed me might not have attracted that kind of attention. And if I did, the depressed me might have completely written off that kind of attention. 

 

One of the things that can keep us depressed is lack of romantic relationships. But the depression oftentimes makes it more difficult for us to spark those relationships in the first place. It's self perpetuating. Depression sucks.

 

Work on yourself.  Try to get your depression under control and you may find you have more success dating. 

 

It's a good idea to get your depression under control, anyway. 

 

Peace and love

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I don't get it sometimes women look like they like me. They smile and give me the look but it never goes anywhere. What do I do if I want to kiss them? I feel like if I try I'll get rejected.

 

You will definitely get rejected some of the time. You will also be accepted some of the time. I won't lie. The rejections will probably outnumber the acceptances. But that's the nature of it. The entire animal kingdom operates this way. You have to be OK with it.

 

A rejection isn't an invalidation of who you are. It just means that the other person isn't interested in you as a romantic prospect. You still have value as a person even if the object of your affection doesn't reciprocate those feelings.

 

Here's a mind-blowing concept which I had a hard time understanding. There are probably other people who are into you and you don't know it. They might not be what you are looking for. I went out on dates with women who I decided were not for me. And I went out on dates with women who decided I was not for them. This thing goes both ways. 

 

I got really down when I was dating and things went nowhere. I was angry and flustered. But I kept at it because I wanted to have a romantic relationship with a woman who was right for me. And I eventually found someone who fit the bill and who was also into me. And I did this while I was depressed, mind you. So I know it's possible.

 

It's never a sure thing that you'll like someone who likes you back. It's always a gamble.

 

I don't believe in the idea of "just one" person in the world being right for you. If that were true, the odds of finding someone would be 1:3,500,500,000 (3.5 billion and change - roughly 1/2 the world's human population of 7.1 billion). That's insane. The odds of winning a major lottery in the US is around 1:175,000,000 (1 in 175 million). Those are long enough odds that almost no one wins.  

 

But in the love lottery, tons of people win. Most people do not relocate and at least live within the same general area where they grew up. If the odds were truly as high as they would have to be for the "one person for you" theory our species would expire within a generation.  No one would find a mate.

 

The fact of the matter is that human relationships are incredibly complicated and there are lots of people out there who will be "right" for you in one way or another.  If someone is "right" for you in enough ways - and you are the same way for them - you'll likely build a romantic relationship.  And that relationship can last for an evening or a lifetime - depending on how basically compatible you are.

 

Sorry this is so clinical.

 

I just want to point out that the chances of finding a mate are much, much higher than you might think. I just want to give everyone some hope. It's really not that bleak out there. 

 

Peace and love

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I don't get it sometimes women look like they like me. They smile and give me the look but it never goes anywhere. What do I do if I want to kiss them? I feel like if I try I'll get rejected.

 

You will definitely get rejected some of the time. You will also be accepted some of the time. I won't lie. The rejections will probably outnumber the acceptances. But that's the nature of it. The entire animal kingdom operates this way. You have to be OK with it.

 

A rejection isn't an invalidation of who you are. It just means that the other person isn't interested in you as a romantic prospect. You still have value as a person even if the object of your affection doesn't reciprocate those feelings.

 

Here's a mind-blowing concept which I had a hard time understanding. There are probably other people who are into you and you don't know it. They might not be what you are looking for. I went out on dates with women who I decided were not for me. And I went out on dates with women who decided I was not for them. This thing goes both ways. 

 

I got really down when I was dating and things went nowhere. I was angry and flustered. But I kept at it because I wanted to have a romantic relationship with a woman who was right for me. And I eventually found someone who fit the bill and who was also into me. And I did this while I was depressed, mind you. So I know it's possible.

 

It's never a sure thing that you'll like someone who likes you back. It's always a gamble.

 

I don't believe in the idea of "just one" person in the world being right for you. If that were true, the odds of finding someone would be 1:3,500,500,000 (3.5 billion and change - roughly 1/2 the world's human population of 7.1 billion). That's insane. The odds of winning a major lottery in the US is around 1:175,000,000 (1 in 175 million). Those are long enough odds that almost no one wins.  

 

But in the love lottery, tons of people win. Most people do not relocate and at least live within the same general area where they grew up. If the odds were truly as high as they would have to be for the "one person for you" theory our species would expire within a generation.  No one would find a mate.

 

The fact of the matter is that human relationships are incredibly complicated and there are lots of people out there who will be "right" for you in one way or another.  If someone is "right" for you in enough ways - and you are the same way for them - you'll likely build a romantic relationship.  And that relationship can last for an evening or a lifetime - depending on how basically compatible you are.

 

Sorry this is so clinical.

 

I just want to point out that the chances of finding a mate are much, much higher than you might think. I just want to give everyone some hope. It's really not that bleak out there. 

 

Peace and love

 

 

Thanks, that does give me hope. I'll keep trying.

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I think you should stop hiring the dating coach. he's making you feel worse. Maybe look online for people who have similar interests to you or join local clubs that do activities you like. i think rather than put to much focus on dating, focus on your interests and let things happen naturally with relationships. if you emphasise the importance of dating to much it puts to much pressure on you and anyone you are interested in.

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Callalily,Nexus said he couldn't get a job . what difference does that make to dating? Unless he wants a money grabber. As long as he himself,isn't a money grabber, why would that put a woman off?

 

Women generally like stability, which includes being able to support yourself financially, that doesn't make you a money grabber. As much as it sucks, money runs the world, it's more or less necessary. Bills, house/apartment, food, transportation etc.

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BlueTail,so what would happen if a woman got with a man who had a job and then lost it? Would she then not want to know him? If she was any good she would. stick by him even if he became penniless.if the man became abusive because he was bitter about being unemployed then i can understand her leaving him but to leave him when things go wrong is no use at all.

Edited by Lacewing
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I've said it before. Women and men are just people. To say a woman has a different point of view from a man is true, but only in the sense that no two people have the same point of view.

 

Everyone has their own point of view based on their personality and experience. Some women would be OK dating a man with no job and some would not. Some men would be OK dating a woman with no job and some would not. Some women would be OK dating a woman with no job. Some men would be OK dating men with no job, etc... etc... etc...

 

There are a lot of gender based queues and expectations in society. Those can certainly factor into it. And society does change, albeit slowly. But, really, it comes down to individual preferences. There will always be gray areas. When dealing with other people it's almost never black and white.  People are just too complicated.

 

With me, sometimes I'm too sensitive for some women. And sometimes I'm not sensitive enough for others. It's not some fundamental flaw in me or them. It's just personal preferences not meshing together well. And that's OK. They'll mesh with someone. They don't have to mesh with everyone.

 

Peace and love

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BlueTail,so what would happen if a woman got with a man who had a job and then lost it? Would she then not want to know him? If she was any good she would. stick by him even if he became penniless.if the man became abusive because he was bitter about being unemployed then i can understand her leaving him but to leave him when things go wrong is no use at all.

 

I don't know if this discussion is too relevant to the thread itself, but I will reply anyway. You are taking it too mechanically. People are very DIFFERENT, there are no rules for it. But the fact is that women are much more likely to be interested in dating men that do have a job and that is totally understandable.

 

What you brought up is a different subject, though. People lose and get jobs all the time while in a relationship, it generally doesn't cause a break-up. But that all depends on the individual situation as well. And it has nothing to do with wanting to get to know someone. There are no obligations to stay in a relationship when things go wrong either. If you are for whatever reason unhappy with a relationship (especially early on) the best thing is just to leave. Personal happiness matters, we shouldn't be sticking with people no matter what. Now when you come to a point of marriage, that is a different story, but even there is a limit. We don't date to make the other person a favor, we date because they make us happy and the other way around. I wasn't speaking for not having a job, per se, but in general.

 

When you are first getting to know someone, you have little information about them. Any information you gain counts for either positive, negative or neutral image of the person. Not having a job will generally be a negative factor, but it can a neutral one, depending on a person.

Edited by BlueTail
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I don't know of any women who would date someone without a job. Perhaps you could stop paying the dating coach, and use that money go buy nice clothes to wear on job interviews.

Well I would definitely date someone without a job, it wouldn't be my ideal but I know these days it's really hard to get a job.. I have jobless for a few months as well, not anymore but I know the struggle of finding one. I would only date the person though if he's actively searching for a job.

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